Now that I’m in my 30th week of pregnancy, I sat down and created a weekly checklist of things I want to accomplish. Partly to simply pass the time in those final looooong weeks, but also so I feel a little more organized with those last few preparations.

My babies have all come “early”, so I’m not going to plan anything tiring or difficult in the last two weeks, just fun stuff!

In addition to the weekly to-dos, there’s the daily stuff related to pregnancy I’m already doing, such as: taking at least one daily walk, doing a stretching workout (I do this one designed by Katy Bowman and it feels so good!), and I’m adding a few light weight training moves. The April issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine had a good workout that I’m using, not too strenuous.

I also need to start drinking Red Raspberry Leaf tea – a quart a day. Yuck! I hate RRL tea and really have to force it down. I know how important it is, and believe drinking lots of it helped me have easy labors with at least a couple of my babies. Any tips for making it taste less horrible though? Or should I just go easy on myself and do capsules or tincture?

Countdown to Baby: A Weekly To-Do List

Week 30:

•  Make appointment @ Dentist for a cleaning
• Continue daily walking – but increase to 2 walks a day
• Read A Weed Is a Flower : The Life of George Washington Carver to Sadie
• Drop Ruby off at Grandma’s, take older kids on a field trip to the George Washington Carver exhibit at the Jimmy Carter Museum.

Week 32:

• Drop girls off at Grandma’s, field trip with boys to the National Museum of Commercial Aviation

Week 33:

• Prenatal appointment
• Do 15 minutes of decluttering every day
• Schedule a blog post to publish postpartum
• Consider joining a pregnant nudist colony, since clothing is so uncomfortable at this point. Reconsider after noting someone may post pictures to Google.

Week 34:

• Order birth kit (it needs to be here before Week 37, midwife’s home visit)
• Buy hydrogen peroxide (wonderful for removing blood stains)
• Schedule a blog post to publish postpartum

Week 35:

• Sell changing table on Craigslist. I never liked it, it just takes up space.
• Start looking on Craigslist for a nice dresser for baby’s clothing. Buy a changing table pad to go on top.
• Grocery shop for disposable paper items and extra food to cook and freeze for postpartum use.
• Cook and freeze at least 2 meals.
• Schedule a blog post to publish postpartum

Week 36:

• Buy a few newborn clothing items that are not gender neutral. (I can always give the items I won’t need away later.)
• Start reading the instructor texts for our 2012/2013 school year.
• Get a homeschool routine down on paper.
• Start potty training Ruby. If this isn’t quick and easy, wait until after baby arrives.
• Cook and freeze at least 2 meals.
• Schedule a blog post to publish postpartum

Week 37:

• Wash and sterilize linens, towels and newborn items for birth kit per midwife’s instructions in preparation for home visit.
• Home visit with the midwife and her apprentices. (After this I’m all clear to have this baby at home!)
• Start thinking about a labor soundtrack. Patsy Cline did the trick really well for baby #4, a short and easy delivery
• Cook and freeze at least 2 meals.
• Schedule a blog post to publish postpartum
• Make a very large supply of homemade laundry detergent and cloth diaper detergent for all the extra postpartum and baby laundry

Any Day Now…..

My brains are all in my pelvis at this point, so nothing mentally taxing or physically draining. Just fun stuff!

Week 38:

• Go shopping with hubby (and no kids!) for a pretty outfit to wear postpartum. Maybe a nice nursing dress? Also, supportive and stretchy undies for those first couple of months. Go out to a nice lunch or dinner, something spicy like Indian. Or maybe Scalini’s, their Eggplant Parmesan has a reputation among local moms for triggering labor. (Who cares if it works, the food there is amazing.)
• Get a pedicure. Must have pretty toes for birth!
• Prenatal appointment
• Wash newborn clothes and diapers. Fold everything, get it neatly arranged in dresser. Get all nesty.
• Put my immediate postpartum clothing in my dresser. (Frequently make mental note: I will someday fit into my skinny clothes!)
• At this point I’m usually experiencing hot and heavy pre-labor “warmup” pains that deprive me of sleep. Take lots of hot baths with lavender, maybe 1/4 glass of red wine occasionally.

Week 39:

• Go see a good movie. In the theater.
• Rent a funny DVD to watch at home to keep my mind off my misery and how ready I am to have.this.baby.already!
• Put my postpartum mama cloth pads in a convenient spot in the bathroom
• Prenatal appointment
• Brainstorm ways to creatively preempt the “yes I’m still pregnant you clueless idiot” conversations.

Week 40:

• Hmm. I’ve never made it this far into a pregnancy. Spend an entire day at the pool (it put me into labor 16 days early with #1)? Power walks around the neighborhood, complete with curious stares from the neighbors? Gaze longingly at newborn clothes? Alone time with hubs?

My guest this week is Katy Bowman of Aligned and Well and Restorative Exercise. Katy is a Biomechanist and her blog is a wealth of helpful information for anyone who wants to prevent and reverse diseases caused by habits of modern life.

Our focus for this show:

Habits and daily disciplines to prevent aches and pains in pregnancy and prepare for an easier labor.

Katy answers my questions about belly bands for postpartum use, proper squatting form, the skinny on sucking in your stomach and getting back into shape postpartum, pelvic floor issues and more.

Listen by clicking on the grey arrow below.

(A transcript of this interview appears below if you would rather read. It’s a work in progress, it was unfinished by a transcriptionist I hired so I’m doing it myself. I’ll be adding to it throughout the week.)

Carrie :  We are joined this week by Katie from alignedandwell.com. Good morning Katie.

Katy : Good morning.

Carrie : I am so excited to be talking to you. I am a huge fan of your philosophies and blog. I have three of your exercise DVDs and have some questions.

Katy : Yes. Go for it

Carrie : It is funny how sometimes you just happen upon something on the internet and don’t really know how you got there. You follow that little rabbit hole… I don’t remember how I found out about your website, but when I did I just started digging in and reading archives and searching various things and thought, “oh my Gosh this is really awesome. Makes a lot of sense.” So please tell us about yourself and your background and what you are all about.

Katy : Well, I am a Biomechanist. Biomechanics is the science, the physics of Biology, I guess it is the easiest way to say it. My specialty is applying the field of biomechanics to injury and disease. And I have always been most interested in where disease comes from… the mechanisms … the actual cause. I don’t think there is a lot of work being done to try to find the cause as much as there is a lot of work done to take care of the problem. An engineer will usually figure out what the problem is before trying to find the solution. It is a lot easier to reverse engineer something than it is to kind of  stab in the dark to make a solution.

So I have always that natural interest, but I have always come from a platform regarding the human from its original state, not the modern human because the modern human which is you know, not just the human living in the 21st or 22nd Century, but really the human as it is lived since humans were. So your earliest humans before there were cars and before there was abundant food, even agriculture. That population had all the same equipment.

We have all the same equipment, but the habits are different. So I have always kind of investigated how do the habits of modern living contribute to a set of diseases that we call affluent ailments.

Affluent ailments are all the stuff that you will likely have and that  your parents have and that your friends have. And they are very normal they become very common within our population, but it is always important to maintain the prospective of they are still diseases and injuries based on the way we live. They’re not genetic issues and they are certainly preventable if you know enough information and you know, can change the large components of the way you live. And you don’t have to give up your house and give up your food, but for example just not sitting as much in chairs makes a big difference.

And then I would say that my focus has really become the pelvis. Pelvic floor disorder, female pelvic floor disorder was my specialty in graduate school so I did my research and my thesis on. So probably how you stumbled onto the blog was through something related to pregnancy or pelvic floor disorder because even though I do the whole body it seems like that where most people are coming from. They are coming to fix something with their pelvis or their abdomen and it is usually pregnancy related. So I have a lot more women who are interested. So that is also my greatest love and I am a woman that is currently pregnant. I just had a baby, but even 10 or 15 years before that I was interested in the pelvis.

Carrie : Cool. It just came to me. I think how I found you is I by doing some Googling about Plantar fasciitis.

Katy : Oh.

Carrie : Because my husband started to develop symptoms of that. Why in the heck is that? I mean when I have heard about in the past, it was something that elderly people had.

Katy : Right.

Carrie : I think that is how I found your blog, but I did come across an article on another blog, an interview did about pelvic floor issues. I am kind of lucky in that area I guess. I mean this is my 6th pregnancy, but I have not really had pelvic floor issues that a lot of women have had in their pregnancy. So maybe I accidentally did some things right.

Katy : Great.

Carrie : But we are going to talk a lot about pregnancy because yes this is my show and I am selfish and I can ask you some questions that will help me right now!

