Learning Styles - What is your child’s?
July 31, 2008 | 6 Comments
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Since it’s almost “back to school” or “back to homeschool” (whatever the case may be) time for many of you, I thought I would share a report on learning style with you.
It’s pasted below, or if you prefer you can download the pdf file here: Learning Styles Report
Feel free to share it 
A Guide to Recognizing And Honoring Your Child’s Learning Style
Not All Children Learn The Same Way
Every parent knows that no two children are exactly alike, even if they’re twins. They may have some similarities, but these siblings may be totally different. One will like music while another likes sports. One will be content to sit and work word puzzles while the other will like to make things with their hands. These differences occur in the way they learn, as well.
Not all children learn the same way either, and teaching them equally might be doing a grave disservice to each child.
Some children will learn more efficiently by a hands-on approach, still others will learn best by verbal instruction, some might learn best by reading. If we, as parents, can learn how our children learn best, we will greatly enhance not only the quality of their education, but possibly the enjoyment they derive from learning.
Determining which learning style your child falls under may help you understand why they have problems with scientific equations but excel in the arts. It might also help you to know best how to encourage your child in learning tasks that don’t come easy for them. Most of all, discovering your child’s learning style will help you reinforce skills that will be important for success in life.
What exactly is a learning style?
Defining “learning style” isn’t as difficult as determining how many learning styles there are. In fact, depending on whom you ask or which report you read there is any number of learning styles. For the purpose of this report, however, a learning style will be defined as the sum total of individual skills and preferences that make up the way a person perceives, gathers, and processes information.
Learning styles affect every area of a person’s life - how they learn, whether or not they participate well in group activities, how they relate to others, how they solve problems, and the manner in which they work. Since children are different, they have their own bent in the way they learn. A learning style can also explain the different approach a person uses in order to learn effectively.
Learning styles are thought to be determined by three major pathways to learning: visual (sight), kinesthetic (movement, use of body, sensory), and auditory (sounds). Learning is also based on connecting perceptual pathways or three states of consciousness: conscious, subconscious, and unconscious.
Knowing your child’s learning style could help them in more than one aspect of life.
Not only could it make a difference in their actually learning a difficult subject easier, it may be that knowing their learning style could help them to enjoy the learning process much more than forcing them to learn to a style that is not their own.
Experts agree that learning styles are established in a child by the time they are seven years old. While it is possible for a child to strengthen one learning style over time, it is highly unlikely that their learning style will ever change entirely.
Children’s Learning Styles
There are two different models to be used for the purpose of this report. Both models base learning styles on visual, kinesthetic, and verbal.
Ms. June Griswold’s model also includes logic as a learning style where the Visual, Audio, and Kinesthetic Learning (VAK) model does not list logic as a style at all.
If you would like to learn about other models for “learning styles,” you may want to Google it to learn more.
Ms. June Griswold, who taught in the classroom setting for 16 years, believed that identifying children’s learning styles could greatly improve a child’s learning experience. She felt that a teacher could adapt lessons in such a way that they could be taught to reach children in each style. If she was were able to teach to each learning style, she could help eliminate labels that some children are given.
She could also help people realize that just because a student learns differently it does not mean that the student is learning disabled.
Ms. Griswold studied two books by Thomas Armstrong and broke learning styles into four categories: visual (spatially oriented), kinesthetic (movement oriented), verbal (language oriented), and logical (analytically oriented).
She said children will generally have one dominant learning style, but could use a mixture of the four. If they could use each learning style, she felt they were more flexible in their learning, and would probably be successful in school. The following descriptions are based on Ms. Griswold’s research.
Visual (spatial) learner - This type of learner needs a chance to visualize things and learns well through images. They will be artistic, reading maps, and creating charts and diagrams. They will often be very interested in machines or inventions and trying to figure out how something works. They will be happy to sit and play with building toys such as Lego’s, and will also enjoy mazes or puzzles. They may come across as being a daydreamer. This definitely fits the learning style of my 7 year old!
To help a visual (spatial) learner, use games and memory aids to create a visual pattern. While they are reading, offer picture books, or if they’re reading chapter books, allow them an opportunity to visualize what is happening in a story. Encourage them to use arts and crafts to illustrate a story. Use colored pens, drawing, and computer work to help them excel at writing.
When it comes to math, you might want to emphasize manipulatives more than worksheets. With my 7 year old, I often use small Lego toys to illustrate math problems he’s challenged by.
Kinesthetic (movement) learner - This type of child will learn effectively if given the opportunity to move and be active. They are not able to sit still for long periods of time, and will use body language and hand gestures when talking. If forced to sit on their hands, a kinesthetic learner would shut down.
They need to show you how to do something rather than explain it. They love to touch things and are often natural-born actors. They may be labeled as having attention deficit disorder, but most of the time it is not the case. Quite often a kinesthetic learner will excel in sports. 
Help a kinesthetic learner by giving them a chance to move about. Physical action, even if it is limited, will stimulate this student and help them do their best.
Allow the child to get up and move around some during class, particularly while reading. It might be a little bit disruptive, but the child will do much better than if being forced to sit still.
Give them an opportunity to do hands-on activities, arts and crafts projects, or acting out a story. Then sit back and watch the child bloom before your eyes.
Verbal (language) learner - This child thinks in words rather than being able to visualize something. They are naturally gifted at story telling and will have little trouble in spelling. They generally love to read and have an excellent memory of names, dates, and trivia. Quite often they are musically talented and enjoy word games.
The best way to encourage a verbal learner is to allow them to create word problems. Allow the child to dictate stories while you write or type them out. Tape record stories they tell and listen to them at a later date, or allow them to read stories aloud during class time.
Logical learner - A logical learner will enjoy patterns and relationships, seeing how things work, and may drive you to distraction with all of their questions. They are often capable of abstract thinking at an early age and will understand mathematics easily. They enjoy strategy games, computers, and loves to build.
Motivating a logical learner isn’t difficult. Allow them to play computer games, do word puzzles, and help with scientific experiments. Non-fiction and rhyming books will be appreciated. When reading fiction, explain to them the relationships between the people in the stories, and how the story can relate to real-life.
Visual, Audio, and Kinesthetic Learning (VAK) model
The Visual, Audio, and Kinesthetic Learning (VAK) model says there are only three types of learning styles that all people are going to fall into. This model says that everyone will fall into one of these models and that all three models can be used in a classroom to meet the needs of each style.
Visual Learner - The visual learner learns everything through seeing. They prefer to sit at the front of the classroom so they can easily see without obstruction. The visual student may think in pictures and will enjoy diagrams, illustrated books, videos, and hand-outs. They will generally take detailed notes during class, illustrate stories that they write, and use pictures to help them memorize facts.
