My guest this week is David Luks of Honeydrop beverages.

Honeydrop offers delicious, fresh brewed all natural teas sweetened only with honey.

We’re talking about the recent controversy over honey: how you can avoid buying “fake” honey, why honey from China is not real honey at all (and why this matters to you), why honey is superior to refined sweeteners and artificial sweeteners, and how Honeydrop ensures that the honey that goes into their product is the real deal.

I got a chance to try the Ginger-Lemon flavor and it was awesome! You can find Honeydrop teas in natural food stores such as Whole Foods and they’re also available to order online.

To listen, just click on the grey play button below.

P.S. a recent listener told me she has been having trouble with the audio player. If you’re having difficulties listening, please let me know in the comments so I can troubleshoot!

My guest this week is Rachel McFadden of HappyGreenBabies. We’re talking about Minimalism and Minimalist Parenting.

You can listen to the show by clicking on the grey audio player below the transcript (at the bottom, just before the comments). Or you can read the transcript below.

Carrie: Today we’re going to be talking about minimalist parenting.

For those of you that have been following the blog for the last few weeks, Rachel is the mom behind the Green Mom’s Weekly post that we’re doing every Monday. So, she is the originator of that and we hope that you guys can all join and link up to her weekly green mom’s post on her blog.

Okay so minimalism.

Rachel: Yeah.

Carrie: It’s definitely becoming a thing online. Like last night, I was doing a little bit of googling because I follow a few minimalist logs, but I was looking for some that were a little bit more geared towards moms and parenting. And I found several that I’ll mention later on, but how would you define minimalism?

Rachel: The simplest thing I can say is a simple life. Simplifying the way that we live, and not cluttering it up with stuff. Enjoying the simple things, and not needing actual “stuff” to make us happy.

C: Yeah, definitely. You know, it’s interesting because ten years ago the buzz word was “organization”. There were all these books, blogs and magazines centered around organization. And then there was a kind of an evolution into simple living and I think people realized, wait a sec. I don’t think we can organize this stuff, we have too much!

You basically defined minimalism as a simple approach to life, making more room for life, having less stuff, less clutter.

Many times when we find websites and blog and ebooks about minimalism we find a single person who has a very…

R: …free life?

C: Yeah! What’s the word I’m looking for? Nomadic! A nomadic lifestyle is enviable, but now that we’ve settled down with a family and children, how can we embrace minimalism?

R: Sometimes we get bogged down… like when I was pregnant with my first, with all of the stuff that consumers feel they have to have to have a baby, that’s getting pushed on them by Babies R Us and all these massive baby stores and you have thousands of items you think you need. For this tiny little baby!

I was kind of the same way. I got all this stuff and realized you don’t need it! What’s more important is spending time with the baby, like what we talk about on Green Moms Weekly – attachment parenting.

My son is beside me, looking for his underwear.

C: Even minimalists have underwear!

R: Exactly. So after having my second child I realized that those things you really don’t need. What’s important is spending time with your baby. Being able to “wear” your baby, co-sleeping for me was one of the simplest things I could have done. It made my life a lot less hectic. The bedtime routine, what i remember with my first, trying to get him to sleep in a crib was never successful. He ended up in our bed anyway. So it just seemed simpler to cut out that whole struggle in life anyway.

C: My first crib was a really, really large … laundry basket.

R: Wow.That’s really cool.

C: Another thing that we mentioned briefly is that minimalism seems to be kind of an offshoot from the organization movement of maybe the 80′s and 90;s. There were so many great books being written, blogs and websites and stuff. There was the Get Things Done (GTD) movement, and all the things that shot out from that.

And then it was about simple living, so it transitioned from organizing to simple living. because I think people just realized, wait a minute, I have too much. Too much stuff, too much running around, too many activities, too much house, too much stuff in the house. I need to simplify it. And now it’s kind of even further trickled down to minimalism. What’s the minimal amount that I can have?

R: … and be happy.

C: Yeah, exactly. I was reading the other day that people buy homes (it was on the Happiness Project, Gretchin Rubin’s website)… people often buy things that they may only need once a year, or they buy a home that will never be full except once a year. They buy for the worst case scenario thing. They don’t get the thing that they need for every day. (It’s called “maximum-use imperative.) The big McMansions for people that have one or two children.

R: And you realize you only use one room…

C: And you’re all in that one room all day long!

R: Exactly. All that extra space! For the big Christmas or Thanksgiving that you don’t really need…

C: And you’d be happy with something smaller that would please you every day, not just that one time.

R: A lot of things I’ve read about organizing and becoming a minimalist is you have less clean up. Which creates less stress in your life. Because the less you have, the less you have to put away.

C: Even things like learning curves, for me with new technology, I go through this kind of mini depression when I have a new phone or something new like that. Getting to know it and getting to work it, it feels like such a waste of time and I resent that change.

R: I know, I know.

C: Some people have to have the latest and greatest gadget all the time and I don’t know how they deal with that.

R: I know! It’s crazy too because with things like that, they go out, they become obsolete so fast! We have the latest and greatest thing this week, and two weeks later you have to get it again… is this really making your life better, to have this thing?

Now having kids, I realize you don’t really need all those things.

C: Well this is a challenge for me personally because I see that frugality and minimalism have some things in common. But at the same time, if you are embracing minimalism, you cannot buy the cheapest thing. You have to go for quality.

R: That’s true.

C: I read a great blog post yesterday on Schmutzie. It was called Poor People Cannot Afford Cheap Things. And for me that’s a challenge because I hate to spend money on myself.

R: I do too.

C: I’ll go and buy a cheap pair of shoes, and then they hurt my feet. And I can’t wear them, and I sell them on ebay which is a hassle and headache. If I had just “upsold” and bought the nicer thing that would last for years! How do we get over that?

R: I totally get that conflict. Because one of my best friends lives in Utah. She’s ultimate minimalist. It suits her life, she’s just so happy. She lives in a little house, but she is canning all winter for all of her food for the whole winter. She’s processing deer, using every single part of the deer, including the brains, which she uses for curing the hides.

She’s telling me all about this, and when I think back to the stuff that she owns, she owns things that are made by Patagonia…. all these things that I was like, “Gosh they’re expensive, why are you buying these?” But they last forever! Really, she has had them for … 15 years. These things that she buys… the gear she gets for camping and just living in general, she buys things from Lehman’s. It’s a lot of houseware type stuff but it’s expensive ceramic type pieces and glass pieces that she’s gonna have for a lifetime. As opposed to aluminum junk that people buy for their kitchen so cheaply they get tons of it, she’s going to have that forever.

C: That really is better from an environmental standpoint too. Buying the highest quality thing that you can afford means that you’re going to keep it out of the landfill for years, maybe even pass it down to your children.

R: Absolutely. For me something I want to mention is that me and my husband especially, are huge Craigslist people. I look for the quality items that people are getting rid of. Because I am cheap like you said, and I can find things like that, for cheaper, even though they are quality items.

C: that’s a good tip. I was thinking when it comes to clothing, I like to go to the used stores in the nicer neighborhoods, so I have to drive a little bit.

R: That makes a huge difference. You really can find some nice things that are going to last. My husband just came home with a pair of Keen shoes that kids have. I have a pair of boots myself. But everyone says those boots are going to last you a lifetime. And he got them for $1! These $40 shoes for kids. Yeah, it was a nicer area thrift shop that he went to and found these great items. I’m like, “keep doing that!”.

C: What about trying to get rid of some of the clutter in your home if it’s something that you enjoy, like music or books? What about digitizing it? Is that something that you try to do?

R: That’s something that I aspire to do! Actually I do have a lot of stuff digital already. but I still do aspire to do some of it , I’ve got videotapes and stuff like that that I can just put on the computer. My father has tons of stuff that is CDs and books and videos from when we were growing up. He wants to get everything on digital, get rid of all this clutter.

C: Yeah. What I did just recently and I haven’t written it on the blog yet but plan on it: I have become a fan of Evernote. I love it! I just got my recipe files and scanned everything and put it in my Evernote in a recipe notebook. So now I can actually search by ingredients, so if I have broccoli and chicken and cheese I can put those ingredients in and see what I can come up with.

R: That is great!

C: So now I don’ t have ugly cluttered recipes filling up a drawer in my kitchen.

R: What I love about that is when people are asking me for recipes, I have everything digital so I can just send it to them by email or on my blog or another website that I created. So it’s so much easier! To share that stuff.

C: Another cool thing is, when you travel it’s right there in my phone. The Evernote online syncs with my laptop and phone so when I go out of town and I’ll be cooking with the family and I need a recipe I don’t have to worry about clipping it out or carrying it with me, it’s right there in my phone.

R: That is so cool, I’ve got to get my stepmother on board with that. She has ancient recipes from her mother, ancient stuff that she’s reading off of a smudged piece of paper. It gets more smudged every time she uses it.

C: Exactly! And the thing I hate about that is sometimes you’ll lose a vintage recipe that is passed down from someone. If it’s digital, then you’ll have it forever.

Can you recommend some resources for our listeners to learn more, or blogs that you follow to learn more?

R: Did you mention MinimalistMom? She’s got a book too, and some really great interesting points. And it’s good for anybody to use, not just somebody that is already a minimalist.

C: I just found her blog last night actually. She has written an ebook, The Guide to Baby’s First Year, that would be great for a friend who’s expecting and who is caught up in the glitter of the Toys R Us baby registry.

R: Absolutely! There’s also Family Sized Minimalism, an ebook by MinimalistAtHome.com. It’s writing about somebody that has a lot of space and is working on downsizing and how to go about doing that, and figuring out what you need and all that.

C: That’s great. There’s one that I’ll throw out that I really like. It’s two young single guys, but I just like their style and really enjoy their writing. It’s TheMinimalists.com. They’ve written an ebook I have that’s about $3. They’re hosting some TweetUps throughout the country, so I’m really wanting to meet those guys. And I’m sure you’re familiar with Leo Babauta of Zenhabits? He has 6 kids. So he’s a big minimalist, and his minimalist site is not on ZenHabits, it’s on MnMList.com That’s where he puts the articles about minimalism.

R: There was something else, if you don’t mind, that I wanted to touch on. I was talking with my husband when I told him I was going to be talking with you today.

We were talking about minimalism and birthdays and holidays. Since my oldest son’s birthday is coming up, and Christmas is coming up. I would say, “Please don’t give us any gifts.” We have a party, but we don’t need anything. And sometimes it’s not enough. Because people don’t listen to me. Anyway, we were talking about things for Christmas and birthdays that we can ask for that aren’t stuff. And one of the things he mentioned was memberships or tickets. Maybe membership to the Zoo.

C: Experiences.

R: Yeah! And things that are expensive and you might not take the time to buy. But if people are going to be buying you things, to ask for stuff like that.

C: I love that idea.

R: You get to spend more time with your kids, it’s a great experience for everyone. And you don’t have the cluttered up house because people are buying you stuff.

C: I think that’s a wonderful idea. Not only because it minimizes clutter, but also in terms of what children remember. When we look back on our childhood, we don’t really remember the toys that we had. I couldn’t even tell you what the inside of the house looked like. But I remember the things we did. Going to the Zoo, going to the Circus that time, going to the mountains. That’s what you remember. So that’s a wonderful idea.

R: So that’s my list of things, my in-laws always ask us to provide a Christmas list. And every year it’s so hard for me because I’m like, I don’t need anything. I really don’t. So now that I have this idea, I’m just going to start listing out things we can do for experiences for our family. We really could use that, it gives us time to let go of all the craziness that’s going on in life, and spend some time with each other.

C: Do you have any collections, or hobbies or addictions that make it (minimalism) hard?

R: (Laughs) Let’s see, umm, well… I’ve gotten away from it, but I used to be kind of an electronic junkie. And I’ve totally kind of gone in another direction because we had moved from our old house and bought a house that was not inhabited for 20 years and we were spending time fixing up our house and stuff, and electronics has not been a part of my life for the past couple years since we’ve been here. And it’s actually great. I wish I had been like this in years past. I realize I don’t really need all that stuff.

C: And it’s hard to devote time to it when you have young children.

R: It is hard to devote time to it. But that makes my life easier. I’m addicted to being cheap, so like you said… my Dad is so cheap, I’ve just been raised with not wanting to spend. When I make a purchase, I research it thoroughly. And I do buy quality items but I spend a lot of time mulling over it before I make the purchase.

C: I think my only addiction is children’s books. I have a thing for that. And books in general, but now that I have children I’m always buying children’s books. And I cannot go into a thrift store, a yard sale, a consignment ..

R: … without buying them?

C: That’s the first place I head, is the children’s books. But a couple of months ago I pared own my book collection to the extreme, and I still have 3 large almost to the ceiling bookshelves. But I got rid of a lot them on Amazon.com because I just went through and asked myself, “We might have read this and loved it, but are we doing to read it again in the next 6 months? Have I seen a child pick this book up?”

For me personally, there are certain reference books that I’ll never get rid of. Like Smart Medicine for a Healthier Child. The binding is all crap, I’ve had to tape it up, it’s stained, but I refer to it all the time when  a kid is sick. There are books like that you’ll always refer back to. But if I had not opened it up in the last couple of months, it was gone.

