You know what I find interesting lately?
What people assume.
I was taught that when you assume, you make an ass+u+me.
But, I was raised right. Not everyone learned that wisdom.
I find it humorous that people assume that because you have several children, you are overwhelmed and stressed.
I am neither.
(What I am at the moment is nauseated, but that will pass.)
That having several children is “hard”.
It’s not. At least, not for me.
That they must be accidents.
That you must not understand how the plumbing works. That you’re too ignorant to use birth control.
That a 7th child in the household couldn’t have been planned.
And they would be wrong.
Call me crazy, but I have this notion that children are a blessing.
The other day when an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a few years met my husband and found out we had 6 children together and were expecting another, she exclaimed:
“I hope you have a good job!”
(My husband said the next time someone asked him that, he would reply, “No, I just have a really good wife!” Ain’t he sweet?)
When he assured her that he was a business owner and doing quite fine, her next question was:
“Well what about health care!?”
Umm, impertinent much? I wonder if she would appreciate my asking if her husband was prepared for retirement just because he is in his 60′s?
I can’t imagine asking someone about their financial situation. I also can’t imagine making assumptions like this about people. I can’t imagine commenting on someone’s choice of family size, or birth control, or the mechanics of sex. I honestly don’t care what someone else decides to do with their life. Their choices don’t affect me.
But these are things people say to parents of large families.
The truth is, having several children makes you smarter about where your money goes. My husband and I budget carefully. Just last night we held a Couples Meeting where we discussed the budget, make adjustments, looked at our overall financial picture, and discussed our goals.
We’re doing fine. We have no credit card debt, we just paid cash for our vehicle, we recently took an 8 day vacation, we have savings on hand for emergencies and we earn more than enough to provide for our family. Considering these facts, I would say we are doing far better than many who are saddled with credit card debt and live paycheck to paycheck.
Why am I called upon to defend myself?
Do people who assume that mothers of many are unhappy and stressed simply feel threatened? Perhaps because they don’t enjoy motherhood? I never asked for the title, but several friends have dubbed me SuperMom. Would this cause another mom to feel inferior and make inappropriate comments to me?
More assumptions about large families, just for the fun of it:
- That your home must be a mess all the time
- That you live in chaos
- That you never get a quiet moment to yourself
- That you live off the government, or even better… child support (don’t make me laugh with that last one!)
- That your house is always loud and crazy
- That you don’t spent time with the children individually
- That you and your spouse can’t get alone time
- That the breadwinner works 70+ hours a week.
I suppose you can learn a lot about a person by what they assume.
My standard answer to these kinds of inappropriate questions from now on? I’m going to turn it around on the person and ask them how they’re doing in that particular area. People reflect onto your their own concerns. They reflect what’s in their heart.
Comment: “Another baby?! You guys need to get the snip!”
Reply: “Actually, we planned this child and are quite happy. Are you worried about your family planning?”
Comment: “How are you guys going to pay for all those kids?”
Reply: “We’re doing fine, thanks. Are you concerned about your finances?”
What do you think?