Katy : Right.

Carrie : You mentioned things like sitting in chairs and stuff like that. About 14 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child and took Bradley husband childhood classes. There was a lot of instruction about “tailor sitting” on the floor. That was something that I kept in mind. This pregnancy has really been the most comfortable that my back and hips have ever been and I have not had the pelvic pain. And I think it is because I have tried really hard to stay out of chairs and do my walking.

(Note about the pic: This is a stretch I do every day as part of a workout that Katy designed for Fit Pregnancy. If I forget, I have severe pain in my hips that wakes me up at night!)

So what are some things other than that pregnant women should be doing to prevent those aches and pains that we know so much about and also to prepare for labor to have an easier delivery?

Katy: Well, I think I always like to start off any pregnancy conversation with getting in their mind that, that pain and pregnancy should not go together. Again it has become really culturally common, but pregnancy should not be a pain. I guess that is the easiest title to give it. And that the pains that we have in the low back, in the hips, in the ligaments, in the knees, in the feet really have more to do with the fact that we are pretty de-conditioned as humans and that goes for even for people who exercise every single day.

We are still fairly inert for as a group of people, we don’t move very much. So if women can begin to get some of their strength before they are coming pregnant that would be most ideal – meaning that keeping yourself strong enough to deal with an extra 20 and 40 pounds or more that is going to go on your frame.

And so alignment has to do with the way that all of your bones are positioned relative to each other. Alignment in the skeleton that can hold the weight very comfortably without requiring joints to collapse or ligaments to strain. And that you get a lot of muscular development in response to this extra load.

If you can imagine trying to stack a pile of books into a table that is well balanced – the books are just going to sit up there.  But if the table has one leg that is a little bit shorter or the top of the table is sitting slightly off… it might not be a big deal and it might be able to sit there in your living room as long as no one touched it, but as soon as someone stacks books on it, it begins to crumble.

(Note: Good alignment. Head on shoulders, hips over heels, bootie untucked, everything stacked up nicely!)

So you want to get to know the moves that support alignment in your body that will support the extra weight and start doing them as soon as you become pregnant. You have a lot of months after becoming pregnant where you really don’t have that burden of extra weight. So you can take your first first four to five months to start thinking about … and not just thinking actually doing some stuff.

That would include muscle tension interfering with your strength. So feet, calves, hamstrings. These are the tight muscles that tend to pull the pelvis out of alignment.

And so untucking the pelvis – which is something that a lot of people tend to do. If you are sitting down right now, chances are you are sitting with a tucked pelvis.  One of the reason Bradley had you coming out of the couches is because you slouch in the couch and so you end up having this pelvis that tips back and the alignment of your uterus and your pelvis go hand in hand. You want to keep all of those axes vertical.

So stretching those muscles and then of course not using the furniture that encourages slouching are great to transition to while you are pregnant. Even if you need to sit on a couple of pillows that is fine. Having something behind your back that really allows you to kind of slouch and then walking.

I think most people knows enough basic exercise science to know that your muscles respond to what you are doing. So as you are getting more weight, as you are accumulating more mass on your body, it is important that you take that mass and walk around with it. So that your legs and your abdominals and your pelvic floor and your back become stronger as you gain weight.

So that the relationship between your weight and the strength is always even. You never have large surges weight gain during period of inactivity. If you are still working or sitting all day long it is really important that you take breaks. Walking throughout the day – if you gain four or five pounds over a period of a month but really only walk one or two days a week, you are going to find that your body is rapidly becoming weaker.

And then once you have that weakness and then the weight because full under instruction not to the pain comes from. So stretching, walking, reducing your sitting time and learning your alignment will probably my basic essential list for pregnancy and it will help with your delivery as well.

Carrie : Okay, and I will have you know that I am sitting with my bootie sticking out.

Katy : Okay, good.

Carrie : So I am doing good. Which is very difficult to do. If you sit on a sofa it is nearly impossible I find. So I have been trying to get on the floor a lot with my toddler. The only time that I sit during the day for a long period would be if I am sitting and writing for an hour, but I have been putting on my computer on the kitchen counter. When you stand you are never still … I am wiggling and kind of switching back and forth.

As I mentioned in this post on the kid’s summer routine, I’ve spent the last couple of weeks researching and buying curriculum for the 2012/2013 school year.

I knew that when the school year began, I would have a tiny newborn and my brain would be a little addled with interrupted sleep and postpartum hormones, so I decided to make things easier on myself by getting it all done way ahead of time.

We’re doing a few things differently, and I’m really excited about getting back into the swing of things. Two things have changed this year. Well, really 3. One, Sadie is in 1st grade which means she’s doing “real” school now. I know she’ll be happy about this, and mommy is too. She needs to keep busy! Two, Caleb is now a high school student. A little scary for me but exciting too! Three, we’ll have a new baby in the house when school starts. I’m a little nervous about getting everything done, but I know things will work out.

On to the curriculum choices.

I’ve long been a fan of Susan Wise Bauer. We’ve used and really enjoyed her Story of the World for history for a few years now. I’m not sure how her other educational tools slipped from my notice, but I’m glad discovered them. The lineup features several of her books.

Sadie, 1st Grade

Sadie is reading, so I didn’t see the need for a phonics program this year. I’m also not doing a History program with her. That will wait until next year.

• Grammar: First Language Lessons for the Well Trained Mind, Level 1.
• Writing: The Complete Writer: Writing with Ease, Level 1. (The instructor text covers levels 1-4, so I’ll only need one for elementary grades.)
• Art: Artistic Pursuits
• Math: I have several math workbooks around here for 1st grade I need to use up before buying anything fancy.
• Music: Sadie is asking for piano lessons. We’ll see if I can work it into the budget and schedule.

Julien and Ilana, 4th and 6th Grades

I teach these two together for all subjects except math.

• Grammar: First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind, Level 4.
• History/Geography: Story of the World, Volume 2: The Middle Ages (we’re finishing up this book) along with Activity Book
• Writing: The Complete Writer: Writing with Ease, Level 4
• Art: Artistic Pursuits
• Math: Saxon

Caleb, 9th Grade

Caleb is doing really well in all subjects, and is a high level reader for his age. I’m going to have him start working on a reading journal a la The Well Educated Mind.

• Writing: The Complete Writer: Writing with Skill, Level 1.
• History/Geography: Story of the World, Volume 3 along with Tests Workbook. (I know that he is ready for the History of the World volumes, Susan Wise Bauer’s series for high schoolers and adults, but I’m weird about finishing things before starting something new!)
• Foreign Language: Spanish – continuing progress with Rosetta Stone. Caleb is also interested in German and is studying that a little on his own.
• Music: Piano – continuing his lessons with a private tutor
• Math: Undecided
• Literature: I’m so excited that Caleb is starting high school this year! I’m having him begin The Well-Educated Mind and he’ll start a reading journal now. He’s already read some of the classics but now it’s time for the heavier stuff. (I’m reading this book and will be journeying on the same path with him, I’m a little scared!)

Things that are the same as last year: We’ll still be doing daily Bible reading together in the mornings, a habit we’ll keep up in the summer too. Daily fiction read alouds are also a priority. First on the list this year: Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

A few changes from last year: I’m no longer expecting anyone but Caleb to do foreign language studies. (Ilana and Sadie will probably continue with Spanish part time, as they seem to enjoy it a couple of times a week.)

I haven’t found a Science curriculum yet for anyone (I might skip it for the younger ones, any suggestions for my high schooler? I’ll likely sign each of the kids up for a Science class at a local arts center that offers classes for homeschoolers. The kids learn quite a bit of science from their reading so I’m not really concerned about it either way.

For the younger kids, I don’t like math to be consigned just to textbooks. I bought several of Anno’s math books. I love these! I’ve enjoyed reading them to the kids and see them picking them up also. I’ve heard great things about Life of Fred, several of those titles are on the wishlist too.

Also, I’m thrilled to have found a writing curriculum that I like in The Complete Writer series. Julien and Ilana love to write, and do so frequently. I don’t require creative writing from my elementary students, but Ilana writes book reports, letters, journals, compositions, etc on her own. Julien is quite a good journal writer and has filled a few journals in the last couple of years, which is a bit surprising because he isn’t a huge reader. But now that I’ve read The Complete Writer, I understand why this is so: reading and writing and two very different skills!

One concern I’ve had is that Caleb, while being a voracious reader (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree on that one), says he hates writing. This worried me for two reasons: writing is an essential skill, and it also grieved me to hear him say that because I personally enjoy writing so much. Caleb is a very good speaker, and it would be a shame for him not to be able to transmit his thoughts onto paper. I think the Complete Writer series is going to transform his thinking.