Auditory Learner - The auditory learner will learn more easily through verbal lessons and anything that allows them to talk out what they are learning. They learn best by reading text aloud. Quite often the auditory learner will enjoy debates and discussions in class. They don’t mind making presentations and may use musical jingles or mnemonics to help them memorize facts. They enjoy dictating their ideas to others and may not enjoy writing.
Kinesthetic Learner - The kinesthetic learner will enjoy a hands-on approach or being able to move while learning. They have a hard time sitting still for long periods of time and may become disruptive if they aren’t allowed to get up quite often during the day. Boys are generally more kinesthetic in their learning style, but there are also girls in this style. They would need to take frequent breaks, will learn best by handling objects, and like to listen to music while they learn. They might also learn better if allowed to stand up rather than sit down during long lectures.
Why does a parent need to understand a child’s learning style?
Why is it important for a parent to understand the learning style their child falls into? The implications are rather obvious if you’re a homeschooling parent. In order to teach each child effectively, with minimal frustration, you need to understand how they learn best.
If you’re not a homeschooling parent, this information is still very useful. Understanding your child’s learning style allows you to help them when they have homework.
If your child’s teacher doesn’t work with them in their learning style, they may have problems in school. Being armed with this information can help you work out solutions with your child’s school and teachers. Knowing their learning style may help your child become interested in a new subject. You may be able to present information to your child in a way they will understand, and you will be able to help your child strengthen the learning styles that is not their own.
40% of all students fall into the visual learning style. 50% of children fall into the kinesthetic learning style and this is why they have difficulty learning in traditional school settings. The remaining 10% are auditory learners. The breakdown in learning styles is part of the reason most elementary schools combine the different learning styles in which to teach children. As students progress in grades, however, teachers will use auditory learning style in which to teach. Since only 10 percent of students are auditory learners that means the remaining 90% of students may have difficulty learning in the higher grades.
How do you determine your child’s learning style?
Reading through the descriptions, your child may jump out at you! But if you aren’t sure, try these tips:
Ask your child what they think of when someone says the word “dog.” If they are a visual learner, they will most likely develop a picture in their mind of a familiar dog, such as a pet or they will spell out the letters d-o-g. If you child is an auditory learner, they may describe a bark. If they describe the feel of the dog’s fur, they are most likely kinesthetic learners.
When learning a group of new spelling words, this is how you might help each type of learner: Visual learners will not be able to visualize the spoken word, so you might need to write the word out onto a white board while it is being spelled aloud. This tactic might help a visual learner learn more easily.
The kinesthetic learner might remember the new spelling word by spelling them out with blocks or being given a crossword puzzle with the new words in it. Auditory learners are most likely going to learn new spelling words phonetically or by creating a poem or song they could sing to learn to spell.
Is your child is having problems learning at school?
There are a number of options you may have to pursue. First, talk with your student’s teacher to see what method of teaching they use. If they teach using strictly lectures, rarely using overhead projections or worksheets, your visual learner may have problems as well as any student who learns kinesthetically. Try to find ways that you can present the information at home so your child may more easily understand and learn the subject matter.
If your child is failing in a number of subjects, it might be time to consider whether you should continue to work with your child at home and hope that your help will ensure success, you can pay to have your child tutored, or you can take your child out of the public school system and home school them.
Public schools are not set up to deal with each learning style all at the same time, therefore some children may suffer.
One benefit to home schooling, if you are able to do so, is that you can cater more to your child’s learning style, which might give them the educational success they may not have had so far.
Of course, home schooling isn’t for every family, just like teaching entirely by lecture isn’t for every child. The options for home schooling are varied, however, and will give your child many opportunities they will not get in traditional schools.
Through home schooling, you may be able to tap into your child’s learning style and see an entirely different student emerge.
Just the other week, a friend of mine was asking my 7 year old how he was doing. She was a schoolteacher for many years and has worked in the education system for a couple of decades. The reason she asked him this question was because she saw that he was having a hard time and getting exhausted with reading. When my son replied that he was tired, she gave him a hug.
I told her he was a kinesthetic learner and was having trouble with reading.
“He has to move things around with his hands. We use a lot of manipulatives for math,” I said.
Then she looked at me and said:
“Good thing he’s homeschooled!”
This surprised me because as someone who had worked in the system so long, my first thought was that she would be critical of the fact that at 7, he is barely reading. But instead she was happy.
“Schools do NOT cater to kinesthetic learners”, she replied.
Instead of using a traditional curriculum, you can use lapbooks and art projects which will cater more to the kinesthetic learner because they’ll be using manipulatives in the learning process.
If your child is an auditory learner, you can download audio history stories off the internet to help them learn.
If your child is a visual learner, traditional books and workbooks might be best. My oldest is like this. Reading and doing workbooks are easy peasy for him. In fact I often find him doing schoolwork late at night and on weekends with absolutely NO encouragement or input from me. That’s just his style.
Of course, with homeschooling you can allow them to learn at their own pace instead of having to remain at the pace the teacher sets. If your child is a quick learner, and has been frustrated by how slow public school classes are taught, home schooling may be the answer. If they have had problems because the teacher has covered a subject too quickly, home schooling will give you the opportunity to teach them at a pace in which they can learn the subject matter.
More ideas for determining which learning style your child has
One of the best resources for discovering your child’s learning style is a book most home school parents are aware of. The book, The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias, has helped countless home school families find their children’s learning styles and then build success upon success by encouraging their children to learn in the way that suits them best.
If you would prefer to work entirely online, there are a number of assessments and tests that you can give to determine which learning style your child has. Running an online search for “learning style tests” may turn up some of the following:
- Multiple-Intelligences Test
This is a series of short tests that breaks down the way your child acts or reacts on a number of different levels. These “intelligences” show your child’s giftings or where their talents lie.
They may help you to see where your child has strengths and weaknesses you’re unaware of, and help you to work with your child to improve those areas where they may be weak while giving you the opportunity to encourage those areas where they are strong.
- The Index of Learning Styles
This is a free, online test that is used to determine if your child is active/reflective, sensing/intuitive, visual/verbal, or sequential/global. It was developed by Richard M. Felder and Linda K. Silverman. Access it here: http://www.engr.ncsu.edu/learningstyles/ilsweb.html
- Learning Styles Online
This website has a free Memletics learning style inventory online that will test your child to determine their learning style based on seven components - visual, aural, verbal, physical, logical, social, and solitary. Visit it here: http://www.learning-styles-online.com/
You may also find additional information about both Ms. June Griswold and the VAK model through online searches.
While these inventories and tests are not exhaustive, it will give you an idea of what types of tests are available to help you understand your child better. Discovering their learning style, whether they remain in the public school system or you decide to home school them, may make all the difference in the way they learn and their enjoyment of the subjects they learn.
