I’m on vacation this week, hanging out with my extended family in a cabin in South Carolina.

If you haven’t seen this awesome show yet, be sure to check out the Mama Natural Show! It’s a fun, newsy vlog that keeps you updated on the latest in the natural mothering community without taking up a lot of your time (her shows are minutes long, and unlike most video I’ve seen online, actually enjoyable to watch!)

Her 21st episode mentioned yours truly.

Fun stuff, and Genevieve is a great gal. I’ve found a new favorite site!

A smattering of things I’ve enjoyed this past week…

• A Little Perspective by Backwoods Mom
• Tribal Mainstream and Self-Sabotage – or,  why our healthy habits disappear when we’re with family
• Remember The Dog That Doesn’t Bark – how often are you thankful for what doesn’t happen?
• ZombieMommy is giving away tickets to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. Enter if you’re interested in winning!

Here are some of the best posts from Decembers of yesteryear…

2006

• An interview with the authors of Mommy Guilt
• Hmm… what is baby thinking about in utero? An interview with a prenatal psychologist

2007

• 12 tips for lowering your grocery budget. This article is 4 years old, but I was surprised at how relevant the advice still is.
• Interview with Kristen Chase of Motherhood Uncensored and now, 4orMoreKids

2008

• I get on my soapbox about why it’s not selfish or bad to want alone time occasionally
• When I was 10 years old, I knew everything there was to know about how to be a great Mom. I even had a list.

These are a few of my favorite reads from this past week:

- Make your own homemade cream of mushroom soup and avoid those mysterious ingredients.

- Never one to run from controversy, Penelope Trunk shares her thoughts on The Big Lie Homeschoolers Tell. WOW. She’s so right on with this comparison of breastfeeding and homeschooling.

- This article by Meagan about parents who behave obnoxiously in defending their ultra picky nutritional philosophies was spot on. Be sure to read the article she refers to by Michael Pollan as well.

- Speaking of food, I made this slow cooker mashed potatoes recipe and they were UH-MAY-ZING. This entire site is follow worthy for sure. (Although, I would substitute the bouillon cube for either chicken broth (eliminating the equivalent amount of water), or use an “unchicken” cube to avoid MSG.

I’m reading Pride and Prejudice.

Not as fast as I’d like to, mind you. It’s the kind of book I could easily devour in one long session, with a pot of tea and a few pillows strategically arranged on the couch.

But there are all these kids that keep asking for dinner and such.

Still.

One of the things that struck me was how often the characters go out walking. Once Elizabeth even walked for several miles, one way, to go check on her sister who was visiting friends and had come down with a cold.

The beauty of this simple habit struck me.

Then I read Leo Babauta’s ebook Focus. The chapter on “How to Take a Walking Vacation” also got me to thinking. (You can download the book for free.)

I already walk every day, but just around my neighborhood. A couple of years ago, I lived in an urban area. I could walk to hot spots and restaurants, the Post Office, the grocery store, the park. And we often did. I LOVED it. Now? Not so much.

I started thinking about places I go that might be close enough to walk to.

Oh wait. What about the library? According to my phone, it’s only 1.3 miles from my front door. That’s less than 3 miles, round trip. And there are nice wide sidewalks the whole way there and back.

We set out.

It was a lovely, perfect November morning. Look at that sky.

Sadie wanted to know why there was so much trash on the grass, so we talked about how rude and wrong it is to litter.

We crossed a bridge over the Chattahoochee River. Something you can’t see when you’re driving over it.

We saw abandoned train tracks. An old abandoned coal-fired incinerator.

We talked about roadkill. A possum, a deer (at first we couldn’t tell whether it was a very large dog, but then we spotted a hoof).

We discussed whether the birds we saw circling overhead were hawks, getting ready to divebomb for a meal, or some kind of carrion bird, looking for roadkill.

We passed another walker, on her way to the bus stop. A biker, with the same destination. I reflected on how fortunate I am to have the choice of walking. I have a car that can shield me from inclement weather. And I don’t have to rely on public transportation. That’s a true blessing.

Walking is really a mindfulness meditation, isn’t it?

We decided to do this walk once a week for our library trip. Driving somewhere that is a mile away seems silly now.

Do you have any places you can walk to?

A few great posts from Novembers of yesteryear…

2007

- An interview with Marni Matyus on babywearing and kangaroo care (read the transcript) or you can listen to the interview.

- Learn how to conquer food cravings with The Cravings Coach

2008

- Peggy Webb of West River Academy on unschooling and eclectic homeschooling and what it means for your family.

- A simple, easy herbal first aid kit for your home.

2010

- Things I learned by watching the Babies documentary.

A few blog posts I enjoyed this week:

- 6 Strategies for Sibling Rivalry from Like Mother, Like Daughter. This whole site is wonderful, full of eye candy and awesome advice from a mom of young adults.

- This post about choosing Peace over Productivity came to me at just the right time.

- Be More With Less shares 50 Ways to Leave Your Clutter

- For the breastfeeding mamas: Get a free coupon for $1.50 off a box of Mother’s Milk tea

Enjoy your weekend!

This week’s Lovely Links starts off with 3 Ted talks I enjoyed. If you aren’t familiar with Ted.com, take a bit of time to peruse around in there. Interesting stuff!

- Like this one:  Less stuff, more happiness?

- And this one is nothing new for a mom, any mother of a toddler knows they’re little scientists and geniuses. This video will help you be more understanding when they throw everything on the floor. What do babies think? (Her book is now on my library list.)

- And finally, battling bad science. How to weed through “nutritional science” myths or “junk food science” as it’s often referred to.

- A huge list of “make your own mixes” from MomAdvice. Looks like I have a few more things to add to my “make instead of buy” page.

- I enjoyed this photographic essay from Backwoods Mom about kids who don’t have cable.

- Strapped for cash but need to declutter and organize? This 31 days to cheaply organize your home series is awesome!

• I’m making this all  natural moisturizing kitchen hand scrub for my mom and sister – doesn’t this recipe smell yummy?
• Speaking of whipping stuff up in the kitchen, these Morning Glory muffins are on the menu. Pront0.
• Doesn’t this slow cooker chicken enchilada soup look amazing? (She had me at slow cooker.) I put this on next week’s menu plan.
• Mr. Money Mustache has some excellent points on the marketing machine that makes us think kids are expensive. (Warning: he likes to use colorful metaphors.)
• Ever watched a cooking show? Don’t you just love how they have all the ingredients measured out in little glass dishes beforehand? I didn’t know there was a name (mise en place) for that, or a reason for it. Now I do. I’ve begun doing it, and I like it. Do you “mise en place”?
• Is choosing to be a stay at home mom risky? via 5MinutesForMom. A controversial topic for sure. I am in the camp of “Hells yeah, it’s risky to be financially dependent.”
• I enjoyed and totally related to PickleBum’s essay on feeding kids healthy: Food Fights! I wrote something similar awhile back about conflicting nutrition advice and confusion.

A smattering of posts I enjoyed this week:

• I so agree with Rachel’s assessment that Simplifying is Easier than Organizing. – Just one reason I eliminated the off season clothing stash!
• Great tip from Jessica at LifeAsMom on securing heavy furniture to the wall with brackets. All the bookcases in my home are secured this way. If you haven’t done this yet, do it THIS weekend. My heart goes out to a fellow mom blogger who lost her 2 year old son when he climbed onto a piece of furniture and the TV fell on him.
• BackWoods Mom makes an excellent point – teaching kids that nothing that comes from the government is “free”.
• I heart this lovely article by Meagan at Happiest Mom – staying home is nice. I mirrored this reminder this week!

photo credit: IvanWalsh.com

My 10 year old son is an eBay business magnate.

Well, maybe magnate is a bit… ambitious.

It’s more like he’s an eBay business… beginner.

But even Trump had to start somewhere, eh?

One of the things I love about homeschooling?

That it leaves enough time for a child to pursue their interests.

Sometimes this requires a bit of trust. As in, if my son spends 4 hours a day doing LEGO, will that actually serve him later on in life?

But other things that kids choose to pursue have clear, measurable (and immediate!) value.

For instance, my son has completed approximately 50 auctions on eBay. He’s got a full fledged part time business now, and he loves it. I had to move a desk into his room, help him secure some storage room for his inventory, and open a Paypal and eBay account just for him. I also had to help him set “eBay hours” so he didn’t get too sidetracked from chores and school work.

In this process, he’s learning:

• Spelling. Noone is going to buy stuff from someone who can’t spell. Professional looking descriptions are important.
• Grammar/Punctuation. Ditto.
• Copywriting and Salesmanship. Boring or sparse auction descriptions don’t bring in as much cash either.
• Details Matter.  If you are lazy and don’t weigh your item with the packing material first (and charge enough shipping), it’s your own dang fault if you lose money on the auction.
• Profits Are Everything. If you lose money, you lose. (No government bailouts here!)
• Profit Margin. Higher profits don’t always mean a higher profit MARGIN. To increase his profit margin, he gets his inventory for free and recycles packaging material.
• The Customer Isn’t Always Right. In business you gotta be smart. Never ship an item when the customer hasn’t paid you yet. (How many times you think he did this before he learned this lesson? Exactly.)
• Geography. I can’t count how many times little man looked on the map to find a state, trying to calculate how long it would take a package to arrive. (This is from his buying activities, but still…)
• The Value of Mentors. He wisely listens to Mom’s advice since she’s more experienced than he is. But he’s not afraid to blaze his own trail a little bit, either.
• Managing Money. He’s not making a killing, but he is earning extra pocket money, which leads to lots of conversations with Mom about what to do with that money.
• And last but not least… Mom will get mad at you if you accidentally print shipping labels and pay for postage with HER Paypal account, when the buyer’s payment went to YOUR Paypal account. 

