I’ve read several great articles lately about summer activities and routines moms have planned for their kids. This topic has been on my mind too, but I’ve put off writing about it.

Mostly because I don’t want to do much in the next 10- 12 weeks except finish growing this baby!

It’s not very exciting to tell you that I don’t plan on going to the pool a lot. I’ll save going for when hubby is around to help me constantly count heads. As nice as swimming feels during late pregnancy, it feels too stressful right now to keep everyone safe in the water without another adult to help.

And I don’t have any trips planned except two local field trips. One, we’re heading to the Jimmy Carter Museum to see an exhibit on George Washington Carver. Julien and Ilana just read his biography for Beyond Five in a Row.

The second is to the Aviation Museum at the airport. I bought tickets to this for next to nothing months ago, a Groupon deal, and the coupon is about to expire. Julien has an interest in aviation so I thought he would enjoy that.

Other than that, I plan on staying home a lot and nesting. So far I haven’t been very compelled to scrub baseboards with toothbrushes and the like, but we did do a huge declutter and cleanup of the basement the other weekend.

I think my nesting is mostly showing itself in my recent obsession with buying curriculum for the next school year.

I know I won’t have as much time to decide on the options and purchase stuff with a little newborn, so I’m getting it all done now. Most everything is on its way to me as we speak courtesy of eBay and Amazon.com. (I’ll post about what changes I’m making from last year and what we’re using later on.)

I will be spending the next few weeks reading instructor texts and getting a routine for the school year down on paper.

Life is feeling a bit frenzied lately, and I’m really looking forward to a lazy summer and to the babymoon to come in late July.

I do need to think of a few ways to keep the kids busy, but that will likely consist of tall stacks of books from the library. And chores, and helping me fill the freezer in preparation for the baby’s arrival.

Other than buying the birth kit and getting the sterile sheets and such ready, all the baby buying is done. I plan on spending the last few weeks of my pregnancy reading, taking long walks (in the morning before it gets too hot!) and maybe getting a pedicure or two.

What’s on your agenda for summer?

Here are a few things I wanted to share from around the web this week:

- Did you know that many “natural” sunscreens may accelerate aging? Apparently the nano-particles in some mineral sunscreens are responsible for this. Before you throw your hands up in despair, however, read this very helpful article on Kitchen Stewardship’s blog. Note: I’ve had good success using coconut oil as a sunblock on myself and the kids to prevent sunburn. In order for this to work well, you must avoid cheap vegetable oils when you’re spending time in the sun (no french fries or Doritos!) and consume healthy fats only. (By the way, if you do feel the need to use one, the sunscreen I mention on that page, MelanSol, gets good safety ratings from EWG’s Skin Deep database.)

- I wrote for Modern Mrs. Darcy about finding time for your blog. I feel strongly about this and shared how I manage to squeeze in writing time each day. Please go over there and leave a comment.

- Do you struggle with kids who won’t let you finish a sentence or who constantly interrupt your conversations? Maybe you need to join Lisa’s Taking Back the Quiet challenge!

Something awesome must be in the works for me shortly because right now everything feels broken. Does that ever happen to you? Does everything ever just stop working all of a sudden? What’s up with that anyway?

In the span of 3 days, a bunch of literal physical things did break: my purse snapped while I was walking in a parking lot, necessitating a trip to the thrift store to buy another (I hate that!), then my phone went caput with some crazy warning screen of death. I replaced it with another phone which also doesn’t work. Then my laptop got stepped on, and I’m attempting to type this post with crazy purple lightning coming down all over the screen. It’s making my neck hurt. I apologize in advance for typos I cannot see. Then the third headphone set we’ve had (the others – you guessed it, broke!) for Rosetta broke. No more Spanish until I replace it. I had just replaced this thing to the tune of $30. Ugh! Then Ruby’s toddler bed broke – for the second time, when a big kid sat on it. Good thing I know a guy. Did I mention that I ran out of gas the other day? For the first time in my life, ever, after 21 years of driving? My gas gauge is broken.

I’m also feeling a little emotionally broken at the moment. I’m feeling like too many people need me right now. It’s difficult for us moms of many to express this, because we feel like if we ever complain that people will blame us for having had so many kids. So we clam up and don’t reach out. I remember Kim Coghlan of Life in a Shoe referring to this phenomenon. The truth is that no matter how many children you have or don’t have, you sometimes feel a little overwhelmed by your responsibilities. For me this happens during pregnancy. I don’t normally feel vulnerable, and I have to remind myself that when I’m not pregnant I typically feel quite on top of my life. But it seems pretty common for women to feel this way when they’re growing a new person, yo. (It’s especially difficult to reconcile these feelings with my own personal ambitions.)

Some things in our homeschool day feel a little broken. I haven’t spoken of this much here but I have one child whose learning style is so different from my own that I struggle to meet his needs. Yet if he were in public school it would be horrible for him. Actually, having typed that I realize I’m probably meeting them quite well. It’s just that there’s always that doubt, that questioning if you’re pushing just enough to challenge the child without losing sight of their individual strengths. This child isn’t lacking in intelligence and he amazes me every day. It’s just that following through on the things I do require of him are wearing me out. He struggles mightily with executive functioning. Oh, wait a second. I need to listen to this interview again and maybe re-read the book too.

Maybe taking the summer off will help with all this. But I find myself already planning our curriculum for next year. Mostly because I know August will be here before I know it, and I’ll have a snugly little newborn and postpartum happy hormones sucking up my brain cells.

I had an honest talk with 3 of the kids today about some changes I needed to see. I reminded them that things were only going to get more challenging for me as the pregnancy progresses, and then when I have a newborn I will need them to be more responsible as the “big kids”. A lot can change in 3 months, so I’m not too worried. Kids have a way of doing what we need them to, just in the nick of time.

So that’s my week in a nutshell. How has your week been?

Modern Mrs. Darcy is hosting “The Book That Changed My Life” blog carnival and I couldn’t not participate. I’m a huge reader, almost exclusively of non-fiction. One of the reasons I enjoy reading non-fiction so much is because of what I learn. Here are a few of the books that changed my life, organized by topic.

Birth

From the time I became pregnant with my first child, I never considered not having a natural birth. There were probably two reasons for this: one is because I had heard my mom tell the story of my birth so many times. She had a quick, easy delivery and the first words out of her mouth once she pushed me into the world (to my Dad) were: “Oh honey, when can we do it again!?” The second was because I experienced my sister giving birth to 4 sons naturally. It was just normal to me.

Late in my pregnancy with the oldest, I took Bradley childbirth classes, read Husband Coached Childbirth and lots of other books about birth. Caleb came after a 30 hour labor that included 4 hours of pushing, in a hospital. I had no IV, no monitoring, I ate and drank and moved around when I wanted. I had no pitocin, and no drugs of any kind.

When he was a newborn, I began devouring every book I could get on the topics of breastfeeding, birth, vaccinations, and parenting. One of those was Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin.

Reading it was a life changing event. I decided right there that any more children I brought into the world would be born at home. I’m glad I overcome my initial hesitation about picking this book up – it was the title that threw me off a bit. What exactly was “spiritual” midwifery? I was expecting something like the 5th definition down on this page. But the book was more about the first definition: “of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit.”

In other words, the book acknowledges that a woman’s birth affects her spirit, and that the spirit or attitude of her birth attendants also deeply impact her, which is absolutely the truth.

Parenting

I’ve read many parenting books in the last 14 years, most of which have at least some value. The Continuum Concept  was another paradigm changer for me, however. It described a parenting style that my newborn so obviously needed from me, and gave me permission to embrace it.

How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor is another child care manual that is an absolute Bible for me. I will never be without this book! Dr. Robert Mendelsohn is a rebel rock star as far as I’m concerned because of his no nonsense style and approach to childhood illnesses and issues. (I also love his other book, MalEpractice – about how women’s health care has been such a sham for decades.) This book encourages you to trust your instincts, don’t panic and that most things are better in a day or two. Dr. Mendelsohn is for home birth, opposes vaccines, and is a breath of fresh air among allopathic physicians who want to overmedicalize and overmedicate everything – to the detriment of the patient. I consult this book every time one of my kids gets sick.

Homeschooling

Life Learning: Lessons from the Educational Frontier is a book I can’t seem to part with. At this moment it’s literally the only book about homeschooling I own. The stories of young people who had been mostly unschooled their whole lives, and the fascinating choices they were making as young adults, was like catnip for me. Life Learning is a series of essays compiled by Wendy Priesnitz of Natural Life magazine. You can listen to an interview I did with her here.

Nutrition

Whole Foods for the Whole Family was a cookbook I had for years, until it literally fell apart (and a mouse infestation a couple of years ago took care of what was left). It’s more than a cookbook really, it’s a wonderful introduction to real, whole foods nutrition. It doesn’t espouse any one eating philosophy, and most of the recipes are quite easy to change depending on your preference or tolerance. It’s also a frugal cooking guide since everything is made from scratch. There are lots of instructions on how to do back to basics cooking to replace store bought, inferior products.

I just recommended this old favorite to a friend the other day!