Got any suggestions for 9th grade math and science?

affiliate disclosure

This is an article written by Dr. Challa, my guest on this week’s podcast. After reading his book, Probiotics for Dummies, I became convinced that I probably was deficient in good bacteria and bought a high quality supplement. While I would normally get my “bugs” by eating probiotic rich foods, I find that some of them are intolerable during pregnancy when my taste buds change and cravings and aversions are strong.

After two weeks of supplementing, I’ve found that I have less belching after eating, and I’m also more regular (and that’s no small benefit!). I wonder if I had supplemented before I became pregnant, if I would have had less struggle with nausea and vomiting? After reading Dr. Challa’s book, I’m thinking that health care providers would do well to recommend a probiotic supplement (as they currently do with folic acid) for women of child bearing age.

Here are a few reasons why probiotics in foods and supplements are so important for pregnant women and their babies.

Pregnancy and Probiotics

Most pregnant women experience food cravings. In addition to these dietary changes, a pregnant woman undergoes alternations in her digestive system. Women may experience heartburn, constipation, diarrhea, bloating, nausea and vomiting. A lot of this may be due to an imbalance of good and bad bacteria in the gut. By taking probiotics (good bacteria) during pregnancy, Mom can feel the benefits of a healthier digestive system as her good bacteria are replenished.

How else do Mom and baby benefit from probiotics during pregnancy? Here are a few facts:

Mom is:

• As much as 18 percent less likely to give birth prematurely.
• Able to drop the pregnancy weight faster.
• At a lower risk of developing central obesity (belly fat) — if excess belly fat is retained after birth, Mom is at a higher risk for cardiovascular disease.
• At a 20 percent lower risk of developing gestational diabetes and diabetes after birth.

Baby also reaps health benefits if Mom takes probiotics while she’s pregnant. Baby is:

• At a 50 percent reduced risk of developing eczema.
• Not as likely to develop asthma, childhood obesity or diabetes.
• At a lower risk of developing a condition called necrotizing enterocolitis (where intestinal tissue begins to die).

After Birth

The risk of developing diseases due to central obesity from pregnancy weight is higher for women who do not take probiotics. While the role of probiotics in weight management is still vague, researchers have found a correlation between the gut flora (types of bacteria found in your gut) and the subsequent weight of a person, whether they are lean or overweight.

A study done in Finland followed 256 pregnant women, beginning in the first trimester through the first year after birth. Researchers found that only 25 percent of women who took probiotics had belly fat, and the group taking probiotics actually had lost the highest amount of body fat since their first trimester. In comparison, 43 percent of women who took a placebo had central fat at the end of the first year.

Happy, Healthy Baby

We’ve all heard, “I want to pinch those chubby cheeks!” While we all love those sweet cheeks, babies who weigh 8 pounds, 13 ounces or more at birth are at a higher risk of being overweight.

Newborns are also at risk of colic — severe pain in the abdomen that causes babies to cry more than three hours a day at least three times a week. Recent studies show the probiotic Lactobacillus reuteri (found in breast milk) helps reduce crying spells, inflammation and amounts of bad bacteria.

When deciding between naturally breast fed and using baby formula, mothers don’t always have a choice. Prebiotic-enriched baby formula contains similar gut bacteria to that found in breast-milk-fed infants. Nowadays you can find baby formulas that contain prebiotics, probiotics or a combination of the two (known as synbiotics).

**Please Note: Always consult your physician before adding a supplement — including probiotics — to your diet.

Choosing a probiotic can be difficult with so many options. I recommend the gourmet probiotic Probulin. Use promo code “Challa” on your order to receive 25 percent off at http://www.probulin.com/.

Dr. Shekhar Challa is a board certified Gastroenterologist, Co-producer of probiotic video game Microwarriors: The Battle Within, and author of the new book Probiotics for Dummies. www.drchalla.com.

A final thought from Carrie:

Probiotic supplementation is an especially good idea for a baby born via C-section. Babies born vaginally pick up normal flora via the birth canal, so their gut begins to grow good bacteria immediately, which helps create a healthy immune system.

Babies deprived this advantage due to a C-section delivery are more likely to develop asthma and allergies. One study of C-section-delivered children found that 6 month old babies had half the amount of normal gut flora as vaginally delivered babies.

Probiotics are regarded as safe even for infants – as evidenced by the fact that it is now added to infant formula (of course, it’s always been in breastmilk!).  Probiotics are a great idea for a baby (and mom) who have developed thrush, which is more common among C-section babies due to the antibiotics they’re exposed to.

I have a love/hate relationship with the popular Berenstain Bears series of books. You know the ones. Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Brother and Sister Bear, and the latest addition, Honey Bear.

These books find their way into my home somehow. Sadie, 6, seems to love them. She often checks them out at the library and sometimes asks me to buy her one when we go to Barnes and Noble too. I usually acquiesce, but there are a couple of things that bug me about the books.

For one, I don’t like the representation of Papa Bear as an overgrown child with plenty of bad habits that, along with the children’s, need to be corrected. This stereotype of Dad as clueless, overgrown child (a la Homer Simpson) may ring true in some families, but it’s not something I want to reinforce with read aloud time. (Charles Ingalls is a much better literary Dad to introduce kids to.)

But the biggest trouble with the Berenstain Bears books is Mama. She has a habit that hits a little too close to home.

Do you know what it is?

The woman is entirely too patient.

First, she lets her kids get entrenched in some really bad habits (like watching Too Much TV, eating Too Much Junk Food, having a Messy Room, Not Doing Chores, Forgetting Table Manners, Fighting, etc.).

Then, when she can’t take it anymore, she has a Mama Bear fit and lays down the law.

As I was reading one of these pithy little volumes to Sadie the other day, I realized why this irritated me:

Precisely because it hits a little too close to home.

Ouch.

In my defense, at least I don’t make the mistake of a) not consulting my husband before making sweeping parenting decisions and b) treating him like one of the children.

But I do see a disturbing tendency in myself to overlook things and be a little too patient, then get FED UP with the problem and start meting out punishments.

The Trouble Is… (oh there I go again!), overlooking small irritations may be fine when you’re feeling well and life is behaving. But then you get pregnant, or go through a stressful life change, or get sick, or have financial problems, or whatever… and those little irritations are no longer tolerable.

They become un-bear-able. (Sorry, couldn’t resist!)

And often by the time you decide it’s bad enough to take action on, the problem is entrenched and takes more work to undo.

How does one overcome this problem? Kelly Nault, an author I interviewed several years ago on the show referred to it as the “Pendulum of Parenting“.

So what are your thoughts? Is the occasional, well-timed Mommy Fit ok?

How do you know when something is enough of a “big deal” to deal with it immediately, and when it’s ok to overlook it?

As for me, I’m working on taking notice of behaviors and asking myself the question, “Is this a behavior I can live with if it takes up permanent residence here? Is this a one-off naughty act that can be explained by hunger, fatigue or hormones or is it an ongoing pattern?”

What do you think?

My guest this week is Dr. Shekhar Challa. Dr. Challa is a Board- Certified Gastroenterologist with 25 years of experience and the author of 3 books, including his most recent, Probiotics for Dummies.

We’re discussing the importance of probiotics for health, specifically women’s health – during pregnancy, and for babies and kids.

Dr. Challa answered my questions about:

• What probiotics (and prebiotics) actually are;
• Why are probiotics especially important for pregnant women and their babies?
• Illnesses that are associated with dysbiosis (improper balance of good to bad bacteria in the gut)
• What are some foods that contain beneficial bacteria? Can we get enough beneficial bacteria from food?
• How can you find a high quality supplement?

In reading Dr. Challa’s book, I was surprised to find that in many studies, probiotics have shown to improve a variety of health conditions – and not just those directly associated with gut health. We’ve probably only scratched the surface, but research points to probiotics being useful in preventing or treating a variety of illnesses including asthma and allergies, weight gain, even cancer and depression.

Dr. Challa has even developed a video game to educate players about the importance of probiotics. You can get it free at http://microwarriorsvideogame.com/ (Sounds like a Science project the kids will enjoy!)

Probiotics for Dummies also features recipes for foods you can make at home to get more good bacteria into your gut as well as recommendations for choosing a good probiotic supplement.

Note: Dr. Challa has generously offered to answer questions you may have after listening to the interview. Please leave them in the comments below!