R: It was gone.

C: You know what else is hard? When  get a new book that’s supposed to be some great classic that everybody loved, and I read it or read it with my children, or they read it. And we don’t like it! It’s kind of like I have a hard time letting go of it.

R:.. that was supposed to be so great!

C: … and it was totally boring! We have  few of those, so I’ve decided those are going, because I have to be me. Haha! We didn’t love it, so we’re not gonna keep it. On the other hand I have some books that the kids read over and over and over, so I’m totally fine having those all over the house. So you can define it for yourself, you can define minimalism.

R: I’m sitting here looking at my pile of sewing stuff and realizing that it’s one of those things that…

C: Are you crafty? Or  wanna be?

R: I am, but I’m a wanna be! I was more crafty when I had more time when I had less kid stuff to do, so I’m always aspiring to do all this stuff, and i have piles and piles of fabric right here that I don’t get to use.

C: That’s another thing about clutter, if you read articles about why we hold on to it, it’s because that is our “ideal self”. We wish that we had the time for that craft, we hoped when we bought that exercise equipment that we would use it and lose weight, but that’s part of it… we are buying for our ideal self instead of our actual self.

R: Yeah you’re right. Because I’m always telling people, ideally I would be sewing all my curtains in my house.. I’ve done some, but ideally I would be making my children their clothes.

C: You can’t do everything. I’m always always telling my kids, you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.

R: Yeah, I know. That’s hard for me!

C: I’ve really enjoyed talking with you Rachel, because we’ve chatted a lot on the phone. I’m sure we’ll be talking again soon, I’m sure there’s a lot of things that we could chat about in the future. Great talking with you.

R: Absolutely, great talking with you too.

My guest this week is Lisa Aman, LM of New Life Home Birth.

Lisa is a licensed midwife of over 25 years with a thriving homebirth practice in South Carolina.

We’re talking about her Midwife To Be correspondence course for aspiring midwives.

Lisa is also hosting Homesteading classes for girls ages 7-12 to learn recycled crafts, gardening, herbs, natural health, and healthy cooking.

Lisa encourages midwives who are interested in her mission trip to Uganda to contact her. Be sure to listen to get more details! Lisa’s blog is at DancingMidwife.

My guest this week is Dr. Linda Miles of derma e natural bodycare.

Derma e is an award winning 25 year old company who was just rewarded the 2011 “Natural Choice Award for Best Skin Care Products” by Whole Foods Magazine.

Dr. Miles spoke with me about:

• Ingredients to look for in your skin care products
• How to read product labels
• Ingredients to avoid for use on the skin
• The role supplements play in younger looking skin
• Lifestyle choices that keep you younger looking
• The scoop on sunscreen and parabens
• How to find high quality natural skin care products

This week I spoke with Melissa Fay Greene, fellow Atlanta resident and author of several books, including No Biking in the House Without a Helmet.

Melissa is the mother of 9 children. Her first 4 came to her the usual way, and the second set came via adoption.

Melissa talked with me about her beautiful large family, her decision to adopt internationally, suffering with post adoption depression, the challenge of bringing a new child into the family, life with several spirited boys in the house, whether her mothering style has adapted over the years, and how her biological children have benefited from her decision to adopt.

I loved this interview! It lasts a little longer than most. I hope you take the time to read Melissa’s book. Instead of painting a perfect picture, it portrays a realistic one, complete with tears and laughter. You can read more about Melissa and her family at her website.

My guest this week is Cathy Daub, founder of BirthWorks.org.

BirthWorks is a non-profit organization that certifies women to become childbirth educators and doulas (for more information about hosting a workshop, click here).

They offer childbirth preparation classes and can assist you in locating a doula.

We’re talking about the instinctive wisdom of birthing women,  why birth doesn’t need to be “taught”, and why childbirth education is still valuable. We also discuss why birth has such an impact on early mothering experiences.

Cathy has also written a book; Birthing In The Spirit, you can view a movie about the book on YouTube.

My guest this week is Dr Heather Manley, N.D. “Dr. Heather” is a Naturopathic physician, homeschooling mom and author.

Dr. Heather is sharing some great advice on creating a natural first aid kit for your family.

See which “must have” homeopathic products she recommends you keep on hand for bumps, bruises, burns, bites and stings, as well as advice on administering homeopathic remedies for the beginner.

Heather also spoke with me about her books, Human Body Detectives, a series for children that educates them about the body’s systems in a fun way. Be sure to check out Dr. Heather’s Twitter and Facebook page.

Mentioned on the show: Environmental Working Group’s skin deep page

My guest this week is Dr. Michal Regev. She is a Registered Psychologist and a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist.  Her website is at http://www.drregev.com/

Our topic is mood disorders and depression during pregnancy.

We discuss why women get depressed during pregnancy, symptoms that present and what treatment options are available.

While postpartum depression has received much media attention, many of us are in the dark regarding mood disorders during pregnancy.

According to Dr. Regev, “Between 10-15% of pregnant women develop serious depression while some struggle with anxiety, panic, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bi-polar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder.”

Health care professionals (and families) often fail to recognize the symptoms, so it’s important that we educate ourselves for the well-being of ourselves and our babies.

My guest for this episode is David Burton. David is a registered nurse who works in Tampa, FL at an acute care cardiac ward.

David is also the director of a new movie called InGREEDients, a documentary about chemical food additives and nutrition in America.

InGREEDients is educational for the whole family (although you might want to be careful when viewing certain scenes with some sensitive children). My children have even told some of their friends and grandparents about its message and have become even more avid label readers. InGREEDients exposes the shocking lack of education in the medical community about how food affects our health, and the manufacturer’s refusal to be honest about what’s in their products.

* Friend InGREEDients on Facebook

* If you want to buy the DVD, enter the code “naturalmom” at checkout to get another copy for a friend FREE! (Buy one get one free)

photo credit: N.R.

(Does this child look unsafe to you?)

Safe Babywearing

On Friday, March 12, 2010, the Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a warning about carrying babies in sling carriers.

Is babywearing dangerous?
Are some baby carriers safe?
How can a parent distinguish which ones are safe and which ones aren’t?

My guest this week is Stephanie Banguilan of GentleJourneysBirthing.com. Stephanie is a childbirth instructor who also hosts babywearing classes in her Georgia hometown.

We’re discussing the specifics of the CPSC warning, which baby carriers may be unsafe, some of the benefits to babywearing as well as common sense safety tip for parents who embrace this ancient practice.

Read more posts and interviews on babywearing.

Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

My guest this week is Dr. Charlotte Reznick, nationally recognized child educational psychologist, and associate clinical professor of psychology at UCLA.

Dr. Reznick is the author of The Power of Your Child’s Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success

The book describes easy to use imagination techniques that can help kids with stress, pain, fears, and even treat sleep issues. Most parents realize that children are very good at using their imaginations, why not teach them imagery techniques that they can use for a lifetime?

Find Dr. Reznick online at Imagery for Kids and on Twitter.

My guest this week is Dr. Denise Lamothe, clinical psychologist, doctor of holistic health and the Bach Resident Psychologist.

She is also author of the popular book, The Taming of the Chew.

Dr. Denise is talking with us today about Bach Flower essences, especially for use with kids.

Bach Flower essences are natural plant essences which are used to restore emotional balance. They are safe, not habit forming and are used around the world.

You can learn more about using Bach Flowers for kids  at http://www.bachkids.com/

(Note from Carrie: Last week when my youngest had some dental work, she asked for Rescue Remedy specifically. I had given her an OTC pain reliever for soreness in her mouth, but she didn’t want another dose. She wanted the Rescue Remedy instead!)

Mentioned on the show: Bach Flower Essence Remedy Chooser and Bach Flower Essences Emotional Eating Support Kit

My guest this week is Ivanna Campbell.

She is a mom of 3 little ones and the owner of an online advocacy site, community and resource site for mothers called Empowered Mommies.

Ivanna shares her vision with us of what an empowered mom looks like and how she hopes to provide support to moms who want to make the best decisions for their families.

My guest this week is John Monroe. He is sharing “eye-opening” information with us on natural vision improvement based on the work of Deborah Banker, M.D., an ophthalmologist/general practitioner and internationally known expert on health and vision improvement.

Is it possible to eliminate the need for glasses and improve and prevent eye diseases? Have you ever wondered if eyeglasses actually accelerate the degeneration of your eyes? Listen in and find out!

Learn more about Dr. Banker’s Home Study Vision Improvement Kit here.

My guest this week is Joyce Cooper-Kahn PhD, coauthor of “Late, Lost, and Unprepared: A Parents’ Guide to Helping Children with Executive Functioning”

While it sounds complicated, “executive functioning” basically refers to kids with weaknesses in planning and organization. These kids face all kinds of challenges–at school, in sports, in the family, and among their peers.

Do these traits sound familiar?

:  Your child often forgets to turn in assignments at school.

:  S/he arrives at important places unprepared.

: Underestimates the effort involved in projects, has trouble getting started.

: Has trouble organizing space.

Dr. Cooper-Kahn is a clinical psychologist and learning specialist and offers tips for gently parenting a disorganized child.

My guest this week is Laurel McCarthy of CarryMeAway.com

Laurel’s topic is how babywearing can make life with littles a whole lot easier – especially when traveling and visiting relatives, such as around the holiday season.

Laurel contributed an article with more tips on holiday babywearing that you can read here.

Read Carrie’s reviews of two of her favorite baby slings: the Maya Wrap and the Moby Wrap

My guest this week is ChicagoHealers.com Practitioner Dr. Raymond Hatland, DDS

We’re talking about bottled versus tap water. In our modern age with its focus on convenience, bottled water has become extremely popular. But the plastic bottles are also spawning  massive amounts of trash. The debate between whether or not bottled water or tap water is better to drink has recently become a hot topic for discussion.

Dr. Hatland breaks down the pros and cons of bottled and tap water. Among them:

Bottled water may contain unacceptable levels of the plastic chemicals. i.e. Bpa. (Bisphenol-A) is made from a combination of phenol and acetone.

Bottled water usually has a very acidic pH – this can lead to more inflammation in the body, fluid retention etc. Tap water generally has a neutral or slightly alkaline pH.

If you opt for tap water, try an activated carbon filter with silver to reduce bacterial count as well as an alkalinizing unit.

Carrie recommends:

Kleen Kanteen stainless steel water bottles

photo credit: SuperFantastic

My guest this week is Dr. Arculeo of Peak Performance Health Care

Our topic?

Detoxification.

Detox is a buzz word but the concept is certainly not new, and there are many approaches to detoxification that are appropriate for everyone.

How do you know you need to detox?

A few signs of the body not eliminating waste properly: dandruff, psoriasis, acne, dry skin, ezcema, fatigue, headaches, poor digestion, constipation.

This interview will explain what a “nutritional cleanse” is and tell you which foods produce congestion in the body. You will also learn:

• Why detoxification is necessary and beneficial
• Signs your body needs to detoxify
• Who should not go on a cleanse
• How to find a health care practitioner who can guide you through a cleanse

More info on this site about detoxification:

The Detox Bath

photo credit: tallkev

Vitamin D is critical for health.

Vitamin D promotes your immune system, and your body needs vitamin D in ample quantities to provide  protection against microbial invaders like bacteria and viruses (including the H1N1 ‘swine flu’ virus).

Are you a good host (to disease), or a bad one?

Recent studies show that as many as 87% of adults are vitamin D deficient by late winter, and 61% remain deficient even during summer months.

My guest this week is Steven V. Joyal, MD, Vice President of Scientific Affairs at the Life Extension Foundation

Did you know these facts about Vitamin D?

• It benefits cardiovascular function
• Women with higher blood levels of Vitamin D have reduced breast cancer.
• Vitamin D also helps prostate issues
• Vitamin D is not a vitamin! (explained in the interview)
• Current levels of supplementation frequently recommended (such as the RDA) are inadequate – listen to find out what is the proper dose.
• 30 minutes of sun exposure at noon = 10,000 i.u. Vitamin D.
• Learn about a safe and healthy level of sun exposure.

Carrie’s favorite source of Vitamin D:  Nordic Naturals – Lemon Flavored Arctic-D Cod Liver Oil

My guest this week is Dr. Perry Wolk-Weiss, D.C.  of Get Well Center

Dr. Wolk-Weiss is a Chiropractor and author of Ten Commandments for a Healthy Lifestyle.

We’re talking about NAET (Allergy Elimination Technique).

Let’s face it, allergies are a pain.

Avoiding foods and other substances that cause reactions is time consuming and frustrating.

NAET utilizes acupressure to retrain the brain to not overreact to allergens.

NAET is not painful and can be done even on babies. While it’s impossible to say exactly how many treatment sessions a patient will need, typical scenario is 6-12 sessions,  making NAET less expensive than a life of allergy suffering!

Dr. Perry shares stories of individuals whose lifestyles have dramatically changed because of their allergies resolving thanks to NAET.