Productivity and Goal Setting

168 Hours is the most recent book I’ve read on this topic, but it’s probably the one that has helped me make real changes to my thinking and routine. Again, this is a genre I’ve read many books in, and most of the ideas I abandoned quickly (GTD anyone?). The principles in 168 Hours are sticking. I plan on writing a review for this book on my new, soon to be announced blog.

Relationships and Personal Development

Boundaries is a book that seems to frequently disappear from my shelf because I keep lending it to friends who need it! Learning good boundaries is probably the single most important thing any person can do to grow up and have a healthy emotional and spiritual life. I use principles I learned from this book every single day.

What about you? What books have changed your life?

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I made the decision to not plant a garden this year. We’ve done so two years in a row, and both years it was more or less a total flop. (Incidentally my husband had success in his former home growing tomatoes and jalapenos. Go figure.)

There were a few reasons for this decision. First, my husband has been experiencing some of the worst allergy symptoms he’s had in years. The poor man was miserable for weeks until the weather turned cool recently, smack dab in the middle of the time we should have been turning soil and planting. I couldn’t ask  him to help me with yard work when simply walking to his car brought on a sneezing fit and itchy, watery eyes that swell and look (and feel) painfully raw. He gets rashes and fevers and blocked up ears. I didn’t want to take it all on myself either.

Secondly, I’ve been thinking a lot about what Laura Vanderkam (author of All The Money in the World) writes in her book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think (review forthcoming!). She introduced to me the concept of Core Competencies. A core competency is basically something that you do better than anyone else (or can’t outsource, like exercise or nurturing your marriage).

Turns out, gardening is not one of my core competencies.

And, I am perfectly happy to write a check every week to the lovely man who supports a family pursuing HIS core competency of gardening and farming: the farmer who provides us with raw milk, free range eggs and grass fed meat. I can do the same with the fine folks at the farmer’s market.

At our couples meeting I told hubby that I felt we should skip planting a garden this year. It could possibly be an investment in time, money and energy that provided no benefit. I had been stressing about it for weeks and at this particular time in our lives, it wasn’t a good idea. When I decided to let it go I felt a psychic burden lift off of my shoulders.

He appeared visibly relieved and immediately agreed with me.

Interestingly my oldest son planted a few flowers and tomatoes and they’re coming up!  A week ago when we went to Starbucks he requested a bag of grounds, took them home and spread them on the garden. He waters it every few days. Maybe HE will be the one with the green thumb. That would be lovely.

I’ve also let go of a few things in our homeschool. (And not just things like shoulds and expectations.)

At the beginning of the year the then 10 and 8 year old were doing Beyond Five in a Row. I think it’s a wonderful program, but the kids weren’t really enjoying the unit study approach. What they (and I) did love? Simply reading the books aloud together. So we let go of BFIAR and just used the book list as a recommendation for daily read alouds. And we’re happier as a result.

Have you let go of something recently that isn’t working? Did it free up energy, money and time to pursue what you really wanted?

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had a guest on the show.

Can you help?

Let’s put the “radio” back in Natural Moms Talk Radio, shall we?

If you have an idea for a guest you’d love to hear from, please contact me at clauth at gmail dot com – or leave a comment. Read a great book lately and like to hear from the author? Have a favorite blogger you’d like to know more about? Learned of an awesome product and want to learn more about it?

It can be you, by the way. If you have an idea for a show topic, I’m all ears!

Here is a smattering of interesting things I’ve found across the internet this week. Enjoy!

- The Frugal Girl wrote a wonderful article about How to Wisely Choose Frugal Activities, and I agree with her points. If you don’t enjoy it or it doesn’t really add to your bottom line, feel free to skip it!

- Oh my. These German bunk beds have me drooling! If I ever had to squeeze 3 or 4 kids in a bedroom this would be the way to go. Don’t they look like so much fun?

- This is an amazing article from The Common Room on the “Hidden Costs of Public School“. As big of a proponent of homeschooling as I am, I honestly had not thought about all of these ways that homeschooling actually saves a parent money! I’ll never again grumble about my Amazon.com visits.

- I wrote an article for Tiffany at NatureMoms on Minimalist Parenting and the New Baby. So far hubby and I have only purchased 3 things for our new little one.

- Leslie Truex interviewed me on the topic of blogging for her Profit Blog Blueprint. It was a lot of fun and there was some great information shared between the two of us about earning income with your blog, finding time to write and promoting yourself online.

Occasionally I get questions from readers. Instead of answering directly with just my thoughts, I like to get the mom’s permission to post here and get your wisdom. What advice or tips would you give? Leave them in the comments below.

Hi Carrie,

I have a 5 month old who has been giving me trouble with breastfeeding since he was 3 months old. I feel like he hates the breast and even when I bring him NEAR me he’ll scream.

For one entire month I would rock him to sleep and then feed him in his sleep. That doesn’t work anymore. The doctors have said that he is losing weight because he is not taking enough milk- but how do I feed him if he refuses to latch on??

He does not take the bottle AT ALL and is exclusively breastfed.

I have tried more skin to skin contact, different positions, letting him get more hungry, feeding ON TIME before he seems hungry, singing to him, rocking him, anything you can think of.

Please help me and tell me what to do.

I’m sorry you’re having trouble. It’s so hard when baby seems to be rejecting you! But rest assured that babies always have a good reason for this behavior, and it can be solved quickly- it just takes a little detective work on mom’s part.

The first thing that comes to my mind is the possibility that your baby is having some pain or soreness when being held in the breastfeeding position. This can be due to a mild injury that takes place at birth (quite common actually!). I would especially suspect this if you had a long or difficult birth, but it can happen even with a very short or more uneventful birth.

You may want to take him to a Chiropractor or Osteopath for an adjustment. These aren’t painful for babies, and you may notice a difference immediately. Incidentally I have experience with this issue. My second child had no problems nursing at first, but he began fussing and crying when I tried to nurse him on one side. I took him to a Chiropractor who did a quick adjustment. That next feeding was no problem, and he had no trouble again after that. Apparently he had some tightness in his neck and shoulders from either the position he was in before he was born, or from strain that happened during his birth.

Secondly, get in touch with a La Leche League leader in your area who can observe you latching baby on. Some LLL leaders make house calls, and they are volunteers so there is no charge. You may even want to do this first, before spending the money on a health care provider. You can find an LLL leader via the website. Time is of the essence here. If baby is losing weight, you need to find help immediately. It’s possible that your milk supply could downshift in response, so be sure to pump when baby misses a feeding.

Another possibility is that your baby has thrush. Have you had a vaginal yeast infection? Does your baby have white patches inside his mouth? If you have any burning, pain, discomfort in your nipples this would be a giveaway, but sometimes mom doesn’t present with symptoms even when her baby has thrush. I wrote an article on breastfeeding and yeast infection that will help you diagnose and treat this common problem. Babies with thrush will sometimes reject the breast because sucking is painful for them.

Some other things to rule out: an allergy that baby may have to something on your clothing or body. Some sensitive babies will cry if mom uses perfume or fragrance, a new deodorant, detergent or fabric softener in her clothing.

One final tip: I don’t know if you have tried nursing baby while skin to skin in the bathtub. Some babies will latch on in the tub when they have trouble at any other time. Definitely take the steps mentioned above, but try this right away.

I wish you all the best! Likely you’ll be able to overcome this hurdle and continue to breastfeed. Get some help from an LLL leader.

 

Hi Carrie,

I read your article on how to potty train in 2 days and I did everything you said, but my son seemed to think it was one big joke and would pee on purpose everywhere.

He just turned 2 and we have other kids in the house so when they saw him peeing on the floor they squealed and he seemed to think it was funny and has been doing it since.

I had to put the pamper back on. He used to be potty trained (would tell me when he had to go #2) but now does it in the pamper and THEN tells me.

I really want to train him before he’s 2.5 and I’ve heard you’re quite the genius so any advise would be highly appreciated.

Thanks.

I’m not sure I deserve the title of genius but thanks for the compliment! You wouldn’t be the first mom who found her efforts to train her toddler towards a certain behavior to be foiled by older siblings! It looks like they accidentally trained your little guy to repeat this behavior. Don’t ask me how my 20 month old knows the word “fart”, by the way.

First I would start by having a discussion with the older kids. Tell them you need their help in getting the little man potty trained. Tell them to totally ignore it when he pees anywhere but the potty, but congratulate him and make a big deal out of when he succeeds in using the potty. Have them talk up the fact that they use the toilet. Younger siblings naturally try to imitate the older ones.

Since your son has used the potty successfully in the past, this may just be a temporary setback. Sometimes it’s “two steps forward, one step back”. That’s ok. All kids are different and there is no deadline. But one very important component is mom’s determination. If I were you, I would get rid of all the diapers. No diapers in the house, period (except for the younger baby). This move tells him you mean business.

Yes, you’ll likely have some more messes to clean up – but you can have HIM help with this. Not in a punitive, shameful way. Act just the same as you would if he spilled his milk on the floor. Say something like, “Oh, goodness. There’s peepee on the floor. Peepee goes in the potty. Well, here’s a towel. Please clean it up, then we will play“. He can also take his soiled underwear to the hamper.

Toddlers can change overnight. He’s almost there, just give it a little more time.

Those were my thoughts.

Do you have any other advice, “been there done thats” or encouragement?

