September 2, 2010



— n
a feeling of listlessness and general dissatisfaction resulting from lack of activity or excitement.

I am so bored.

Maybe even a teensy bit depressed.

But not sad really, just …


I have no motivation. I want to do things (rearrange furniture, get ready for a huge yard sale, plan some field trips, sell a bunch of stuff on eBay and Craigslist, blog every single day, work on my websites, get together with some new homeschool moms I met, etc) but I can’t seem to strum up the oomph to actually DO any of it.

I’m so boring right now. I can’t stand myself.

I’m not sleeping too much or too little or eating too much or too little. I just feel this vague ennui.

Do you ever feel like that?

What do you do about it?

It may be a kind of postpartum letdown, I suppose. There’s all this excitement and stuff to DO around having a baby.

Then, everything is kind of the same for awhile.

I was really good at slowing down postpartum this time. Unlike my other births, I really forced myself to sit down and rest. I let things go. I’m glad of that, because I don’t feel exhausted now. I took care of myself.

But now, I spend a lot of time sitting. And nursing. And sitting. And holding a baby.

Which is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong.

It’s just…. sameness.

Sameness in a Lois Lowry kind of way.

So much routine. Doing the same things over and over again.

Ruby smiles at me, and my whole day lights up. It’s wonderful.I love being her mother. And a mom, in general.

But I need something else.

More exercise, probably. I’m trying to do it. It’s not easy when you have a baby who wants to nurse every 30 minutes. I can scarcely manage a shower until big Z comes home.

So that it doesn’t turn into something more serious, I’m trying to take care of myself. I’m taking my fish oil and tyrosine. I’m eating protein and avoiding too many carbs and sugars. It’s just that I feel myself craving caffeine for the antidepressant effects, and I don’t want to get addicted to it again. I’ve been caffeine free for a year now.

I want to work more on my business (including this blog).  I know it would make me feel better. But I don’t want to take time away from the baby when she’s awake. And I have a homeschool schedule to keep up. And a husband and house to serve.

I know it’s probably at this point when some women start to feel “crazy” at home. They start thinking about getting an outside job. Not me. I couldn’t leave my kids to do that.

I miss my friends.

It’s hard to have a social life and be the kind of mom I want to be. Things were different before, when my kids went to their Dad’s overnight every other weekend. I got to play, to let my hair down and be me.

Now I have a baby.

And I love it, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change a thing.

It’s just…..

hard sometimes to meet your need for adult interaction and stimulation and challenge.

When you have a large family, people don’t invite you over.

How can I get together with the mommies-with-new-babies when I have several other children in tow?

I see the moms hanging out, post stroller workout, at Starbucks. A coffee klatch.

How nice.I’m so envious.

But I can’t do that. It’s  not my life.

How do mothers of larger broods deal with this challenge?

It’s hard when you have older kids with needs and new babies with needs. All different kinds of needs. And you have needs too.

I know.

It has to fall on me. I have to be the one to reach out, to invite people to my home. That means I have to plan ahead. That seems hard right now. Hard but worth it.

I have to get out and walk for the exercise and sunshine, even if it means letting something else slide. I have to take the kids to the park so I can get out of the house more, even if it means spending a little less time on schoolwork. I  have to invite someone over even if the house isn’t perfect and I’m still fat. I have to set some goals and get excited about meeting them.

What do you do when you have a case of the blahs?

More I’ve written on this topic:

What the Funk

4 Ways to Get Out of a Bad Mood

More Posts By Carrie:


9 Responses to “Ennui”

  1. Tsoniki Crazy Bull on September 2nd, 2010 1:08 pm

    I sometimes find myself rambling to unsuspecting people. LOL My kids go to public school now though and I just have the baby at home. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and I visited with him the whole time.

    It can still be hard though. I am actually good friends with a couple about my age with five kids. They are the hesitant ones when it comes to coming to visit. I don’t mind kids at all, they all play together anyway! The baby will get passed from person to person and the kids can entertain each other. Meeting at a public location hasn’t happened yet though, I’m not sure how to juggle that one. :)

  2. Carolyn Huff on September 2nd, 2010 2:01 pm


    Thank you for being so open and for your blog. I can relate to how you’re feeling since I felt the same way when my son was a baby. I think it forced me to be creative in ways I never had to be before… A lot of hurry up and wait. The sameness made me turn inward more, and though it sometimes took me down, it also made me discover things about myself. For instance, that I could be happy being with myself. (except for the baby!) It taught be patience, and that I don’t have to impress anyone, that it isn’t important. To battle the inclination that I had to roll into too much aloneness, I searched high and low for mommy and me classes so that I could spend time with other moms. The ennui was bad, but the lonliness was worse for me. Also, I kept dreaming of when he would walk or talk, and I missed a lot of just enjoying the moment with him, That would be my biggest regret.