Related reading:

• Health benefits of kefir
• Breastfeeding and yeast infection
• Homemade lacto-fermented salsa
• Funky fermented food
• Raw milk yogurt in the slow cooker

I’ve read several great articles lately about summer activities and routines moms have planned for their kids. This topic has been on my mind too, but I’ve put off writing about it.

Mostly because I don’t want to do much in the next 10- 12 weeks except finish growing this baby!

It’s not very exciting to tell you that I don’t plan on going to the pool a lot. I’ll save going for when hubby is around to help me constantly count heads. As nice as swimming feels during late pregnancy, it feels too stressful right now to keep everyone safe in the water without another adult to help.

And I don’t have any trips planned except two local field trips. One, we’re heading to the Jimmy Carter Museum to see an exhibit on George Washington Carver. Julien and Ilana just read his biography for Beyond Five in a Row.

The second is to the Aviation Museum at the airport. I bought tickets to this for next to nothing months ago, a Groupon deal, and the coupon is about to expire. Julien has an interest in aviation so I thought he would enjoy that.

Other than that, I plan on staying home a lot and nesting. So far I haven’t been very compelled to scrub baseboards with toothbrushes and the like, but we did do a huge declutter and cleanup of the basement the other weekend.

I think my nesting is mostly showing itself in my recent obsession with buying curriculum for the next school year.

I know I won’t have as much time to decide on the options and purchase stuff with a little newborn, so I’m getting it all done now. Most everything is on its way to me as we speak courtesy of eBay and Amazon.com. (I’ll post about what changes I’m making from last year and what we’re using later on.)

I will be spending the next few weeks reading instructor texts and getting a routine for the school year down on paper.

Life is feeling a bit frenzied lately, and I’m really looking forward to a lazy summer and to the babymoon to come in late July.

I do need to think of a few ways to keep the kids busy, but that will likely consist of tall stacks of books from the library. And chores, and helping me fill the freezer in preparation for the baby’s arrival.

Other than buying the birth kit and getting the sterile sheets and such ready, all the baby buying is done. I plan on spending the last few weeks of my pregnancy reading, taking long walks (in the morning before it gets too hot!) and maybe getting a pedicure or two.

What’s on your agenda for summer?

Last year I read a wonderful book entitled The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. I embarked on a Happiness Project of my own and even invited two friends to join me. We had a couple of happiness project group meetings.

It was a valuable experience and while I think I learned a few new things,  mostly I cemented what I already knew about happiness. And I got these ideas onto this blog instead of just in my head.

One of the most important things I believe about happiness is that it’s largely about what you DO DAILY.

In All The Money in the World, Laura Vanderkam points to research that states that more happiness is found in frequent, small experiences than rare, mind blowing ones. In other words, for me reading a good book every week may far exceed the happiness I would get from a once yearly Disney trip.

So I exercise daily. I read something I enjoy every day. I blog or write every day. I read my Bible every day. I get up before my family every day. If something is important to your sense of well being, you will likely find it easier to do that thing every single day. I find that for me, habits are more effective than goals.

Similarly, it’s often the little things that contribute most to happiness. Not letting myself get too hungry and keeping my blood sugar under control are huge. Taking a 20 minute nap every day and making my bed in the mornings. A shade of lipstick that flatters me. Not difficult to accomplish but they all give me a happiness boost.

It’s not selfish to give time and attention to your happiness.

By doing so, you avoid the dreaded martyr mother syndrome and set a good example for your kids. Your happiness also impacts your spouse in a positive way.

One of the things I know about my happiness is that I can’t neglect my social life. If it’s been too many weeks since I’ve had a coffee date with a girlfriend or spent some quality alone time with my husband, my happiness takes a nosedive. Pursing my personal financial and work goals are also vitally important to my well being. Taking time to write and blog are investments in my happiness.

One of Gretchen’s rules for living is to “Be Gretchen”. Part of “Being Carrie” is to let go of things that don’t work… and being ok with that.

“To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.” – Gretchen Rubin

I’ve learned that there are effective ways to snap out of a bad mood. And that the bad mood isn’t “wasted” if I go backwards in time to figure out what causes a bad mood, so I can learn something valuable about myself and if possible, avoid those triggers in the future.

Reading the book Being Happy taught me that perfectionism is one of the biggest destroyers of happiness. I try very hard to avoid all or nothing, black/white type thinking for this reason too.

Spending at least 15 minutes outside every day is important for happiness. When the weather is nice, this is more like an hour or more for me. Recently I have begun making sure I am barefoot at least part of the time so I can benefit from “earthing“.

So that’s it in a nutshell. Have you read The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun yet? What have you learned about happiness?

Here are a few things I wanted to share from around the web this week:

- Did you know that many “natural” sunscreens may accelerate aging? Apparently the nano-particles in some mineral sunscreens are responsible for this. Before you throw your hands up in despair, however, read this very helpful article on Kitchen Stewardship’s blog. Note: I’ve had good success using coconut oil as a sunblock on myself and the kids to prevent sunburn. In order for this to work well, you must avoid cheap vegetable oils when you’re spending time in the sun (no french fries or Doritos!) and consume healthy fats only. (By the way, if you do feel the need to use one, the sunscreen I mention on that page, MelanSol, gets good safety ratings from EWG’s Skin Deep database.)

- I wrote for Modern Mrs. Darcy about finding time for your blog. I feel strongly about this and shared how I manage to squeeze in writing time each day. Please go over there and leave a comment.

- Do you struggle with kids who won’t let you finish a sentence or who constantly interrupt your conversations? Maybe you need to join Lisa’s Taking Back the Quiet challenge!

Something awesome must be in the works for me shortly because right now everything feels broken. Does that ever happen to you? Does everything ever just stop working all of a sudden? What’s up with that anyway?

In the span of 3 days, a bunch of literal physical things did break: my purse snapped while I was walking in a parking lot, necessitating a trip to the thrift store to buy another (I hate that!), then my phone went caput with some crazy warning screen of death. I replaced it with another phone which also doesn’t work. Then my laptop got stepped on, and I’m attempting to type this post with crazy purple lightning coming down all over the screen. It’s making my neck hurt. I apologize in advance for typos I cannot see. Then the third headphone set we’ve had (the others – you guessed it, broke!) for Rosetta broke. No more Spanish until I replace it. I had just replaced this thing to the tune of $30. Ugh! Then Ruby’s toddler bed broke – for the second time, when a big kid sat on it. Good thing I know a guy. Did I mention that I ran out of gas the other day? For the first time in my life, ever, after 21 years of driving? My gas gauge is broken.

I’m also feeling a little emotionally broken at the moment. I’m feeling like too many people need me right now. It’s difficult for us moms of many to express this, because we feel like if we ever complain that people will blame us for having had so many kids. So we clam up and don’t reach out. I remember Kim Coghlan of Life in a Shoe referring to this phenomenon. The truth is that no matter how many children you have or don’t have, you sometimes feel a little overwhelmed by your responsibilities. For me this happens during pregnancy. I don’t normally feel vulnerable, and I have to remind myself that when I’m not pregnant I typically feel quite on top of my life. But it seems pretty common for women to feel this way when they’re growing a new person, yo. (It’s especially difficult to reconcile these feelings with my own personal ambitions.)

Some things in our homeschool day feel a little broken. I haven’t spoken of this much here but I have one child whose learning style is so different from my own that I struggle to meet his needs. Yet if he were in public school it would be horrible for him. Actually, having typed that I realize I’m probably meeting them quite well. It’s just that there’s always that doubt, that questioning if you’re pushing just enough to challenge the child without losing sight of their individual strengths. This child isn’t lacking in intelligence and he amazes me every day. It’s just that following through on the things I do require of him are wearing me out. He struggles mightily with executive functioning. Oh, wait a second. I need to listen to this interview again and maybe re-read the book too.

Maybe taking the summer off will help with all this. But I find myself already planning our curriculum for next year. Mostly because I know August will be here before I know it, and I’ll have a snugly little newborn and postpartum happy hormones sucking up my brain cells.

I had an honest talk with 3 of the kids today about some changes I needed to see. I reminded them that things were only going to get more challenging for me as the pregnancy progresses, and then when I have a newborn I will need them to be more responsible as the “big kids”. A lot can change in 3 months, so I’m not too worried. Kids have a way of doing what we need them to, just in the nick of time.

So that’s my week in a nutshell. How has your week been?

I love it when my kids show a tendency towards entrepreneurship. One of the things I hope to accomplish by homeschooling is helping them to think outside the box when it comes to making money (which seems essential this day and age).

Instead of the tired paradigm “If I want money I need to find someone who will hire me to do something they want me to do”, the entrepreneur thinks this way: “I need to figure out what people want and provide it – then bill ‘em!”