Disclosure: This information is not to be construed as medical advice. Carrie is not a doctor. It’s wise to consult a health care practitioner you trust before taking action on any health information you read on the internet.

Can the doggies come out to play?

- Every Mom can relate to this post @The Bad Home Cook on “My Trouble with Socks“. Too funny!

- I liked what The Frugal Girl had to say about “Earn More or Save More – do we have to choose?”

- As if the topic of nutrition weren’t confusing and full of contradictory information enough for your tastes, here is the latest I came across: You know that natural bacon seasoned with celery salt you’ve been buying to avoid nitrites? That’s another thing that is bad for you, according to Kitchen Stewardship. Is anyone else just about ready to give up?

- I wrote an article for Real Life Solutions about How to Wear Your Baby Safely.

- And an article for Family Foodies about How Busy Moms Can Make Meal Planning Easier

Any great articles you’ve come across recently in your blog hopping?

{pretty}

The girls enjoyed a barefoot tea party at their grandma’s house last week.

I wonder if Queen Victoria ever took her tea barefoot?

{happy}

Ruby’s first popsicle of the season. Actually, her first popsicle ever. Who can resist the siren call of the Ice Cream Truck? It was so hot that day at the park, I couldn’t say no!

{funny}

What happens when you have a very sleepy toddler who resists taking a nap? At around 4:30 she pulled her shirt down for some strange reason, laid down on the rug and fell asleep!

{real}

A family of 9 goes through a lot of toilet tissue. We’ve started buying it in bulk at the office supply store. For some odd reason, I couldn’t help snapping a picture.

That’s how we roll, folks.

Linked to: Like Mother, Like Daughter

Yesterday the kids and I went berry picking. In about 30 seconds, I realized why farmers traditionally had large families. These little people are really good (and fast) at picking! When the owners of the farm warned us that a full bucket cost around $20, I realized it would take my 6 about 10 minutes to pick our fill.

"Please, no pictures."

The weather ended up being unseasonably cool. After two weeks of 80+ degree weather, the chill was a shock. We all got out of the car shivering. Fortunately I had a bag of stuff slated for Goodwill in the back. I managed to find a cardigan or long sleeved shirt for the girls to wear.

This was a fun outing for the kids, since they got to see some friends and play at the park after. But this week has been a little hard on me. Ruby was sick with some type of mystery fever, so for 3 nights I got little sleep (she had no other symptoms, still not sure what it was). Hubby worked late two nights this week and that’s hard on me in my current state. I also had 3 bad afternoons where the nausea kept me from being as productive as I usually am.

I took off for a writing break at a coffee shop, where I’m sitting in the sun and getting some work done. I’m fortunate that I love what I do to earn money. It feels like a break.

A couple of posts I enjoyed this week from around the web:

- I loved this post on Keeper of the Home with 31 Uses for Mason Jars. I love Mason jars (actually, any glass jar) too. They have such a nice minimalist asthetic. I use them for drinking (a quart jar helps me drink  more water), food storage, storing homemade skin care products, to hold pencils and pens, to culture kefir, and as vases.

- 5 Ways to be a Happier Mom, Today. This is a lovely post by Meagan of Happiest Mom. I find that sometimes when my kids are getting on my nerves, the answer is not to run away from them, but rather try to focus on them totally, at least for a short period. (Similar to tip #5) When their buckets are filled, I feel less stressed.

-

A few articles I appreciated from around the web this week…

- I LOVE Auntie Leila’s advice in “Seven Strategies For Dinner with the Barbarians”. In fact the whole series on family dinners is wonderful.

- Kitchen Stewardship has an amazing list of natural sunscreen reviews for your benefit.

- This post at Simple Homeschool on homeschooling through high school has some excellent advice resources. I saved this one in Evernote, since my oldest will be in 9th grade next year.

- I wrote an article at Family Foodies about feeding kids a healthy and varied lunch.

- OhioMoms published my tips on Greening Your Spring Cleaning.

Here is a smattering of the things I’ve enjoyed reading this week.

- I agree with every word of this post at Zen Habits on peaceful parenting. “There is no such thing as stress free parenting… That said, I have learned that we can find peace.”

- Maegan at Happiest Mom blogged about her decision to hire a housekeeper: I hire help because I want to. Her post a year ago had quite a few negative, snarky comments, which confounds me! If you can make room for it in your budget, I say more power to you.

- Laura Vanderkam writes about false choices. I call these “false dichotomies”. We limit ourselves terribly when we engage in this either/or type of thinking. Are you making the mistake of engaging in all or nothing thinking? It’s something to think about!

- Did you participate in the National Day of Unplugging? It’s a national call to unplug completely for 24 hours. I didn’t, because my family already does this once a week on our “Screen Free Sunday”. But I love the quote in this article about Facebook. It mirrors one of the reasons I permanently deleted my FB account.

- I wrote over at Mom’s Talk Network about homebirth risk factors.

What were some of your favorite reads this week? Feel free to link to your own blog post in the comments too

In recent months I’ve noticed a trend among a few bloggers I read. Perhaps because it’s early in the year, when people traditionally make plans and goals, or because minimalism and simplicity are so huge right now. Whatever the reason, the idea is this:

Stop setting goals.

Yeah, you heard me.

It sounds pretty radical, because nearly every single book ever written on the topic of success, whether in finances, health or any other aspect of life, recommends setting goals.

photo credit: studiojru

The advice is typically something like this: set reasonable goals (attainable with a little stretching, but not so difficult that the discouragement from the inevitable failure cause you to quit), make sure they’re measurable and specific, so you know when you get there, and finally goals should be action oriented. Goals can be short term, long term, and inbetween. And they’re supposed to be written down.

So why would someone recommend not setting goals? I don’t remember the specific reason given by the writers I alluded to earlier, but generally speaking the idea is that goal setting keeps your head in the future instead of enjoying the present moment. As I read these blog posts I kept thinking one thing:

Funny, goals rarely worked for me either.

The only goal I’ve ever set that I can remember hitting was the goal I had, several years ago, of getting out of debt. Other than that, most goals I’ve set for myself haven’t worked. It’s not that I’ve never been successful at anything or haven’t gotten what I wanted out of life. I have, many times.

But I realize that the things that I’ve succeeded at that are important to me weren’t goals. I didn’t write them down or find an accountability partner or any of that. They were intentions. And I think there’s an important difference.

The word goal has become so common that it’s probably almost useless. Impotent really. Setting an intention feels more powerful. Goals are something you “try”.

I’ve also come to another important realization, namely:

Habits are better than goals.

Looking back, I realize that the intentions I had that came to fruition became habits. That’s why they worked so well. When I set the intention to lose weight after my last baby, I had no specific number of pounds in mind (I did want to fit into my old clothing though). But I began the habit of walking daily.

Lately when I decide I want something for my life, I ask myself: What would I be doing every day if I had that?

In other words, what habits would I have that would bring about that result naturally, without my setting a goal?

It’s not that I won’t ever set goals again, or write things down, or whatever. It’s just that in my experience, habits and routines have a more powerful impact on my happiness.

I don’t have hard data on this, but it seems to me that habits are more powerful than goal setting. I would bet that people who bounce checks don’t have the habit of balancing their checkbook (a good habit). I would also guess that people who have debt don’t have the habit of automatically transferring money over to their savings account every month (another good habit). And people who have the habit of eating in front of the TV weigh more than those who don’t (bad habit!).

One problem I have with goals is that they are so discouraging when I meet with failure. And they make me feel as if I don’t have permission to be happy until the goal is met.

I mentioned that most goals I’ve set flat out failed, even when I did the work required to meet the goal. Another problem is that some of the goals I set require other people to take some action – something I can’t control. For example, as a blogger, my income is in part dependent on other people doing stuff – visiting my site, clicking on Google ads, buying through affiliate links, etc. It’s not just a numbers game. Or, maybe I’m in the wrong line of work!

Perhaps goals work better for some people (and if this is true, why would this be?). My husband set a goal to earn a lot more money in February (commonly a slow month for him) than he is accustomed to. And he did it! It wasn’t a small uptick either, it was significant.

I read a book recently in an effort to learn more about habits. It’s called The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. While the book wasn’t as helpful as I thought it would be as far as teaching me how to harness the power of habits, it was an interesting read.

One of the points I bookmarked was this: some habits are “keystone” habits. Meaning that these habits lead to improved results in other, seemingly unrelated areas of life. Keystone habits create spillover. They’re key actions that start a chain reaction.

One of these is as simple as making your bed in the morning. It takes all of 60 seconds, tops. But it somehow also makes you more productive, enjoy a greater sense of well being, and stick to your budget. (References are in the book, don’t take my word for it!)

Another biggie is exercise. Studies have shown that when people add exercise to their routine, other patterns start to show up. They also eat better, get more done, spend less on credit, and show more patience.

Obviously, it’s worthwhile to establish good habits and routines.

What do you think about habits, goals and routines? Do you set goals, and do they work for you? What are some of your personal “keystone” habits?

(I think one of mine is getting up before my kids.)

Stress is a dangerous thing. It makes you forgetful and accidents tend to happen. You also engage in subconscious self sabotage type behaviors.

For instance, today. I feel totally exhausted. Limp. My battery is completely drained.