Read about NAET and its founder: Naet: Say Good-Bye to Your Allergies

Hysterectomy Risks and Alternatives

My guest this week is Nora Coffey, president of the HERS Foundation.

Nora was a guest on the show about a year ago. You can listen to that interview here. Now she joins us again to talk about her new book  (co-authored with Rick Schweikert).

The H Word: The diagnostic studies to evaluate symptoms, alternatives in treatment, and coping with the aftereffects of hysterectomy.

If you think you don’t need to listen to this interview because noone is telling you to get a hysterectomy (castration) right now, I respectfully disagree.

Every woman should inform herself NOW before she’s faced with the decision.

photo credit: cliff1066™

After talking with Nora these two times, reading her book and from my own life hearing stories of women and their experience with hysterectomy (castration), I am convinced that there is a dreadful LACK of appreciation and understanding of the purpose of the female organs – on the part of medical professionals and we women ourselves.

The H Word tells you why hysterectomy is so commonly recommended, the diagnostic studies that should be performed first to evaluate suspect diagnoses, the treatment alternatives that exist, the benefits and risks of those treatments, and probably most importantly – the lifelong functions of the uterus and ovaries, and the lifelong consequences of their removal (castration).

I urge you to listen to this interview and spread the word amongst women you care about!

Mindy Meyer (@Meymin) of  Nourish Your Children is our guest this week. Mindy is a homeschooling mom of 5 who recently completed an ebook and is generously offering a free copy to a listener! More info below.

photo credit: dslrninja

What Are Excitotoxins?

Just as it sounds, excitotoxins “excite” the body tissues, starting with the tongue (wow! that tastes good! want more!) – but not in a good way.  Many of us think of “Chinese restaurant syndrome” and MSG (monosodium glutamates) when we hear the word.

Glutamates exist naturally in some natural, healthy foods but your body is able to handle those without problems. During certain processes (for instance the refining of foods) these are turned into “free glutamates” that do damage to the body.  Sadly, even “organic/natural” foods that are highly processed can contain these excitotoxins.

Mindy’s free worksheet with more information on excitotoxins and how to avoid them is available here:  Nourish Your Children

Mentioned on the show:

- The Weston A. Price Foundation

To win a copy of Mindy’s ebook:

Simply leave a comment below (with a valid email address so I can contact you). The winner will be chosen and notified on Wednesday, October 21 at NOON Eastern time.

Our guest this week is John Roulac, the CEO & Founder of Nutiva, who since 1999 has operated as a values-driven company dedicated to nourishing people and planet.

We’re talking today about the wonders of coconut oil, its many benefits and uses.

John has offered to giveaway a jar of coconut oil to a listener!

Please leave a comment below to qualify.

Tell us your favorite way to use coconut oil.

A winner will be chosen on Friday, September 18th at noon Eastern time.

You can also buy Nutiva products online.

My guest this week is professional dancer and fitness instructor Jennifer Jimenez of Prenatal Dance Fitness.

After a difficult and protracted labor with her first child, Jennifer was left feeling disappointed and depressed.

And she wanted answers. Her search led to the creation of her Prenatal Dance Fitness program.

Jennifer’s DVD helps  women connect with their bodies,  relax and be more comfortable during pregnancy, stay in shape and prepare for an easier (and shorter!) delivery.

“Women have danced to prepare for labor and celebrate birth for centuries,” says Jennifer.

What’s more, many women naturally dance during labor to ease their pain and help bring baby into the world.

Jennifer is giving away a DVD to one NMTR listener!

I would like to limit this giveaway to just the pregnant ladies.

If you’re expecting a baby and would like to win the DVD, leave a comment below (with a valid email address so I can contact you if you win), and your due date.

The winner will randomly be chosen on September 2 at NOON Eastern time.

Leave your comment before then!

Follow Jennifer on Twitter

My guest this week is Shoshana Bennett PhD, author of the newly released Pregnant on Prozac: The Essential Guide to Making the Best Decision for You and Your Baby as well as Postpartum Depression For Dummies

Clinical depression affects 15-20% of pregnant women, sometimes becoming so severe that the moms-to-be attempt suicide.

Mothers of multiples are at even higher risk with more than 25% suffering during pregnancy and postpartum.

Many moms want to avoid taking prescription medication to manage their depression during pregnancy and nursing, so are there viable alternatives?

“Dr. Shosh” discusses some of the various natural treatment options available for pregnant women today.

My guest this week is Wendy Priesnitz of Life Learning and Natural Life magazine.

(Now defunct, Life Learning magazine is currently integrated into Natural Life magazine.)

Natural Life is the brainchild of Wendy and her husband Rolf and has been in publication since 1976, allowing them to “unschool” their children at home while they ran their business. It is a refreshing publication that families who endeavor to life simply, respect the earth, and educate their children at home will love.

Wendy also talked about her newest book called Life Learning: Lessons from the Educational Frontier. It’s a collection of essays on unschooling. You can see Wendy’s other books on Amazon here

My guest this week is Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride. She is the author of Gut and Psychology Syndrome. The GAPS diet has proven helpful in treating autism, ADD/ADHD dyslexia, depression and even schizoprenia.

In this interview, Dr. Natasha talks about how gut health impacts emotional and psychological health, how the GAPS diet came about and the science behind it, and helpful tips for implementing the diet.

Natural Moms Talk Radio listeners have been offered a discount code (enter NMTR at checkout).  Any new customer who uses this code will receive 10% off all products on their first order.

Get more info on the diet and order the book:  http://www.gapsdiet.com/

My guest this week is Dr. Richard Selznick of Shut Down Learner.

He is  a psychologist, nationally certified school psychologist and author of The Shut-Down Learner:  Helping Your Academically Discouraged Child.

Our topic today is the “high spatial learner”, children who thrive with visual-spatial learning (the so called “Lego kid”) but who may struggle with learning in a traditional classroom setting.

Within the first few pages of the book, I recognized my 8 year old son, who can build anything and pick out songs by ear on the piano, but who has difficulty reading and following instructions. If you have a child with this learning style, the book will help you appreciate your child’s unique strengths and point you to resources to assist them so they don’t become discouraged.

Follow Dr. Selznick on Twitter!

What if everything you thought you knew about postpartum fitness was wrong?

This week my guest is Helene Byrne. She is a nationally recognized prenatal and postpartum fitness expert and founder of BeFit-Mom.

Helene is the author of the award winning DVD “Bounce Back Fast! Post Natal Core Conditioning” and the acclaimed book “Exercise After Pregnancy: How to Look and Feel Your Best“.

Helene is on a mission to educate moms about some of the common misconceptions regarding pospartum exercise, including the fact that so many moms are doing ab work totally wrong! Many fitness routines, including the ever popular Pilates, are simply not designed for the postpartum body, and some exercises can do more harm than good.

Helene’s DVD and book offer an effective exercise routine that a postpartum mom can begin at anytime  – even hours after her birth, or years after – to help her recover from childbirth and the effects of pregnancy.

Note to moms: If you’re doing endless crunches to get your abs back in shape with little results, you MUST listen to this show!

My guest this week is Bill Osmunson DDS, MPH, and Fluoride Action Network Spokesperson.

Dr. Bill is a Dentist with 30 years experience. Though an early promoter of fluoride, he has become an outspoken opponent of the overuse of fluoride and urges parents to inform themselves of the risks.

There are several problems with fluoride. For one, it has not been proven to be effective in preventing tooth decay. Second, there are health risks associated with the use (and overuse, which is the current situation with fluoridated water in most U.S. cities) of fluoride. These include: lowered IQ, endocrine disorders such as thyroid disease, weakened bone, severe enamel fluorosis, rheumatoid or arthritic-like pain, and others.

Interesting facts on the risks of fluoride:

– Researchers reporting in the Oct 6 2007 British Medical Journal indicate that fluoridation was never was proven safe or effective and may be unethical.

For more reading, visit the Fluoride Action Network website.

This is an hour long show. Please be sure to listen to it in its entirety!

Below is a video of Dr. Bill talking about some of the concerns with fluoridation. Please spread the word about this show – it’s too important for us not to be informed.

My guest this week is Jo Robinson of EatWild and author of Pasture Perfect: The Far-Reaching Benefits of Choosing Meat, Eggs, and Dairy Products from Grass-Fed Animals.

Eating animal products and meat from grass fed animals is the environmentally friendly choice.

Animals raised in confinement are unhealthy and not eating their natural diet. Therefore they require antibiotics and hormones in order to turn a profit for their owners. Their meat and milk is also much more likely to be contaminated with e.coli, salmonella and other pathogens.

When you buy meat and milk from a local, small farmer, you are supporting healthy green eating! Not to mention that grass fed meat is tastier and much healthier. One reason for this is because of the higher amounts of certain nutrients, such as Omega 3 fatty acids and CLA in grass fed.

My guest this week is Patrice London.

Patrice is a Christian unschooling mom of 3 and a doula in training.

In her book Empowered to Birth Naturally, she shares the story of her 3 births. The first took place in a hospital, the second at a birthing center, and the third at home.

I loved Patrice’s book because in a straightforward, nonjudgmental way, she illustrates from personal experience how much our attitudes affect our birthing experiences, and how interfering with the natural childbirth process really does become a “slippery slope” leading to more interventions.

You can find her book at Amazon.com

EMPOWERED TO BIRTH NATURALLY: One Woman’s Journey to Homebirth

My guest this week is Christy Funk of Belly Sprout. Christy owns a retail shop in Orange County, California that sells products like cloth diapers and baby slings that support natural mothering.

She shares how she ended up with a “real” brick and mortar store and some of the challenges she has experienced running the business while being mom to her 3 and 5 year old children (you’ll hear her little ones playing in the background during this interview!).

She also runs Bloom, a non profit organization that supports and educates moms in all aspects of mothering.

Did you see our special series last week on natural beauty treatments?

Amazon.com is currently offering special deals on organic foods. Annie’s Homegrown is up to 45% off regular price. Other brands on sale includes Seventh Generation, Newman’s, Bob’s Red Mill, Tastybaby, and more.

This week we are joined by Cynthia Lair of Cookus Interruptus, an online cooking show that helps us learn how to cook fresh local organic whole foods “despite life’s interruptions”.

Cynthia is also the author of Feeding the Whole Family, a wonderful primer for anyone who wants to eat foods closer to their natural state, but especially helpful for moms who are cooking for people of different ages.

You can put a meal on the table that puts a smile on the hubby’s face as well as small kids and an infant – without spending all day in the kitchen.

You can read my review of the cookbook here: Feeding the Whole Family cookbook review

Cynthia gave me permission to post a sample recipe so I offer you:

Three Sisters Stew

1 cup dried Christmas lima beans*, soaked 6-8 hours
4 cups stock or water
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil or ghee (note from Carrie: ghee is clarified butter and it belongs in every kitchen!)
1 medium onion, chopped
2 teaspoons sea salt
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 teaspoons dry oregano
½ teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon chili powder
2-3 cups delicatta winter squash, cut in chunks
1 14 -ounce can diced tomatoes with green chilies
1 ½ cups fresh or frozen corn

Optional garnish:
½ cup grated cheese

Drain soaking water off beans. Place beans, 2 cups of stock or water and 1 teaspoon of cumin in a pot; bring to boil. Cover and simmer until beans are tender (50-60 minutes) or pressure-cook (45 minutes).

Heat a 4-quart pot, add oil. Add onion, salt and garlic; sauté until onion is soft (5 minutes). Add cumin, oregano, and cinnamon and chili powder and cook for about 30 seconds. Add squash and tomatoes, bring to a simmer and cook until squash is soft, (about 20 minutes).

Add ½-1 cup stock or water if mixture is dry. Add cooked beans and corn; simmer until corn is tender. Adjust seasoning to your taste. Serve hot with grated cheese garnish if desired.

Preparation time: 1 hour and 10 minutes
Makes 6-8 servings

FOR BABIES 6 MONTHS & OLDER: Reserve some peeled squash cubes, steam well and puree.
FOR BABIES 10 MONTHS & OLDER: Puree some cooked Christmas limas before adding to stew and puree with steamed squash cubes. Serve beans in small amounts to babies.

* kidney, pink or pinto beans can also be used.

My guest this week is KerryAnn Foster. She runs a weeky menu mailer for those following a traditional foods diet. (I’m also a big fan of this way of eating, as promoted by groups like the Weston A. Price and Price-Pottenger foundations.)

KerryAnn has been eating a traditional foods diet for years and has some great advice for moms who want their kids to eat real food. She answers such questions as:

• What are “nutrient dense” foods?
• Feeding children nutrient dense traditional foods.
• How do I get my kids to take cod liver oil?
• How to tweak your food preparation methods for maximum nutrition.
• Dealing with picky kids or husbands.
• Tips for using alternative grains.

KerryAnn also shares some information on having success with a gluten free diet and the health issues she faced before going GF.

Her traditional foods forum has lots of resources and members so you can learn more. If you need more assistance, KerryAnn offers consulting and custom designed, specialty menu mailers.