This shows itself up in our daily lives frequently around here.

One reason is because, since I pay them an allowance, I expect them to buy “extras” from their own money. Hunger Games trading cards? A Hello Kitty backpack when you already have 2 perfectly functional backpacks at home? I would no rather pay for those than I would buy a unicorn.

This creates motivation.

11 year old Julien has a lively eBay business. His inventory was initially clutter around his room. But now, he has figured out how to get stuff cheaply from China and resell it at a nice markup to US customers.

This kid also buys big bags of gumballs or chocolate at the grocery store on sale, and selling them off piecemeal to eager but not as creative customers (read: his 12 and 9 year old sisters!).

Just yesterday the oldest decided he wanted a Netflix account. He knew they offered a free one month trial, so he signed up using his debit card (he has a “MONEY” checking account just for teens from ING, and that’s how I pay his allowance). He intends to cancel before the month is out, but not before he saw an opportunity to earn some cash from his siblings who were eager to take advantage! I overheard him charging the younger ones a penny for a minute of use. 30 minutes of SpongeBob = .30 for him. Not bad considering he has no operating costs – and with several TV-starved siblings, this could add up quick!

These kids have a definite advantage going for them. The cuteness factor, for one. When we go to a yard sale, people give them stuff for free. Just last weekend, Sadie got a free umbrella (that she had been asking me to give her for months with no success), Julien got a free backpack and they get free toys and tchotchkes all the time. All they do is ask how much an item costs and they typically take it home for nothing.

My kids are quick to complain about the dark side of child labor laws. Caleb, who will be 14 in June, would love to work for a decent wage if there were opportunities to do so. This is something I regret about our modern society.

Sometimes when my kids are asking me for something a little frivolous or inconvenient, I remind them of my hourly wage and ask them if they would be willing to pay me for my time. That cuts out a lot of errands!

I want my kids to learn that at its essence, making money is less about trading time for dollars and more about good ideas.

What do you do to encourage the spirit of entrepreneurship in your kids?

Don’t you just love these “how your baby is doing” emails from places like BabyCenter.com?

I mean, aside from the fact that each week the fantasy mother drawn in the picture looks like she merely has bad gas or is pregnant with a food baby due to her small size.

Because this is what I looked like at about 12 weeks. Ahem.

Anyhoo.

I was feeling pretty darn good until a few days ago, when the 3rd trimester woes hit me like a truck. Hmm… roughly corresponding with that nasty fall I took? I did make it to the Chiropractor, at least.

So instead of feeling sorry for myself and complaining to the lovely, all too indulgent internets, I decided to flip things around and look at the positive side of all these annoyances.

And so I offer:

The good news about being 27 weeks pregnant…

• … the good news about feeling tired by 9 AM (and then again at 8 PM!) is that I’m learning to re-prioritize to manage my energy. Things will only get better postpartum for me. I always feel instantly better once baby is delivered and the people around me typically have to sit on me to get me to rest.
• … the good news about feeling suddenly fat and too big for the skin I’m in is that it’s motivating me to exercise every day despite the aforementioned fatigue.
• … the good news about feeling hot in this humidity and heat is that it’s almost summer! And since baby is due in late July I’m taking this summer off instead of homeschooling through, as is our usual plan.
• … the good news about having hip pain when I get up from a lying down position is that it reminds me not to lie about. I feel much better when I stay on my feet, keep moving and avoid sitting too much.
• … the good news about my maternity shirts suddenly being immodestly low and tight is that… well, that one of my strategies for building a cute maternity wardrobe frugally is that I always buy for the trimester I’m in. that way, I don’t have a closetful of suddenly too tight maternity clothing. (Oh, and I got to get some new stuff last weekend!)
• … the good news about swollen hands and feet despite drinking enough fluids is that my body is holding on to extra water so I don’t go into shock post-delivery.

Really, I can’t complain.

(Is that cheating?)

See also: 29 Weeks Pregnant

My guest on this show is Geraldine O’Keefe of Escape To Sleep, an all-natural sleep aid made from organic aloe, herbs and flowers used traditionally for insomnia to help you relax and even aid in easing gastrointestinal problems.

Geraldine is an Aromatherapist and Certified Herbalist who is talking to us about how to get a good night’s sleep. Some points discussed on this show:

• Why so many struggle with sleep these days.
• Side effects of poor sleep habits
• What is a sleep routine?
• Why women in particular suffer from poor sleep.
• What women can do during pregnancy and the postpartum period to sleep restfully.
• Tips everyone can implement to improve their sleep quality tonight.

Be sure to check out Geraldine’s sleep tonic at Escape to Sleep if you need help in this area.

Note: The audio was a little low on this recording, so please turn up your speakers or use earphones!

Modern Mrs. Darcy is hosting “The Book That Changed My Life” blog carnival and I couldn’t not participate. I’m a huge reader, almost exclusively of non-fiction. One of the reasons I enjoy reading non-fiction so much is because of what I learn. Here are a few of the books that changed my life, organized by topic.

Birth

From the time I became pregnant with my first child, I never considered not having a natural birth. There were probably two reasons for this: one is because I had heard my mom tell the story of my birth so many times. She had a quick, easy delivery and the first words out of her mouth once she pushed me into the world (to my Dad) were: “Oh honey, when can we do it again!?” The second was because I experienced my sister giving birth to 4 sons naturally. It was just normal to me.

Late in my pregnancy with the oldest, I took Bradley childbirth classes, read Husband Coached Childbirth and lots of other books about birth. Caleb came after a 30 hour labor that included 4 hours of pushing, in a hospital. I had no IV, no monitoring, I ate and drank and moved around when I wanted. I had no pitocin, and no drugs of any kind.

When he was a newborn, I began devouring every book I could get on the topics of breastfeeding, birth, vaccinations, and parenting. One of those was Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin.

Reading it was a life changing event. I decided right there that any more children I brought into the world would be born at home. I’m glad I overcome my initial hesitation about picking this book up – it was the title that threw me off a bit. What exactly was “spiritual” midwifery? I was expecting something like the 5th definition down on this page. But the book was more about the first definition: “of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit.”

In other words, the book acknowledges that a woman’s birth affects her spirit, and that the spirit or attitude of her birth attendants also deeply impact her, which is absolutely the truth.

Parenting

I’ve read many parenting books in the last 14 years, most of which have at least some value. The Continuum Concept  was another paradigm changer for me, however. It described a parenting style that my newborn so obviously needed from me, and gave me permission to embrace it.

How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor is another child care manual that is an absolute Bible for me. I will never be without this book! Dr. Robert Mendelsohn is a rebel rock star as far as I’m concerned because of his no nonsense style and approach to childhood illnesses and issues. (I also love his other book, MalEpractice – about how women’s health care has been such a sham for decades.) This book encourages you to trust your instincts, don’t panic and that most things are better in a day or two. Dr. Mendelsohn is for home birth, opposes vaccines, and is a breath of fresh air among allopathic physicians who want to overmedicalize and overmedicate everything – to the detriment of the patient. I consult this book every time one of my kids gets sick.

Homeschooling

Life Learning: Lessons from the Educational Frontier is a book I can’t seem to part with. At this moment it’s literally the only book about homeschooling I own. The stories of young people who had been mostly unschooled their whole lives, and the fascinating choices they were making as young adults, was like catnip for me. Life Learning is a series of essays compiled by Wendy Priesnitz of Natural Life magazine. You can listen to an interview I did with her here.

Nutrition

Whole Foods for the Whole Family was a cookbook I had for years, until it literally fell apart (and a mouse infestation a couple of years ago took care of what was left). It’s more than a cookbook really, it’s a wonderful introduction to real, whole foods nutrition. It doesn’t espouse any one eating philosophy, and most of the recipes are quite easy to change depending on your preference or tolerance. It’s also a frugal cooking guide since everything is made from scratch. There are lots of instructions on how to do back to basics cooking to replace store bought, inferior products.

I just recommended this old favorite to a friend the other day!

Productivity and Goal Setting

168 Hours is the most recent book I’ve read on this topic, but it’s probably the one that has helped me make real changes to my thinking and routine. Again, this is a genre I’ve read many books in, and most of the ideas I abandoned quickly (GTD anyone?). The principles in 168 Hours are sticking. I plan on writing a review for this book on my new, soon to be announced blog.

Relationships and Personal Development

Boundaries is a book that seems to frequently disappear from my shelf because I keep lending it to friends who need it! Learning good boundaries is probably the single most important thing any person can do to grow up and have a healthy emotional and spiritual life. I use principles I learned from this book every single day.