The last few days have been very stressful and I really didn’t want to go anywhere today. It just so happens that I have a prenatal appointment, but when I got in the truck I realized that it wasn’t going to start. I had left the key in the ignition in the “accessory” position, all night long. Dead battery.

Funny how that works.

I’m still trying to figure out exactly what about the last few days was so difficult. The obvious answer is that we took care of 3 extra children for 4 days, one of whom has special needs and is mostly wheelchair bound. But I didn’t have a ton of extra work to do, really. Other than making sure everyone was comfortable and entertained and had a place to sleep, it wasn’t physically difficult. I think the main thing was the emotionally stressful experience of not knowing when the children were leaving, or what was expected of me while they were here.

We weren’t prepared, in other words. An older friend of ours, a single woman who had adopted her 3 grandchildren, ended up in the hospital having major surgery. We didn’t know they were coming until right before they were dropped off at our home. We didn’t know how long they were staying. And I had no instructions or guidance from their mother on how to care for the handicapped child. I am not the kind of person who does well when I don’t know how to behave in a particular situation.

(Later on we found out that there was a 4 page letter with instructions at the children’s home, noone had told me about it.)

Another issue may have been the children’s behavior. For the most part they were no trouble and got along well with the other kids. But there were a few very obnoxious exceptions. My husband was stressed from the get-go because as soon as he picked them up, they began complaining about a) our vehicle (huh?) b) having to leave their house to spend the night at ours c) how the other people who had stayed with them were horrible, etc.

It put a bad taste in his mouth that never left. We were never once thanked for our hospitality, for putting our own kids on the floor so they could have the beds, for eating our food, for readjusting our lives. They never offered to help out around the house and barely acknowledged us in the morning or when my husband came home from work. The manners of the boys were definitely lacking. I realize they were in a bad situation and were no doubt uncomfortable having to stay away from home, but some behaviors (like interrupting me, talking about too personal topics, backseat driving, being critical, not obeying, etc) are unacceptable in my own children and intolerable in someone else’s child.

I kept reminding myself that I was doing this for their mother, whose self sacrifice in caring for them I admired very much (she is an older, retired lady and it can’t be easy for her to care for 3 tweens, not to mention one with handicaps). And it wasn’t as if anyone else was stepping up to the plate to stay with them. I didn’t want them to be at their house overnight without adult supervision. I thought about what I would want someone to do if I were in the hospital with noone to care for my children.

Not to mention we may have, our our desire to be good Christians and help widows and orphans, stepped into a mess. Apparently a friend of the family was given a large sum of cash to distribute to people who stepped up to help the children. He offered us some money initially and we refused it. But then two trusted people advised us that we needed to accept the money because this individual was doing nothing yet keeping the money for himself. So we called him and told him we would accept something after all.

All the while our intention was to give it back to the mother as soon as she was home from the hospital. We just wanted to get at least some of it out of the hands of a questionable individual. This person began attacking my husband’s motive and the character of a mutual friend and got extremely defensive. Then he had the nerve to ask for my husband’s bank account information (we’re total strangers, by the way). The whole thing immediately smelled fishy and we were sure the two friends who advised us to take the money were spot on in their assessment – this guy had already spent the cash, despite doing almost nothing personally to assist in the children’s care.

Whew. After typing that out I suppose I have good reason to be exhausted.

Sadie has put a lovely tea party on the table. I think I’ll go enjoy some brownies and Earl Grey.

I’m on vacation this week, hanging out with my extended family in a cabin in South Carolina.

If you haven’t seen this awesome show yet, be sure to check out the Mama Natural Show! It’s a fun, newsy vlog that keeps you updated on the latest in the natural mothering community without taking up a lot of your time (her shows are minutes long, and unlike most video I’ve seen online, actually enjoyable to watch!)

Her 21st episode mentioned yours truly.

Fun stuff, and Genevieve is a great gal. I’ve found a new favorite site!

A smattering of things I’ve enjoyed this past week…

• A Little Perspective by Backwoods Mom
• Tribal Mainstream and Self-Sabotage – or,  why our healthy habits disappear when we’re with family
• Remember The Dog That Doesn’t Bark – how often are you thankful for what doesn’t happen?
• ZombieMommy is giving away tickets to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. Enter if you’re interested in winning!

Here are some of the best posts from Decembers of yesteryear…

2006

• An interview with the authors of Mommy Guilt
• Hmm… what is baby thinking about in utero? An interview with a prenatal psychologist

2007

• 12 tips for lowering your grocery budget. This article is 4 years old, but I was surprised at how relevant the advice still is.
• Interview with Kristen Chase of Motherhood Uncensored and now, 4orMoreKids

2008

• I get on my soapbox about why it’s not selfish or bad to want alone time occasionally
• When I was 10 years old, I knew everything there was to know about how to be a great Mom. I even had a list.

These are a few of my favorite reads from this past week:

- Make your own homemade cream of mushroom soup and avoid those mysterious ingredients.

- Never one to run from controversy, Penelope Trunk shares her thoughts on The Big Lie Homeschoolers Tell. WOW. She’s so right on with this comparison of breastfeeding and homeschooling.

- This article by Meagan about parents who behave obnoxiously in defending their ultra picky nutritional philosophies was spot on. Be sure to read the article she refers to by Michael Pollan as well.

- Speaking of food, I made this slow cooker mashed potatoes recipe and they were UH-MAY-ZING. This entire site is follow worthy for sure. (Although, I would substitute the bouillon cube for either chicken broth (eliminating the equivalent amount of water), or use an “unchicken” cube to avoid MSG.

I’m reading Pride and Prejudice.

Not as fast as I’d like to, mind you. It’s the kind of book I could easily devour in one long session, with a pot of tea and a few pillows strategically arranged on the couch.

But there are all these kids that keep asking for dinner and such.

Still.

One of the things that struck me was how often the characters go out walking. Once Elizabeth even walked for several miles, one way, to go check on her sister who was visiting friends and had come down with a cold.

The beauty of this simple habit struck me.

Then I read Leo Babauta’s ebook Focus. The chapter on “How to Take a Walking Vacation” also got me to thinking. (You can download the book for free.)

I already walk every day, but just around my neighborhood. A couple of years ago, I lived in an urban area. I could walk to hot spots and restaurants, the Post Office, the grocery store, the park. And we often did. I LOVED it. Now? Not so much.

I started thinking about places I go that might be close enough to walk to.

Oh wait. What about the library? According to my phone, it’s only 1.3 miles from my front door. That’s less than 3 miles, round trip. And there are nice wide sidewalks the whole way there and back.

We set out.

It was a lovely, perfect November morning. Look at that sky.

Sadie wanted to know why there was so much trash on the grass, so we talked about how rude and wrong it is to litter.

We crossed a bridge over the Chattahoochee River. Something you can’t see when you’re driving over it.

We saw abandoned train tracks. An old abandoned coal-fired incinerator.

We talked about roadkill. A possum, a deer (at first we couldn’t tell whether it was a very large dog, but then we spotted a hoof).

We discussed whether the birds we saw circling overhead were hawks, getting ready to divebomb for a meal, or some kind of carrion bird, looking for roadkill.

We passed another walker, on her way to the bus stop. A biker, with the same destination. I reflected on how fortunate I am to have the choice of walking. I have a car that can shield me from inclement weather. And I don’t have to rely on public transportation. That’s a true blessing.

Walking is really a mindfulness meditation, isn’t it?

We decided to do this walk once a week for our library trip. Driving somewhere that is a mile away seems silly now.

Do you have any places you can walk to?

A few great posts from Novembers of yesteryear…

2007

- An interview with Marni Matyus on babywearing and kangaroo care (read the transcript) or you can listen to the interview.

- Learn how to conquer food cravings with The Cravings Coach

2008

- Peggy Webb of West River Academy on unschooling and eclectic homeschooling and what it means for your family.

- A simple, easy herbal first aid kit for your home.

2010

- Things I learned by watching the Babies documentary.

A few blog posts I enjoyed this week:

- 6 Strategies for Sibling Rivalry from Like Mother, Like Daughter. This whole site is wonderful, full of eye candy and awesome advice from a mom of young adults.

- This post about choosing Peace over Productivity came to me at just the right time.

- Be More With Less shares 50 Ways to Leave Your Clutter

- For the breastfeeding mamas: Get a free coupon for $1.50 off a box of Mother’s Milk tea

Enjoy your weekend!

This week’s Lovely Links starts off with 3 Ted talks I enjoyed. If you aren’t familiar with Ted.com, take a bit of time to peruse around in there. Interesting stuff!

- Like this one:  Less stuff, more happiness?

- And this one is nothing new for a mom, any mother of a toddler knows they’re little scientists and geniuses. This video will help you be more understanding when they throw everything on the floor. What do babies think? (Her book is now on my library list.)

- And finally, battling bad science. How to weed through “nutritional science” myths or “junk food science” as it’s often referred to.

- A huge list of “make your own mixes” from MomAdvice. Looks like I have a few more things to add to my “make instead of buy” page.

- I enjoyed this photographic essay from Backwoods Mom about kids who don’t have cable.

- Strapped for cash but need to declutter and organize? This 31 days to cheaply organize your home series is awesome!