I don’t know if Julien will end up doing eBay full time when he’s an adult, but wouldn’t it be cool if he did? He comes from a long line of entrepreneurs. (His paternal great-Grandfather was a famous inventor, his maternal Grandparents are self- employed, his Dad, StepDad and Mom are all self- employed!)

Personally I think it would be uber cool to do eBay for a living. I hope he never has a “job”.

But even if he doesn’t, he’s learning all kinds of valuable stuff NOW.

And that’s enough for me.

Previously on NaturalMomsTalkRadio…

2010

• Teaching baby some nursing manners. Ugh. I need to take my own advice on this one. Ruby has become very aggressive lately, her favorite thing is to see how far my moles will stretch.
• How to have natural childbirth. Because it isn’t something you decide at the last minute. It’s a mindset you bring to mothering, and life.

2008

• Anger management tips for moms – how do you keep your cool?
• The challenges of being a new mom. Did you experience any of these? How did you overcome them?
• Preparing your older child for the new baby – these tips haven’t failed me yet.
• A few of my must have books for your homeschool library

What’s new with you this lovely Saturday? The weather is totally gorgeous here and it’s finally starting to feel like Autumn!

Here are a few of the articles and blog posts I enjoyed this week:

• Gluten Free Blackberry Lemon Cake Donuts  - OMG these look mouth watering. I can’t wait to make these for Sadie.
• Remember my naturopath Dr. Heather? I interviewed her a few months ago and she was also kind enough to email me some advice recently. She happens to be launching an elementary school curriculum based on her Human Body Detectives books. Very cool! Get info here.
• Excellent post at Penelope Trunk’s blog about how Kids Homeschool Themselves.
• From Simple Marriage: Excellent points about handling discipline in a blended family (I so agree with these!)
• Wow, this is inspiring! This Maine family decorated their home with finds from the … DUMP! (From one of my favorite blogs, The NonConsumer Advocate)

Have I mentioned PaperBackSwap lately?

Oh how I do love PaperBackSwap.

Why? Well, two ways mostly.

Reduce clutter

Don’t get me wrong, I love books. I have 4 bookcases in my living room alone. But unless a book is one that I know for sure I’ll be revisiting monthly, or is a classic kid’s book that will be re-read again and again by multiple children, I don’t keep it. I list it on PaperBackSwap and bless someone else. This keeps my book stock relatively uncluttered.

Save money

Obvious but worth pointing out. I only pay postage when I send someone a book. When I receive one, it’s free. This is important in a homeschooling household, especially if you have a few bibliophiles (they come by it honest!). So far this school year, my 13 year old 8th grader has devoured 8 novels. That’s in 3 weeks!

PaperBackSwap keeps him and the rest of us in fresh reading material.

If you want to become a member (free) and post books, click on the graphic above and begin. The name “Paperback swap” is a bit of a misnomer because you can post (and request) all sorts of books: hardcover, paperback, even audio books.

And once you put 10 books on your bookshelf, I get some more points.

Enjoy!

Last Thursday we headed to the HIGH museum here in Atlanta for free family Thursday.

Often, when I get out of the car, a big kid has already taken Ruby out of her car seat. That means that much of the time, when I grocery shop or whatever, an older sibling is holding her.

So it was last Thursday.

When we walked into the museum and headed to the check-in area, a helpful employee saw Julien holding his baby sister and asked him if we would like a complimentary stroller.

“No thank you. We like holding her.”

A few moments later he asked me to tie her on him in the Baby Hawk so he could walk around the Museum with her.

Few things tug at my heart strings more than seeing a big kid baby the youngest.

This pic was taken a few years ago. It’s of a younger Sadie (now 6) and Caleb (now 13).

These are some of my favorite reads this week:

• A wonderful opportunity for a work at home Mom: Kelly McCausey of MomsTalkNetwork is hiring an Assistant Blog Editor.
• If you’re doing a cash envelope system for budgeting, these free printable cash envelopes are awesome!
• Another cool freebie: John Stossel is giving away a free DVD to teachers (includes homeschoolers). I’ve always enjoyed his segments on ABC and read one of his books. I ordered mine!
• Sitting is bad for your health. I’m seeing this message more and more lately. EVEN IF you exercise, if you sit a lot, you’ll be less healthy than someone who putters around a bit more. I’ve been making a conscious effort to avoid sitting when possible. I often squat on the floor instead. You?
• I can already feel the difference in the light quality outside and so have become more vigilant about getting outside. This article on LifeHacker has more tips on preparing early to avoid Seasonal Affective Disorder.
• This might be a little obscure, but this is a fascinating article on why it’s so difficult for the poor to escape poverty explains that exerting self control is incredibly fatiguing.  And why shopping  at ALDI makes it so much easier for me to stick to my budget.
• Seriously!? I just spent $8 on Oxi-Clean and now you tell me there’s a way to make it homemade?!
• Another cool “make it yourself” recipe: Homemade MSG free onion soup mix

Yesterday when I heard that Tsh of SimpleMom.net had released an ebook, I snatched it up immediately. 

Having been a fan of her blog for years and enjoying her print book: Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach to Intentional Living, I knew it would be excellent.

And at $5?! It’s a no-brainer.

I printed out the entire thing.

I’m about one third of the way through the ebook and enjoying it very much. As an action-oriented person, I appreciate the way the projects, all designed to help you live more simply, are arranged in bite sized format. Trying to simplify can seem complicated at first, because chaos tends to come before (and during!) organization. Having someone break down the essential action steps is very helpful.

There are several things that are suggested that I’m already doing (such as establishing an evening routine, meal planning, simplifying banking, having weekly couples meetings).

There are also several projects I need to work on. Such as getting up before the kids and boosting my reserves, making a “just in case” essential papers file, creating a family purpose statement, and others.

I found myself taking notes on almost every project and adding a few tasks to my to-do list, some of which I implemented immediately.

The 52 Bites projects are organized into several categories:

• Living Green
• Organizing Your Space
• Relationships
• Taking Care of Yourself
• Time Stewardship
• Living Well
• Money Management
• Organizing Your Mind

We all know that having things together in these areas is essential to a happy, simple life.

I only have one teensy complaint about the ebook, which is: I don’t like how much space was dedicated to the “notes” at the end of each section (an entire page). It seems like it would have been a better use of space and paper to encourage the reader to take notes in margins or on another notebook. But, that’s a small thing, and again – for the price, it’s a steal.

Go check out 52 Bites and start simplifying along with me. I’ll be posting regularly on my progress with the projects. Join me?

What do you do when you feel like giving up?

I’ve been feeling mighty discouraged lately. I have some big goals that I need to reach, and I’m feeling inadequate.

Does it always have to be two steps forward, one step back?

Last year hubby and I attended Financial Peace University. I was so fired up about getting him out of debt.

Since I was pregnant, we had some months to really focus before baby arrived. We made our budget, figured out where we could reduce expenses, had weekly budget meetings as a couple, and paid off a good chunk. We also paid our midwife, and saved a few thousand dollars in preparation for buying a bigger vehicle (our current car only seats 7, and there are 8 of us).

Baby comes, and is healthy and that’s the most important thing to be thankful for. Another thing that comes is a bill from the tax man stating that we made more money than our accountant figured on, so we owed several thousand in taxes.

There went our savings account. Every penny, and then some. And hubby got notice of some more debt he didn’t know he had.

Do you know how it feels to think you’re a couple grand closer to being free, and find out you’re actually more in the hole than a year before?

I thought I had no personal debt, and then I got a medical bill for $900 for an E.R. visit with the 5 year old – and unbeknownst to me, her medical insurance had lapsed 5 DAYS earlier. The same thing happened two days ago, when I got a bill for $2,000 for an accident that happened to my daughter two years ago, when I *thought* she had insurance. It doesn’t help when your ex-spouse loses his job and gets behind on support.

Frugality can be so frustrating at times.

You shop at multiple grocery stores and do sales and coupons to get the best deals, and can’t figure out how to make a meal out of what you bought once you get it home.

You decide to cut your son’s hair to save money. Then you botch things and end up paying a professional after all.

(I’ve cut their hair in the past, and I always did a good job. But this time, I used clippers (something I’ve never done). The 10 year old looks great, but I goofed a little on the oldest’s bangs.I fled to my room and nearly cried out of disappointment and frustration at myself. With a little gel it looks fine, and it will grow… but still.)

I feel so tired. Too tired to attack my problems.

Right now I need to clean out my basement in preparation for our move to a smaller, cheaper place. I need to set aside stuff to sell, decide what we’re keeping and storing, and clean the space. (After it flooded several times because the landlord procrastinated on solving the problem, mildew is growing. We have to get rid of it before it makes us all sick.)

The thought of all I need to do to save, sell stuff and increase my income is overwhelming.

Ever been there?

Today I remembered a scripture and I’m trying to meditate on it. I wrote it on several index cards and I’m sprinkling them throughout the house.