Should a parent try to encourage a child’s learning style?
If you would like your child to succeed at school, the obvious answer is “yes” you should try to encourage a child’s learning style and even cater to it if at all possible. Not only will you enable your child to learn in a way that they are most comfortable, but fostering their unique learning style will also help them to retain the information they do learn.
How would a parent go about fostering a child’s learning style, though? And if it were so important, why don’t schools do this to ensure successful students?
The best way to foster a child’s learning style is first determine how your child learns best. Then you can create ways to help your child learn based on the style they learn most effectively with.
For example, if your child is a kinesthetic, spit-fire, always-on-the-go type of child, having them sit at a desk with a math text book will be torture. However, if you incorporate movement into their learning, they are going to learn the subject quicker and probably retain things much better. Perhaps you can have them clap out a rhythm when you teach them their multiplication tables. At the very least, letting them get up and walk around, clap or bounce a ball while doing their work will help.
Using the kinesthetic learner, here’s how you might be able to incorporate movement into mathematics. If you’re learning to multiply 2’s, you can toss a ball back and forth, starting with 1×2, the child would say 2 and toss the ball back to you. You would say another multiplication problem and then toss the ball to the child. They’d answer and toss it back to you. In this way, they are moving and learning to multiply at the same time. This method might also work with spelling, where you take turns spelling a word, one letter at a time.
The major benefit of teaching to a learning style is that the child is actually the one who wins. Instead of your child being forced to sit still, or possibly be subjected to taking attention deficit disorder drugs to calm them down during school hours, home schooling would enable a kinesthetic child to learn and thrive.
Home schooling can also be of benefit to children in the other learning styles. A verbal learner may prefer to read and learn for themselves instead of listen to someone else tell them what they should learn. This child may prefer to learn to spell by playing Scrabble or Boggle, which is highly unlikely to happen in the public school setting.
An auditory learner may retain what they learn better if they are allowed to watch a television program or listen to an audio book about a certain time in history. They can then create a report about what they’ve learned. Instead of having an auditory learner write out spelling words, why not allow them to spell them out loud to you? To teach multiplication, try having an auditory learner memorize “School House Rock” songs.
How often is a child permitted to listen to music while in school? Research has proven in the last 10 years that children retain more mathematics if there is classical music playing softly in the background. Teachers rarely use this method to help their students learn, though. Instead, teachers prefer the room to be quiet except for their own voices. How much more would children learn if they were given the choice of having music playing while they learn?
Teachers are now beginning to modify their teaching to allow for the different learning styles, but quite often they don’t succeed. Instead, children that learn differently are labeled as learning disabled, which is an injustice to the student. If a parent knows their child’s learning style, they may be able to help them learn to their learning style, and remove the stigma of that label.
Parents need to support their school’s efforts at incorporating more methods of teaching than just lectures. However, where the school may still fail, the parent can pick up the pieces and help their child to learn, especially if they understand their child’s learning style.
It’s true that children are all individuals and that they don’t all learn alike. If not all children learn equally it would seem the best tactic would be to discover how they learn and then teach them to their learning style. Give them the skills to excel, not only in school, but in life as well.
More Resources:
The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias
Making Math Fun - a collection of math board games, card games and more to teach your child math. This one would be great for visual, audio and kinesthetic learners.
Robot Reader Reading and Phonics Games - full color reading and phonics games to print directly from your computer - board games, card games, bingo games, and more.
Your Child’s Strengths - Review of this book on finding and maximizing your child’s unique gifts
What are your thoughts? How have you been able to discover your child’s learning style and how has doing so helped your child?
Natural Moms Podcast #91
July 28, 2008 | 1 Comment
My guest this week is Laura Flynn, co author of the Fit and Healthy Pregnancy Guide. We’re talking about nutrition for pregnancy that leads to a healthier baby, birth and mom.
The guide includes a shopping list, recipes, the ebook itself, and a few other awesome goodies.
If you’re pregnant or nursing I urge you to get this book! If you prefer to read a transcription of this interview, go here: Fit and Healthy Pregnancy Guide
Fit Healthy Pregnancy Guide
July 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
The following is a transcription of an interview with Laura Flynn. To listen to the interview, go here.
Carrie: I am extremely impressed with all of this that you offer as part of the Fit and Healthy Pregnancy Guide.
It’s the best advice I’ve ever read for pregnant women in terms of nutrition.
Laura: Thank you. It was fun to do and I believe every word. It’s something I did for myself and feel passionate about for all those babies in the future.
Carrie: I’m proud of you guys for sharing an unpopular message when it comes to nutrition. Your background is as a dietician. What made you want to write this guide? It is very different from anything else a mom can find on the bookstore shelves.
Laura: It was rather disappointing through my teaching and what I learned being mainstream - to become a dietician and wanting more and figuring it out myself, that there’s so much more truth out there. The more I learned the more I knew nutrition impacts fetal development. It’s nowhere. You have to look for it, to piece it together, which was really frustrating considering how important this is.
Carrie: Let’s talk a bit more about your nutrition philosophy and what you recommend to pregnant moms in the book. Share with us a little more about that.
L: The main thing I love to start out with is that what you think is healthy is usually not. Where I grab people the most is fats.
The kind of fat - saturated fat and cholesterol, and how vital they are for cellular development and new baby growth.
And we always think of those foods - not to eat them, they’re bad for us. And they’re key! More homemade foods and food preparation a little bit different. As far as soaking foods, really going after locally grown foods, pasture fed meats, and raw dairy - that’s a very unpopular or controversial choice. Some of those are what I discuss and key points.
C: It’s funny because just yesterday I wrote a pretty lengthy post on my blog about raw milk. And my readers know that I feel really strongly about Weston A Price, I think he was so smart. I talk a lot about native nutrition, what native people ate and how what we eat today is so far from real food.
L: It is, as I drive around and look at these food places, these fast food places, I don’t even see it as food. It’s no different from me picking up a car tire and trying to eat that.
C: I’m sure you’ve seen some of the video clips that have gone around on the internet or maybe you saw Super Size Me. Super Size Me he had a burger and fries that were like 3 months old. I saw a video just the other day of a woman who saved a 4 year old Happy Meal! It’s out of this world.
What I was going to mention about the news that I read yesterday on a very popular parenting blog - on an AOL website, ParentDish. Last year there was a case of a vegan baby who died, she as a newborn infant, and she had been raised on a vegan diet, and yesterday there as another girl: She’s 12 years old, from Scotland, and her parents may face abuse charges because she was brought into the Doctor, and he said she has the bones of an 80 year old woman. She has rickets, several broken bones, and her bones are just falling apart and they feel it’s because she’s been on a vegan diet since birth. And I think - I’m going to predict that we’re going to see more and more case like this since veganism is becoming so much more popular - the trendy thing to do
L: The “green” thing…..