• I’m making this all  natural moisturizing kitchen hand scrub for my mom and sister – doesn’t this recipe smell yummy?
• Speaking of whipping stuff up in the kitchen, these Morning Glory muffins are on the menu. Pront0.
• Doesn’t this slow cooker chicken enchilada soup look amazing? (She had me at slow cooker.) I put this on next week’s menu plan.
• Mr. Money Mustache has some excellent points on the marketing machine that makes us think kids are expensive. (Warning: he likes to use colorful metaphors.)
• Ever watched a cooking show? Don’t you just love how they have all the ingredients measured out in little glass dishes beforehand? I didn’t know there was a name (mise en place) for that, or a reason for it. Now I do. I’ve begun doing it, and I like it. Do you “mise en place”?
• Is choosing to be a stay at home mom risky? via 5MinutesForMom. A controversial topic for sure. I am in the camp of “Hells yeah, it’s risky to be financially dependent.”
• I enjoyed and totally related to PickleBum’s essay on feeding kids healthy: Food Fights! I wrote something similar awhile back about conflicting nutrition advice and confusion.

A smattering of posts I enjoyed this week:

• I so agree with Rachel’s assessment that Simplifying is Easier than Organizing. – Just one reason I eliminated the off season clothing stash!
• Great tip from Jessica at LifeAsMom on securing heavy furniture to the wall with brackets. All the bookcases in my home are secured this way. If you haven’t done this yet, do it THIS weekend. My heart goes out to a fellow mom blogger who lost her 2 year old son when he climbed onto a piece of furniture and the TV fell on him.
• BackWoods Mom makes an excellent point – teaching kids that nothing that comes from the government is “free”.
• I heart this lovely article by Meagan at Happiest Mom – staying home is nice. I mirrored this reminder this week!

photo credit: IvanWalsh.com

My 10 year old son is an eBay business magnate.

Well, maybe magnate is a bit… ambitious.

It’s more like he’s an eBay business… beginner.

But even Trump had to start somewhere, eh?

One of the things I love about homeschooling?

That it leaves enough time for a child to pursue their interests.

Sometimes this requires a bit of trust. As in, if my son spends 4 hours a day doing LEGO, will that actually serve him later on in life?

But other things that kids choose to pursue have clear, measurable (and immediate!) value.

For instance, my son has completed approximately 50 auctions on eBay. He’s got a full fledged part time business now, and he loves it. I had to move a desk into his room, help him secure some storage room for his inventory, and open a Paypal and eBay account just for him. I also had to help him set “eBay hours” so he didn’t get too sidetracked from chores and school work.

In this process, he’s learning:

• Spelling. Noone is going to buy stuff from someone who can’t spell. Professional looking descriptions are important.
• Grammar/Punctuation. Ditto.
• Copywriting and Salesmanship. Boring or sparse auction descriptions don’t bring in as much cash either.
• Details Matter.  If you are lazy and don’t weigh your item with the packing material first (and charge enough shipping), it’s your own dang fault if you lose money on the auction.
• Profits Are Everything. If you lose money, you lose. (No government bailouts here!)
• Profit Margin. Higher profits don’t always mean a higher profit MARGIN. To increase his profit margin, he gets his inventory for free and recycles packaging material.
• The Customer Isn’t Always Right. In business you gotta be smart. Never ship an item when the customer hasn’t paid you yet. (How many times you think he did this before he learned this lesson? Exactly.)
• Geography. I can’t count how many times little man looked on the map to find a state, trying to calculate how long it would take a package to arrive. (This is from his buying activities, but still…)
• The Value of Mentors. He wisely listens to Mom’s advice since she’s more experienced than he is. But he’s not afraid to blaze his own trail a little bit, either.
• Managing Money. He’s not making a killing, but he is earning extra pocket money, which leads to lots of conversations with Mom about what to do with that money.
• And last but not least… Mom will get mad at you if you accidentally print shipping labels and pay for postage with HER Paypal account, when the buyer’s payment went to YOUR Paypal account. 

I don’t know if Julien will end up doing eBay full time when he’s an adult, but wouldn’t it be cool if he did? He comes from a long line of entrepreneurs. (His paternal great-Grandfather was a famous inventor, his maternal Grandparents are self- employed, his Dad, StepDad and Mom are all self- employed!)

Personally I think it would be uber cool to do eBay for a living. I hope he never has a “job”.

But even if he doesn’t, he’s learning all kinds of valuable stuff NOW.

And that’s enough for me.

Previously on NaturalMomsTalkRadio…

2010

• Teaching baby some nursing manners. Ugh. I need to take my own advice on this one. Ruby has become very aggressive lately, her favorite thing is to see how far my moles will stretch.
• How to have natural childbirth. Because it isn’t something you decide at the last minute. It’s a mindset you bring to mothering, and life.

2008

• Anger management tips for moms – how do you keep your cool?
• The challenges of being a new mom. Did you experience any of these? How did you overcome them?
• Preparing your older child for the new baby – these tips haven’t failed me yet.
• A few of my must have books for your homeschool library

What’s new with you this lovely Saturday? The weather is totally gorgeous here and it’s finally starting to feel like Autumn!

Here are a few of the articles and blog posts I enjoyed this week:

• Gluten Free Blackberry Lemon Cake Donuts  - OMG these look mouth watering. I can’t wait to make these for Sadie.
• Remember my naturopath Dr. Heather? I interviewed her a few months ago and she was also kind enough to email me some advice recently. She happens to be launching an elementary school curriculum based on her Human Body Detectives books. Very cool! Get info here.
• Excellent post at Penelope Trunk’s blog about how Kids Homeschool Themselves.
• From Simple Marriage: Excellent points about handling discipline in a blended family (I so agree with these!)
• Wow, this is inspiring! This Maine family decorated their home with finds from the … DUMP! (From one of my favorite blogs, The NonConsumer Advocate)

Have I mentioned PaperBackSwap lately?

Oh how I do love PaperBackSwap.

Why? Well, two ways mostly.

Reduce clutter

Don’t get me wrong, I love books. I have 4 bookcases in my living room alone. But unless a book is one that I know for sure I’ll be revisiting monthly, or is a classic kid’s book that will be re-read again and again by multiple children, I don’t keep it. I list it on PaperBackSwap and bless someone else. This keeps my book stock relatively uncluttered.

Save money

Obvious but worth pointing out. I only pay postage when I send someone a book. When I receive one, it’s free. This is important in a homeschooling household, especially if you have a few bibliophiles (they come by it honest!). So far this school year, my 13 year old 8th grader has devoured 8 novels. That’s in 3 weeks!

PaperBackSwap keeps him and the rest of us in fresh reading material.

If you want to become a member (free) and post books, click on the graphic above and begin. The name “Paperback swap” is a bit of a misnomer because you can post (and request) all sorts of books: hardcover, paperback, even audio books.

And once you put 10 books on your bookshelf, I get some more points.

Enjoy!

Last Thursday we headed to the HIGH museum here in Atlanta for free family Thursday.

Often, when I get out of the car, a big kid has already taken Ruby out of her car seat. That means that much of the time, when I grocery shop or whatever, an older sibling is holding her.

So it was last Thursday.

When we walked into the museum and headed to the check-in area, a helpful employee saw Julien holding his baby sister and asked him if we would like a complimentary stroller.

“No thank you. We like holding her.”

A few moments later he asked me to tie her on him in the Baby Hawk so he could walk around the Museum with her.

Few things tug at my heart strings more than seeing a big kid baby the youngest.

This pic was taken a few years ago. It’s of a younger Sadie (now 6) and Caleb (now 13).

These are some of my favorite reads this week:

• A wonderful opportunity for a work at home Mom: Kelly McCausey of MomsTalkNetwork is hiring an Assistant Blog Editor.
• If you’re doing a cash envelope system for budgeting, these free printable cash envelopes are awesome!
• Another cool freebie: John Stossel is giving away a free DVD to teachers (includes homeschoolers). I’ve always enjoyed his segments on ABC and read one of his books. I ordered mine!
• Sitting is bad for your health. I’m seeing this message more and more lately. EVEN IF you exercise, if you sit a lot, you’ll be less healthy than someone who putters around a bit more. I’ve been making a conscious effort to avoid sitting when possible. I often squat on the floor instead. You?
• I can already feel the difference in the light quality outside and so have become more vigilant about getting outside. This article on LifeHacker has more tips on preparing early to avoid Seasonal Affective Disorder.
• This might be a little obscure, but this is a fascinating article on why it’s so difficult for the poor to escape poverty explains that exerting self control is incredibly fatiguing.  And why shopping  at ALDI makes it so much easier for me to stick to my budget.
• Seriously!? I just spent $8 on Oxi-Clean and now you tell me there’s a way to make it homemade?!
• Another cool “make it yourself” recipe: Homemade MSG free onion soup mix

Yesterday when I heard that Tsh of SimpleMom.net had released an ebook, I snatched it up immediately. 

Having been a fan of her blog for years and enjoying her print book: Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach to Intentional Living, I knew it would be excellent.

And at $5?! It’s a no-brainer.

I printed out the entire thing.