Galatians 6:9 -

“So let us not give up in doing what is fine, for in due season we shall reap if we do not tire out. “

I have to keep thinking that things will get better. That eventually we’ll meet our goals. Baby steps.

I’m doing a lot of things to save money. I started a new savings account yesterday and am shaving every dime I can off the budget to add to the balance.

And I hope I don’t sound like I’m whining. I know very well how fortunate I am.

It’s just that I don’t remember feeling this way before. When I was a single mom, I paid off my debts. It was an amazing feeling. I’ve always been the kind of person who attacked her goals. I used to be able to sustain the inner drive that it takes to get where I needed to be. Now I feel … weak.

I’m also thinking about these two:

“For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me.”
Phil. 4:13, NWT

“… but those who are hoping in Jehovah will regain power. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not tire out.”
Isaiah 40:31

I keep praying for that strength, that energy. It takes a lot. I don’t know how people stay encouraged when they have tens of thousands of dollars in debt.

I know they have to create massive energy towards meeting that goal, and the momentum keeps them going.

I  can’t seem to get started slogging up the hill.

What do you do when you feel like giving up?

photo credit: romana klee

After a week of fun and sun on Tybee Island, the baby got sick with a stomach virus.

Then it moved to the oldest, then me, then the 5 year old. I’m sure it will make its way to the other kids in time, one by one.

Nursing kids through a stomach virus is not exactly how I wanted to spend the last couple of days of my beach vacation, but it’s far better than not getting to go away at all.

I’m thankful that nobody got sunburned (except me, just a little – so busy lathering everyone else with natural sunscreens that I forgot about myself), adding insult to injury.

I’m tired from holding a toddler all day and rocking the 5 year old and interrupted sleep.

I got so worried about Sadie’s listlessness and pallor that I made an Oral Rehydration Therapy drink and coaxed her to drink it. At times like these I wish she was still nursing. I never worry about a breastfed infant getting dehydrated.

Also, any ideas (other than the obvious) about what could cause ongoing nausea?

I’ve been nauseated for over two weeks now. I had a normal period last week, so I don’t think I could be pregnant. But I am so sick to my stomach that I can hardly eat.  I have food aversions, and I’m sensitive to smells (all my normal early pregnancy symptoms). I suppose it could be the stomach bug “cooking” in there. I didn’t get as sick as the kids did, and I didn’t vomit.

So how has your week been?

I woke up today in one of those moods where I really didn’t want to get out of bed. Because I was tired. And stomachachey because my bowels don’t work. And I had some badish news from the Doctor yesterday. Apparently you’re not supposed to bleed from that particular orifice. Consider yourself educated.

And last night the kids were super loud and boisterous and obnoxious and big Z and I kept them telling them to be quiet and go to bed and they wouldn’t so I had to call my mom and tell her not to take them to the movies today.

And that always makes me grumpy.

Good thing I have these guys to make me laugh.

They have a new tactic. I swear my kids are geniuses.

Every time I ask them to do a chore, they claim there’s a spider in the area.

“Mom, I can’t take my laundry downstairs. I saw a HUGE spider down there.”

Oldest is really smart. He got specific.

“Mom, I can’t do laundry today.There is a brown recluse spider down there.”

And of course it works because what kind of mother would send her child into a spider’s lair?

Works for bedtimes too. “Mom there is a spider in my bed!”

And bathing rebellion. “I saw a spider in the shower!”

Just so you know. We don’t have a spider infestation. I have seen two, count ‘em – TWO spiders in the 18 months we have lived here.

Oldest has made up a nickname for his sister. She is henceforth dubbed Nemesister. I thought it sounded like a cool name for a band or a roller derby chick. NemeSister! Rawr!

Also, I am hosting a big clothing swap meet at my place tomorrow, and I have zero motivation to clean my house.

I’m not sure what to do about this.

My plan thus far is to trick the children into doing everything. I’m going to tell them they have the day off from doing their regular chores because we’re going to do something different. (Deep clean the living room.)

But given the aforementioned brilliance of my children, I’m thinking they’re not going to fall for it. But it’s the best idea I’ve come up with.

I envy my baby. Every problem she has in the world is solved with her favorite warm beverage. It’s the cutest thing when she crawls up to me saying, “A-da? A-da?” which is so adorable because it’s like she’s asking to nurse, which is so sweet, and then I pick her up into my lap and she attacks my breast like it’s the most wonderful idea in the world.

I’ll close with this thought, which I shamefully stole from a twitterer.

“If God can use Balaam’s ass, maybe He can use me.”

p.s. I am aware that spiders have webs, not lairs, but lair just sounded much cooler.

Here are a few articles and blog posts I’ve enjoyed reading this week. Curiously, they’re all about homeschooling.

- Montessori at home. I’ve long enjoyed reading about the principles of Montessori education. This post breaks it down into 8 points and makes it easy to understand (and implement).

- Curing “Scope and Sequence Syndrome”. I loved this post! It’s about forgetting about what your kids are “supposed” to be learning at a certain age (who decided that?), and focusing on what you want them to learn, based on your value system.

- Organizing schoolwork and chores with Post-Its and Index Cards. I LOVE this idea and am totally going to use it!

Some lovely people sent me two books by author Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.

I was pretty happy about that because a) I had previously spotted these at Barnes and Noble and coveted them and b) books on happiness align perfectly with my Happiness Project.

Being Happy: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life

The book’s main message?

Perfectionism is one of the key destroyers of happiness.

I immediately resonated with this theme. I am definitely a recovered perfectionist! And I have seen how the tendency towards perfectionism has played out in my life and in the lives of people close to me, leading to unhappiness.

In our society we tend to think of perfectionism as if it were a positive trait. Perfectionists are harder working, take their responsibilities seriously, and are reliable…. right?

The truth is that perfectionists often have a harder time meeting their goals and being successful because they 1) don’t reach for them in the first place, afraid of failing, or 2) give up when the journey to the goal doesn’t fit their idealized view (meaning, when it gets hard!)

The author encourages you to work towards being an Optimalist, not a Perfectionist.

An Optimalist:

• enjoys the journey, and understands that the journey won’t be a straight line, but will have challenges and setbacks.
• views failure as feedback, and is more likely to try new things in the first place because they don’t fear looking stupid.
• is a nuanced thinker – avoids black/white, all or nothing thinking and false dichotomies.
• rejects rigidity and is adaptable, flexible, forgiving

A recurring theme in the book is the idea of the Fixed mindset versus a Growth mindset. The fixed mindset encourages the adopting of false dichotomies. It is limiting. A fixed mindset says “I’m just not ___, and I won’t ever be.”

I’m guilty of this.

I tell myself that “I’m just not artistic/creative“.

The truth is, I don’t really know how creative or artistic I am. I’ve never tried my hand at painting, never taken an art class, never tried throwing clay on a pottery wheel (something I’ve always wanted to do but was afraid of looking stupid), etc.

A lot of people would say that blogging for 9 years is an example of creativity.

On the other hand, a growth mindset means that while I acknowledge that I have natural talents, that these are merely a jumping-off place, a starting point. That I can grow and develop other areas. It’s not limiting.

There is a great example of a study done with children that underscores the importance of this growth mindset.

A bunch of kids were split into two groups and asked to do a test, and all did well. One group was told that they were “smart” to have done well on the test. The other group was praised properly: they were told “you must have worked really hard on this” (in other words, they were praised for their *effort*, a variable they can control, versus their *intellect*, something we think of as fixed).

Then the instructors asked the kids to do a second test. How do you think they responded?

The group who were given the “fixed” mindset didn’t want to do the test at all! They were afraid they would fail. They tended to not do as well.

The group who were given the “growth” mindset embraced the second test eagerly and enjoyed the process of completing it.They also outranked the other group.

One lesson from this is that it’s very important HOW we praise children. There is a right way and a wrong way to do so. But for the purpose of the book, the lesson is that we need to keep a “growth” mindset about ourselves so we don’t limit our potential for success, happy relationships and overall well being.

Read any good books lately about happiness? Want to share your thoughts below?

p.s. I have declared war on false dichotomies. I’ve always hated it when I heard people say them, but didn’t know there was a specific term for this until I read this book.

Here is a definition

I love that I now have a word for a phenomenon that I dislike so much! When I hear someone saying that they can’t do XXX and also do XXX, I’ll be able to lovingly show them how they have set up a lie … in their own mind, and not in reality.

What a great unhappiness buster!

I took a similar product after the birth of my last two babies. The afterbirth pains were so wicked, and they get worse each time! They left me in tears. I didn’t want to still be in pain after the baby was OUT.

A reader named Theresa submitted this review.

Contract Ease Natural Support After Birth Sedative for Pain

I have given birth seven times and the last few times the after pains of birth have been pretty painful.

The normal products such as Ibuprofen or Tylenol the doctor or midwife recommended were providing no relief.

A hot water bottle or heating pad provided temporary relief, but it was hard to dread breastfeeding my new baby when I knew the after pains would accompany our nursing sessions.

Finally in my last pregnancy I found Mother’s Choice Contract Ease.

Contract Ease is an all natural herbal supplement that includes these ingredients: Crampbark, Wild Yam, Black Haw, Scullcap, Valerian Root, Hops, Chamomile Flowers, Fennel and Catnip. It was so wonderful to find a product that worked without having to put harmful chemicals into my body.