More related resources you might enjoy:

Green smoothies for kids
Cooking with Coconut Flour (see Carrie’s post about coconut flour pancakes!)
Buy coconut flour in bulk online

I apologize for this week’s “lo fi” show. I’m sick and also have a vomiting 6 year old, so we’re couching out for a few days. I didn’t want this week’s show to be any later so I decided to publish the interview as is.

My guest this week is Lafe Larson of Lafe’s Natural Bodycare.

While some skin care companies are concerned about BPA in their products, Lafe has gone a step further.

His company recently released the first-of-its-kind organic certified baby line packaged in “baby-safe” plastic, free of estrogenic chemicals.

Listen to find out what Carrie’s favorite product was and how she put it to the ultimate test!

In addition to safe skin care for babies and mothers, Lafe’s offers deodorants and intimate products, free of questionable ingredients such as parabens, glycol, PEGs, and sodium laureth.

Lafe also helps clear up some of the confusion around plastics and their affects on the body. You can also read more information at EAFREE.com

Lara Fishman is here to talk about creating study friendly spaces for kids. Whether it’s for doing schoolwork or just relaxing and reading, kids need a space to “chill”.

Lara shares tips on how to create these spaces even if your home is small or siblings are sharing a room. On her site Designers Call you can learn more about her interior design services for budget conscious families.

We’re also hearing from new mom Jill Fehrenbacher of Inhabitots. She is a green design consultant and blogger.

Inhabitots is all about sustainable design and green products for the next generation. Jill helps women keep their sense of style even after becoming a busy mom.

Mentioned on the show:

Elimination Communication – reducing the need for diapers

gDiapers – the cloth/disposable hybrid diaper

This week “Smarter Homemaking” is the theme for this special hour long show, and I have two guests.

First I spoke with New Zealand’s own “ecoman” Malcolm Rands of EcoStore.
After years of success in New Zealand, EcoStore has brought their products to the US.
Malcolm wants to educate Americans about the benefits of using plant-based ingredients for household cleaning, and shares the results that New Zealanders have experienced in terms of family health.  Many people have seen eczema and allergy symptoms improve or disappear all together.

Next you’ll hear from Heather Legler of Modern American Housewife.

She is sharing her love and knowledge of homemaking with us. Our topic is the Art and Science of Homemaking. Check out some of Heather’s book recommendations:

Art of Homemaking and Joy of Homemaking by Daryl Hoole
Organized Home by Real Simple
Worlds Healthiest Foods by George Mateljan
Clutter’s Last Stand: It’s Time to De-Junk Your Life! by Don Aslett

Now about our giveaway!

One commenter will win a Simply Pilates DVD and book set by Jennifer Pohlman. The DVD is a complete beginner or intermediate Pilates workout and the book has full color instructions to make learning the moves easier.

In order to win, just leave a comment below. The winner will be chosen on Wednesday, February 4th at (12:00) NOON Eastern time.

Leave one comment to enter once. To increase your chances of winning, do each of the following:

• Mention the contest on your blog, linking to this page
• Twitter about the contest
• Email your friends

Let me know what you did to help spread the word in your comment and please leave a valid email address so I can contact you!

(You must be a resident of the USA or Canada in order to win.)

[Note: The screaming you hear in my intro comments are my daughters playing together in their room!]

This week on the show I spoke with Jennifer Vetere, co-owner of a small, local handmade business for babies, toddlers and their moms at Made By Moms.

No doubt you’ve come across blog posts or news stories about the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA).

Just What Is the CPSIA?

According to Jennifer,

The act, in a nutshell, states that all objects intended for a child 12 or under to use must be “final product, component tested” for lead.

This means that every component in the final product must be tested to meet requirements — the lowest cost I’ve found (at an actual lab) has been $75 per component.

This translates into costs ranging from $375 for a bib to over $600 for one of our Take-Me-Too blankets — quilts wouldn’t even be feasible, as there are usually quite a few fabrics that go into them.

This cost wouldn’t be a burden for a company who manufactures 1,000 of an item, but I make (perhaps) ten blankets or bibs in a line before moving on to my next one.

The worst part is that it covers ORGANIC fabrics — so even my certified-by-the-GOTS Harmony Art blankets would have to be tested.

In addition to hand crafted items, used items for kids will be affected by the CPSIA. Jennifer states:

This act doesn’t just affect handmade, however, it affects our second-hand stores and libraries as well.

Come February 10th, anything that has not been tested becomes a “hazardous material” and banned from sale, trade, or gift.

Libraries with children’s books are face with the option of either a) defying the law and accepting they might be liable for penalties, b) destroying their books or c) testing every children’s book in stock.

According to http://www.wo.ala.org/districtdispatch/?p=1322:

General Counsel of the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) that would require public, school, academic and museum libraries to either remove all their books or ban all children under 12 from visiting the facilities, beginning on February 10.

“I sincerely doubt that Congress intended to require libraries to be subject to this law, but if Congress does not act soon, libraries across the country will be forced to remove books from the shelves, rather than keep them available to serve the educational needs of our nation’s children.”

At this time of enormous economic upheaval, where more families than ever are using our
library system, this is an unconscionable decision to force them to make.

In addition, second hand retailers face the same situation.  Test, be liable or stop dealing in second-hand children’s articles like clothing, toys and cribs.  Again, at a time when families are relying on the cost savings of places like the Salvation Army and Goodwill, this is unfathomable.

Jennifer continues:

I hope to raise awareness as to how much this will devastate many stores, artisans and small businesses throughout the United States. Many people devoted to green living are reliant on small-scale manufacturers to supply organic, quality, safe cloth diapers, bibs, blankets and clothing — these same people will be at a loss when the government’s good intentions backfire. Come the 10th, I won’t be able to sell, trade, donate or give away my stock — it will have to go right in the garbage, something that stabs me right in the heart.

February 10th has been dubbed “Bankruptcy Day” because of the number of children’s product retailers and manufacturers who will be forced to close their doors.

photo credit: shortfatkid

photo credit: imcountingufoz

This week on the show I spoke with Margarita McClure, creator of Blueberry Diapers and Swaddlebees.

Margarita began sewing cloth diapers for her newborn baby in 2004. By 2005, she had a business in her basement,  Swaddlebees.

Today, Swaddlebees and Blueberry Diapers, McClure’s designer line of premier cloth diapers are favorites of style conscious moms around the world.

On the show we talk about what kinds of women are using cloth diapers, why they choose them, and the benefits of cloth diapering.

Margarita also shares which diapers are her most popular among moms in different parts of the world and secrets to making cloth diapers work for your situation and your baby.

Swaddlebees and Blueberry Diapers…

· Contain no bleach, no chlorine and no pesticides on the cotton fibers.

· Use only organic cotton to insure 100% good health and safety for America’s babies.

· Prints use water-based ink, instead of oil-based. The water used is recycled, treated and cleaned before pumping it back into the sewer system.

· Lamination is a non-solvent based laminate, which does not produce toxic fumes instead of solvent-based urethane laminate, which is what 95% of what most cloth diaper manufacturers use.

· All fabrics (except for the Minky diaper’s outer shell), is made in the US. This ensures us that the fabric meets minimum standards for safety and is free from contaminants.

· Is the only company that integrates hemp & organic cotton in the absorbent pads for our diapers, which makes them one of the most absorbent diapers in our industry.

· Uses all biodegradable packaging on our products.

Mentioned on the show: Green smoothies for kids and half price ads on Natural Moms Talk Radio

I realized that if you aren’t on my business newsletter, you may not have heard this announcement. (You can sign up for that here.)

For the month of January, I’m offering HALF PRICE advertising on Natural Moms Talk Radio.

You will have to email me personally at clauth@gmail.com, tell me what you want and I’ll send you a Paypal invoice.

This is a fantastic deal!

Please pass along the word if you know a great green business looking for exposure to my listening audience and/or website visitors.

Thanks

Michelle Barone is a licensed marriage and family therapist who counsels families to assist them in finding their way in homeschooling their children.

Her book is called “Finding Your Way – Exploring Your Family’s Educational Journey”

Making the decision to homeschool is a big one and parents may be overwhelmed by the options.

This book contains exercises that helps parents figure out their feelings and expectations about education. It is a workbook of discussion topics and thought provoking exercises and also lists many resources for more information. The book encourages parents to dig deep into their memories, experiences, thoughts and feelings about family and education in order to find a way of homeschooling that works for them.

It also takes parents into their family of origin and how those feelings around education can affect homeschooling, especially when challenges come up.

It’s common for parents to have fears around homeschooling. Michelle finds that parents are worried about things that may or may not happen in the future, which is not particularly helpful. She suggests taking it one year (or one month) at a time and think about what’s going to be most helpful for right now.

Michelle says that thinking about your personality style and your child’s learning style and designing homeschooling around that is one way to have success with homeschooling. An effective method to alleviate fear is to have more information. Michelle offers phone consultations to assist families.

My guest this week is Shelly Kalnitsky of Cell Phone Radiation News Bureau and WaveShield.

CPRN was created to educate people on the latest news concerning cell phones.

Today we’re talking about cell phones and children.

Children are at greatest risk from cell phone radiation because their brain tissues are still developing. Radiation goes deeper into their brain than adults because their skulls are thinner. And yet kids (especially teenagers) seem to live on the phone.

Some common symptoms are headache, fatigue, insomnia, hearing difficulties, short term memory loss.

There is a connection between cell phones and cancer, especially in areas right behind the ear and also the parotid (salivary glands).

Switzerland, Sweden and England have implemented boundaries around the use of cell phones for their youngest citizens.

Many people use cell phones far too much. Instead of using them selectively, for emergencies and such, people use cell phones to avoid simply planning ahead. Much cell phone use is disruptive instead of helpful.

Shelly noted that cell phone users exhibit addictive behavior, constantly checking their phones and even leaving movie theatres to take calls.

Shelly found a material that blocks 99% of radiation that is used to protect people who work in radioactive environments. He created a product called WaveShield that you can simply stick on your cell or cordless phone. The ear happens to have the highest absorption rate of radiation of any area in the body.

A recent study from UCLA showed that pregnant women who use cell phones can increase their child’s risk of autism. A world reknowned neurosurgeon who concluded a 15 year study recently predicted that cell phones may cause more cancer than cigarettes.

The website lists cell phone manufacturers’ product radiation levels. It would be smart to check their listings to buy a model with lower radiation levels the next time you purchase a phone. Headset phones that stay on your ear are especially dangerous. Reports have shown that a man’s fertility can be negatively affected when their phones are kept on their hip.

Some people notice symptoms from their computer monitors as well, especially if they use a computer for several hours a day.

Shelly comments that everyone who claims that cell phones are safe are either ignorant of the facts or getting a paycheck from the industry.

photo credit: snappybex

My guest this week is Dayna Martin of The Sparkling Martins.

Dayna is a nationally recognized expert, writer and speaker on Unschooling. Her blog is a fun and fascinating look into the daily life of an unschooling family.

Dayna and her husband own a natural wooden toys business, Willow Toys.

We’re talking about natural parenting advocacy. Dayna talks about how moms can find an area they’re passionate about in order to pursue advocacy and then how to get their voice heard.

We also talked about how a mom’s attitude about breastfeeding is such an important aspect of creating success. Visualization and an optimistic worldview has a tremendous impact on birth and breastfeeding.

Dayna also recommends avoiding things that make you feel bad and guilty and fearful and instead doing the things that make you feel good. As an example, exercise during pregnancy. If you enjoy walking more than doing pelvic tilts, then forget the pelvic tilts and walk!

Ditto for nutrition. Instead of being dogmatic and righteous about your choices, it’s better to find what foods make you feel well and healthy. If you take in fear with your food, you absorb less of the nutrients. This has been documented scientifically. What you believe about food and health tends to come true for you.

Dayna encourages moms to find what feels good and right for them for their births and use that method instead of sticking to a preconceived idea. For instance, Dayna listened to heavy metal music during her birth because it worked for her instead of new age soft music. Dayna is developing a natural childbirth method that helps moms find what clicks with them as individuals.

To be an authentic parent, we need to be who we are instead of living someone else’s script. Many people shift from mainstream parenting to natural parenting but this doesn’t mean doing what others are doing. I mentioned how uncomfortable I am with the question “What is a natural mom?” because I don’t want to set up some ideal. It’s about listening to your instincts instead of relying on external experts.

Mentioned on the show:
Ideal Bite – daily green living tips
Vital Juice – weekly health tips for moms
Margin Seligman’s books on optimism and happiness

Generation Text

Dr. Michael Osit is a licensed clinical psychiatrist and author of Generation Text: Raising Well-Adjusted Kids in an Age of Instant Everything

In the book, Dr. Osit reveals how the combination of high-tech interaction and immediate gratification is putting our children at risk for developing distorted self-image, poor work ethic, a sense of entitlement, and weakened social skills, as well as aggressive tendencies.

Points from the show:

Conflicts between parents and kids is changing and often the core of that conflict is some technological device. The “generation gap” has morphed into a generation crater. In previous generations, kids thought they knew more than their parents but really didn’t. Now, however, kids often DO understand more – especially about technology.

Kids spend more than half of their playtime in front of screens. That’s making them disconnected to the family.