I’m about one third of the way through the ebook and enjoying it very much. As an action-oriented person, I appreciate the way the projects, all designed to help you live more simply, are arranged in bite sized format. Trying to simplify can seem complicated at first, because chaos tends to come before (and during!) organization. Having someone break down the essential action steps is very helpful.

There are several things that are suggested that I’m already doing (such as establishing an evening routine, meal planning, simplifying banking, having weekly couples meetings).

There are also several projects I need to work on. Such as getting up before the kids and boosting my reserves, making a “just in case” essential papers file, creating a family purpose statement, and others.

I found myself taking notes on almost every project and adding a few tasks to my to-do list, some of which I implemented immediately.

The 52 Bites projects are organized into several categories:

• Living Green
• Organizing Your Space
• Relationships
• Taking Care of Yourself
• Time Stewardship
• Living Well
• Money Management
• Organizing Your Mind

We all know that having things together in these areas is essential to a happy, simple life.

I only have one teensy complaint about the ebook, which is: I don’t like how much space was dedicated to the “notes” at the end of each section (an entire page). It seems like it would have been a better use of space and paper to encourage the reader to take notes in margins or on another notebook. But, that’s a small thing, and again – for the price, it’s a steal.

Go check out 52 Bites and start simplifying along with me. I’ll be posting regularly on my progress with the projects. Join me?

What do you do when you feel like giving up?

I’ve been feeling mighty discouraged lately. I have some big goals that I need to reach, and I’m feeling inadequate.

Does it always have to be two steps forward, one step back?

Last year hubby and I attended Financial Peace University. I was so fired up about getting him out of debt.

Since I was pregnant, we had some months to really focus before baby arrived. We made our budget, figured out where we could reduce expenses, had weekly budget meetings as a couple, and paid off a good chunk. We also paid our midwife, and saved a few thousand dollars in preparation for buying a bigger vehicle (our current car only seats 7, and there are 8 of us).

Baby comes, and is healthy and that’s the most important thing to be thankful for. Another thing that comes is a bill from the tax man stating that we made more money than our accountant figured on, so we owed several thousand in taxes.

There went our savings account. Every penny, and then some. And hubby got notice of some more debt he didn’t know he had.

Do you know how it feels to think you’re a couple grand closer to being free, and find out you’re actually more in the hole than a year before?

I thought I had no personal debt, and then I got a medical bill for $900 for an E.R. visit with the 5 year old – and unbeknownst to me, her medical insurance had lapsed 5 DAYS earlier. The same thing happened two days ago, when I got a bill for $2,000 for an accident that happened to my daughter two years ago, when I *thought* she had insurance. It doesn’t help when your ex-spouse loses his job and gets behind on support.

Frugality can be so frustrating at times.

You shop at multiple grocery stores and do sales and coupons to get the best deals, and can’t figure out how to make a meal out of what you bought once you get it home.

You decide to cut your son’s hair to save money. Then you botch things and end up paying a professional after all.

(I’ve cut their hair in the past, and I always did a good job. But this time, I used clippers (something I’ve never done). The 10 year old looks great, but I goofed a little on the oldest’s bangs.I fled to my room and nearly cried out of disappointment and frustration at myself. With a little gel it looks fine, and it will grow… but still.)

I feel so tired. Too tired to attack my problems.

Right now I need to clean out my basement in preparation for our move to a smaller, cheaper place. I need to set aside stuff to sell, decide what we’re keeping and storing, and clean the space. (After it flooded several times because the landlord procrastinated on solving the problem, mildew is growing. We have to get rid of it before it makes us all sick.)

The thought of all I need to do to save, sell stuff and increase my income is overwhelming.

Ever been there?

Today I remembered a scripture and I’m trying to meditate on it. I wrote it on several index cards and I’m sprinkling them throughout the house.

Galatians 6:9 -

“So let us not give up in doing what is fine, for in due season we shall reap if we do not tire out. “

I have to keep thinking that things will get better. That eventually we’ll meet our goals. Baby steps.

I’m doing a lot of things to save money. I started a new savings account yesterday and am shaving every dime I can off the budget to add to the balance.

And I hope I don’t sound like I’m whining. I know very well how fortunate I am.

It’s just that I don’t remember feeling this way before. When I was a single mom, I paid off my debts. It was an amazing feeling. I’ve always been the kind of person who attacked her goals. I used to be able to sustain the inner drive that it takes to get where I needed to be. Now I feel … weak.

I’m also thinking about these two:

“For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me.”
Phil. 4:13, NWT

“… but those who are hoping in Jehovah will regain power. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not tire out.”
Isaiah 40:31

I keep praying for that strength, that energy. It takes a lot. I don’t know how people stay encouraged when they have tens of thousands of dollars in debt.

I know they have to create massive energy towards meeting that goal, and the momentum keeps them going.

I  can’t seem to get started slogging up the hill.

What do you do when you feel like giving up?

photo credit: romana klee

After a week of fun and sun on Tybee Island, the baby got sick with a stomach virus.

Then it moved to the oldest, then me, then the 5 year old. I’m sure it will make its way to the other kids in time, one by one.

Nursing kids through a stomach virus is not exactly how I wanted to spend the last couple of days of my beach vacation, but it’s far better than not getting to go away at all.

I’m thankful that nobody got sunburned (except me, just a little – so busy lathering everyone else with natural sunscreens that I forgot about myself), adding insult to injury.

I’m tired from holding a toddler all day and rocking the 5 year old and interrupted sleep.

I got so worried about Sadie’s listlessness and pallor that I made an Oral Rehydration Therapy drink and coaxed her to drink it. At times like these I wish she was still nursing. I never worry about a breastfed infant getting dehydrated.

Also, any ideas (other than the obvious) about what could cause ongoing nausea?

I’ve been nauseated for over two weeks now. I had a normal period last week, so I don’t think I could be pregnant. But I am so sick to my stomach that I can hardly eat.  I have food aversions, and I’m sensitive to smells (all my normal early pregnancy symptoms). I suppose it could be the stomach bug “cooking” in there. I didn’t get as sick as the kids did, and I didn’t vomit.

So how has your week been?

I woke up today in one of those moods where I really didn’t want to get out of bed. Because I was tired. And stomachachey because my bowels don’t work. And I had some badish news from the Doctor yesterday. Apparently you’re not supposed to bleed from that particular orifice. Consider yourself educated.

And last night the kids were super loud and boisterous and obnoxious and big Z and I kept them telling them to be quiet and go to bed and they wouldn’t so I had to call my mom and tell her not to take them to the movies today.

And that always makes me grumpy.

Good thing I have these guys to make me laugh.

They have a new tactic. I swear my kids are geniuses.

Every time I ask them to do a chore, they claim there’s a spider in the area.

“Mom, I can’t take my laundry downstairs. I saw a HUGE spider down there.”

Oldest is really smart. He got specific.

“Mom, I can’t do laundry today.There is a brown recluse spider down there.”

And of course it works because what kind of mother would send her child into a spider’s lair?

Works for bedtimes too. “Mom there is a spider in my bed!”

And bathing rebellion. “I saw a spider in the shower!”

Just so you know. We don’t have a spider infestation. I have seen two, count ‘em – TWO spiders in the 18 months we have lived here.

Oldest has made up a nickname for his sister. She is henceforth dubbed Nemesister. I thought it sounded like a cool name for a band or a roller derby chick. NemeSister! Rawr!

Also, I am hosting a big clothing swap meet at my place tomorrow, and I have zero motivation to clean my house.

I’m not sure what to do about this.

My plan thus far is to trick the children into doing everything. I’m going to tell them they have the day off from doing their regular chores because we’re going to do something different. (Deep clean the living room.)

But given the aforementioned brilliance of my children, I’m thinking they’re not going to fall for it. But it’s the best idea I’ve come up with.

I envy my baby. Every problem she has in the world is solved with her favorite warm beverage. It’s the cutest thing when she crawls up to me saying, “A-da? A-da?” which is so adorable because it’s like she’s asking to nurse, which is so sweet, and then I pick her up into my lap and she attacks my breast like it’s the most wonderful idea in the world.

I’ll close with this thought, which I shamefully stole from a twitterer.

“If God can use Balaam’s ass, maybe He can use me.”

p.s. I am aware that spiders have webs, not lairs, but lair just sounded much cooler.

Here are a few articles and blog posts I’ve enjoyed reading this week. Curiously, they’re all about homeschooling.

- Montessori at home. I’ve long enjoyed reading about the principles of Montessori education. This post breaks it down into 8 points and makes it easy to understand (and implement).

- Curing “Scope and Sequence Syndrome”. I loved this post! It’s about forgetting about what your kids are “supposed” to be learning at a certain age (who decided that?), and focusing on what you want them to learn, based on your value system.

- Organizing schoolwork and chores with Post-Its and Index Cards. I LOVE this idea and am totally going to use it!

Some lovely people sent me two books by author Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.

I was pretty happy about that because a) I had previously spotted these at Barnes and Noble and coveted them and b) books on happiness align perfectly with my Happiness Project.

Being Happy: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life

The book’s main message?

Perfectionism is one of the key destroyers of happiness.

I immediately resonated with this theme. I am definitely a recovered perfectionist! And I have seen how the tendency towards perfectionism has played out in my life and in the lives of people close to me, leading to unhappiness.