Contract Ease comes in two sizes – 2 oz and 8 oz bottles. The 2 oz lasted me until my womb had retracted back to its normal size. I have kept my bottle on my shelf so I would remember the name in case I ever become pregnant again.

Contract Ease was formulated by Shonda Parker and produced by TriLight, Inc. It was a God send. My after pains truly disappeared and made my postpartum nursing experience so much more relaxed since I didn’t have to cringe every time Noah wanted to nurse. I would recommend this product for a shower gift prior to a new mama’s labor and delivery.

I also took liquid calcium and magnesium several times a day after my last baby was born. I would say it helped about 20%.

What did you do to help with wicked afterbirth pains?

** I have another cool giveaway to offer you so be sure to read all the way through! **

If you’re like me, you’re concerned about conflicting reports as to the safety of conventional sunscreens.

None of us wants to go back to the days of pool fun or beach=sunburn (the way it was for most of us as kids and also for previous generations). But studies that link cancer with sunscreen use are also a source of worry.

While the scientists figure it all out, my plan for the last few years has been to use only natural sunscreen products. These are mineral based (zinc and titanium), and work by a physical, not chemical reaction to “scatter” the sun’s rays and prevent sunburn.

A trio of products from Episencial crossed my desk and I am happy to give them a glowing review. I thought I would have to wait until my trip to the beach this summer, but as it turned out I had a chance to test these recently.

When the kids and I spent an entire late morning/early afternoon tilling up soil in preparation for our garden, I slathered the “Sunny SPF 35 Sunscreen” on the baby.

It contains lovely organic ingredients like shea butter (probably why it smells heavenly!), beeswax and avocado oil to nourish tender baby skin.

It’s also water resistant, which I know must be true because it took a good scrubbing with a washcloth in the bath to get it out of her hair.

Not only did she smell amazing, but her skin was just fine with no burn, even though she was in bright sun for several hours.

Due to my sloppy application, it got in her eyes just a little but didn’t seem to bother her a bit.

A couple things:  You can follow Episencial on Twitter if that kind of thing floats your boat. To find a local store where you can purchase the products here: Store locator. And, they are offering a special Skin Cancer Awareness Month promo with Dermstore.com: Get 15% off all Episencial products with the purchase of Episencial Sunny Sunscreen. The promo code is: DSSUNNY. And the offer is valid: May 16-23 only.

** Now for the giveaway! **

The winner gets a full-sized Sunny Sunscreen SPF 35 (4oz) and Protective Face Balm SPF 6 (.75 oz), as well as a travel sized Soothing Cream (.75 oz.)

Just leave a comment below, Tweet about the giveaway, and/or link to this blog post to get up to 3 entries.

The giveaway ends on Wednesday, May 25th at Noon Eastern time.

I love birth.

I love reading about birth.

I love reading birth stories.

I even publish birth stories here on this site.

So I am happy to host a giveaway of Belly Button Bliss: A Small Collection of Happy Birth Stories.

Who wants to win a copy?

I really enjoyed this book.

What I love about it are the joyous attitudes of the women who contributed.

No matter what their birth experience, they were forever changed – and happy about that!

I have long encouraged women to IGNORE people who regale them with birth horror stories. Reading about beautiful, magical, spiritual, joyful births – whether they took place in hospital or at home, whether the births were natural or not… is important for a pregnant woman. Especially one who wants to prepare for a natural childbirth.

Reading Belly Button Bliss inspired me to work up the courage to ask a pregnant friend if I can support her at her birth. I just have to experience birth again… from the other side of the action!

If you have a friend who is expecting who you think would love the book, or if that’s YOU, then please leave a comment below. That’s one entry. To get another entry, Tweet about the giveaway. To get still another, blog and link to this page. And let me know what you did below.

If you don’t win, you can always pick up a copy from Amazon too.

The winner will be chosen on Tuesday, May 23 at Noon Eastern time.

Mazel tov!

At the end of the day, we as parents want to feel like we’ve connected with our children.

We want them to feel loved. We want them to feel “heard”. We want to make sure we’ve looked them in the eyes.We want the love and concern we feel for our kids to not escape our children’s notice.

And even when our kid’s behavior disappoints us from time to time, we still want to connect, to validate their feelings, to let them know we understand their struggle, and that we’re still on their side.

That can be challenging, especially as our families grow, as kids get older and more involved in their own activities, and as life becomes more busy and stressful.

Leaving little love notes can be an effective way to get these important messages across.

One company, Messages4U, makes it easy with their Messages For Kids cards.

It’s been fun for me to leave these little notes around for my kids to find.

The other week, a special event happened in the life of my stepdaughter. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I wanted to acknowledge the day, without overstepping. So I bought her a small gift, and left a card with the message: “I’m so glad our paths crossed!” with it.

When she saw it, she busted out of her room, ran up to me and gave me a hug.

For the first time.

One of my children struggles from time to time with feelings of loneliness.

I gave him a card with the message: “Good for a free hug. Redeem anytime.”

He comes to me, card in hand, at least once a day to redeem his free hug.

One of my daughters, who was going through an especially challenging patch, got a card on her pillow. It read: “You’re one in a million.”

(Honestly, it was the nicest thing I could think to say about her that week!)

She was skeptical, but I could tell it softened her just a bit.

I’ve noticed that kids love surprises, and it doesn’t take a whole lot to make their day. A little unexpected attention, something shared just between you and them, can mean so much. Especially in a family where kids share parental affection with several siblings.

Card decks are available that are appropriate to give friends, your spouse and other adults. You can see more info at Messages4U.com

An interesting product hit my mailbox the other day.

Do you have a stepstool in front of your toilet so that little ones who are potty training can reach?

I know I have had one for years. It also helps for the toddler have a spot to rest his feet so he doesn’t fall in or have to “hold on” to the side of the toilet.

(Ew!)

The Little Looster is a potty learning step stool that slides up to your toilet and wraps around.

If you dread using a child’s potty chair because you hate cleaning it and want to train your child directly to the big potty, you might want to look into this.

Because of the cutout design, adults are able to use it without moving it out of the way.

We used this in the main (kid’s) bathroom for a few weeks, and my 5 year old liked using it. She said it felt really comfortable to be able to rest her feet on it. She certainly looked more stable!

Unfortunately, the boys didn’t, and they kept moving it away from the toilet which kind of defeated the purpose.

I don’t know if they were too short to “reach” the commode with the Little Looster in place, or what. Also, this bathroom happens to be really tiny, and I think it would work best in a bathroom with a little more floor space.

Anyway, I plan on keeping it because in a year when the youngest is potty training, I’m sure she’ll love the more secure feeling it provides.

To be honest, *I* liked using the Looster as a foot rest when I’m on the toilet. Having your feet up a little approximates a healthy squatting position, takes pressure off your veins and makes “going” easier.

You can learn more about this product at their website: Little Looster or at Amazon.com: Little Looster, Booster for the Loo

At our house, we recently started a new weekly tradition.

Monday night is our Family Meeting

Do you have something similar at your house?

Family Meetings are a chance for us to gather and:

• Discuss future plans (weekend fun, vacations, etc)
• Talk about goals we have as a family
• Get input from each other
• Swap up chores
• Thank each other
• Resolve conflict
• Brainstorm together
• Ask for help
• Remind/reinforce family rules

photo credit: mt 23

For instance, tonight we talked about conflict resolution.

I printed up a simple 4 step conflict resolution model and we did some role playing to demonstrate the right and wrong way to resolve conflict.

We also reminded the kids about a previous problem (everyone using way too many drinking glasses all day long!) and a solution.

I take minutes on the meeting which are reviewed at the start of the next week’s meeting.

Anyone is free to bring up any topic they want to discuss with the group.

For example, one week one of the children told everyone that he was feeling a little lonely and wanted people to pay him more attention. Another time, one kid asked if everyone would please remember to flush! The kids make suggestions (this week, one child asked if on Monday we could rotate having movie and game night) and we vote on the outcome.

So far it’s been a good thing for our family. The only problem is that sometimes the kids don’t take it as seriously as I would like. Their attention wanders, even after only a few minutes. While I don’t want the process to be entirely democratic, I do want them to enjoy the meeting.

I don’t want the thing to play out like a Dilbert cartoon, in other words.

Do you have any suggestions on how we can keep Family Meeting fun as well as engaging?

My girlfriends and I met last night for our second monthly Happiness Project group meeting.

I was glad that one of the ladies was in a chatty mood. Because I wasn’t.

I had been thinking about how for me at least, happiness is sometimes a matter of Two Steps Forward, One Step Back. It disappointed me. I want to be better, and do better all the time. I disapoint myself. And I can sometimes be impatient with circumstances that I can’t change.

I wanted to ask the ladies if they ever experienced blue or low moods “for no reason”.  I wanted to ask them if they, too, felt that happiness was “two steps forward….”. I even wrote those those things down so I wouldn’t forget.

I never got around to asking. That’s ok. I’ll do it next time.

Today I feel better just because it’s sunny out and I’ve been outside most of the morning. That’s always an instant mood lifter for me. If only I could control the weather (now I could move to a place where it’s always sunny, but I would miss my family so much that I wouldn’t be happy. Ah the irony!).

photo credit: eccampbell

One of my friends (the one who, at our first Group meeting, related that someone told her it was “selfish” to buy herself a treadmill?!) announced that she had lost 15 pounds since our last meeting. Basking in the glow of her success brought me happiness, and I was reminded of why I wanted to do this Group thing. Sharing our successes gives us “double the pleasure”.