What about you? What books have changed your life?

The other day I did something that looked a little like this:

Except, with a third trimester belly. And a skirt. And a toddler flying through the air. 

Here’s the setup.

Ruby loves to ride on her 3 wheeled tricycle. She doesn’t actually push the pedals, but her legs are long enough that she can easily scoot herself along and she’s quite adept at steering.

My back yard is sloped, and at the bottom of the hill there is a huge gully that’s full of growth – bushes, briars, fallen trees, trash, you name it – everything ends up there. You can’t really see what’s down there or how deep the ravine is, so we generally just avoid that area. There are also several large trees along the line of the “cliff”.

So Ruby is happily pushing herself along and feeling like a big girl. I have my hand on the back of her dress, gripping it just in case she starts picking up too much speed – which, at some point is exactly what happened. Still holding on to her dress, I break out into a RUN.

Images flashed in my mind of her crashing into a tree or landing in the gully – since I can’t exactly see what’s down there due to all the brush, I didn’t know if something would stop her or she would fall – or how far.

Before I knew it, I saw myself grab her off the trike. She was in the air then somehow on top of me – meantime I felt something hard hit me right around the rib cage and then I fell, hard on my butt/hip – hard enough to knock the wind out of me. I sat there clinging to her, stunned and unable to breathe for a moment.

She cried for about 5 seconds, mostly protesting the end of her fun. I inspected her and didn’t see any scratches or bruises. But me? My knees were skinned and bloodied at this point and a bruise was growing on my right hip and left arm. I’ve felt sore and stiff ever since.

I asked hubby to please hide that tricycle until we move, which is sooner rather than later. Largely due to the fact that our yard is a death trap for toddlers.

So what’s new and exciting with you?

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I made the decision to not plant a garden this year. We’ve done so two years in a row, and both years it was more or less a total flop. (Incidentally my husband had success in his former home growing tomatoes and jalapenos. Go figure.)

There were a few reasons for this decision. First, my husband has been experiencing some of the worst allergy symptoms he’s had in years. The poor man was miserable for weeks until the weather turned cool recently, smack dab in the middle of the time we should have been turning soil and planting. I couldn’t ask  him to help me with yard work when simply walking to his car brought on a sneezing fit and itchy, watery eyes that swell and look (and feel) painfully raw. He gets rashes and fevers and blocked up ears. I didn’t want to take it all on myself either.

Secondly, I’ve been thinking a lot about what Laura Vanderkam (author of All The Money in the World) writes in her book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think (review forthcoming!). She introduced to me the concept of Core Competencies. A core competency is basically something that you do better than anyone else (or can’t outsource, like exercise or nurturing your marriage).

Turns out, gardening is not one of my core competencies.

And, I am perfectly happy to write a check every week to the lovely man who supports a family pursuing HIS core competency of gardening and farming: the farmer who provides us with raw milk, free range eggs and grass fed meat. I can do the same with the fine folks at the farmer’s market.

At our couples meeting I told hubby that I felt we should skip planting a garden this year. It could possibly be an investment in time, money and energy that provided no benefit. I had been stressing about it for weeks and at this particular time in our lives, it wasn’t a good idea. When I decided to let it go I felt a psychic burden lift off of my shoulders.

He appeared visibly relieved and immediately agreed with me.

Interestingly my oldest son planted a few flowers and tomatoes and they’re coming up!  A week ago when we went to Starbucks he requested a bag of grounds, took them home and spread them on the garden. He waters it every few days. Maybe HE will be the one with the green thumb. That would be lovely.

I’ve also let go of a few things in our homeschool. (And not just things like shoulds and expectations.)

At the beginning of the year the then 10 and 8 year old were doing Beyond Five in a Row. I think it’s a wonderful program, but the kids weren’t really enjoying the unit study approach. What they (and I) did love? Simply reading the books aloud together. So we let go of BFIAR and just used the book list as a recommendation for daily read alouds. And we’re happier as a result.

Have you let go of something recently that isn’t working? Did it free up energy, money and time to pursue what you really wanted?

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had a guest on the show.

Can you help?

Let’s put the “radio” back in Natural Moms Talk Radio, shall we?

If you have an idea for a guest you’d love to hear from, please contact me at clauth at gmail dot com – or leave a comment. Read a great book lately and like to hear from the author? Have a favorite blogger you’d like to know more about? Learned of an awesome product and want to learn more about it?

It can be you, by the way. If you have an idea for a show topic, I’m all ears!

Remember when I talked about filling my freezer with dinners to make things easier postpartum? My freezer is currently stuffed to the gills, so I need to make room in there. I challenged myself to use up as much as possible what I have on hand in this week’s meal plan. The only things I bought at the store for this menu were the salmon, romaine and avocados!
First I made a freezer inventory. I wrote down everything on a piece of paper, grouped by categories. Then I began brainstorming what I could cook from those ingredients. For example, a few leftover meatballs, chicken broth, red onion, spinach and white beans = minestrone! (I love minestrone because the recipe is open to interpretation and it always turns out tasty.) And so forth.

This menu plan uses up all the chicken broth, white beans, frozen broccoli, spinach, onions, meatballs, zucchini, cauliflower, corn and red peppers in my freezer which should clean off at least two shelves.
Turns out we’ll be eating meatless most nights this week but I’m fine with that. Here’s what I came up with:

- Meatball Minestrone with Baguette

- Cheesy Broccoli Quiche with Tomato, Avocado, Cucumber Salad

- Green Bean Casserole (I’m using the recipe from Pioneer Woman’s new cookbook, it’s made from scratch and there’s no cream of mushroom soup in it) with Loaded Twice Baked Potatoes

- Blackened Salmon with Roasted Mashed Cauliflower and Broccoli Balls

- Vegetable Pizza with Green Salad

- Corn and Potato Chowder with Cheesy Toast

Speaking of Pioneer Woman’s newest cookbook, Sadie and I made the Fried Mozzarella Sticks recipe for lunch today and they were sooooo good!

She’s been asking me to make these for her ever since she tried them at a restaurant, and I was pickled tink to find the recipe.

Come… to…. momma!
These were so good, I had to stand at the kitchen door with a flyswatter to keep the kids from eating them all before hubby got some!

Linked to: Org Junkie

Here is a smattering of interesting things I’ve found across the internet this week. Enjoy!

- The Frugal Girl wrote a wonderful article about How to Wisely Choose Frugal Activities, and I agree with her points. If you don’t enjoy it or it doesn’t really add to your bottom line, feel free to skip it!

- Oh my. These German bunk beds have me drooling! If I ever had to squeeze 3 or 4 kids in a bedroom this would be the way to go. Don’t they look like so much fun?

- This is an amazing article from The Common Room on the “Hidden Costs of Public School“. As big of a proponent of homeschooling as I am, I honestly had not thought about all of these ways that homeschooling actually saves a parent money! I’ll never again grumble about my Amazon.com visits.

- I wrote an article for Tiffany at NatureMoms on Minimalist Parenting and the New Baby. So far hubby and I have only purchased 3 things for our new little one.

- Leslie Truex interviewed me on the topic of blogging for her Profit Blog Blueprint. It was a lot of fun and there was some great information shared between the two of us about earning income with your blog, finding time to write and promoting yourself online.

Occasionally I get questions from readers. Instead of answering directly with just my thoughts, I like to get the mom’s permission to post here and get your wisdom. What advice or tips would you give? Leave them in the comments below.

Hi Carrie,

I have a 5 month old who has been giving me trouble with breastfeeding since he was 3 months old. I feel like he hates the breast and even when I bring him NEAR me he’ll scream.

For one entire month I would rock him to sleep and then feed him in his sleep. That doesn’t work anymore. The doctors have said that he is losing weight because he is not taking enough milk- but how do I feed him if he refuses to latch on??

He does not take the bottle AT ALL and is exclusively breastfed.

I have tried more skin to skin contact, different positions, letting him get more hungry, feeding ON TIME before he seems hungry, singing to him, rocking him, anything you can think of.

Please help me and tell me what to do.

I’m sorry you’re having trouble. It’s so hard when baby seems to be rejecting you! But rest assured that babies always have a good reason for this behavior, and it can be solved quickly- it just takes a little detective work on mom’s part.

The first thing that comes to my mind is the possibility that your baby is having some pain or soreness when being held in the breastfeeding position. This can be due to a mild injury that takes place at birth (quite common actually!). I would especially suspect this if you had a long or difficult birth, but it can happen even with a very short or more uneventful birth.