In our society we tend to think of perfectionism as if it were a positive trait. Perfectionists are harder working, take their responsibilities seriously, and are reliable…. right?

The truth is that perfectionists often have a harder time meeting their goals and being successful because they 1) don’t reach for them in the first place, afraid of failing, or 2) give up when the journey to the goal doesn’t fit their idealized view (meaning, when it gets hard!)

The author encourages you to work towards being an Optimalist, not a Perfectionist.

An Optimalist:

• enjoys the journey, and understands that the journey won’t be a straight line, but will have challenges and setbacks.
• views failure as feedback, and is more likely to try new things in the first place because they don’t fear looking stupid.
• is a nuanced thinker – avoids black/white, all or nothing thinking and false dichotomies.
• rejects rigidity and is adaptable, flexible, forgiving

A recurring theme in the book is the idea of the Fixed mindset versus a Growth mindset. The fixed mindset encourages the adopting of false dichotomies. It is limiting. A fixed mindset says “I’m just not ___, and I won’t ever be.”

I’m guilty of this.

I tell myself that “I’m just not artistic/creative“.

The truth is, I don’t really know how creative or artistic I am. I’ve never tried my hand at painting, never taken an art class, never tried throwing clay on a pottery wheel (something I’ve always wanted to do but was afraid of looking stupid), etc.

A lot of people would say that blogging for 9 years is an example of creativity.

On the other hand, a growth mindset means that while I acknowledge that I have natural talents, that these are merely a jumping-off place, a starting point. That I can grow and develop other areas. It’s not limiting.

There is a great example of a study done with children that underscores the importance of this growth mindset.

A bunch of kids were split into two groups and asked to do a test, and all did well. One group was told that they were “smart” to have done well on the test. The other group was praised properly: they were told “you must have worked really hard on this” (in other words, they were praised for their *effort*, a variable they can control, versus their *intellect*, something we think of as fixed).

Then the instructors asked the kids to do a second test. How do you think they responded?

The group who were given the “fixed” mindset didn’t want to do the test at all! They were afraid they would fail. They tended to not do as well.

The group who were given the “growth” mindset embraced the second test eagerly and enjoyed the process of completing it.They also outranked the other group.

One lesson from this is that it’s very important HOW we praise children. There is a right way and a wrong way to do so. But for the purpose of the book, the lesson is that we need to keep a “growth” mindset about ourselves so we don’t limit our potential for success, happy relationships and overall well being.

Read any good books lately about happiness? Want to share your thoughts below?

p.s. I have declared war on false dichotomies. I’ve always hated it when I heard people say them, but didn’t know there was a specific term for this until I read this book.

Here is a definition

I love that I now have a word for a phenomenon that I dislike so much! When I hear someone saying that they can’t do XXX and also do XXX, I’ll be able to lovingly show them how they have set up a lie … in their own mind, and not in reality.

What a great unhappiness buster!

I took a similar product after the birth of my last two babies. The afterbirth pains were so wicked, and they get worse each time! They left me in tears. I didn’t want to still be in pain after the baby was OUT.

A reader named Theresa submitted this review.

Contract Ease Natural Support After Birth Sedative for Pain

I have given birth seven times and the last few times the after pains of birth have been pretty painful.

The normal products such as Ibuprofen or Tylenol the doctor or midwife recommended were providing no relief.

A hot water bottle or heating pad provided temporary relief, but it was hard to dread breastfeeding my new baby when I knew the after pains would accompany our nursing sessions.

Finally in my last pregnancy I found Mother’s Choice Contract Ease.

Contract Ease is an all natural herbal supplement that includes these ingredients: Crampbark, Wild Yam, Black Haw, Scullcap, Valerian Root, Hops, Chamomile Flowers, Fennel and Catnip. It was so wonderful to find a product that worked without having to put harmful chemicals into my body.

Contract Ease comes in two sizes – 2 oz and 8 oz bottles. The 2 oz lasted me until my womb had retracted back to its normal size. I have kept my bottle on my shelf so I would remember the name in case I ever become pregnant again.

Contract Ease was formulated by Shonda Parker and produced by TriLight, Inc. It was a God send. My after pains truly disappeared and made my postpartum nursing experience so much more relaxed since I didn’t have to cringe every time Noah wanted to nurse. I would recommend this product for a shower gift prior to a new mama’s labor and delivery.

I also took liquid calcium and magnesium several times a day after my last baby was born. I would say it helped about 20%.

What did you do to help with wicked afterbirth pains?

** I have another cool giveaway to offer you so be sure to read all the way through! **

If you’re like me, you’re concerned about conflicting reports as to the safety of conventional sunscreens.

None of us wants to go back to the days of pool fun or beach=sunburn (the way it was for most of us as kids and also for previous generations). But studies that link cancer with sunscreen use are also a source of worry.

While the scientists figure it all out, my plan for the last few years has been to use only natural sunscreen products. These are mineral based (zinc and titanium), and work by a physical, not chemical reaction to “scatter” the sun’s rays and prevent sunburn.

A trio of products from Episencial crossed my desk and I am happy to give them a glowing review. I thought I would have to wait until my trip to the beach this summer, but as it turned out I had a chance to test these recently.

When the kids and I spent an entire late morning/early afternoon tilling up soil in preparation for our garden, I slathered the “Sunny SPF 35 Sunscreen” on the baby.

It contains lovely organic ingredients like shea butter (probably why it smells heavenly!), beeswax and avocado oil to nourish tender baby skin.

It’s also water resistant, which I know must be true because it took a good scrubbing with a washcloth in the bath to get it out of her hair.

Not only did she smell amazing, but her skin was just fine with no burn, even though she was in bright sun for several hours.

Due to my sloppy application, it got in her eyes just a little but didn’t seem to bother her a bit.

A couple things:  You can follow Episencial on Twitter if that kind of thing floats your boat. To find a local store where you can purchase the products here: Store locator. And, they are offering a special Skin Cancer Awareness Month promo with Dermstore.com: Get 15% off all Episencial products with the purchase of Episencial Sunny Sunscreen. The promo code is: DSSUNNY. And the offer is valid: May 16-23 only.

** Now for the giveaway! **

The winner gets a full-sized Sunny Sunscreen SPF 35 (4oz) and Protective Face Balm SPF 6 (.75 oz), as well as a travel sized Soothing Cream (.75 oz.)

Just leave a comment below, Tweet about the giveaway, and/or link to this blog post to get up to 3 entries.

The giveaway ends on Wednesday, May 25th at Noon Eastern time.

I love birth.

I love reading about birth.

I love reading birth stories.

I even publish birth stories here on this site.

So I am happy to host a giveaway of Belly Button Bliss: A Small Collection of Happy Birth Stories.

Who wants to win a copy?

I really enjoyed this book.

What I love about it are the joyous attitudes of the women who contributed.

No matter what their birth experience, they were forever changed – and happy about that!

I have long encouraged women to IGNORE people who regale them with birth horror stories. Reading about beautiful, magical, spiritual, joyful births – whether they took place in hospital or at home, whether the births were natural or not… is important for a pregnant woman. Especially one who wants to prepare for a natural childbirth.

Reading Belly Button Bliss inspired me to work up the courage to ask a pregnant friend if I can support her at her birth. I just have to experience birth again… from the other side of the action!

If you have a friend who is expecting who you think would love the book, or if that’s YOU, then please leave a comment below. That’s one entry. To get another entry, Tweet about the giveaway. To get still another, blog and link to this page. And let me know what you did below.

If you don’t win, you can always pick up a copy from Amazon too.

The winner will be chosen on Tuesday, May 23 at Noon Eastern time.

Mazel tov!

At the end of the day, we as parents want to feel like we’ve connected with our children.

We want them to feel loved. We want them to feel “heard”. We want to make sure we’ve looked them in the eyes.We want the love and concern we feel for our kids to not escape our children’s notice.

And even when our kid’s behavior disappoints us from time to time, we still want to connect, to validate their feelings, to let them know we understand their struggle, and that we’re still on their side.

That can be challenging, especially as our families grow, as kids get older and more involved in their own activities, and as life becomes more busy and stressful.

Leaving little love notes can be an effective way to get these important messages across.

One company, Messages4U, makes it easy with their Messages For Kids cards.

It’s been fun for me to leave these little notes around for my kids to find.

The other week, a special event happened in the life of my stepdaughter. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I wanted to acknowledge the day, without overstepping. So I bought her a small gift, and left a card with the message: “I’m so glad our paths crossed!” with it.

When she saw it, she busted out of her room, ran up to me and gave me a hug.

For the first time.

One of my children struggles from time to time with feelings of loneliness.

I gave him a card with the message: “Good for a free hug. Redeem anytime.”

He comes to me, card in hand, at least once a day to redeem his free hug.

One of my daughters, who was going through an especially challenging patch, got a card on her pillow. It read: “You’re one in a million.”

(Honestly, it was the nicest thing I could think to say about her that week!)

She was skeptical, but I could tell it softened her just a bit.

I’ve noticed that kids love surprises, and it doesn’t take a whole lot to make their day. A little unexpected attention, something shared just between you and them, can mean so much. Especially in a family where kids share parental affection with several siblings.