My goals for this month have mostly remained the same, but I dropped a few that ended up not being important, or that have already become more or less habit.

My NEW daily goals for April are:

• To perform one (not so random) Act of Kindness each day.
• To plan my week on Sunday nights, and write a nightly To-Do list as part of my Before Bed Routine.
• Remember to Pray and Breathe when I feel stressed.
• Thank someone sincerely (beyond a mere ‘thanks’) every day.
• Continue tracking every penny I spend. I use this free online tool: Spending Diary.

Do you have any goals? I would love to hear about them.

Recommended Reading: The Happiness Project by Gretchin Rubin

I’m nearing the end of the first whole month of my Happiness Project. Every day I check off things that I’ve resolved to do. Things like: exercise daily, blog daily, declutter 15 minutes daily.

photo credit: Nina Matthews Photography

As the month has wound to a close, I’ve realized that I’m going to drop some of these resolutions for next month. Perhaps they aren’t as important to me as I thought, or perhaps they don’t require attention daily. Or, they’re habits that are now … well, habit. (Hence, I don’t need the reminder.)

One of the resolutions for April that I want to add, however, is:

Perform One Daily Not- So-Random Act of Kindness.

“Random” makes it sound unplanned. The truth is that doing kindnesses take a little planning sometimes. If we leave things up to “random”, they may not happen.

To get a jump on the next month, I decided that I would do one Act today.

Yesterday I received my baby’s Social Security card in the mail. Not so amazing. It’s just that I was expecting a big hassle. The last two homebirths I had were in another county, and it was a big rigamarole to get the Vital Records office to communicate with Social Security. It took months to get the whole deal taken care of. I procrastinated this time because I was dreading the whole process.

Except.

This time I was helped by a wonderful woman in the Vital Records office, and was basically in and out of there in under 10 minutes. (GREAT when you go everywhere with a passel of kids!). Not only was she professional, she was downright helpful. About another, unrelated “government” issue I need to take care of. She even gave me her phone number and told me to call her in 3 weeks to check on the status of everything.

3 weeks later, I get the SS card in the mail! Totally unexpected. I was so relieved that I decided to immediately pick up the phone and call Ms. Millie Lopez to THANK her for making the whole shebang so easy.

I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was thrilled to be hearing from me. I could hear the smile in her words. I wonder how many government employees are thanked for their service? (To be fair, many of them are not worthy of thanking!)

After I got off the phone with her I had a real rush of happiness. It completely took my mind of a current problem that is causing me much vexation.

A few minutes later, I got a return call from Ms. Lopez. She wanted to know if I could send a quick email to her supervisor?

So I sat down and did just that. The good feelings continued to flow.

“Hello,

My name is Carrie Lauth Willard, and I met Ms. Lopez in the Cobb Vital Records Office. I had a homebirth in Cobb County and needed to register my daughter’s birth, obtain a birth certificate and file with Social Security Administration.

Previously I had two homebirths in Paulding County, and getting the birth certificates and SS cards were a huge hassle that took months and more than one visit to the office, etc. I was prepared for the same in Cobb, but Ms. Lopez was so lovely to deal with! Professional but more than that, truly helpful. She truly went above and beyond.

I received Ruby’s Social Security card in the mail and was shocked at how quickly it arrived. Now my husband and I can file our taxes in a timely manner. I called Ms. Lopez today to thank her for her stellar “customer” service. Please let her know that you received this email from me. Thanks so much.”

Carrie Lauth Willard

I’m really looking forward to seeing how this habit adds to my happiness and the happiness of people I encounter.

Have you ever undertaken something similar? What were your experiences?

Pins on a Map: A Family’s Yearlong Journey Around the World

Speaking of people who do incredible things most people only dream about… I’ve been meaning to write a review of Pins on a Map for weeks. It’s also one of those books that I had to devour during baby’s long afternoon nap.

Who doesn’t dream of packing up the fam and heading around the world for a year?!

Pins on a Map is the true story of David Boesch, who, along with his wife and 3 kids, traveled to 17 countries on 6 continents in 345 days. Each chapter shares the lessons his family learned about other cultures and people and themselves, as well as practical tips for other would-be world travelers.

I loved every page.

Even the opening chapters about how the family prepared financially and logistically for the undertaking were exciting. And the final chapter, in which David talks about his bittersweet feelings at the trip’s end, how he missed his family and his resignation at the tedium of “normal” life, left me feeling a bit blue.

Inbetween are comical and sometimes brutally honest stories about the family’s experiences. You get to find out which places they loved (Japan) and why, and which places they didn’t care for so much. You find out how the family and kids adapted to constant changes and travel (surprisingly well). You also get to learn about some of the frightening events that took place, such as losing your loved ones in a chaotic Bangkok flea market, or your daughter breaking her leg while on the other side of the world.

As a homeschooler,I enjoyed reading the reaction of the school system upon learning of the Boesch children’s travel plans. An employee at the school district where the two younger children attended told them not to worry about the school they would miss during their year off. He advised them to just bring along a math book and a pencil, and that… “The travel will take care of the rest.”

I bet you would enjoy living vicariously through the Boesch family’s adventure of a lifetime too.

Last weekend, I didn’t feel very happy.

Sometimes, the reason(s) why don’t come to me right away.

I try not to ruminate as a general rule (ruminating is one reason why women have more depression than men, and it tends to make a bad mood linger), but I found myself trying to figure out why I wasn’t feeling happy. For the sake of my Happiness Project. So that I could avoid the trigger in the future.

Sometimes, it doesn’t work very well.

What usually DOES work is to DO something that will snap you out of a bad mood.

Here’s a great quote:

…action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling…”
— William James

In other words, it’s easier to control what you DO than to control how you FEEL. But, by controlling what you do, you end up creating how you feel.

So here are my:
5 Favorite Ways to Snap Out Of It when I’m In a Bad Mood

1) Exercise

I’ve been exercising daily this month but because we had rain (and my daily exercise is usually walking around my neighborhood), I had skipped a couple of days. I invited my 10 year old to go for a walk with me and found my mood immediately lifting. There are reams of studies linking exercise with improved mood. It’s easy, free and accessible to everyone. And it doesn’t have to be exhausting. A 10 minute walk will do the trick.

2) Music

Music is a powerful “state changer”, to borrow a phrase coined by Tony Robbins, one of the most widely recognized self help gurus in the world. Listening to music has a powerful effect on mood. Pick something that makes you happy and lifts your energy, is in a major key, and which you can sing along to. (Think The Beatles or B-52′s, not the depressive shoegaze 90′s bands of your teenage years (guilty!).

3) Sun

Getting the sun in my face, I have discovered, is absolutely essential to my mental state. I begin to feel the effects of sun deprivation if I stay inside for as little as two days. While I can’t control the weather, I surely can get outside when it IS nice. This is one of the resolutions on my daily checklist. On rainy or gray days, I take a Vitamin D pill.

4) Get Social

Our relationships are our most important happiness maker or breaker. When I’m blue, being near my husband or my mother or a friend always helps. Perhaps this because our loved ones can help us get clarity. For instance, last night while talking to hubs I realized that I *always* feel a little blue every other weekend. (Being divorced and sharing custody with my ex, perhaps you can guess why?)

And while I try my best to avoid being negative and especially gossip (happiness suckers), I do find that sharing my feelings helps. Even writing about a bad mood on my blog instantly lifts it. Perhaps it’s true than when you share your problems with someone else, they’re halved?

5) Do Something… Anything

In her book, Gretchen Rubin recommends “creating an easy success” as a key to snapping out of a bad mood. Cleaning out a junk drawer for 15 minutes can give me an immediate high. Doing a little housework, running an errand (especially if it’s to one of my favorite places, the library), reading a story aloud to my kids… anything active and productive, especially if it lifts someone else’s mood, can lift your mood.

What do you do to snap out of a bad mood?

In the past I’ve kept gratitude journals, blogged about what I’m thankful for, and in general tried to be as mindful as possible of my current blessings. This will be an ongoing list that will remind me of some of the little things that make my life awesome.

photo credit: Materials Aart

Things That Make Me Happy

1. Mechanical pencils. A fresh pencil is a thing of beauty in itself but one with a point that’s always sharp? Bliss!
2. My baby’s wet, toothless grin.
3. The smell of libraries.
4. Libraries, period. Especially Fulton County.
5. Malcolm Gladwell. (His books, obviously. Also, his hair.)
6. Wireless internet.
7. Those mesh things you put food in and then hand to a baby.
8. Baby slings.
9. IKEA dates with hubby.
10. Post-It flags.
11. Coupons! (Free money, gotta love it!)
12. Dollar store pregnancy tests. (They work.)
13. Well seasoned cast iron pans.
14. Getting email from my 9 year old son.
15. Dave Ramsey.
16. Old Navy flip-flops for $1
17. Blue polish on my toes.
18. Edy’s all fruit lime popsicles.
19. My ghetto margaritas. (secret ingredient? #18)
20. Bacon.
21. Snapfish.
22. Cloth diapers
23. Laundry on a clothesline
24. Pandora.com
25. TED.com, free intelligentsia fix
26. Monday night .99 roller skating
27. Picnics
28. Flipping through my back issues of ReadyMade magazine.
29. Buying school supplies for pennies on clearance after everyone else goes back to school.
30. Buying something cheap at a yard sale and flipping it on eBay for much more.
31. When I’m running errands in town, and I run into hubby, and he buys lunch.
32. Banks that offer free money when you open an account. I estimate I’ve earned about $500 doing this over the years.
33. WordPress.
34. Getting free blog bling, just for doing what I love: writing.
35. Sunny days.
36. Rainy days (every once in awhile).
37. Buying my kids clothes online.
38. Good lip balm.
39. Good pens.
40. Pretty journals and notebooks.
41. Girl’s nite.
42. England.
43. Making random lists.
44. Watching my kids play outside.
45. Google cache.
46. Giving stuff away on my blog.
47. When my oldest carries the 5 year old on his back.
48. Coconut macaroons.
49. Italy.
50. Ireland.
51. Wine.
52. Summer.
53. Spring.
54. Autumn.