You may want to take him to a Chiropractor or Osteopath for an adjustment. These aren’t painful for babies, and you may notice a difference immediately. Incidentally I have experience with this issue. My second child had no problems nursing at first, but he began fussing and crying when I tried to nurse him on one side. I took him to a Chiropractor who did a quick adjustment. That next feeding was no problem, and he had no trouble again after that. Apparently he had some tightness in his neck and shoulders from either the position he was in before he was born, or from strain that happened during his birth.

Secondly, get in touch with a La Leche League leader in your area who can observe you latching baby on. Some LLL leaders make house calls, and they are volunteers so there is no charge. You may even want to do this first, before spending the money on a health care provider. You can find an LLL leader via the website. Time is of the essence here. If baby is losing weight, you need to find help immediately. It’s possible that your milk supply could downshift in response, so be sure to pump when baby misses a feeding.

Another possibility is that your baby has thrush. Have you had a vaginal yeast infection? Does your baby have white patches inside his mouth? If you have any burning, pain, discomfort in your nipples this would be a giveaway, but sometimes mom doesn’t present with symptoms even when her baby has thrush. I wrote an article on breastfeeding and yeast infection that will help you diagnose and treat this common problem. Babies with thrush will sometimes reject the breast because sucking is painful for them.

Some other things to rule out: an allergy that baby may have to something on your clothing or body. Some sensitive babies will cry if mom uses perfume or fragrance, a new deodorant, detergent or fabric softener in her clothing.

One final tip: I don’t know if you have tried nursing baby while skin to skin in the bathtub. Some babies will latch on in the tub when they have trouble at any other time. Definitely take the steps mentioned above, but try this right away.

I wish you all the best! Likely you’ll be able to overcome this hurdle and continue to breastfeed. Get some help from an LLL leader.

 

Hi Carrie,

I read your article on how to potty train in 2 days and I did everything you said, but my son seemed to think it was one big joke and would pee on purpose everywhere.

He just turned 2 and we have other kids in the house so when they saw him peeing on the floor they squealed and he seemed to think it was funny and has been doing it since.

I had to put the pamper back on. He used to be potty trained (would tell me when he had to go #2) but now does it in the pamper and THEN tells me.

I really want to train him before he’s 2.5 and I’ve heard you’re quite the genius so any advise would be highly appreciated.

Thanks.

I’m not sure I deserve the title of genius but thanks for the compliment! You wouldn’t be the first mom who found her efforts to train her toddler towards a certain behavior to be foiled by older siblings! It looks like they accidentally trained your little guy to repeat this behavior. Don’t ask me how my 20 month old knows the word “fart”, by the way.

First I would start by having a discussion with the older kids. Tell them you need their help in getting the little man potty trained. Tell them to totally ignore it when he pees anywhere but the potty, but congratulate him and make a big deal out of when he succeeds in using the potty. Have them talk up the fact that they use the toilet. Younger siblings naturally try to imitate the older ones.

Since your son has used the potty successfully in the past, this may just be a temporary setback. Sometimes it’s “two steps forward, one step back”. That’s ok. All kids are different and there is no deadline. But one very important component is mom’s determination. If I were you, I would get rid of all the diapers. No diapers in the house, period (except for the younger baby). This move tells him you mean business.

Yes, you’ll likely have some more messes to clean up – but you can have HIM help with this. Not in a punitive, shameful way. Act just the same as you would if he spilled his milk on the floor. Say something like, “Oh, goodness. There’s peepee on the floor. Peepee goes in the potty. Well, here’s a towel. Please clean it up, then we will play“. He can also take his soiled underwear to the hamper.

Toddlers can change overnight. He’s almost there, just give it a little more time.

Those were my thoughts.

Do you have any other advice, “been there done thats” or encouragement?

Disclosure: This information is not to be construed as medical advice. Carrie is not a doctor. It’s wise to consult a health care practitioner you trust before taking action on any health information you read on the internet.

Pregnancy lasts around 40 weeks. During that time you’ll endure various physical complaints, from minor to major, and other physical and emotional changes that are mostly out of your control.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to look like a scrub on top of all that.

Staying cute during pregnancy is important for your mental health. A big part of that is building a maternity wardrobe hat makes you feel attractive. Of course, maternity clothing purchased new in retail stores is expensive. For just a little more fabric in the belly, you’re likely to pay 50% more than what that same item costs normally.

Because of this (and plain old brokeness in years past!), I’ve usually erred on the side of too frugal when it came to my maternity wardrobe. This go ’round I was determined not to make this mistake.

Here are a few tips I’ve found for building a cute maternity wardrobe, frugal style.

(Isn’t she cute? “Bon jour! Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just stopping here for the paparazzi to snap a quick pic while I wait for friends at this chic outdoor Parisian cafe. That will be a decaf cafe au lait and croissant, s’il vous plaît.”)

Buy Used

Consignment shops are a convenient way to shop and save money on maternity items, but I’ve found that many of these (at least here in the Metro Atlanta area) are overpriced. The exception may be for dressy items. If you are a career woman who needs professional attire, this may be the way to go. I’ve found pretty dresses for around $10 at consignment shops.

For me, eBay has been a real blessing in my maternity wardrobe shopping. The prices are lower than I can find in consignment shops, and I don’t have to schlep around shopping! (Shipping costs are about the same as the gas I would burn traveling.) Not to mention the selection is wide open. The only drawback to eBay buying is that you can’t try the items on. However, once you know what size you wear in a particular name brand, you’re usually safe buying that size again. You typically buy the same size you wore pre-pregnancy in maternity. So for example, XS is 2-4, Small is 4-6, Medium is 8-10, and so on.

Thrift stores usually have a good selection of maternity items. The Goodwill around here has a huge rack of maternity pants, and they are usually priced around $5 or so. I’ve had better success at a thrift store I found in a nicer part of town. Every month or two they have a half price day, so I’ve scored name brand maternity clothing for $2 and $3 apiece. The selection is smaller than a Goodwill, but the clothing is nicer quality. (Remember, we want to look cute. It’s worth the time to travel to the nicer part of town!)

Buy For The Belly

It may be hard to believe when you’re looking at that little pink line on a pregnancy test, but you really have no idea how large your belly (and boobs!) are going to get during your third trimester.

For this reason, resist the urge to buy maternity clothing too far ahead in your pregnancy. Your favorite outfit that looks so cute when you’re 5 months pregnant probably won’t cover your belly or be modest in the neckline once you’re 8 months along. It’s better to have a few pieces you love and wear over and over in each trimester.

Another reason I stress this is because different maternity belly panels will feel good to you at different points in your pregnancy. In the beginning, I liked under belly panels, but as my belly gets bigger I like a bit of support that a soft, stretchy full belly panel provides. (My favorite right now are those “secret fit” panels that are super soft and stretchy!) Here is a neat page that shows you the difference between all the various styles of maternity belly panels.

Personally, I’ve found the ones that adjust in the back (called “no belly”) to be sublimely uncomfortable, but a pair of dressy black slacks I have that zip open on the sides are surprisingly comfy.

It’s also quite common for you to go up a size as your pregnancy progresses. During my first and second trimesters I’m always a size Small (XS in Gap maternity which seems to run large), but in my 9th month, I have to buy Mediums. Towards the end of your pregnancy, comfort becomes more of a priority.

And I’m not one of those people who will tell you to borrow your husband’s clothing or just wear baggy non-maternity wear. Wearing clothing that is baggy all over makes you look dumpy. In addition, buying maternity clothes that are a little more on the fitted side seems to help me keep my weight in check. If you’re wearing a tent-like muumuu, you’ll pack on the pounds and hardly notice yourself!

However, during your first trimester there are all sorts of tricks you can employ to stretch your existing wardrobe, such as using those “belly band” garments over pants and skirts. A tank top with a bit of stretch can be worn under your button down shirts (the ones you’re “busting” out of now).

Focus on Classics

A good strategy for saving money on maternity clothing is to focus on classic, basic items for bottoms. A pair of good jeans, khaki pants or shorts, and a pair of black dressy-ish trousers are must have items that you can pair with all sorts of tops. Don’t forget a pair of dark rinse skinny jeans! These are surprisingly comfortable to wear during pregnancy and flattering too. And a crisp looking white button down shirt (long or short sleeve depending on the season) always looks sharp.

Host a Clothing Swap

If you’re fortunate enough to have lots of friends who have recently had babies or who have maternity clothing to get rid of (in your size!), then host a swap meet so you can snag some stuff for free. This has never happened to me, but I thought I would throw the suggestion out there!