C: Yes. We’re going to see more of these cases of children who - and it may not show up right away - but over the years we’re going to see major health issues because of this. And it’s really sad because people think they’re doing the right thing for their health and for the environment.
L: I agree. What we’re seeing now is a product of what has been happening. The fast food and the non food style of eating with children, we’re seeing it with them now. The pendulum is swinging the extreme opposite of what deemed the ultimate healthy - being vegan, vegetarian. And it’s so wrong - it’s a myth.
It brings me to the point in researching for this book, why -
if vegetarianism and veganism is the ultimate in healthy - why is it that only key ingredients for fetal nutrients, for fetal development are found in only animal products?
There is a divine design there, and I can’t argue with that, none of us can. That’s beyond us. That’s mother nature there. So that’s what my key point, if that truly is THE diet, the healthiest diet, and that’s what research is skewed to show, why is it that A and D are predominantly found - in their most absorbable form - in animal products?
C: That’s a key point - most absorbable. Because vegetarians and vegans like to make the argument that you can get all the nutrients from plants.
L: how much do you have to eat of it and absorb of it?
C: And I don’t think any of us would want to eat a truckful of spinach!
L: Going back to Weston Price as you mentioned, he never found a completely vegetarian culture. They sought out animal foods and made them sacred. That’s where politics is involved.
C: A nurse, a labor and delivery nurse left a comment on this blog about the vegan child - she said that she’s noticed in her practice that mothers that are vegan have a harder time in childbirth because their pelvic bones are - can’t remember exactly what she said but it was specifically about vegan women having trouble birthing because of something bad happening with their pelvic bones.
L: That’s an interesting point because as I followed my F and H Pregnancy Book guidelines, I had a 9 pound 2 ounce baby - an easy delivery. It was very easy. As easy as childbirth can be! My hips moved just fine.
C: Let’s talk about raw milk. That’s one that specifically pregnant women are warned not to drink raw milk.
L: And raw anything.
C: Right. You mention why pasteurization came about in the first place and why it’s not really needed with modern dairy practices.
L: I find it interesting as I talk to friends that have no clue about raw milk. They don’t have an understanding of why we even do it. The reason was because of convenience. The animals were not in a clean environment, the cows, dairy cows were not in a clean environment, they weren’t fed good food.
We know if we do that to ourselves, we’re not in good shape. So the product they were giving - milk - was low quality. And therefore making us sick. From the way they were fed and the way that they were milked in a dirty environment.
Well that’s a given - why don’t you clean up the environment? Why continue to let that go on and then pasteurize? The milk lasts longer, let’s do this. I think it’s just fascinating that we don’t know that, it’s not an assumed truth in the general population. We’ve been told something so long, like a commercial, that we think it’s fact. It’s not. It just came about because of bad practices.
C: I didn’t know this until I read your book, but we now see ultra pasteurized milk because pasteurization is not working anymore.
L: We have to keep up with those pathogens. They can modify themselves much quicker. Like antibiotics - they were used too much and now we have resistant germs out there so we have to raise the ante so to speak. It’s come across as a much more clean product as far as marketing. But the fact is it’s because it doesn’t work.
C: And it does have a lot to do with marketing and money and dollars just like anything. I went and made a milk run yesterday and I travel 30 minutes one way to get my milk. And these people - it’s a labor of love for them. They’re not millionaires or anything. But they’re obviously healthy. And I just love being able to look out in this huge green pasture with these beautiful cows, they’re so happy and they’re not in confinement at all other than a few minutes a day when they’re being milked. It’s a great feeling to know where your food comes from and to know that everything is clean, If these people are drinking it themselves, they have a vested interest in the product being very healthy and safe.
L: Right, they’re not playing Russian Roulette which is what it’s always referred to. I feel that way as well, I spend a half hour on the road, but I feel good about that - that I can see where my food is coming from, and to give that to my family - to know what’s in there. It’s mind boggling - like why can’t I go to the store and get that?
C: I’m sure you’re a subscriber to the Wise Traditions magazine? I was talking about this the other day that
in Europe, sales of raw milk is going up and up. In Italy for instance you can get raw milk from vending machines
L: Oh yeah I did see that!
C: It’s popular to have them in the schools, to get fresh cold raw milk - where we would have a Coke machine in the school, they have raw milk vending machines!
L: That is inspiring and hopeful. Maybe it will get easier. I think I’ve heard that here, that at a conference with the demand for raw milk even here in the US has gone up. Which is probably why there’s more pressure against it. It always goes back to money. It’s a shame. That hasn’t gotten us very far, it’s gotten us - what 60% of the population is overweight? The soaring rates of diabetes and gestational diabetes - I see women all the time that are overweight and gaining too much but not eating anything of nutrient value. It’s because it’s all cheap.
C: Your book makes it easy because it includes several extra bonuses. You have grocery lists, healthy recipes, and this is great because when you’re pregnant and tired and if you have other kids,
L: Tell me what to eat!
C: Exactly! I can’t wait to try the coconut pudding recipe, I love coconut so much.
L: Oh me too. I kept that in mind - I had to do it, and I was working and pregnant. I didn’t have any other children at the time but keeping up with the house and selling a house and things like that, it had to be easy breezy and very efficient. So I really kept that in mind with the meal plans and just spelled it out, every meal. It’s a no brainer, you don’t have to think about it, just pick it up and go to the store.
C: I also though this was interesting, this other ebook that you include with the product, and it mentions EFT. I have been wanting to have an EFT expert on my show for ages and I can’t find one! It’s absolutely perfect for a pregnant woman - no side effects and it doesn’t cost anything.
I love EFT but I have the hardest time remembering to use it hen I need it. It’s cool to do with children too and they really like it. Once with my 7 year old I did an EFT session and afterwards - the next day - he came to me and said, “mommy do that think where you’re touching my face”..
C: Do you have any final things you want to say about your product or philosophy?
L: It’s been an amazing journey. I learned what most of us think is healthy through more mainstream - becoming a dietician, and it just didn’t feel right in my gut. And learning so much from Weston Price and Nourishing Traditions. And to find out that it’s the complete opposite of what we’re told. And it’s important to question, especially when you’re pregnant and growing a brand new body and what you put in your body affects what kind of body they’re going to have.
When you look around at our children - lots of learning disabilities and other issues, obesity or diabetes, it’s important to question and really look into another way.
The way we have been doing it is just not working. There’s so much out there about saturated fat and cholesterol and how vital it is. I did all the work for you, read all the stuff, and put it into how to’s for everyday living.