Why should parents be concerned about this?

1. Social skills - there is a lot of intermachine interaction instead of people interaction, so kids are not learning to pick up social nuances. For example, texting eliminates many challenges socially that contain important lessons for kids and teens to learn.
2. Values - the attitudes and behavior of kids has declined because modern kids have access to the world. The messages they get are not always appropriate.
3. Anonymity – we get more brazen and nervy when using technology. That’s not always healthy for relationships.

Dr. Osit talks about “access” and “excess” in his book.

Access refers to easy availability of the world and other people. Kids can be all over the world in their bedrooms.

Excess – kids have too many privileges and possessions. It’s not unheard of for 7 year old girls to have spa days, sushi in school lunches, limos for the 6th grade dance, etc. There is nothing wrong with these things but there is a sense of entitlement with these things. What’s acceptable for the age is not always appropriate.

Instant Gratification

Too much technology can lead to weak delayed gratification muscles. As parents we need to help our kids learn how to delay gratification in order for them to be happy, healthy adults. Kids don’t understand the difference between wanting and needing a new iPod. We don’t have to be patient and wait anymore in our microwave, instant download society.

Many parents are going overboard in expending too much money, time and resources. We’ve become too child centered (note from Carrie: this is a good point that is also mentioned in the The Continuum Concept: In Search Of Happiness Lost). Parents are operating in a busier, fast paced world. Because of guilt we say yes, sometimes to compensate for a lack of time. Dr. Osit suggests that kids earn more of their technology instead of always getting it right away.

Studies show that kids – even teens – really do respect and admire their parents and want to do right and even spend more time with their parents. We need to start creating more balance with our kids.

When used the right way, technology can be a parent’s asset. For instance, with shy kids technology can boost their social ability. It can compensate for their weakness.

Establish limits and boundaries with your kids before you give your child the privilege of using technology such as the internet. Instruct them on what they should do for example, if they come across pornography online. Computers should be kept in a public area of the home and the rules of use posted nearby. Parental controls are easy to implement. Kids should be coached to come to the parents if they stumble on something inappropriate online. Encourage them to come to you if that happens and help them understand that you won’t get angry but will talk about it. This is an opportunity for you to hand down your values to your kids.

Dr. Osit suggests eliminating distractions during family times. Turning off cell phones at the dinner table and on family outings, for instance. Model the behavior as well. If a parent is addicted to their “Crackberry” they can hardly criticize their child for being addicted to their Nintendo DS!

Keep perspective. What’s common isn’t always what’s best. Just because another family is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s right.

This week we are joined by Victoria Jennings, Ph.D. Victoria is an anthropologist and she specializes in reproductive health. She directs the Institute for Reproductive Health at Georgetown University.

We’re talking about natural methods of family planning.

Victoria developed Cycle Beads – an easy to use, totally natural tool that makes it much easier to use natural family planning to predict ovulation and either prevent or plan a pregnancy.

Cycle Beads are also useful for women to use not as a birth control device but to be more aware of their cycle. Young women just starting their cycle could use them to educate themselves.

Studies have found that many people who choose natural family planning do so because it has no worrisome side effects.

Dr. Jennings says that the failure rate of using Cycle Beads is about 5%.

Women who have irregular cycles may not want to use Cycle Beads, but the majority of women can use them quite effectively.

Moms who are nursing notice that breastfeeding has an effect on their cycle. It may take months or longer for fertility to return when a mom is nursing her baby. She needs to have had 4 periods after the birth of her baby before she begins using Cycle Beads for best results. And, her most recent cycle needs to have been between 26 – 32 days.

There are a few different methods that fall under the umbrella of natural family planning. Dr. Jennings explains the differences between the calendar method, the Billings method, the two-day method, and others.

Dr. Jennings notes that natural methods are “couple” methods. Communication and clear agreements are required for it to work successfully. Advocates of NFP say it brings a couple closer because they have to modify their sexual behavior. If one party is not willing to participate in the process, NFP may not be the best method for them.

While there may be no hard science to prove this, it’s logical to think that NFP has a positive impact on a couple since it opens dialogue about their sexuality and their relationship.

This week we are talking with Peggy Webb of West River Academy. We are talking about unschooling and eclectic homeschooling and what it all means for your family.

You can listen to the audio below or read on for the transcript of our conversation.

Carrie:  You’re back with Carrie at Natural Moms Talk Radio.  My guest this week is Peggy Webb,  Director of the West River Academy. Hi, Peggy.

Peggy:  Hi, Carrie.  How are you?  Thanks for having me today.

Carrie:  Oh, I’m glad to talk with you.  I was browsing your web site, and you have the most interesting thing going on.  I’m not even sure how to describe it, but I’ll let you do that.  We’re going to talk today about your philosophies and thoughts about unschooling, and how it fits into the over all homeschooling picture.

Peggy:  Okay.  I can start maybe by mapping out a homeschooling philosophy continuum, so that the listeners know where we are here.

Generally, when someone wants to homeschool, they think they’re going to do what schools did, except that they are going to do it at home.  I’m going to by a curriculum, I’m going to sit my kids down at the table or the front desk, and we’re going to go through the various subject areas.  I’m going to be the teacher and they’re going to be the students, and they’re going to do what I asked them to do.  I’m going to grade them, and do the homework and so forth.

When people find out that there’s another way of doing it,  it’s really very refreshing and liberating to a lot of people that are open to the idea.  It’s not for everybody, because people come to this idea of allowing your children to have the freedom to participate in the decision about how they are going to be educated.  They find it rather different, because most people have gone through a school system, and they’ve been told what to do.

This whole idea of being given a choice is a little bit scary for them.  A lot of questions come up about are they going to succeed in life if they’re given so much freedom?  I’m an adult, and I’ve got to make sure they learn this, that and the other thing so that they can be successful.  It’s a whole different mind set, it’s a different paradigm.

But what you find on this spectrum is what we call school at home on one end, which is what I just described, and then on the other end is the opposite.  It’s more of a bottom up rather than a top down. It’s actually engaging your children in a discussion, where you want to check to see what is their learning style?  Do they learn better when they’re jumping on the trampoline reciting the multiplication facts, or when they’re sitting with a workbook and memorizing flash cards and that sort of thing?  What is the learning style?  What are your children’s goals? What do they want to accomplish with their life?

Some kids, at a very young age, know very clearly what they want to be when they grow up, and they never change that.  You want to give them the honour and recognition that it is important that they are part of this decision.

Then, you sit down and work together with a child to decide what’s going to be studied, what the materials are, if it’s going to be hands on, if it’s going to be through travel and field trips, or a combination of book study possibly with apprenticeships or mentorships, group activities, co-op learning with other families, … There’s just so many things out there to explore.  Your child is one of how many billion on the earth, and they are each different.

What happens with the school system is that there’s a mass educational technique, because when you have 30 kids and one teacher, you can only make them all do the same thing at the same time.  So that model has been followed even right into the home.  It’s something that at least needs to be looked at and questioned before deciding how you’re going to homeschool.

So, unschooling, then, is including the child instead of telling the child what to do.

You might say that school at home, the top down approach, is at one side of the spectrum, unschooling, or the bottom up approach is at the bottom end of the spectrum.

In the middle is what I would call an eclectic approach, sometimes a parent will make a contract with a child that says “I really need you to be doing some reading every day, and some math every day, and I need you to be spending at least an hour on things that I realy think are important for you.  I realize that that’s the top down approach, but that’s where I am.  This is what we need to be doing.  However, with the rest of the day, let’s see what you want to be doing.”

So there’s a contract and a compromise, and they come together with a plan.  It doesn’t’ mean that the plan is ground in stone, of course, it can be changed.  I always recommend that you regroup as a family and sit down and say “How has this been working?” After a month or so, and then you can tweak it, change it, listen to what the child has to say.  Get a lot of feedback.  Take note, keep a journal.  Have your child keep a journal.  Then work together as a team and come up with something that you’re going to move into if that plan hasn’t been working.

That eclectic approach is what people generally either start off with, or in some cases end up with.  What I am finding through the consultations that I do through my work as director of West River Academy since 1993, is that students and families are moving more in the direction of unschooling, because they start realizing that it’s not the monster that some people have described it to be, and there still is order in the home and mutual respect, parent to child and child to parent.  The children aren’t running wild, just having control over everything that their younger maturities are not able to handle.  Then it becomes more of an educational process than a parenting style.

C:  A couple of things I want to touch on.  First of all, early in your conversation, you mentioned the word scary.  I applaud you for using that word, because I really pick up on a whole lot of that.  I think we have this very pervasive idea in this culture that children have to be forced to learn.  When anyone finds out that you have a leaning towards unschooling, they almost have this fear.

“Your child’s not going to stay where the other kids are, and how are they going to keep up with the other children?”

It’s so interesting, because just the other day this gentleman (who was a stranger to me), and he was in this 60s, he asked me “How do you know that your kids are keeping up with other kids their age?”

I responded to him respectfully, but I couldn’t help but think in my mind “I wonder how you know that you’re keeping up with other 60 year old men?”

P:  And does it really matter?

C:  Exactly.  It was funny that he misspelled a word in this message to me, and I thought “Hmm, maybe you need to revisit your own education.”

P:  That’s a really good point.  We apply it to children, but you were brilliant in applying it to a 60 year old person.  It’s ludicrous, it’s crazy, and yet we accept that craziness if it’s for a child who we believe to be immature, and not having wisdom in this world.  Some children are so wise that they blow you away.  Again, it’s that respect for the child.

We have to admit as parents that it is fear.

You just really nailed it.  It really is a fear that they’re not going to be successful, and there’s a false responsibility of the parent that it’s my job to make sure that the student is successful in later life.  If I don’t do what I’m supposed to do, than he could fail.

But also to understand that we’re just temporary guardians of these children.  They are their own person, and they come into the world with gifts and talents and abilities and all kinds of knowledge that they’ve brought in with them.  Our job is just to nurture them, and guide them, and help to expose them to what is available in this lifetime, in this experience, in this world that they’ve come in to.  It’s more like a guide, not a dictator.

This whole idea that if they’re not forced to learn, they won’t learn.

One of the greatest educational experts, John Holt, the founder of unschooling, he coined the term unschooling, has a famous quote that says “Birds fly, fish swim, and humans learn.”  It is a natural thing for the human being.

Have you ever seen a young child not wanting to learn anything, that just wants to sit around looking at the ceiling every day, if they’re healthy beings? No. They want to emulate, they want to monkey their older brothers and sisters, they want to talk, and they want to walk.

Yet, if you think about when they take their first step, you don’t say “Oh, my gosh, he’s taken his first step now, we have to start walking lessons.”  Or when he says Mama, “Oh, my gosh, he’s said a word. Now we have to start talking lessons.”  When they learn to ride a two wheeler, we applaud, we clap, we say “yay “That’s great.”  Not “Okay, now it’s time for advanced bicycling lessons.”

Yet, when they go into Kindergarden, we take it for granted that now it’s time for someone else to tell them what to do, and tell them how to learn their colors, and how to learn their ABCs, and of course they’re never going to learn how to read unless they’re in school, and in first grade. They can’t pick it up on their own.  We start applying things that we have been taught, falsely, without questioning them, to our own children.  Yet, it’s ludicrous.  When you think about a baby, you don’t think of it that way.

I often give an analogy with how do you know your children are keeping up, or how do you know without testing that they’re really going to be with their piers?  I think we’ve already debunked that they have to be with their piers.  Do you want to do exactly what other 32 year olds are doing?  No, you want to do what you want to do.  That’s not even a concern.

But the whole idea of testing, I’ve used as an analogy, watching a carrot grow.  You plant the seed, an you water the carrot, and maybe you give it some fertilizer, and eventually you’re going to see some little green leaves come to the top.  You know that there’s something going on underneath the ground, but if you were to dig the carrot up every now and then to see what it’s doing, you’re not going to help the carrot grow, you’re going to hurt it.

If you can just trust, and that’s a big thing, you’ll find at my web site at the home page, we trust parents 100% that’s what’s necessary, to bring back, to empower parents, to be trusted, to be fully competent to work with their own children.  The parent is going to see, by these little green leaves, that are healthy and thriving and getting bigger, you can just be sure that there’s a really healthy carrot growing underneath.  You don’t have to test them all the time to find out.  You don’t have to test them at all to find out, because you’re with them every day.  Why would you give them a test?

When people ask you “Do you encourage testing?”  No.  “Do you discourage it?”  Yes, because again, it’s designed for mass education where the teacher doesn’t know what all the 30 kids are doing, and thinks that the way he or she is going to find out is by giving them some kind of a test.  It’s not for the children, it’s not for the parents, and it’s for the system.

C:  For money and politics.

P:  Yeah.

C: And budgets, and taxes, and funding and all that fun stuff that has nothing to do with education.

P:  Yeah.  We have to understand that it’s really designed so that the child will get used to being subjected to this, without any power to refuse. 