The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

I have a cup of hot tea in my hand.

My muscles are slightly sore from a workout I just did with weights.

I’m showered and dressed and the kids are all occupied.

Baby is sleeping, deeply, on her Daddy’s chest.

And I’m blogging.

Can you believe it? It’s rare that events coalesce so nicely like this (when they usually conspire against me) enabling me to do something I love to do. After I write this, I’m going to go sit and read SuperFreakonomics. Oh the joy!

Of course, I’ve been choreographing blog posts in my head for weeks. I’m a super prolific blogger. In my mind.

Funny how, when you write about something, it automatically gets better.

The malaise I’ve been feeling for months has lifted. Maybe some of it is just time, but some of it is that I’ve gotten excited about goals again.

I read The Happiness Project, and I’m starting a Happiness Project group with some of my friends. I’m so geeked about it! I’ll be sharing a lot about that as well as a whole lot of other stuff again soon.

Sorry I’ve been so quiet. (Don’t you hate it when bloggers say that?) Truly I’ve thought about you, it’s just been tough. I’ll write more about why very soon.

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

I love this pic I snapped of my Sadie the other day.

Product:

EIO Glass Kids Cup

The Basics:

The EIO Glass Kids Cup is an alternative to plastic sippy cups for kids 2 years and up. It was thought of and designed by a mom who was fed up with plastic sippy cups with chewed spouts, mismatched lids and missing valves. It consists of a lid and a silicone sleeve that fit on most 8 oz jelly sized canning jars.  It may be purchased with a glass jar or without.  (Cost is slightly less for the latter.) Lids are made of #5 plastic and are BPA-free.  Sleeves are made in China; lids and glasses are made in the USA.  They come with minimal packaging (no plastic).  There are no spouts to be chewed and no valves to be lost.

Things to note:

This is not a shatter proof/leak proof system.  Because there are no valves, the liquid comes out like that of a “normal” cup (i.e. no sucking mechanism).  This is recommended by experts for children over one year of age for proper dental formation.

Personal Opinion:

I was very excited to hear of this product.  I used jelly jars for awhile but got tired of all of the spills.  So brilliant idea!  I prefer my kids drinking out of glass over plastic.
Even though there are BPA-free materials available, how are we to know that there is not another BPA-like ingredient yet to be discovered.  I prefer not to take the gamble and used glass or stainless when possible.  I also try to reduce my plastic consumption in general.

The packaging, overall design and colors are cute and appealing.  I ordered (from Amazon) one for my five year old and one for my 2 year old as x-mas stocking stuffers.  I ordered them without jars and picked up 4 jelly jars for 20 cents each at the thrift store.  The kids were both excited for them.  I give them an A+ for kid appeal.

Both liked them and had no troubles using them.  I still thought they were great.

I did notice that one seemed to be leaking out through the grooves and out the bottom of the cap.  I tried all of the jars I had and it leaked consistently.  The other was fine.

I contacted the company and was contacted back by the owner in less than a day.  She was kind, considerate, and helpful.  I would by again in a second just to support that- as it is such a rarity today.  She is going to send a replacement and a shipping label to send back the leaky lid so it can be checked out. SO, overall great concept, great green product and safe product, and great company.
I say they are definitely worth a try!

It’s taken me long enough to figure this out.

About 35 years.

But it’s _always_ been there.

This feeling that I’m always on the outside of things.

I’m not like other people.

Instead of making me feel special and wonderful and all those things,

it just feels incredibly lonely
.

photo credit: quinn.anya

As a young person I felt like everyone else was always having more fun than me. Always.

They all knew stuff I didn’t.

People I didn’t.

Music I didn’t.

Things.

Is that why I have a seriously curious nature?

Like I have to figure it all out. So then I can be one of the cool kids.

Is it why I have a big huge wrinkle crater in the middle of my forehead?

Always squinting.

It’s hard for me to make friends.

It’s not that I don’t try.

I’m always trying.

It’s that I’m more interested, fascinated really, with other people than they are in me.

Is that an illusion?

Perhaps.

Does everyone feel this way?

I’m always hungry ….. for …. something.

An itch I can’t scratch.

And I don’t know what it is.

I try to look. I try to keep learning.

But there are some things I absolutely know.

(Like I don’t envy. I never have. Even when my friend was blonder, fitter, bubblier, tanner than me. Her farts didn’t even stink. I never kept people away because of envy. It is an incredibly stupid waste of time.)

I feel stuck. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

At 35 I should have this figured out, no?

Is it a postpartum thing? Do I need more sleep? Will it go away when the baby is older and I have more freedom?

And if it is, then I don’t remember feeling this way, for this long, with my other babies.

Is it because I’m older? Is it because I had begun to taste the life of a mom with older kids and the perks that go along with that? (Like, being skinny. And being able to go out at night.)

It’s lonelyhere.

Is this a mid-life crisis?

Is this the problem that has no name?

(And I don’t consider myself a feminist, despite the fact that economic dependence terrifies me utterly. I feel that I’m doing the absolute most important thing in the world, shaping these young people to be the best citizens that they can be.)

Why is it that the last time I remember feeling truly, deliriously happy for a long period of time was 13 years ago? The last time I remember being so eager to jump out of bed. Shouldn’t that be really sad?

And yet I have truly few regrets about my life.

It’s just that I can’t get excited about anything anymore.

Is this depression? Maybe. Maybe it’s a seasonal thing.

But I think it’s deeper than that.

And I have no category for this post.

Just Misc.

Ya think?

My Dear Z,

I want you to know how much I appreciate you and all the things you do for our family.

This might sound odd, but I’ve been thinking of that young woman you dated before you met me. The one from Colorado, who said you “weren’t sophisticated enough”.

What a silly little fool she is.

What she doesn’t know is that she might go on to meet and marry that sophisticated guy. And that he’ll flirt with every other woman he sees. He might be arrogant and insist on always having his way. He might be narcissistic and vain, not allowing her to express herself when they disagree, always interrupting. He might be too immature to get along with a boss in order to make a decent living. He might not be faithful to her, and he might break her heart over and over again.

I’m a whole lot smarter than her, and I know what’s important.

Love isn’t silly fairy tales and butterflies and breaking up with someone just because they listen to country music and you don’t.

Love is remembering that she wanted to go see Dave Ramsey live and buying her tickets. Love is taking her to eat Indian on your anniversary because it’s her favorite. It’s being challenged and sick and even bored together yet still supporting each other. It’s holding hands and telling her she’s a wonderful mother. It’s filling her tank with gas and washing the car on Friday night.  Love is telling her she’s beautiful when she’s a week postpartum. It’s offering to rub her back every time she mentions it hurts. It’s in letting her pick the chick flick when you would rather see the action thriller, and her suggesting you go mountain biking when you’re stressed.  Love is brushing your teeth and putting lipstick on before he comes home from work. It’s not raising your voice when you’re angry. 

Love means saying you’re sorry.

What’s real and what’s important is having someone who will brew his coffee downstairs in the basement and give up bacon for months because the smell of it is unbearable to your pregnant nose. Someone who brings you breakfast in bed because cooking made you so sick.

What’s important is having someone who listens when you talk, who is kind, who is patient with children, and who works to earn a good living. Someone who changes diapers and cries when his baby comes into the world. (Yes, you did.)

Shortly after we got married, a never-been-married single friend asked me how I knew you were The One.

My response?

“He makes me feel safe.”

I know that you would never hurt me or my children.

I’m so thankful that you work hard for our family so that I don’t have to. I’m able to spend more time with my children since I don’t have to be the primary income earner. I’m thankful that you are a spiritual man and that you are humble and allow Him to shape you. I’m grateful that you are willing to admit when you’ve been wrong.

Not many men would have married a woman with 4 children, but you did. I couldn’t ask for a better stepfather. I’m grateful that you don’t have a bad temper, that you are kind and loving to children that aren’t your own flesh and blood. I’m very fortunate.

We’ve been through a lot in a year.

We’ve had spiritual crisis, financial difficulties, sickness and legal trouble, emotional turmoil and drama from people who would love to see our family torn apart.  We’ve merged two families and created a new baby.

I think we could get through just about anything now.

As the saying goes, some places are nice to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there. People are like that too.

You’re a good place to live.