I hope people do check out FitAndHealthyPregnancy.com
C: I would say to a woman who is a little…
L: hesitant? I was that way!
C: yes hesitant, to try it out for a week and see how you feel, look at the difference in how you feel. Because when we’re pregnant we tend to have a little low blood sugar, being tired, heartburn and things like that, and so many of the traditional foods are so good for that… eating the cultured veggies is wonderful for stomach trouble.
For me, all my life I’ve had issues with dairy products. I would have severe stomach pains and other issues - but when I’m drinking raw milk it’s a NON issue. I can drink 3 or 4 cups of it a day and have no stomach problems at all.
L: It’s not the dairy but how it was prepared…
C: Right, it was the pasteurization that was the issue, it was indigestible. So try it for a week and just how you feel. And you’re going to feel so much better and it motivates you to continue.
L: People look at it and say it’s so much work but it’s extra work to carry around extra pounds and being unhealthy and no energy. Put in a little time and you’ll feel a lot better in your everyday living. And an easier delivery and a child that’s a little easier.
C: Absolutely, I believe that. Children behave better when they’re eating plenty of protein and fat. And high quality foods, they are calmer and happier they sleep better…
L: I agree. Fat is good for you, fat is healthy. And not the fat they think is good - butter is good!
C: yes. Isn’t it interesting how toddlers go through a phase where you can’t keep them out of the butter dish? From the time they’re walking until they’re 18 months or 2, all my children went through this. They’ll grab the stick of butter and you’ll see little teeth marks. Their bodies are telling them something that they need that, it’s essential for their brain and their nervous system.
Thank you Laura.
Get the FitAndHealthyPregnancy Guide
More Information about Raw Milk:
The Raw Truth About Milk
More on fats:
The Great Cholesterol Con: The Truth About What Really Causes Heart Disease and How to Avoid It
Eat Fat, Lose Fat: The Healthy Alternative to Trans Fats
Peaceful Parenting For a Peaceful World
July 26, 2008 | 2 Comments
The following is a transcript of an interview with Robin Grille, author of Parenting for a Peaceful World.
The interview initially appeared on Natural Moms Talk Radio in July of 2006, before this blog was launched. So I thought I would publish it here for your reading pleasure.
Natural Moms Talk Radio Show #18
Carrie: Robin is the author of a book entitled Parenting for a Peaceful World. I have to say that when I received your book, I could not put it down for nearly two days and the only reason I could put it down was I misplaced it for a couple of days and then I found it again, so I have not completed reading it, but I am about three-fourths of the way through and it is just phenomenal. It is fascinating.
Robin Grille: Yeah. Look, I am glad you are enjoying the book and the information in it, it was so fascinating to me also, which is what made me really have to get out and write this book, which took me about five years to write and there was years and years of research that went into it.
Carrie Lauth: Yes, I can tell and part of what was so fascinating about it was chronicling child-bearing practices through the centuries and that is a bit depressing to be honest. Was it very upsetting for you to learn some of the things that you did about child-bearing through the years?
Robin Grille: Well, initially it was shocking to me. It was deeply upseting because I had never realized just how brutal a lot of parenting customs have been in just about every civilization around the globe for such a large period of history, but the reason that I put that in the book is that ultimately the news is extremely hopeful because there has been a steady evolution in child-rearing practices over the centuries and psychohistorians have defined that, discovered that very clearly.
Carrie Lauth: Yes.
Robin Grille: Particularly in the last few decades, child-rearing approaches have been evolving so rapidly overall towards much more empathic and much more caring, nurturing, and natural ways to relate to children and already that has begun to make a big difference in the world now. I like looking at that sense of evolution because we continue evolving child-rearing customs in this way. Our prospects for the future are extremely, extremely positive.
Carrie Lauth: Yes, yes. It is a very hopeful book. That is for certain. Now, please share with our listeners a little bit more about your background professionally and so on.
Robin Grille: Yeah. I am a psychologist and I am in private practice. I do a lot of counseling and psychotherapy with families, with couples. I do not work directly with children, but I do like to work with adolescents and when parents come to see me for help with issues to deal with their small children, I prefer to work with the parents than to empower the parents in how to relate in new ways to the children to create just more satisfaction and more pleasure in their relationships.
Carrie Lauth: Okay, so one of the things that we wanted to talk about today was how to set healthy boundaries with our children. Your book talks a lot about the impact that shaming and of course punishment, which is something that we are learning more and more about, but even some of the psychological punishment like shaming a child, some of the impacts that that has on a young person.
Robin Grille: Yes, shaming really needs to be talked a lot because I guess it is clear, it is a lot easier to define what corporal punishment is and the research around the world is just so utterly convincing that corporal punishment will just create a lot of, not just psychological problems, but generally in the community it ends up creating, if not directly more of a tendency towards violence, it certainly desensitizes people.
It makes people a little bit more accepting of violence and I do not need to say much about how bad that is for all of our societies at the moment, whereas with shaming, shaming is a little bit harder for some people to identify, but it gets done a lot in so many families and almost every family there is an element of shaming when parents get really exasperated with their children’s behavior. Very commonly, a way to control children is by causing them to feel ashamed and we call them names, we tell them they are naughty, we tell them they are silly. In more extreme cases, we tell them how stupid they are.
There are other examples of shaming. There are other forms in which it comes like when we compare our children, “Why can’t you be more like your big brother?” “Why can’t you be more like so and so?” “The other children aren’t behaving like you, why can’t you change?” Or even the gender bias expectations like little boys do not cry, boys do not cry, or girls do not behave that way, etc.
So, when we make a child feel ashamed, we might get some kind of, you know, we feel like we have won because we get children to be more compliant potentially, but there is something very scary that is brewing underneath and what researchers have found and psychotherapists I am noticing more and more is how toxic and how corrosive shame is.
It is probably a lot worse than corporal punishment. It makes us all feel very inhibited. It dulls their creativity. It can be quite a major factor in developing depression, anxiety disorders, particularly social phobias. It really, really places the limit on people and it is sad for what that leads to in our relationships with one another.
So much of conflicts in relationships have their origin in trying to stop their partners from saying things that make us feel ashamed that we felt when our parents shamed us when we were children. Also, shaming is a major factor in violence. It makes people very angry and very reactive and a lot of the bullying that we see in schools, very often the bully becomes the bully because they feel so ashamed inside. They compensate for the shame by trying to get on top of the hate as if were trying to get in control and they try to get good feelings about themselves through their violence, they are getting people to obey them.
So, we are really quite collectively needing to learn new ways because boundaries are so important. They are absolutely essential with our children particularly from the toddler years onward. We are all faced with an urgent need to learn how to set boundaries strongly without recourse to punishment and without recourse to shaming.