    Hang in there because it doesn’t last forever, as you know :)


  3. Emily on September 2nd, 2010 7:20 pm

    Well, I can’t tell you how to do it with a large brood, but I can certainly empathize with you. Benjamin nursed around the clock it seemed, and the only thing I could do was stay home and lurk on online forums and listen to the radio.

    BORING! I even got bored with reading, one of my fave pasttimes.

    What did I do about it? Not much, I guess. Hoped that he would be five years old soon. Still waiting on that ;) but he’s a lot more entertaining and independent now.

  4. Michelle on September 2nd, 2010 7:46 pm

    Well Carrie, It’s been almost 9 years so I might forget some, but in looking back, I can’t say that boredom was ever a problem for me. If anything, I felt like I never had enough time to get everything done. Also, I have always been a rather independent and creative person, and hardly ever get bored.

    I will admit to a caffeine addiction that has always given me an extra boost but not when I was nursing. Do you play music or listen to audio tapes with the children as part of your HS curriculum?

    That might help a bit while you are doing all that nursing and sitting.

    Hope you have a wonderful night and get over the blahs soon!

  5. Joanne on September 2nd, 2010 10:13 pm

    My life with young children was many moons ago. I had 3 homegrown and 5 hand picked special needs. The oldest is now 43 and the youngest is 23 ( we met in GA and now live back in my homestate of Oregon ). The youngest 2 are 5 months apart-one in a wheelchair and one now bipolar. Interesting life. I had many friends with large families, however, mine were ” different ” and we did not always get invited and I didn’t have the inclination to always be the inviter. Even our church body. It was lonely at times and overhwhelming……and this without the internet! I made a decision to go every single day to a friends small family restaurant and have coffee….love my 12 ounces a day………with the two youngest babes and have oatmeal and visit. Changed my attitude and life became ” rosier “. One of my mantra’s was to always take my shower at night, which I learned with my second birth and around the clock nursing, then in the morning I got dressed and put on my make-up before leaving the bedroom. Still do this and with my younges two a good thing! Two of our chosen children had significant medical issues with tracheostomies and gastrostomies which was at time s daunting. Having a personal schedule of shower, dressing and make-up made me feel like a rational person in time of insanity. My daughters have followed my lead and feel liberated as Mother’s with their broods.

  6. Nannie on September 3rd, 2010 9:49 pm

    I think it may be this hot and humid weather. I think (and hope)
    you will feel much better when it cools down a little. I know it gets me every August. This unrelenting GA heat!!!!!!

    Love you Sweetie mom

  7. elizabeth ashe on September 10th, 2010 7:11 am

    Hey, Carrie.

    It will get better soon, I tend to be going through the same thing a lot also. With all my small kids and all boys no one invites you over, than I don’t want to go because I think my kids are to wild and people might get offended. Than putting first things first you know what i mean can get to us sometimes. I read the AW article on Loneliness a couple of weeks ago and it was really good you should read it gave me some really good pointers.

    Because I don’t get out much either, and all my girlfriends don’t have kids or don’t have as many and you and I both know planning always comes into play and its not as easy to get a sitter, or want one.

    i can get pretty picky when it comes to people looking after my kids even my family, lol…… because they might feed something I don’t want them to eat. lol…..

    Anyhow It was really good – gave some great tips.

    Just Remember our choice to be mothers is a great sacrifice of ourselves and in the long run, it will pay off.

    If you ever want to talk to someone I can call you….:)

  8. Candi on September 13th, 2010 12:47 pm

    Aww girl!!! I didn’t know you were feeling this way! Next time I plan a field trip for Haylei, I’ll call you ahead of time to see if it fits into your schedule. You know what I keep thinking? I keep thinking Ruby is still a newborn and keep thinking that you need to be at home with her. I remember the feeling of going crazy…I still feel that way sometimes. I’ll call you. :)

  9. carrie on December 21st, 2010 3:21 pm

    those are great tips Joanne! Thanks for your comment,


Got something to say?