Grow up, taking tests, going through the system, nodding his head yes, graduating from high school, going to college, graduating from college, continuing to nod his head, and submit to all these things, and then ultimately, he’s been trained to be a subservient tax payer with a job instead of an entrepreneur using creative ideas, maybe having some creative ideas that will allow him to pay less taxes.

It’s just part of that system, all based on fear. Fear of change, fear of allowing creativity to express itself.

C:  It’s about sameness.  John Taylor Gatto, I’m sure you’re familiar with his works and his books, “The Underground History of American Education” is the name of one of his books that I read recently.  He talks about the insidious motives and purpose of schooling, and why compulsory schooling even came into existence, because of what you said.  To create good little factory employees.

P:  Automatons.  Exactly.  I think the unschooling movement, at least from maybe a generation ago, when I started 23 years ago, my oldest daughter is now 23, that was more of a movement of fiercely independent thinking individuals who did not want their children to grow up as John Taylor Gatto describes, to be these subservient automatons, that go about being cogs in the wheel.  They wanted them to express their individuality and determine their life. Be creative entrepreneurs.

I think through the years, the schools have gotten this concept of unschooling, and are now offering it through the school system to keep these dollars flowing through the system.  People are not as independent, as courageous.  They sometimes want to be taught by an expert.  “How do you homeschool?  I want to homeschool my child, so what are you going to do for me?“  Instead of how it used to be in the early days, when John Holt was discussing it in the 70s.

We’ve seen a change in the movement, we’ve seen the movement itself has grown.  The percentage of unschoolers in the movement also has grown, but we also see a large percentage that are going to conferences and are calling and saying “I don’t have a clue, what do I do?”  It’s just a changing environment.  There are still those people who want to take  matters into their own hands, and advocate for their child, regardless of what’s required.  I applaud those people, they’re very brave.

C:  You’ve talked a little bit about the homeschooling continuum, and the thoughts of eclectic homeschoolers, unschoolers and radical homeschoolers. 

But what basically is the difference between the unschooling that you’re talking about and radical unschooling?

P:  My understanding is radical unschooling is more of a lifestyle than an educational philosophy.  It involves what I would consider, – this is my opinion, because as you can tell I’m not really fully in agreement with it, but it’s more of a permissive parenting approach, where you take the freedom of the child to me to an extreme, where you’re giving them freedom to make choices that they may not be ready for, because they’re still children.  It might have to be with watching television, they can watch as much as they want, they can watch whatever channels they want, they can keep their room a mess if they want to, after all it’s their room.  They don’t want to clean it up, that’s okay.  I don’t have the right of a parent to go in and ask them to clean it up, or to – it’s sort of treating the child as an adult, in that sense, without boundaries.

That’s where I draw the line, because I, in my consultations with people, talk about unschooling as an educational philosophy where the child participates in determining the direction.  They may not have complete final decision making power, but definitely they’re respected and heard, and then together they hammer out a plan.  Still, you may have parental rules, just like any family has rules about even bed time, or getting up in the morning,  or what the routine chores will be, or how much television or video gaming can be done.  We have to understand that addictions come to all of us as temptations, and children aren’t any better capable or able to handle them than adults.  We get addicted to our computers and our chat sessions and our telephoning.

C: And our Crackberry.

P:  Blackberry. Whatever it is, yeah.

C:  I totally agree with you.  I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the parenting philosophy called “Taking Children seriously.”  They call it TCS for short.

P:  No, I haven’t.

C:  I almost hesitate to bring it up and give them publicity, but they have a very radical approach to child rearing.  Everything has to be reached by consensus.  A lot of it has a very, almost a sect like feel. They’re very disrespectful and unrespecting of any other views.  If you’re not doing things the way we preach, you’re completely whacked out, and you’re ostracized and shamed if you leave the philosophy.

P:  Cult like, huh?

C:  Very much cult like.  But that’s one side of that, where the children are allowed and even encouraged to play video games all day and all night, and even have sex at young, young ages.  It’s just really bizarre.  That brings up an important point.

For a parent to embrace unschooling or eclectic homeschooling, it is important to set limits on things like that.  Because we’re not just providing an environment, we’re also facilitating education, in my opinion.  It’s difficult to do that in an environment where there’s no structure at all.  Children are going to make immature choices.  If they had their way, they would be eating a lot of sugar and staying up all night, and we see the effects of that.  We do have the right to set those boundaries and to set those household rules.  They don’t have the wisdom yet.

P:  I think children are just as different as adults.  Some are very self disciplined.  I’ve seen the whole gamut of kids that are completely  unstructured and really  need to have somebody keeping them on task by their own admittance and by their own request.  Other students are extremely self disciplined from day one.  I’ll ask them what they’re going to do now that they’re not in school anymore, and they’ll tell me exactly what they’re going to do, how they’re going to structure their day, and they’ve got it all figured out.  They don’t need a parent to help them with it.  It’s just individual. But we as parents are the best equipped to know our children, and know what their tendencies are and the best role that we can play in helping them to achieve their goals.  That’s what it’s all about, helping them to achieve their goals.

C:  I absolutely agree with you.  I wasn’t even thinking in terms of education, I was thinking in terms of every day choices.  But you’re so right about that.  For instance, my oldest son has decided that he has got to finish this particular math book that he’s using.  I didn’t make it a goal that he had to finish that or a requirement, but he’s like “Mom, this fall I’m going to be in fifth grade, and I can’t be doing this book.  It says it’s fourth grade.”  He’s like “I have to finish this this month, so I’ve gotta do X number of pages every day to get it done by the end of the month.”

But this is a structure that he’s put on himself, a boundary that he’s put on himself.  I’ve seen that with my kids, but I was thinking more in terms of their over all schedule.  He would love to stay up until midnight every night, but I see the dark circles and the impatience with his little brother that he’ll have the next day.  So I have to put some boundaries on that kind of behavior.  But not when it comes to his learning at all.

P:  You’ve brought up a good point.  Because someone might say “Gee, Carrie, can you call yourself unschooling if he’s using a math book?  A real text book?  That’s not unschooling.”

And that’s where I’d like to clarify here by giving examples of my own children.  They stayed up until midnight and later, read until 03:00 in the morning, but they didn’t have to get up early, and our whole family was more into the late night, not getting up early.  We’re all night people. So that’s okay.  That depends.

But unschooling, as long as it takes the child into account, when the program is planned, or as things work through day by day, it’s unschooling.

If the child chooses to do a math book and wants to get through it from beginning to end, that’s okay, it’s still unschooling.  If he chooses to go to public school for four years of high school, that’s still unschooling.  Why?  Because it’s the child’s choosing.

My youngest, who is now 14, has been through every kind of education that I can imagine.  She started as a homeschooler. During that time, the town offered something called “Home Options” where they had little gatherings of homeschoolers.  She was  in those little groups.  Then they started an alternative school which was private initially.  She went to that for a couple days a week.  Then that school became a charter school under the public school’s supervision.  She did that for a while.

Then in seventh grade, she went off to another state and went to a boarding school for the entire seventh grade and part of eighth grade.  Then she came home and was homeschooled for the next few months.  Then, in ninth grade she went to public high school full time for the first semester.  Then the second semester, the public school offers a home school program, and so she opted out of the public school, went to the homeschool program, which offered a couple of classes of high school.

There was an eclectic thing there.  Finally, last year, as a sophomore , she did the entire year in public school, at which time she said “I’ve had enough.  I see how it works, I don’t want to be there anymore.”  So now, as an almost 15 year old going into grade 11, she kind of got ahead of herself, she’s decided not to go back to school.

She’s going to spend the whole semester traveling in Costa Rica and Japan because she’s into languages. The following semester, she may be going to France.  When she’s not doing that, she and I are going to talk about grade 11.  What do we want your Grade 11 transcript to look like? What do we want to do for English?  What do we want for history?

She’s going to report to me every week.  She’s going to have to write, keep a journal every day, and write to me every week, and tell me what she’s been doing, because I need some raw material that we can use to make the eleventh grade transcript.  It will be based on in English, we’re going to read this many books, and every week you’re going to tell me what you’re thinking about the book reading you’re doing.  That will be your English credit.  What are we going to do for Math?  What are we going to do for science, and so forth?

Once we decide what we’re going to do, and we go to sign off on it, then she will be accountable to me to get it done, whether she’s living with me, or her father in another state, or her relatives in Japan, or whatever it is.  She will be accountable to do that until we come together  and say “Let’s change this” because whatever reason.

All these things, it doesn’t matter if the child is in college classes, some students take college classes, and they’re still unschooling.  So unschooling doesn’t have any look.  Like school at home, you think of kids sitting at the kitchen table, doing bookwork. That’s more of a look.

Unschooling doesn’t have a look, because it includes everything. It’s more of an attitude of respecting the child, honoring his own individuality, and including him in his own educational path.  Maybe that’s helped to clear up for some people a fear that unschooling is going to be wild, and they can do what they want.  No, that’s not it.

C:  Thanks for making that important distinction.  I think that because people have that school at home vision in their minds, that vision, that’s why you get that pat response when people find out you’re homeschooling.  “I could never do that.”

You hear that all the time as a homeschooling parent.  I always tell them “It’s not as hard as you think.”

P:  They think they have to choose the subject matter, and actually teach it.  Particularly parents who haven’t had a college education, sometimes are feeling very ill equipped to be the teacher of their high school aged children, and so they’d rather put them into high school, or sign them up for a program that will teach them. But our job is not to teach.  It’s to facilitate the learning experiences, connecting our children to the right people and the right experiences, that will be their teachers.

From a pond, to a horse, to a mentor, to a five year old child, to  a 52 year old English professor, to experiences at college, group activities.  The children are learning all the time.  I think our love for our children tells us that we want our children to learn from the right sources.  They’re learning a ton at school, but look what they bring home. Then we have to try and correct it or fix it.  Do something.  Remedy it.  They are learning all the time.  So it’s what they’re learning and from whom are they learning it that’s of concern to parents.

No matter what style of home schooling we choose, the fact that we are home schooling means that we are devoted to our children, and we’re doing our best, and we’re evolving.

Let’s be a little forgiving to ourselves, too.  Most of us have not grown up as homeschoolers or unschoolers, we’ve grown up through the system. So we have to change the way it’s been done for some decades of  History and be open to other ways of doing things.  Experimenting with our own children, and that is scary.  If one person has done it, and you’ve seen a model you can say “That person did okay, so I can trust maybe I’ll be okay, too.”

With your first child you take that leap, and it starts to turn out okay, and so your second child, okay, that’s better.. And by the time the third one or the fourth or the fifth comes along, you feel like “Okay, I know what I’m doing.” And yet each one is different, so it’s never going to be a pattern, it’s always going to be unique and different and challenging.

That’s why we have these support groups and that’s why  for example, I do consultations to reassure them and empower them, that it’s okay you don’t have to be perfect.  You’re going to make mistakes, and your kids are going to forgive you, and they’re going to make mistakes, and you’re’ going to forgive them, and life goes on.  In any case, they’re going to learn way more than they would have learned if they were in public school.  We tend to think the grass is greener.  “If they’re in public school, there wouldn’t be any gaps.”  How many gaps do you have in your mind?  I have  a ton.

C:  That’s right.

P:  It’s not perfect on the other side.  There’s gaps over there, and children end up in a lot worse situations often as graduates of the public school system.  We don’t have to worry about keeping up.  We can be assured that our children are going to be just fine, and as long as they have chosen their life, whether it’s college or military service, or a career, a job, whatever they’ve chosen, they’re going to learn from it.  We can just rest assured that life is going to continue, and it’s not completely our responsibility for where our children end up.  We just want to give them our best shot.

C:  That’s a great note to end that topic of discussion on.  Before we conclude, tell us a little bit more about what West River Academy is all about.

P:  I started this school back in 1993 when I lived in Colorado.  I was looking for a school that would give me the legal protection I needed and the support I needed, and give me an accredited diploma and transcript.  But I knew what I was doing, and I didn’t want someone telling me what to do, and making me make reports, and using my time in ways that were not productive for my children. I couldn’t find a school like that.  When I moved to Colorado, and looked at the laws there, I thought “I could start the ideal school   for myself.” And that’s what I did.

That’s why, if you look at my home page, it says “We trust parents 100%”  I’m one of those parents, and it’s a golden rule.  Do unto others.  I made a school that I would want to be part of.  It has very reasonable fees. A year’s enrolment includes the whole family, and I’m available to talk to people.

We offer A La Carte services, you just pay for what you get.  We do consultations, , we do transcripts, and we are accredited. We’ve had great success with our diplomas and transcripts being recognized by colleges and military.  It’s very simple, I don’t have packages to send people, we don’t offer curricula, we don’t recommend any particular curriculum, but we support you if you choose a curriculum, we support you if yu don’t.

We really honor the family in being the experts for their children. There’s nobody out there that’s more expert than the mom and dad.  I try to help through the consultations to empower the parents.  When we do the consultations, I work with the parent and the children together.  I’m asking questions of the children too, because sometimes they answer in interesting ways for the parents to hear, that helps to get a perspective. And then we work on the program that they’re going to do.  It’s mostly a consultation service that I  provide, in addition to the enrolment.