I’m glad I chose you.

photo: marianne taylor photography

I got this email from a friend and thought I would post it here in case anyone else had some ideas for this mom.

Dear Carrie,

Aidan (not his real name) is almost 10 months and I am still nursing. I have noticed that over the past month or so he nurses more and more for comfort and for going to sleep. He nurses about 3-4 times during the day and it usually coincides with napping.

photo credit: //amy//

At night I have to nurse for him to go to sleep and each time he wakes up he will not go back to sleep until I nurse him again. You can’t just pat him or console him.

He sleeps with us and has since he was born. He wakes up to nurse anywhere for 2 to 4 times a night. The only times he will fall asleep without nursing is while in the car  or the rare cases when we are out and rocking him (these times though take a long time and he is really so tired he passes out).

Here are my two major concerns:

1. He goes to sleep before we do and also naps alone. This is now really unsafe because he is mobile! He can sit up and crawl so leaving him in our bed is very dangerous. But he is a very light sleeper. I am unable to move him once he is asleep….he wakes up each time and wants to nurse again. I have tried many things and nothing is working, any suggestions?

These are a few of things I have tried so far:

- Nursing while holding him and once he is asleep putting him in his own bed – he wakes up each time as I’m putting him down….screams and cries (to the point he throws up) until I pick him up.

- Nursing him the same way he is used to (while I am laying beside him)…once asleep picking him up and moving him.  I can get him all the way to the new bed and he wakes up.

- Rocking him to sleep – this takes a couple of hours – then once he is asleep we are unable to put him down without him waking up. (the couple of times I was able to put him down without him waking up he only slept for about 10 mins and then woke up screaming until I got him)

2. He will not take a pacifier or suck his thumb…..nursing is the only thing the “pacifies” him. Which means I am the only one that puts him to bed. Also, as I start weaning him from nursing for nourishment I am also faced with the fact that he uses nursing as a comfort to go to sleep.

I am totally lost here and as more time goes by I feel that the remedy will be harder and harder. Please let me know what you think. Thank you so much!

Mommy M

My response:

Hey M,

There is a great book that I recommend by Elizabeth Pantley called The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night.

It has tons of great suggestions and is very breastfeeding-mom friendly.  It doesn’t encourage a cry it out approach like some of the other books about sleep.

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep by Dr and Mrs Sears would also be great.

Anyway… been there done that! I’ve been in a similar situation a couple of times. Is it a problem for your family meaning you and hubby) that he needs you at night? Because if it isn’t, he’ll eventually grow out of it, I promise!

A baby that age is going through so many changes. Teething, getting mobile, etc… that waking (and therefore, nursing) more at night is their way of coping. Two steps forward, one step back… you’ve figured out that it’s MUCH more than just milk (nourishment) for them.

I know it’s sometimes hard to get everyone’s needs met. Baby needs comfort, mama needs sleep, daddy needs… attention.  Have you thought of getting him a toddler or twin bed in his own room and nursing him to sleep there then sneaking off? You could buy one of those little youth beds (like the ones from IKEA) that is low to the ground and has side rails. That might be an option.

Let me know if any of that helps. Time tends to fix all these issues, all babies eventually become independent at night. I promise!

Carrie

She responded with another great idea of her own:

Mommy M:

Most people know that if they want help with breastfeeding, they can look to La Leche League for good information and support. Considered the “world’s foremost authority on breastfeeding”, it’s the first resource many moms look to if they’re experiencing challenges.

But even if you’re not having a nursing challenge, you might enjoy attending an LLL meeting. There is a common misconception that if you’re not currently breastfeeding, or currently having some issue, that you can’t benefit.

So not true.

While LLLI is a breastfeeding organization, the women who attend meetings are an awesome collection of ladies who are a wonderful resource of all kinds of mothering and family topics. There are several things you might get from your local LLL group that may surprise you:

photo credit: david owen

Hook up with a co-op – At an LLL group I attended years ago, I met a mom who coordinated a buying club. Trying to find a co-op or start your own by searching online can be frustrating. I also found a co-op for raw milk and made a friend who supplied me with kombucha and kefir grains, free of charge!

Find a homebirth midwife – I think it’s pretty safe to assume that there are a higher percentage of women who hang out around LLL who have had homebirths in comparison to the general population. If you’re trying to find a homebirth midwife, ask around before or after an LLL meeting.

Learn the art of babywearing – When I went to my first LLL meeting, it was with the sole purpose of getting help with making my baby sling work for me and my fussy, high need baby. Seeing women who actually used baby carriers was helpful, as was the hands on assistance the moms in the group gave me.

Find a good Pediatrician or Lactation Consultant – LLL leaders aren’t in the business of recommending health care providers. But if you want to find a Pediatrician who will actually be supportive and knowledgeable of breastfeeding, listen up or ask around among the moms. Surprisingly, there are plenty of Lactation Consultants out there who aren’t helpful and who disperse flat out bad advice. But good ones exist. Among the best are retired LLL leaders!

Good reads – How many times have you picked out what you thought would be a helpful parenting book from the library or store that turned out to be totally contrary to your beliefs? LLL groups keep a lending library. Some are open only to members, others to anyone. The books that make up the group library are breastfeeding and “gentle mothering” friendly and won’t lead you astray.

Learn your community – Having babies or small kids and being in a new area can be isolating and depressing. If you’ve just moved, head to an LLL meeting to find out where the good parks, consignment shops, and other cool spots for kids and moms are. Looking for the local homeschooling support group? Ask your friends at an LLL meeting.

Special assistance – While LLL leaders are trained to help moms with “garden variety” breastfeeding challenges, if you have a rare or especially difficult problem, you can also get help. Your local leader has access to a database of leaders who have personal experience with unusual issues. For instance: nursing triplets, nursing with cleft lip/palate, nursing after breast surgery, stubborn thrush, food allergies, nursing while pregnant, tandem nursing, etc. Some leaders also do hospital or home visits to help you if you can’t make it to a meeting. If you’ve just given birth, call your local leader to find one who will visit you in your home to assist you with latching baby on. (LLL leaders do this free of charge.)

The folks at Random Line asked me if I would like to try some of their drawing games, and I said yes.

My kids love to draw.

I also thought some of the smaller “Squiggle pads” would be great for keeping them busy in the car (hopefully minimizing some of the cooped up car fighting!).

The basic premise of these games is that they stimulate your kid’s natural artistic ability and creativity without limiting them too much (the complaint some have with coloring books, for instance).

They are given a “random line” (hence the name!), basically some abstract line on the paper, and are encouraged to draw something using that.

I was really stunned when I saw some of the creations my 9 year old son and 10 year old daughter came up with (they are both very artistically inclined).

You can see the kids playing the “Squiggle Connect” board game above. The day this game arrived, the kids played it together for over an hour.

I think they like it!

My 7 year old daughter also loved the “Squiggle Style” fashion game. It has a set of dry erase markers and a small dry erase board with a woman’s figure on it. She draws different outfits on the outline. The little fashionista in the family, she enjoyed this one a lot until a few of the markers got lost.

The best thing about these games is that they are quiet (no noise and no batteries required) and get the kids drawing and being creative.

You can find more games from Random Line on Amazon.

Disclaimer: I received no compensation (other than samples of the products themselves to facilitate this review) from this company.

When I heard about Sheila of To Love, Honor and Vaccum’s Wifey Wednesday meme, I thought it would be fun to write about.

I’ve typically avoided the topic of marriage on this blog. For almost 3 years I blogged here as a single mom. My marriage ended after 12 years. What the heck do I know? I didn’t want to seem like a hypocrite.

But after a long time of reflection and self examination, I’ve come to know that there really isn’t anything I could have done to prevent the end of my first marriage. My ex husband and I have a pretty good relationship now as co-parents, and I’m proud of that. I think we’ve both learned a lot and grown as people. While I still grieve for the loss of my first family and wish my kids weren’t children of divorce, I think we’ve done about as good as two people can since the divorce.

This week Sheila asked women to write about what they wish they had known as new brides. Since I’ve only been married to my current husband for less than 7 months, we’re still in that awkward newlywed phase. I’m eager for the first couple of years to be over. This time is fun but somewhat difficult as you get to know each other.

Still, I’ve been a married woman since I was 19 years old. I’ve learned a lot about men and marriage in general. Here are my thoughts:

What I Wish I Had Known About Men and Marriage Years Ago

#1 – I wish I had not taken his moods personally.

When my first husband came home from work in a foul mood, I wish I had shrugged that off. I’m able to do that now. Perhaps because I’m older, I’m able to give someone the space to have their feelings without getting sucked in? That takes emotional maturity and confidence. Sadly, I know people who have been married for decades who can’t do this very well. When one is in a low mood, they both are.

#2- I wish I had understood that good sex is a gift you give yourself.

It’s so easy to use kids/fatigue/hormones/body image issues etc as an excuse not to be intimate, but it’s a whole lot easier to put up with his personality quirks and weaknesses when you’re having lots of orgasms!

The other day a friend confided in me that despite loving her husband deeply and enjoying sex when they have it, she has no libido. Two two babies one right after another and gaining a lot of weight, not getting enough sleep and all that may very well play a role in her desire, but still…

My advice was:  “Do it anyway.” After all, we cook dinner for our children even when we’re tired or “don’t feel like it”, right? If your husband doesn’t do what you want all the time or is clueless about your feelings, you still deserve YOUR “due”. Don’t let petty annoyances deprive you of the feel good stuff that will make your relationship run more smoothly outside the bedroom.