Carrie Lauth: Well, you know what is so interesting about that is that as adults we have a lot of difficulty setting the healthy boundaries in our adult relationships and that is probably because we did not have many models of that growing up as children. Would you say that is a fair statement?
Robin Grille: That is absolutely the case for I guess most people. Sadly, the way our parents and our teachers in particular set boundaries with us was through corporal punishments and/or shaming, so we do not have very good role model to how to set boundaries in a healthy way, but also we have reactivity, how reactive we are…
Or over reactive we are to our children’s emotionality. That is the result of how we were treated as children and nervous systems are a little bit more wired. We lack the neurological capacities for patience and space, so that we can respond to our children in a creative, in a compassionate and gentle way. We are all in a way surviving our childhoods from the last generation and trying to do better.
Robin Grille: But anyone can learn how to be… Essentially, if we understand that being assertive with our children has nothing to do with being aggressive with our children…
Robin Grille: So, we can be very strong without being punishing. So long as we are expressing our needs and our feelings to our children with honesty and with emotional transparency, if we let them know look what you just said I feel very hurt by what you have done or I feel angry by what you have done. It is that level of honesty that ultimately has the most, the greatest chance of really making a connection with our child and then they will start behaving in a way that is respectful, not because they are afraid of us and they want to get our approval, but because they genuinely feel empathy and respect for who we are at first.
Carrie Lauth: Well, back to that point which is profound about how we over react to our children’s conduct because we are basically reacting to the way we were treated as children, those feelings coming up in us, what hope do we have to overcome that tendency? Is it education and realizing that that is what it is truly about?
Robin Grille: Yeah. I think there is quite a bit of hope and that hope is really proportional to how committed we are to our own healing process. There are all kinds of ways that we can learn and not just learn what to do, but learn how to feel more tolerant and more patient of our children. Any loving relationships that we have in adulthood have the potential to be very healing. Counseling, therapy, personal growth groups, even sometimes things that we read, that can be deeply inspiring. All of those things can combine.
If we are open to learning and growing, all of those things can combine very strongly. Also, what is coming to light is that our children, our loving contact with our children particularly from the earliest moments through holding, cuddling our children, through sharing loving moments, breastfeeding, even for dads as well when we play with our children, all those experiences are actually not only nurturing to our children, they are very healing for us as parents and they amplify our capacity to be loving and emphatic. It is quite incredible. We always think of as parents how we raise our children as if that is something that we as adults do to them. It is very mutual.
Carrie Lauth: Yes.
Robin Grille: At the same time as we are raising our children, our children are actually showing us and teaching us how to be better people.
Carrie Lauth: Yeah. Yeah, that is true. I saw a quote the other day, it said parenting is not about the child, it is about the parent. Very true.
Robin Grille: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Carrie Lauth: Yeah. Well, in your book, you talked a lot about the research that has been done about the developing brain and what does that imply for the parenting behaviors?
Robin Grille: Oh, the new brain research I have to tell you is the most exciting branch of new discoveries that I have ever come across and it really… Look out for this because it will change the world, the things that we are learning about how the brain develops. There are all kinds of implications.
For instance, we are learning that any act of tenderness and affection towards a small child, even an older child, literally causes a cascade of the well-being hormones in the child’s body and around the child’s brain such as oxytocin. That is a hormone. It is a brain chemical that brings about deep feelings of love and empathy. Enough of it even leads to states of bliss.
Carrie Lauth: Yeah.
Robin Grille: Ecstatic states that if you are a breastfeeding mother, you will probably observe that in your baby.
Carrie Lauth: And in yourself.
Robin Grille: Because breastfeeding in particular…
Carrie Lauth: And in the mother.
Robin Grille: And in the mother.
Carrie Lauth: Yes.
Robin Grille: In both. The action, the sucking action from the baby and the physical contact causes a lot of oxytocin to be produced in the mother’s body, also in the baby’s body, as well as in the breast milk, if the breast milk gets charged with oxytocin. Now, there are two good things about this.
One, that of course the more oxytocin the better because it goes from well-being to happiness to joy to bliss, but also oxytocin is literally it is like a fertilizer for the brain. It nourishes the brain and causes the brain to grow, the brain of the child.
Quite specifically in the areas of the brain that regulate emotion, so that the more oxytocin a child gets and the baby gets it is like the healthier their brain is going to be and the areas of the brain the enable a human being to be loving and full of empathy for other humans, for other people, for empathy for our life, those are the areas of the brain that are being nourished by oxytocin. Now, to me I think that is probably the single most exciting discovery in the history of science and the most important discovery.
Carrie Lauth: Yeah. Well, one of the things that I loved about your book was that I have noticed a trend in parenting books over the last several years that kind of leaned towards the nature assumption, in other words that it really does not matter how we parent our children, they are going to basically turn out the same and your book really slides in the face of that.
Your messages that parents matter not only for our own children and what kind of adults they turn out to be, but what kind of parents they turn out to be and what kind of citizens they become and what kind of society we build as a result of that. Do you want to comment more about that, about supporting parents and protecting children is really what is going to create change in our world?
Robin Grille: Sure. Look, I have read some of the books that try to tell us that parents do not matter all that much and children are born as they are going to be as people for the rest of their lives and I found such gaping holes in their reasoning. I found them to be quite disappointing. The only value in those books that I saw is that they really demonstrate that parents are not the only…
Parents are so important and because we are closest to our children particularly when they are babies, we are their universe; however, parents are only one piece of the puzzle. Yes, children will be very strongly influenced by peer groups as well one of the reasons being is that… But most of that brain growth and development happens in the first three years of life up to seven years.
However, there is a new surge of brain growth that happens again during adolescence, which makes us more open and vulnerable again and that a lot of that personality does get, on a more superficial level, it does get shaped again by interaction with their peers as adolescents.
So, it is true that parents are not the only factor. However, I can tell you that by far, by very, very far the bulk of science has now made it very clear that although genes do influence our temperament, they are neutral insofar as our emotional intelligence.
When there are problems such as dysfunctions, painful problems like depression, anxiety, you cannot just bring that down to the gene. That is very strongly influenced by our environment. A lot of social problems are very strongly influenced by our environment. In fact, there is no gene at all for violence. People that have a hyperdensity for violence have been found to have very different brains to other people, the part of the brain that regulates emotion has been damaged, has been corroded by high levels of emotional trauma in early childhood because…
Carrie Lauth: Yeah, it is like which came first, the chicken or the egg. Did the brain changes come before the violence or was it the opposite?
Robin Grille: No, it is quite clear now that the suffering of the child comes first. What happens when the child experiences a lot of emotional stress, for a baby and a small child, the greatest bristle by far is separation.