C:  Awesome, that’s great.  Thank you so much, Peggy, for sharing your experience over the last couple of decades in the homeschooling world.  We appreciate you very much.

P:  Thank you so much, Carrie for having me on the show.  I look forward to listening to your podcast.

My guest this week is Sharon Silver of Proactive Parenting. The transcript of this interview appears below, and I really encourage you to listen or read all the way through because Sharon has some real gems to share!

Sharon is a mom and educator and has 17 years of experience counseling parents both in person and through her audio downloads on her website.

Carrie: You are back with Carrie at Natural Moms Talk Radio. I have with me Sharon Silver of ProactiveParenting.net. Hello, Sharon.

Sharon: Hi, Carrie.

Carrie: I’m excited to talk with you. I’ve been looking at your web site and listening to a bit of the audio you have there. I think that what you’re doing is great and very much needed. Tell us a little, briefly, about what proactive parenting is all about.

Sharon: Proactive Parenting is a site that grew out of 17 years of teaching parenting, and really trying to help parents deal with things so they don’t have to end up going straight to punishment.

I’m sure that what you listened to on my site was where I talked about the fact that every parent has a reaction, and so many parents think the only resource that they have is time outs.
photo credit: nyki_m

But the truth is that there’s a tremendous amount of information that lives in the middle between your reaction and sending a child to time out.

And that’s what Proactive Parenting is about, ways to do this without going “Get your little fanny to time out right now.”

C: That’s interesting that you say that, because my audience is mostly people who believe in attachment parenting and gentle discipline tools. But it’s very true that even a so called gentle discipline technique can cross that line, and time out can be very laid back, “Okay, I think that we need a minute to calm down here, so let’s have a time out.” Or this can be picking up the child and slamming them in the corner. It’s not necessarily what you do so much as how you do it.

S: That’s very true. One of the top things on my web site are two completely different versions of time out. Because I have worked with a lot of attachment parenting parents, and parents that live on the fringes of that, and out of that grew my awareness, and also for my own children, that time out wasn’t accomplishing what I wanted It to accomplish.

If I was already angry when I did it, then it could be one of those close to really angry “Get your little fanny in there,” or it could be what time out was originally intended to be, which was “Let’s both take a moment and come back and talk about it.”

But there’s also a couple other things. For my preschoolers, which is seminar number two, because I’ve had to split them up, one for toddlers and one for preschoolers, the preschool one is very loving and really, it is “sweetheart, you need to do this.” So how I’m going to use time outs now is “have a seat for one minute, so you can get yourself internally ready to do what Mommy needs you to do. If you still need help with your emotions I’m right here.”

Now, a toddler can’t handle that. A toddler needs the same loving support, but a toddler is still verbally not there yet. So a toddler needs to have actions included in this. The one that I do for toddlers is stop them, and you do this in 10 seconds. It gives you the perfect words to say that are very loving and scaled down to size so they can understand you, and then have the child, while they’re still emotional, dealing with the new information they were just passed so they can pull the whole thing together. And that’s my understanding of time outs in this day and age. I think it’s time that time out has an upgrade.

C: To me, it’s more of a pattern interrupt than a punishment.

S: That it is. But it can be a pattern interrupt with teaching. That’s where I am. I’m all about solutions, and I’m all about folding teaching, which is really what discipline is, into whatever method I use.

Any moment that you have an opportunity to say “We need an interrupt,” it’s because the child’s level, they’re missing some piece of the puzzle. That means it’s time for the parent to step up and say “What do I need to teach you so you can do this?”

C: Absolutely. Tell us about some of the tools that you give parents. I love that on your web site you have a testimonial from a mom, and she talks about “You gave me the tools that I need.” She says “It doesn’t have to be so stressful with the right tools.” I think that’s what parents really need. We need tools, because we want to do what’s right, but when we don’t have tools to use, then we revert to what we know. Is that what you find?

S: Absolutely. And I would even give parents another bit of information, and say “Give yourselves a break.”

Because every human being, when they’re put in a situation with the first child, this happens with the first child, every day is a new day with your first child. You’ve never been there before; you’ve never been the parent of a three year old. What happens is when a three year old presents a new way of handling a situation, the parent will almost always revert back to what was done to them first. Because we don’t know where we’re headed, and in that moment is where we make the decision “No, That didn’t work for me, didn’t work for Sweetpea, we need to find something else.”

Then we start looking for the tools. Basically, what my goal is with Proactive Parenting is to support your own instincts. You are – I write on a blog that’s really wonderful, and she always says “You are the best parent for your child.” I agree with that 100’%. You know what works. So I support the parent’s instincts.

Things like how simple is it to teach your child two things that will really help them, especially when they have lack of words? One is “Sweetie, if you need me, you only have to say “help” and I will be there.” “Instead of trying to get my attention while you’re doing something else, I want you to come up and say “Need a hug now.””

Those two things start addressing what’s underlying a tremendous amount of misbehavior.

Because the child sees that when a parent deals with misbehavior, what does any parent do? We stop what we’re doing, we turn our entire body toward them, our eyes lock with their eyes, and for some silly reason our finger goes out, and then we begin to start to talk to them. Because they are dealing with an immature reasoning, they still have immature reasoning; they’re interpreting that as “Oooh, so this is how I get her attention.”

C: We’re reinforcing that.

S: Yes. So what we have to do is recognize and always look at it from the preschooler’s point of view, and then say “All right, this is how you deal. Now, it’s my job to see how I want to present this to you.” So those two little keys of “Help” and “I need a hug,” that’s what’s underlying a lot of the misbehavior, so let’s deal with it.

C: I love that. I’m going to remember that, because my almost three year old is in this phase of instead of asking me for help, and I could be right there, she wants to throw a little fit and scream. I’m trying to teach her that “You don’t have to do that, just ask Mommy for help.” I’m expecting her to behave rationally, and that’s too much to ask. I think that if I taught her to say “Help,” that one word would be enough for a three year old.

S: It’s not only enough for a three year old, but here’s where my skills come in to help a parent with their instincts. The child is still living with that intense emotion. We come in and we try and give them information to squelch the intense emotion. Then the power struggle starts, because they’re holding on and saying “This is true for me. I really do feel this way.”

If we honor their instincts, and say “Yes, you do feel this way, let me have you use this word, funnel all your frustration through it, and I get it. I’m right here.” We have to honor their emotions, but put it in terms that we’re willing to hear a million.2 times a day.

C: Yeah, that’s true. We know how we feel when someone tries to jolly us up, or cheer us up when we’re right in the middle of emotion. It’s very frustrating, and we just want to scream louder.

S: I say it ignites the fire. If somebody is going to start to say “You can deal with it,” it’s like “If I could deal with it, I would be right now. But I’m out of control; a little help would be helpful.”

C: You offer these seminars on demand. Tell us a little more about what that is.

S: I definitely have been around parents for a great many years. One thing that has become very apparent to everybody is the pace of life is speeding up, and we are all very busy, whether we are stay-at-home moms or working moms. It makes no difference. Our plate is really full.

Parents would say to me all the time “I appreciate that you came to talk to me at my Mom’s group.” We’re now doing that across the country, so check us out if you want me to come and do a little thing at the mom’s group. But they weren’t able to show up at the seminars. So we started thinking “Okay, how can we serve you?” Well, if you are a busy person and you want to be able to go when you want to go, – now gas is so expensive.

We’ve created seminars on demand. They’re only anywhere from 15 minutes to 40 minutes, I think. They’re very inexpensive. You can listen from your favorite chair, you can listen while you’re nursing the baby in the middle of the night, and when you start your next day you’re all prepared. You don’t have to get a sitter; you don’t have to go out unless you want to. But that’s what seminars on demand are. It’s to work with the convenience of your busy life.

C: That’s awesome.

S: That’s something that we really hope catches on, because we think that’s really valuable for parents.

C: Let’s see. I wanted to ask another question. You just gave us a great tip a moment ago. Do you have any other quick easy solutions that a parent can take away from this conversation and use today?

S: Yeah. I was just writing a blog, and we were talking about tantrums for real little toddlers. One of the things that came out that I think is really valuable is when you’re in a power struggle, or when you’re in a tantrum, because the tantrum’s going to happen with the toddler, the power struggle is going to happen with preschooler. So they’re pretty much similar in nature, but age appropriate. You can’t really say the same things to a toddler that you can to a preschooler. We start with the toddler, and we say the toddler is tantruming.

Number one, most parents know very clearly, you don’t really want to see a tantrum. We sit beside the child. We offer can we hold you, whatever? But then that still leaves a great deal of information that has not been accomplished to help the child with the tantrum and move through that phase.

One thing that might be valuable is to let the child know that we empathize with the emotions that caused the tantrum. You can say things so they understand what is fueling their fire.

This works somewhere between toddler and preschool age. You can say “It’s true, you don’t get to do these things, you don’t get to go into the garage today because Daddy’s car is in there, and that’s your play time. That can be really frustrating.”

What happens is that when you acknowledge feelings, at any age with any child, they feel heard.

Our tendency really is to go in and try and stop it. We can do that gently, we can do it lovingly, but underneath a lot of parents is “I just want this to stop.” The quickest way to make any stop is to acknowledge it, bring it to the surface and go through it. Don’t scoot around it. Go through it. Walk the child through the emotions. Address them, empathize with them.

C: Kind of like birth.

S: Oh yes.

C: Labor and birth are metaphor for so many things.

S: Absolutely.

C: You can’t stop it, and you wouldn’t really want to stop it, but you just have to get through it and not fight it.

S: I had two homebirths. The one thing that my midwife said to me very clearly is you’re going to find there are two ways to handle this. One is to pull yourself out of it and try to get away from it, and the other is to be willing to go through it. I think the same thing applies to children.

C: Tell us real quick, how would that sound like? My seven year old, really the only time he gets explosive is when his little sister goes into his room and gets into his Legos. He comes running out of his room and dashing across the house, screaming that she messed with his Legos.

S: What do you usually do?

C: I usually say something like “That is so frustrating when someone goes into your things.” But sometimes, I want to try to reason with him, which I know is not really the smart thing to do, because he’s not being reasonable when his emotions are running that high. Because when she’s in there touching his Lego, she’s not destroying them, she’s just playing with them. The rational adult in me wants to say “What’s so horrible about sharing Legos?” But I realize that’s not the right response. How would that look?

S: It kind of is the right response. This goes back to supporting your instincts. Because you’re mothering instinct is not your child instinct. The children are going on their instincts, you’re going on yours. The mothering instinct is “Come on, she’s your sister. She’s your sibling. Can’t we get along? You’re going to love this person all your life.” We want that message to get through. The child’s like “I didn’t order her. She didn’t come on my menu. It would be really nice if she’d get her hands off my Legos, please.” We have to acknowledge that. I have to say “Oh, no. She didn’t do it again!” To really go to that place again.

But the other thing that we do an awful lot with siblings is that we actually ask, of course I am the older child, so I have no experience with this, we actually ask the older child to give up something, to include the younger child. What if we decided that they had a right to want those Legos to be special? And that could be the one and only thing they get private time to do, and that the younger child then learns that “this is something where I cannot bother this person, and maybe I need to find a hobby of my own that’s very special for me.”

You might approach it that way, and say “How long do you think you’re going to need to play with Lego for? I would have to keep your sister out.” And then he would absolutely feel very heard, may close the door, then may realise “it’s actually more fun when she’s in here. I don’t really like being by myself,” or he may really relish that time.

Then you’ll see the relationship between the siblings really blossom, because he feels heard.

Conversely, when you have a smaller child, suppose you have a toddler whose 18 months old, and you have a 4 year old. A lot of times you hear the toddler screaming, and the 4 year old has come in and taken something back from the toddler. What do we do? We go in and say “Why did you take that from her?”

Instead, what I suggest is they make these really wonderful gates, they’re called circle gates. That’s what I call them. Or square gates. It’s not pretty in your living room, but it works. They create a space where you can say to the older child “Look, if the little one is getting into your stuff. Do you need some private time? Why don’t you take this and go into your special space.” The toddler can stand there, the toddler can watch, but the older child is protected. And the older child goes “I feel much better now, thank you very much.”

C: What ended up happening with this yesterday was after he calmed down, I asked him “Would you be willing to pick out some Legos that are for her to play with?” They like to play together, these two. They’re 23 months apart, and most of the time they enjoy each other’s company. He said “I can do that, that’s a great idea.” He runs and finds a Tupperware container, and picks up a bunch of Legos for her. He solved his problem, and I was really proud of him for doing that.

S: What I would say there is that’s perfect, 100% perfect. There are a lot of parents that can figure that stuff out. But there’s also a lot of children for whom that’s not quite enough.

I find that with proactive parenting, what you’re looking for is when your first take on the situation, your first remedy, didn’t necessarily work perfectly for the child.

You find that maybe the child is still having power struggles. Real proactive parenting is in the moments where you really are out of answers, but yet you still are very clear about the direction you want to go with your parenting.