And if your husband is selfish or has no clue that your body works differently from his, don’t blame him – SHOW him what you need. I don’t think there is a man alive who will be offended!

#3 – Marriage doesn’t make you happy

Whoa. This is a big one, and many happily married people may disagree with me, but I do not believe marriage makes you happy. Even the scriptures say that people who marriage will have “tribulation in their flesh” and the apostle Paul stated that “you’re better off as you are” (single).

Happy people are happy, period. It’s a habit, not a situation. A man won’t “make” you happy. If you’re looking for that, you’ll be miserable in your relationship.  Every time he does or says something thoughtless (see #1), your “happiness” flies out the window. It’s a terrible burden to bear, that of making someone else happy.

The answer? Make yourself happy. I don’t mean being selfish. A good marriage requires unselfishness. But in my life I’ve learned that the moment I start blaming the other person for my unhappiness, I’m way off.

But, when I start doing the things I need to do in order to be happy (exercise, eating right, spending time with people I love, writing, meeting goals, focusing on my relationship with my creator, etc) then my relationship magically improves!

I’ve never seen snow like this in Georgia. While we may get a light sprinkling every year or two, it usually turns to ice immediately and isn’t any good for snowball making, much less snowman construction!

The snow was so thick and powdery, it could be rolled up in big thick sheets like insulation. I could hardly  believe my eyes!

The kids built a ginormous snowman about 5 feet tall. This is really unbelievable for Georgia.

Before building the snowman though, the kids first jumped into the huge piles of snow.

My goal for this “snowed in” weekend was to finish ALL the laundry.

Ha! Fat chance. With all the wet pants, gloves and socks… I doubt it’s going to happen!

Speaking of laundry strategies for the large family, I tweeted and asked for tips yesterday. 

If you have any time or labor saving advice to share, please reply to my Twitter stream or leave a comment below.

Thanks again!

Several months ago I got a personalized story book for my then 7 year old son.

He loved it, so I was tickled when the folks at Frecklebox offered me a personalized coloring book for my 6 year old daughter.

Ilana loves coloring books and devours them regularly, so I knew she would be stoked to have one that has her name on every page!

She’s in First grade and is learning to read more and more each day, and seeing her name in print is fun for her.  It seems that every kid’s favorite word to write, spell and read is their name.  The coloring book immediately captured her attention and she hasn’t lost interest in reading it again and again.

I’ve also noticed that kids love to put their names on things they own. If you have kids with uncommon names and/or unusual spellings like I do, you can rarely find them little trinkets with their names on them.

Frecklebox also offers personalized lunch boxes, stickers, journals, puzzles, and a lot more stuff.

Neat huh?

Last Saturday night I was at a show with some friends, listening to a local band, 3 of whose members are friends of mine.

A girlfriend of mine came up to me and said (actually more accurate to say she screamed – you know how it is when you’re listening to live music!) in my ear:

“How did you know?”

I knew immediately what she meant.

This was the first time she had met my new husband. Seeing us all over each other, having a great time together, enjoying old friends but quite happy to just be in each other’s company, spurred the question.

My friend is single, never-been-married, and quite  a bit younger than me,  so I felt compelled to tell her something deep and profound. But what came out of my mouth was actually quite simple.

So I screamed back into her ear:

“He makes me feel safe. He takes care of me. He has since the day we met.”

I’ve felt loved before. But I’ve never felt this safe.

One of the first things he said to me, that became an often repeated phrase, was…

“I’ve got your back.”

At first I didn’t know exactly what he meant by that statement.

But as time passed, it became more clear.

I know I’m loved. I feel safe.

It showed up in little ways at first.

He once ran a quick errand to a convenience store using my car, and came back with a full tank of gas “because it would be late when I left“… and he didn’t want me pumping gas in the dark.

There had only been one other man who filled up my car with gas after using it for an errand… and that is my Daddy.

I learned awhile ago to stop paying so much attention to what men SAY, and far more attention to what they DO.

Like when they drive an hour one way to come see you.

Every day for a month.

Of course, there were other things.

When I locked us out of the house when we were all hungry and on our way out to dinner, and instead of getting irritated, he just busted the door down with his shoulder and kept smiling.

When he told me he wanted to be a good father to my children.

When he brought me little presents and it was obvious he was paying attention to what I liked.

When I was stressed and sad and trying not to be emotional, and he pointed to his big strong shoulder and said,

“See that? You need to put your head right. there. and everything will be ok.”

… and you know that noone can ever hurt you again because they would have to go through him.

How do you know?

You know it when…  he picks you up from a Green Day concert and instead of taking you home, drives you around for 4 hours because he can’t bear to part ways with you.

You know it when … he says he’ll take care of something that’s important to you… and he does.

You know when… you wake up with a sore throat, and he gets your kids ready for school, then brings you your laptop while making coffee and breakfast for you. And you also know it when you’re sick with a sniffle and he tells you to use his neti pot. (Must be love!)

You know it when… your favorite part of the day is that second when you lay your head on his shoulder and snuggle in to sleep, curled next to him.

You know it when… you’ve never felt anything like this before, and suddenly get what all the fuss is about.

You know it when… you miss him when he goes to work.

You know it when… he texts you a few minutes after leaving because he misses you too.

You know it when… you’ve only known each other for a short while and you cannot bear to go one day without seeing his face.

You know it when… you would follow him to the ends of the earth.

You know it when… he tells you he wants to move you closer to your parents (even though he knows the previous!).

You know it when… your insomnia disappears.

You know it when… you get scared and try to get rid of him, and he doesn’t go anywhere.

You know it when… you feel soooo lucky.

You know it when… he starts composing a song for you on the guitar that he cannot sing around your relatives.

You know it when… he doesn’t bother to answer his phone or send texts or do Facebook, because he’s spending time with you.

You know it when… you make a list of the qualities in your ideal man, tuck it away and forget about it, only to find it a year later and he’s every. single. thing. on it!

You know it when… you’re always expecting him to be angry or hurtful or harsh, and he never is.

You know it when…  after only having known you for a couple of months, he invites you to fly with him to another country to meet his father.

You know it when… his plans for proposing to you have to be moved up several months because he just can’t wait that long to make you his wife.

You know it when… you want to have babies right away so that just in case he got killed in a car accident, you would have his son to comfort you.

… that’s how.

P.S. And to my young friend who will unfortunately probably have to make her way through a few more before finding “the one”, I want to say this:

Look for a guy who is that special brand of manliness.

A guy who takes care of himself but who isn’t vain. Who cares for you and makes you feel safe without being controlling. Who commands, not demands, respect. Who is steady and sure and who cannot be manipulated. Who doesn’t get upset or angry without just cause, and not at you. Who is loving without being wimpy.  Who is gentle and patient with children, but also firm when necessary. Who isn’t ashamed to touch you in public, but who is proud to have you on his arm. Who doesn’t make you feel like you’re falling on your face all the time. A guy who is a leader, not a dictator. A guy who loves you because you’re intelligent and doesn’t treat you like a child. A guy who knows when something is on your mind, and who actually wants to listen to you express yourself.

A guy who has the guts to pursue you and who isn’t afraid to let you know what he wants.

Because when you find that, you’ll know.

“So much to say, so much to say, so much to say...”

- “So Much To Say”
Dave Matthews band

The funny thing about blogging?

The busier (and therefore more blogworthy) your life, the less you’re able to blog.

I haven’t had time to login, write and click the Publish button in far too long.

Just so much going on.


photo credit: arteunporro

I’m a happy newlywed.

A month ago I married my soul mate, my best friend…. the man who is better than anyone I could have dreamed up. I’ve never felt like this.  I’ve never wanted anyone so much, never been so attracted to someone, body and soul. I’ve never loved anyone like this. (Is it ok to love someone this much?)

So much transition.

I’m also helping to blend two families. When two single, custodial parents get together, there is a lot of adjusting to do.

I’m now a mother of 5 children.

So much juggling, balancing and meeting of needs.

My biological children have needs. My stepdaughter has needs. And my husband and I have needs. Even our ex spouses and extended families have needs that we have to deal with.

I have more work to do.

My workload has increased. I have more laundry, more housework, fewer people around that I trust to help me with my children.

I have more communication, more listening to feelings, more discipline, more loving to do.

I now live an hour away from my friends, my family…

Everything is new.

New house, new school, new neighborhood, new people to worship with.

All this change is exhausting.

I have so much to say.

I have questions.

(Like for instance, if your stepdaughter loves to have Pringles in her lunchbox, but your kids aren’t allowed to eat food like that, what do you do? And where do you go to ask these kinds of questions?)

I have worries.

(How do I handle it if my husband’s ex-wife misunderstands a situation and accuses me of neglect? If my kids know how to fix their own snacks, do I expect my stepdaughter to do so also, even if this is a new experience for her? Are my biological kids ok? Is my stepdaughter ok? Everyone seems ok, is everyone ok? Will I be ok?)

I have fears.

(If I do something he doesn’t like, will my sweet, kind, patient, wonderful new husband be cruel or hurtful to me? (He won’t… but when will I stop expecting to be treated harshly?) When will his house stop being “his house” and feel like home? And is it ok to be this happy?)

I have so much to say that I don’t know where to start.