Carrie Lauth: Yes.
Robin Grille: If they are separated from people they are attached to like their parents or caregivers. That is what long hours in daycare facilities are quite damaging.
Carrie Lauth: Yeah.
Robin Grille: But when they experience violence in the family or if they are hit a lot, later on this produces a stress hormone, well a number of stress hormones, the main one is cortisol. The human body is built to be able to tolerate cortisol as long as the stress will go down soon and there is someone comforting and soothing.
When children are exposed to stress that does not get easier for hours, cortisol levels get very, very high and they remain high in the body. That is when you got to really worry because high cortisol levels are for a period of time they are neurotoxic, which means they start to literally kill brain cells.
They kill brain cells in the part of the brain that regulates emotions and helps us to be empathic, caring individuals. That is how the brain gets reshaped towards the brain that will be more anxious or a brain that will be more depressed or a brain that will be more violent.
Suddenly, we are starting to realize that the parenting environment and the social environment that a child has is the all important thing and the implications are very, very powerful that if we want it more peaceful, if we want a society that is more caring of their natural environment, more sustainable in its development, if we want a society that is more observant of human rights and more just and egalitarian, we are not going to get that unless we reform childhood and unless we give mothers and fathers far more support than what we can give them today.
Carrie Lauth: Yes. I believe that. Well, please let our listeners know where they can get your book.
Robin Grille: Yes, for American readers and Canadian readers, my book is available from a website called The Natural Child Project. You can order it online. It is called Parenting for a Peaceful World and the web address is www.naturalchild.org.
Carrie Lauth: Well, I just thought that your book was fantastic and I am looking forward to finishing the last couple of chapters. I have so many pages dog-eared because they are very meaningful to me personally just looking at my own children and people that I know who have had those experiences in childhood and how that has manifested itself into their adult experience. It is just a wonderful book and I thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us.
Robin Grille: It has been a real pleasure talking with you, Carrie, and I really appreciate the opportunity, thank you.
California Chicken Salad
July 26, 2008 | 1 Comment
Each Saturday I’ll post a free salad recipe from my new salad cookbook. It ha
s over 365 recipes, so you can either buy it now or just hang around here for the next 6 years. LOL!
California Chicken Salad
2 cups cooked chicken — chopped
1/2 cup Monterey jack cheese — shredded
1/2 cup cheddar cheese — shredded
1 avocado — diced
1/2 cup olives — chopped
1 tomatillo — chopped
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onions — chopped
black pepper
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 teaspoon green chiles — minced
2 teaspoons sun-dried tomatoes, oil-packed — minced
* A tomatillo is also known as a Mexican Cherry tomato.
** Use a dash of onion juice instead of minced onions if preferred.
Lightly mix the first 10 ingredients together. Moisten with mayonnaise, using more or less as desired. Mound in 4 decorative serving dishes, sprinkle the minced green chilies and minced sundried tomatoes on top. Chill for 1 hour.
Serve with corn chips or crisp-fried tortillas as a light lunch.
School Zone School Workbooks Review
July 25, 2008 | 3 Comments
School Zone Publishing Company got in touch with me recently about reviewing some of their workbooks, I was pretty stoked. Anything that can help a single homeschooling mom save money on stuff is good for me.
So now I get to tell you my honest opinions of these products. The 3 I got were the Math Readiness for P-K, Big Second Grade Workbook and 4th Grade Math Basics.
Interestingly, I already had the 4th grade math workbook. My oldest is doing it this summer and has a goal of finishing it up before September when he’ll be in 5th grade. (We don’t really “do” grades since I’m an eclectic homeschooler, but it seems important to him so more power to him!)
I like this workbook. Caleb has had no trouble with it. The examples and explanations have been easy for him to follow in order to learn the concepts and the problems are challenging enough to keep him engaged.
Ilana, my 5 year old, is doing the Math Readiness workbook. She’s enjoying it, although it’s a touch too easy for her so I’ll probably save it for her baby sister to use in a year.
Second Grade Big Workbook
This workbook has 320 pages so it could actually be the basic for an entire 2nd grade curriculum.
Two more School Zone workbooks I had purchased recently were the Counting 1 - 10 and Manuscript Writing for K - 2.
My 5 year old started working on some of the counting pages but I found they were too easy for her (the book says it’s for ages 4 - 6), so I’ll save that one for the youngest next year.
I do like the workbook, I just think it’s more appropriate for a 4 year old. The Math Readiness Sticker workbook is more her speed. It’s a little more challenging, and the stickers add an element of fun and interactivity.
Ilana is loving the K - 2 Manuscript Writing workbook.
This girl is my little artist and she loves sitting down to write her letters. These pages are proving to be good practice for my 2nd grader too.
One thing I like about them is there is not a lot of space for practice. I know that may sound counterintuitive to some, but I think it’s far better for a child to write a FEW letters WELL than to get fatigued and write the same letter badly, over and over.
It seems a better reinforcer for them to trace the letter then only have space to write it 3 or 4 times - when they’re more likely to write it neatly.
My 7 year old especially gets very frustrated when his writing isn’t perfectly neat, and he also fatigues easily so this workbook has proven to be better for him than the other one I had from Abeka.
So have you gotten a head start on your homeschool shopping yet?
When Attached Babies and Kids Grow Up
July 23, 2008 | 9 Comments
Megan at SortaCrunchy wrote about the payoff of attachment parenting recently on her blog. She described traits she is noticing in her daughter as a result of her breastfed, babyworn, gently disciplined upbringing.
I left a comment over there sharing something that happened with my oldest son recently, and thought I would post it here for some more discussion.
The other week me and the kids were eating dinner at a restaurant with some friends - a married couple and their two kids were there. When I was finished with my meal and while the mom ate, I held her toddler. He is 11 months old and going through a hitting stage (very typical for boys at his age!) and while he adores me, he hit me a couple of times.
I took it in stride - my oldest went through a phase like this at this age, and I didn’t freak about it. It was just a little slap to tell me something. I’m not sure if he was trying to get me to focus on him or wanted a change of position…. but before I could figure it out, his Grandmother slapped him on the hand.
My son was so upset by this. In fact he started talking about how wrong it was for her to hit him when he was just a baby and didn’t know what he was doing. I could hear him saying this and the Grandmother started to tell him that she disagreed - that the todder did know exactly what he was doing and that she had to communicate that him hitting me was wrong.
I heard my son use the word “stupid”… he was becoming visibly upset by this whole scene. I went over to him and tried to smoothe things over with him. I didn’t want him to say something disrespectful to the grandmother (who happened to have raised 7 kids herself, plus as an older person I expect him to show her respect), but I wanted to acknowledge his feelings about the matter.