You don’t want to resort to “Go sit in you room, get away from me! You’re in trouble.” Punishment. So when you are still needing to say no, when you’re still needing to set a boundary, when you’re still needing to teach, and you really aren’t quite sure what, then that’s where you come to proactive parenting.

What we’ve done is we’ve broken it down so that when you look at our seminars on demand, you’re going to see power struggles, you’re going to see quiet, and you’re going to see safety. Things that you’re dealing with every day are what the seminars are called. You know directly that all the solutions are going to help you with safety.

Yesterday I heard “I can’t get my child to stay in this car seat.” This is clearly becoming an issue. I’ve heard it enough that I had to write number 8 on safety. It’s a beautiful seminar that really gives a very gentle yet very firm way to teach a child that “these are the boundaries, honey. You cannot get out of this car seat.” That’s what you’re going to find. Whatever’s going on in your everyday life, if your first blush, your first instinct isn’t a perfect match for your child, give it a shot. You’ll find it there.

C: I wish I could think of this thing that happened yesterday. I saw my five year old daughter do something and I was so impressed with what she did, because to me it seemed like wisdom beyond her years. I said “Ilana, how did you know that you’re supposed to do that?” She said “Oh, I saw you do it Mommy.” It was one of those moments where I was like “Whoa!”

S: You bring up a brilliant and beautiful piece that I myself didn’t do well enough. I would love to tell your listeners all about that. One of the things that is the only complaint that my oldest son, who is now 29, ever said to me is he said “Mom, I really wish you would have shown me how you manage your frustration. Because I always thought that it was effortless for you, and I always thought there was something wrong with me, because it was never effortless for me.”

A lot of times, we use words. This is a really big part of proactive parenting, probably the biggest. The words that we use are not being translated to the toddler and preschooler. It’s not a preschool level. So we’ll say things like “That’s not appropriate,” or “You’re very frustrated.” The child understands the words, but the process, the step by step process of how to deal with that isn’t being translated.

If you’re in the kitchen, and all of a sudden you open the refrigerator, and you realize “I don’t have that ingredient and dinner is built around it.” Go ahead and say out loud what’s going on in your brain. “Well, I do have the majority of the ingredients. Boy, I’m mad right now that I forgot that. Sometimes I get so mad at myself. Being mad at myself is just not going to help. I think what I need to do is reconsider what’s for dinner. Let’s take a look. I know, I could make a list.”

GO on and on. Say it out loud enough that children will now have the exact same response that your sweet daughter did. “I watched you, Mom. I learned from you,” which is the basis of all preschool activity. We are the most important people in the world. They learn so much more from us than we have any idea they do.

C: That’s great. I can definitely work on that. I’m not the type to talk to myself at all. But I’m always telling my oldest, because he does that, he got that from his father. I’m always telling him “You know that’s a sign of superior intelligence, people who talk to themselves .” I’ve heard that, literally. It can be a sign of high intelligence. I could do that. It is kind of good and it’s humbling at the same time, when a child mimics something exactly like that. It is humbling.

S: It’s extremely humbling, and we don’t need to go there, because we’ve all done it. I call it eating humble pie. Being a parent of a child, you eat a lot of humble pie.

C: That’s one of the things about parenting, is how much it grows you personally. We were chatting before the call, and you wanted me to ask you one problem that you see, one issue that you see a lot with parents. Do you want to talk about that?

S: One of the issues that I see – I’m going to actually bow to you, because I think that you have wisdom here. If anybody ever wants to send me and email and tell me what their wisdom on it is, I would love it. I do a tremendous amount of radio talk shows, and a lot of writing on blogs. And people are always saying “Oh, my gosh. The solutions are fabulous. This is exactly what I wanted.” And yet I find that parents seem to have a stop block, a block against getting the solutions. And I’m not really sure what. I think when they’re frustrated, and they don’t’ know what to do, it baffles me, to be quite honest. When you find a place that aligns with your values and aligns with the way that you want to parent, … and yet, is there a fear somewhere in there about learning the solutions, attending a parenting class? I’m not really sure.

C: Okay. I think the thing that’s going on with that has to do with the parents left over sense of shame, maybe, and sense that somebody here has to be in pain, somebody has to be punished, because somebody did wrong.

It’s such a part of our culture, and a part of how we were likely parented that even though on a mental level we know that this is the right way to do things, and we want our children to be parented this way, when we take their actions personally, or when we’re tired or stressed, we think in terms of good guy bad guy.

Somebody’s got to pay. I had to pay, so you’ve got to pay. I’m sure you’re familiar with those books, “How to talk so kids will listen.” In those books, they talk about how when they did their workshops, a lot of people, especially boys because of how boys tend to be raised by their fathers, they have a lot of resistance accepting their methods even though they saw them work. Because they have that cultural worldview that somebody has to pay here. “Since I’m right and you’re wrong, you’re acting insane, it’s got to be you.” That’s the wrong way of even thinking about it.

S: I have come up against that a great deal. One of the comments that I get back is that I have been able to show parents that that is a lack of teaching that the child is crying out for. That misbehavior and doing something wrong is the only form of articulation that a child this age has.

So if you can change your mind about the fact that the misbehavior is not that you’re wrong, it’s that I’m trying to tell you in whatever way I possibly can, I don’t understand how to navigate this. One of the things that was really important to me, because I started out years ago in much more – similar to what Mazlish and Fabler were talking about. Let’s unlock that, let’s figure out why.

I always find that to be valuable ,and I always mention it to parents. But what I find parents really want is “Let me deal with my own personal process myself. Can you give me clues to how to solve this right now?” And that’s why it’s very practical, very what’s happening in your life today. It’s very valuable to look back. But that’s not the focus of what I’m doing, so I want to try and make it less threatening for parents.

I want them to understand that nobody’s wrong here. Nobody does it perfect. Probably the most important thing is life progresses. If life didn’t progress, we’d still be in the 1870s. We’d all be acting and dressing and behaving that way. But life progresses, which means our children progress as well. Our children are smarter, faster, and quicker than we were. It’s the way it’s supposed to be. Yes, we don’t have the same answers that our parents had, and their answers are not necessarily going to work with this generation of children.

C: That’s so true.

S: It is, and it’s something that’s gotta be said. It doesn’t make today’s parents wrong, it makes today’s parents very intuitive, very present. Because they get that something’s not working. We need new skills to work with the new generation. Because life is progressing.

C: I’ve never heard anybody put it that way, but that is absolutely on the money. I think sometimes that’s where there is a little bit of a struggle with parents, the younger generation of parents, when they are dealing with their parents, the grandparents. When there’s a disagreement about how to discipline children. My mom is always saying to my Dad, “Honey, that is not our world today. That was a different time, that is a different world.” That is really true, absolutely true. My teenagers are going to have a completely different life experience than my father did, and so therefore my relationship with them is going to be different. When he went to high school, he didn’t know what a joint was until he was in the workforce in his 20s, whereas my kids, I’m sure my 10 year old knows what a joint is.

S: It’s all over TV.

C: He’s home schooled, but if he was in school I’m sure he would know a whole lot more. By the time he’s a teenager, he will have faced being offered alcohol, sex, cigarettes, whatever. You name it. He’s going to have to face those things, and he’s going to have to have trust in me and the comfort to come to me and admit “Look, Mom. This thing happened today and I’m pretty freaked out about it.” It is a different time.

S: It is a different time. What most parents don’t realize is that trust is installed during early childhood. It is not something that you can diminish who they are, attack their self esteem, belittle their self worth in early childhood and then expect them to come to you when they’re a tween.

Because what’s already been installed is “I don’t have trust in myself. My parents prove it to me by the way they treat me. So why, all of a sudden when it’s important, when I’m 13, do they feel that they want to have this relationship? I have a history with them.” So we create a child’s history in early childhood. That’s where it begins.

I am not in any way saying it cannot be changed, because good lord, if that were the case we’d all be in real trouble. Human beings can change. But the foundation of who a child is is installed in early childhood. And their first bid for independence happens during early childhood. The way you handle it gets flushed out again when they’re a teenager. “How did my parents handle me when I was 4.5, or 3.5 and I was really belligerent? Could they handle me?”

I’ll give you a great example. My 17 year old, when he was going through his alcoholic bid for independence, just to be nice, … I’m a parent educator and have been for 17 years. Did it stop my children from having a rebellion? No. Did it stop me from reacting? No. It caused me to know a little bit more of where I needed to go, and I was a little quicker to go “That was over the top.”

But this is human nature. So, one day in the height of his rebellion, he decides he’s going to take the keys, walk out of the front door, and take my car. At that moment, what came out of my body was, – I always suggest that women drop their voice an octave if they can when they correct their children, because women tend to use their higher registers when they’re angry, and children can dismiss that.

I dropped my voice and said “Freeze. Give me the keys.” And he did. When the whole thing was over, I said “Why did you give me the keys?” He said “I have absolutely no idea.”

What I had done was what I call “pulling on his rope,” that was installed by me when he was in preschool. That was that firm voice. When I said to my four year old “Freeze”, he knew I meant business. I could tug on that when he was a teenager. I had him for 30 seconds, but I still had him stopped cold. So there’s a connection between early childhood and the teens years rebellion. Not a lot, but enough that when you install that firm authority when they’re little, still respectfully, you can use it again when they really need you to in the teens.

C: I like how you phrased it in a positive way. Instead of saying ‘Stop doing such and such,” you said “Freeze.”

S: Anybody that joins my web site gets a free life saving tip that teaches children the importance of the word freeze. I’ll leave it at that. It’s a really good one, and it will save a life. It did save my youngest child’s life. There’s a real difference in the way that you do that. It’s a free gift that we give people when they sign up on our list.

Yeah, the parenting that I suggest to parents is exactly what I said to the teenager. I use my authority, then I scale down the words and I make my statement. There’s no attack to self esteem. Now, after the issue is done, now let’s talk. Do you want to talk? Make an appointment. Take a few minutes. But nobody’s leaving here like this.

C: Well, Sharon, I’ve really enjoyed our conversation. I encourage my listeners to go to proactiveparenting.net and check you out. I was just quickly looking at some of the comments on your blog, and I’m enjoying the post about the 3 year old who picks her nose. My youngest has started doing this, and this is great. I’m going to do this immediately. “DO I need to take you in the bathroom?”

S: There you have it. It’s exactly the same thing. It’s a statement. Okay, everybody does it. I could tell you how gross it is, how my stomach is being turned, how I really wish you would never do that again, or I can just give you my statement.

C: Thanks again, Sharon. I appreciate this very much.

S: Thank you very much. I really enjoyed it.

NaBloPoMo #22

My guest this week is Nora Coffey, president of the Hers Foundation. HERS aims to provide information about the consequences of hysterectomy and educate women about its alternatives. Nora is also the author of The H Word: The diagnostic studies to evaluate symptoms, alternatives in treatment, and coping with the aftereffects of hysterectomy.

This video is a fascinating look at the female anatomy and its invisible functions.

In mid November HERS is hosting a conference here in the Atlanta area. Friday night is a screening of the teleplay Unbecoming.

Points from the Show:

• As evidenced by the questions they ask post surgery, many women do not understand the functions of the female organs.
• Hysterectomy is the 2nd most commonly performed surgery (after Cesarean section)
• The medically accurate term for removal of a woman’s ovaries (gonads) is castration
• Doctors still falsely tell women that their lives won’t change after hysterectomy
• The uterus is a hormone responsive sex organ that has structural as well as physiological functions.
• The ovaries produce hormones all through a woman’s life, and are needed all their life (including post menopause).
• The uterus and ovaries play a role in the immune system.
• Among common effects of hysterectomy are greater risk of heart attack (3 to 7 times greater)
• The average age of hysterectomy was 42 a decade ago and now it is 36. Now, it is not uncommon for teenagers to have hysterectomy.
• A woman never needs a hysterectomy for fibroids.
• When women experience inevitable problems post hysterectomy are often told by their Doctors that the symptoms are “all in their head“.
• Post hysterectomy, women will not experience uterine contractions during orgasm, diminishing their sexual experience.
• Hysterectomy is a $17 billion dollar annual industry.
• Hysterectomy is very rarely warranted. There are usually alternatives.
• Some treatment options include myomectomy, fibroid removal surgery
• Endometriosis is widely overdiagnosed. An MRI of the pelvis is a better diagnostic tool than exploratory surgery.
• Drugs commonly prescribed for endometriosis are very dangerous.
• Acupuncture can balance hormones and is good for treating endometriosis. Diet and exercise are also important treatments.
• Women who eat a lot of soy products develop more endometrial hyperplasia and endometrial cancer. Soy stimulates an abnormally high amount of estrogen in the body.

My guest this week is Lisa Fyfe. We’re talking about holistic treatments for depression.

Having suffered from depression most of her life, Lisa has been able to stay medication free for 10 years, using only holistic means such as nutrition and aromatherapy. Lisa shares solid, effective tips and techniques for moms to manage their mood naturally.

Our winner of last week’s giveaway, Birth in a Box is Ginger. (Ginger look out for an email from me!)

Today’s giveaway is a sets of two play silks from Sarah’s Silks. Leave your comment by Wednesday, October 29th to qualify!