Card decks are available that are appropriate to give friends, your spouse and other adults. You can see more info at Messages4U.com

An interesting product hit my mailbox the other day.

Do you have a stepstool in front of your toilet so that little ones who are potty training can reach?

I know I have had one for years. It also helps for the toddler have a spot to rest his feet so he doesn’t fall in or have to “hold on” to the side of the toilet.

(Ew!)

The Little Looster is a potty learning step stool that slides up to your toilet and wraps around.

If you dread using a child’s potty chair because you hate cleaning it and want to train your child directly to the big potty, you might want to look into this.

Because of the cutout design, adults are able to use it without moving it out of the way.

We used this in the main (kid’s) bathroom for a few weeks, and my 5 year old liked using it. She said it felt really comfortable to be able to rest her feet on it. She certainly looked more stable!

Unfortunately, the boys didn’t, and they kept moving it away from the toilet which kind of defeated the purpose.

I don’t know if they were too short to “reach” the commode with the Little Looster in place, or what. Also, this bathroom happens to be really tiny, and I think it would work best in a bathroom with a little more floor space.

Anyway, I plan on keeping it because in a year when the youngest is potty training, I’m sure she’ll love the more secure feeling it provides.

To be honest, *I* liked using the Looster as a foot rest when I’m on the toilet. Having your feet up a little approximates a healthy squatting position, takes pressure off your veins and makes “going” easier.

You can learn more about this product at their website: Little Looster or at Amazon.com: Little Looster, Booster for the Loo

At our house, we recently started a new weekly tradition.

Monday night is our Family Meeting

Do you have something similar at your house?

Family Meetings are a chance for us to gather and:

• Discuss future plans (weekend fun, vacations, etc)
• Talk about goals we have as a family
• Get input from each other
• Swap up chores
• Thank each other
• Resolve conflict
• Brainstorm together
• Ask for help
• Remind/reinforce family rules

photo credit: mt 23

For instance, tonight we talked about conflict resolution.

I printed up a simple 4 step conflict resolution model and we did some role playing to demonstrate the right and wrong way to resolve conflict.

We also reminded the kids about a previous problem (everyone using way too many drinking glasses all day long!) and a solution.

I take minutes on the meeting which are reviewed at the start of the next week’s meeting.

Anyone is free to bring up any topic they want to discuss with the group.

For example, one week one of the children told everyone that he was feeling a little lonely and wanted people to pay him more attention. Another time, one kid asked if everyone would please remember to flush! The kids make suggestions (this week, one child asked if on Monday we could rotate having movie and game night) and we vote on the outcome.

So far it’s been a good thing for our family. The only problem is that sometimes the kids don’t take it as seriously as I would like. Their attention wanders, even after only a few minutes. While I don’t want the process to be entirely democratic, I do want them to enjoy the meeting.

I don’t want the thing to play out like a Dilbert cartoon, in other words.

Do you have any suggestions on how we can keep Family Meeting fun as well as engaging?

My girlfriends and I met last night for our second monthly Happiness Project group meeting.

I was glad that one of the ladies was in a chatty mood. Because I wasn’t.

I had been thinking about how for me at least, happiness is sometimes a matter of Two Steps Forward, One Step Back. It disappointed me. I want to be better, and do better all the time. I disapoint myself. And I can sometimes be impatient with circumstances that I can’t change.

I wanted to ask the ladies if they ever experienced blue or low moods “for no reason”.  I wanted to ask them if they, too, felt that happiness was “two steps forward….”. I even wrote those those things down so I wouldn’t forget.

I never got around to asking. That’s ok. I’ll do it next time.

Today I feel better just because it’s sunny out and I’ve been outside most of the morning. That’s always an instant mood lifter for me. If only I could control the weather (now I could move to a place where it’s always sunny, but I would miss my family so much that I wouldn’t be happy. Ah the irony!).

photo credit: eccampbell

One of my friends (the one who, at our first Group meeting, related that someone told her it was “selfish” to buy herself a treadmill?!) announced that she had lost 15 pounds since our last meeting. Basking in the glow of her success brought me happiness, and I was reminded of why I wanted to do this Group thing. Sharing our successes gives us “double the pleasure”.

My goals for this month have mostly remained the same, but I dropped a few that ended up not being important, or that have already become more or less habit.

My NEW daily goals for April are:

• To perform one (not so random) Act of Kindness each day.
• To plan my week on Sunday nights, and write a nightly To-Do list as part of my Before Bed Routine.
• Remember to Pray and Breathe when I feel stressed.
• Thank someone sincerely (beyond a mere ‘thanks’) every day.
• Continue tracking every penny I spend. I use this free online tool: Spending Diary.

Do you have any goals? I would love to hear about them.

Recommended Reading: The Happiness Project by Gretchin Rubin

I’m nearing the end of the first whole month of my Happiness Project. Every day I check off things that I’ve resolved to do. Things like: exercise daily, blog daily, declutter 15 minutes daily.

photo credit: Nina Matthews Photography

As the month has wound to a close, I’ve realized that I’m going to drop some of these resolutions for next month. Perhaps they aren’t as important to me as I thought, or perhaps they don’t require attention daily. Or, they’re habits that are now … well, habit. (Hence, I don’t need the reminder.)

One of the resolutions for April that I want to add, however, is:

Perform One Daily Not- So-Random Act of Kindness.

“Random” makes it sound unplanned. The truth is that doing kindnesses take a little planning sometimes. If we leave things up to “random”, they may not happen.

To get a jump on the next month, I decided that I would do one Act today.

Yesterday I received my baby’s Social Security card in the mail. Not so amazing. It’s just that I was expecting a big hassle. The last two homebirths I had were in another county, and it was a big rigamarole to get the Vital Records office to communicate with Social Security. It took months to get the whole deal taken care of. I procrastinated this time because I was dreading the whole process.

Except.

This time I was helped by a wonderful woman in the Vital Records office, and was basically in and out of there in under 10 minutes. (GREAT when you go everywhere with a passel of kids!). Not only was she professional, she was downright helpful. About another, unrelated “government” issue I need to take care of. She even gave me her phone number and told me to call her in 3 weeks to check on the status of everything.

3 weeks later, I get the SS card in the mail! Totally unexpected. I was so relieved that I decided to immediately pick up the phone and call Ms. Millie Lopez to THANK her for making the whole shebang so easy.

I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was thrilled to be hearing from me. I could hear the smile in her words. I wonder how many government employees are thanked for their service? (To be fair, many of them are not worthy of thanking!)

After I got off the phone with her I had a real rush of happiness. It completely took my mind of a current problem that is causing me much vexation.

A few minutes later, I got a return call from Ms. Lopez. She wanted to know if I could send a quick email to her supervisor?

So I sat down and did just that. The good feelings continued to flow.

“Hello,

My name is Carrie Lauth Willard, and I met Ms. Lopez in the Cobb Vital Records Office. I had a homebirth in Cobb County and needed to register my daughter’s birth, obtain a birth certificate and file with Social Security Administration.

Previously I had two homebirths in Paulding County, and getting the birth certificates and SS cards were a huge hassle that took months and more than one visit to the office, etc. I was prepared for the same in Cobb, but Ms. Lopez was so lovely to deal with! Professional but more than that, truly helpful. She truly went above and beyond.

I received Ruby’s Social Security card in the mail and was shocked at how quickly it arrived. Now my husband and I can file our taxes in a timely manner. I called Ms. Lopez today to thank her for her stellar “customer” service. Please let her know that you received this email from me. Thanks so much.”

Carrie Lauth Willard

I’m really looking forward to seeing how this habit adds to my happiness and the happiness of people I encounter.

Have you ever undertaken something similar? What were your experiences?

Pins on a Map: A Family’s Yearlong Journey Around the World

Speaking of people who do incredible things most people only dream about… I’ve been meaning to write a review of Pins on a Map for weeks. It’s also one of those books that I had to devour during baby’s long afternoon nap.

Who doesn’t dream of packing up the fam and heading around the world for a year?!

Pins on a Map is the true story of David Boesch, who, along with his wife and 3 kids, traveled to 17 countries on 6 continents in 345 days. Each chapter shares the lessons his family learned about other cultures and people and themselves, as well as practical tips for other would-be world travelers.

I loved every page.

Even the opening chapters about how the family prepared financially and logistically for the undertaking were exciting. And the final chapter, in which David talks about his bittersweet feelings at the trip’s end, how he missed his family and his resignation at the tedium of “normal” life, left me feeling a bit blue.

Inbetween are comical and sometimes brutally honest stories about the family’s experiences. You get to find out which places they loved (Japan) and why, and which places they didn’t care for so much. You find out how the family and kids adapted to constant changes and travel (surprisingly well). You also get to learn about some of the frightening events that took place, such as losing your loved ones in a chaotic Bangkok flea market, or your daughter breaking her leg while on the other side of the world.

As a homeschooler,I enjoyed reading the reaction of the school system upon learning of the Boesch children’s travel plans. An employee at the school district where the two younger children attended told them not to worry about the school they would miss during their year off. He advised them to just bring along a math book and a pencil, and that… “The travel will take care of the rest.”

I bet you would enjoy living vicariously through the Boesch family’s adventure of a lifetime too.