The mom asked her mother to stop - she is not a spanker and didn’t like what her mother did. Then she took my son aside to talk with him about it. She (the mom) was not happy about the slapping and said so openly to her Mom.
I was proud of my son at this moment. I am not here to sit in judgment of the grandmother, but I don’t believe in hitting a baby’s hands to teach him not to hit. And apparently, neither does my son.
This child, who tested me as if my fire with his high need ways, was attached to me - literally - until he was 18 months old. He was fussy and the only time he seemed happy was when he was nursing. So, we nursed. And nursed. And nursed. All night long, most of the day. I discovered babywearing more out of desparation - I did have to go to the bathroom sometimes! or wash dishes! - than out of any philosophy.
This is the chid who did not sleep unless he was on my body. He STILL has issue with sleeping and if he had his way, would still be sleeping near me.
He is also the young man who has no interest in girls, but who has declared that if he ever gets married, his wife WILL breastfeed their baby. 
I have pointed out that he wouldn’t be able to force his wife to do anything, and his response? “Well I’ll ask her before we get married!”
This child also cannot bear to hear a child cry. He is his baby sister’s protector and comforter. He can often be seen picking her up and rocking her in the rocking chair when she is having a fussy evening and mom is trying to get dinner on the table. I have several pictures of him wearing her in a sling. I also have shot pictures of him breastfeeding his toys as a toddler - including one particularly cute one with him nursing a dinosaur. LOL!
He is also very in tune with my emotions. If I am having a bad day, he will often surprise me with a cup of hot tea. Or he will make breakfast or offer to brush my hair (I’m a sucker for that!).
I don’t know yet how attachment parenting has made my other kids different, but in my oldest it’s very obvious.
What do you think? What happens when attached kids get older?
Natural Moms Podcast #90
July 22, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Jill Kuczmarski author of Tales From the Trees and A Monster Misunderstanding joins us this week.
As moms we all want to teach our kids principles like tolerance and not judging people based on their appearance, but sometimes we’re not sure how to broach these topics.
Jill’s books are an easy way to open up discussion with our kids. They’re based on lumberjack lore about a creature called a hodag who has a ferocious appearance but whose personality turns out to be a surprise.
Visit Jill’s site to learn more about the hodag and see the fun stuff she has for kids. Jill also shares some great info about self publishing for those who are interested in getting their book published.
Mentioned on the show: Ready Made, the do it yourself and recycling magazine
Calico Salad
July 19, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Each Saturday I’ll post a free salad recipe from my new salad cookbook. It has over 365 recipes, so you can either buy it now or just hang around here for the next 6 years. LOL!
Calico Salad
1/2 cup Rapadura or Sucanat
1/2 each Green pepper — chopped
1/2 cup Salad oil
1 each Med. onion — chopped or sliced in rings
1/2 cup Vinegar
1 can Cut green beans
1 teaspoon Salt
1 can Red kidney beans
1/2 teaspoon Pepper
1 can Yellow wax beans
Wash and drain kidney, green, and wax beans. Add chopped pepper and onion. Mix sugar, oil, vinegar, salt and pepper. Pour over salad. Chill.
How Did You Know You Were Done?
July 18, 2008 | 7 Comments
Stacie Mahoe, one of the blogging moms over at Because Mom Said So, shared recently that being with her sister as she gave birth didn’t make her want another baby. She expressed surprise at her feelings.
Go take a second to read the post over there: Surprised At Myself - I’m Done Having Babies
I thought her post was interesting because I’ve noticed the same thing about myself lately. Stacie is a mom of 5 so noone could accuse her of not being maternal - and I have 4, so you could say the same about me.
And I admit I have a strange kind of envy/fascination with mothers of many. Large families are fascinating to me for many reasons. I love reading the blogs of women who have a brood. For one, I like to learn their secrets. I like reading about how they manage their days and afford all those kids.
A lot of people says things like I must be super patient or whatever, but I’m not - I’m just laid back. I’ve learned to be, one kid at a time.
Ok, maybe I am a pretty patient person. I don’t wig out over little things. That’s probably a major reason why I didn’t try harder to prevent pregnancy… the idea of having several didn’t bother me the way it might a women who, for instance, is OCD about cleaning or whatever (although I wouldn’t mind having such a woman for a roommate LOL!).
But mostly my parenting style came about because of my circumstances. I knew that in order to enjoy my kids, I had better adapt.
I’ll never forget a conversation I had with my sister once (also a mom of 4 - all boys!). I expressed to her my frustration over not being able to keep the house as clean as I would like.
Her response?
“Lower your standards.”
“I already have!” was my reply.
“Lower ‘em again.”
The point being that when you have several kids, you have to learn to be happy and content with what is - so you don’t drive yourself and your kids plum crazy. And one thing that “is” is that you’re not always going to have perfect order. Stuff is going to mysteriously disappear when you Just.Put.It.There. The fridge door is going to be left open a cajillion times a day. Toilet paper - entire rolls - disappear in an afternoon. There is a lot of fighting. There is a lot of hugging and snuggling too. And a lot of fighting over who gets to sleep in mom’s bed tonight!
Anyway. How did I get so off topic here? Oh yeah. I was talking about how I knew I was done.
Lately I’ve noticed that when I see a friend with a new baby, I don’t wish mine were little. And I don’t wish that I had one of those.
I drop off lunch, give the new mom a kiss, and get outta there so she can rest (I don’t believe in overstaying my welcome in a postpartum home).
Of course, if I had a different situation I might feel differently.
If I had a wonderful, supportive, virile and hot husband I might want to have more babies. (Like, if I was married to the perfect man.)
If I had a big house on a huge plot of land somewhere and a maid and an organic garden, I might want to have more.
If I could have a guarantee that my perfect luck wouldn’t run out and I wouldn’t have a miscarriage, stillbirth, child with a health problem or what have you (since I had 4 perfect births and 4 perfect babies - I feel if I got pregnant again I would be tempting fate) then I might have another.
Or maybe not.
You see, I love love love birth and babies and breastfeeding and all that. I love babywearing and even sleepless nights and sleepy days and the smell of babies and chubby toddler thighs and dimples and all…
but I’m looking forward to the next stage in my life too. I’m not a sentimental person. I enjoy each stage fully, and embrace the new. I don’t long for the baby days.
I love that I can talk about things with my 10 year old that he couldn’t understand when he was a toddler. I love that my 7 year old can pick out chords to the Scientist (that perfect man again!) on his own when he sits down to the piano. I love that my 5 year old daughter can put on dancing recitals for me. And I love that my 3 year old can speak to me and tell me exactly what she wants - and make me laugh like our little mascot.
I don’t grieve for the baby stuff.
What about you? How did you know you were done?