Don’t Scrimp on Underwear

Once you’re in your second trimester, you might find that elastic is very irritating to your pregnancy-sensitive skin. At least, I do. Go ahead and splurge on very soft, stretchy maternity underwear and nursing bras. The bras will probably fit you after your baby is born if they’re stretchy enough. Right now I am loving Amon maternity nursing bras and underwear  (link goes to a review I wrote). They’re so comfortable, if I accidentally fall asleep in them I hardly notice.

There you have it. What are your favorite ways to stay cute during pregnancy and build a maternity wardrobe frugally?

I tried several times to sit down and make a meal plan for this week, but I was feeling so nauseous I couldn’t bear to think about food. So I decided to outsource the task and ask the family to do it! I told them to write down on a piece of paper 5 or 6 meals they’d enjoy eating.

You know what’s funny about this? Whenever I’ve gotten their input, they always pick the same 10 or so meals… and they’re typically things that are simple, easy for me to prepare, and often quick too.

In my family at least, I’ve noticed that…

Kids and men have pretty simple tastes, it’s us moms that complicate things by trying to be fancy all the time.

Here’s what we’re eating this week:

- Roast chicken with carrots and broccoli, mini baguettes

- Chicken enchiladas and black bean mango salad

- Caleb’s famous homemade pizza, green salad

- Sloppy Joes and red potato salad

- BLTs with mango cucumber salsa and organic corn chips

A few ways I’m making this menu healthier and cheaper:

• Buying a whole chicken (organic, it’s on sale this week) to roast instead of chicken parts, and using leftovers for the enchiladas. Bones will be made into broth.
• The enchilada sauce is homemade.
• Mangoes, avocados, tomatoes, and red potatoes were all on sale – these ingredients will be used several times
• My Sloppy Joes recipe is made with grass fed beef and lentils to stretch the protein. Our beef comes from a local farmer we trust. No pink slime there!
• Caleb’s pizza crust is from scratch, so it’s super inexpensive and has no preservatives or other yucky ingredients.

Do you ever ask your family for input when you’re creating meal plans?

Linked to Org Junkie

Can the doggies come out to play?

- Every Mom can relate to this post @The Bad Home Cook on “My Trouble with Socks“. Too funny!

- I liked what The Frugal Girl had to say about “Earn More or Save More – do we have to choose?”

- As if the topic of nutrition weren’t confusing and full of contradictory information enough for your tastes, here is the latest I came across: You know that natural bacon seasoned with celery salt you’ve been buying to avoid nitrites? That’s another thing that is bad for you, according to Kitchen Stewardship. Is anyone else just about ready to give up?

- I wrote an article for Real Life Solutions about How to Wear Your Baby Safely.

- And an article for Family Foodies about How Busy Moms Can Make Meal Planning Easier

Any great articles you’ve come across recently in your blog hopping?

{pretty}

The girls enjoyed a barefoot tea party at their grandma’s house last week.

I wonder if Queen Victoria ever took her tea barefoot?

{happy}

Ruby’s first popsicle of the season. Actually, her first popsicle ever. Who can resist the siren call of the Ice Cream Truck? It was so hot that day at the park, I couldn’t say no!

{funny}

What happens when you have a very sleepy toddler who resists taking a nap? At around 4:30 she pulled her shirt down for some strange reason, laid down on the rug and fell asleep!

{real}

A family of 9 goes through a lot of toilet tissue. We’ve started buying it in bulk at the office supply store. For some odd reason, I couldn’t help snapping a picture.

That’s how we roll, folks.

Linked to: Like Mother, Like Daughter

After this baby arrives, I don’t want to spend a lot of time in the kitchen.

At least for the first few weeks, I don’t want to cook.

And I don’t want to clean the kitchen either.

There will be a newborn head to sniff, endless diapers to change, a milk supply to establish, naps to take, walks to go on. Not to mention plenty of loving and lap time for my 2 year old. Keeping yourself fed in those early weeks is a job in itself. I’m always ravenous when I have a new nursing baby.

I have a few tricks up my sleeve to make those postpartum weeks a little easier.

* Stockpile Freezer Meals

I’ve never done freezer cooking or once a month cooking before. But in my last month of pregnancy, I’m going to cook a couple dozen main dish meals and store them in my freezer. I don’t have a stand alone freezer, just the skinny little side-by-side next to my fridge. Which means I’ll also need to clean out my freezer and use up some of the stuff that’s in there to make space.

(Do you have any favorite freezer friendly recipes? Please let me know in the comments!)

* Buy (gasp!) Disposable Products

We use real plates, microfiber cloths for cleaning, and cloth napkins at the table around here. But for the first few weeks postpartum, the green police won’t get me if I go disposable. My sanity is more important. (Besides, using cloth diapers and cloth mama pads kinda balances it out, right?)

So as not to shock my grocery budget too much, I’ve been buying a little of this kind of stuff at a time as I see great deals. (Since loading the dishwasher and doing laundry are actually two of my kid’s chores, this tip won’t really lighten my load. But if the kids have a little less work to do they can help me with other things that are usually my job.)

* Enlist Hubby’s Help

I asked my hubby if he would cook a couple of nights a week. He enjoys grilling out, so that’s good for one weekend dinner. There are a couple of other meals he likes to make (sausage and cabbage, burritos), so I told him I’d be sure to have those things available so he can work his magic in the kitchen.

My oldest has become adept at making homemade pizza, so I might put him on that once a week.

* Ask Friends for A Casserole Shower

I don’t want a baby shower, but a friend keeps insisting on doing something for me. I asked her to host a casserole shower, where everyone brings a meal for my freezer. When Ruby was born, a few friends brought me dinner afterwards, which was wonderful. But it’s more convenient for them and for me if it’s already at my house when baby arrives, no?

* Encourage the Kids To Cook Breakfast and Lunch

Y’all know I’m all about kids cooking. They are all (except for Ruby, she isn’t expected to cook for herself since she’s only 2. Her time will come though!) capable of making their own breakfasts and lunches.

I normally cook a hot breakfast every morning, but for awhile they’ll be on their own. Ditto for lunch. I’ll be sure to stock up on things I might not ordinarily buy to entice them a little. (Like organic frozen waffles, maybe even cinnamon rolls from Whole Foods. Or maybe I’ll have a baking day where I make waffles and freeze them myself.)

I also plan on making hearty breakfast muffins (like my favorite bacon/egg/cheddar coconut flour muffins), waffles and other breakfast foods that freeze well in big batches and… well, freezing them. Homemade granola too.

What kind of things did you plan to make postpartum life a little easier? Do share!

This week I tried out a new meal planner called Build A Menu to prepare my shopping list. I’ve used E-mealz in the past but ended up cancelling my subscription, simply because I wanted more flexibility in my meal plan.

I like Build a Menu for this reason. Instead of giving you a meal plan that you download and print, take it or leave it, it allows you to choose the recipes you want from a list.

Creating a meal plan is a good use of my time since there are so many benefits of doing so, but sometimes it’s nice for some of the work to be done for you! This week I was feeling busy and mentally drained, so I  really enjoyed using the site to save time and energy.

These recipes are based on ingredients currently on sale at the grocery store you choose, meaning you will save money using these recipes. Currently those offerings include Kroger, Whole Foods, WalMart, Safeway, HEB and Fred Meyer, as well as “any” store. That’s somewhat disappointing for me since I shop at ALDI and Publix almost exclusively. The good news is they will begin to offer Publix lists in May.

I was a bit concerned about using the “any store” recipes since I was planning on shopping today at ALDI and they have less selection than other stores. But, no worries. I found every ingredient I needed for the meals.

You can choose up to 7 main dish recipes (as well as side dishes, snacks, lunch and breakfast and a special kid’s recipe) in several categories: Family friendly, Low carb, Gluten free, Vegetarian, Low fat/Diet, and Paleo. There are also a smaller selection of recipes in these categories: Slow cooker, Grill, Manly meals, Super salads, and Crowd pleasers (feeds 8-10).

The site also tells you approximately what the recipe will cost to make, another feature that can really help you save money on groceries.

I like that you can immediately click on the recipe to see the ingredients. This way you know you’ll like it before getting locked into choosing it. I always click to preview the recipe to make sure it doesn’t call for any junk or convenience food ingredients. So far I’ve been happy with the healthfulness of the recipes I’ve selected. They’re “clean”, whole foods recipes with pronouncable ingredients. The only boxed items were the pasta. (In contrast, I found that some of the Emealz recipes were too junky for my preference.)

Once you choose your recipes you can then print them out, as well as a separate shopping list. I found the site very easy to use, and it took me only about 15 minutes to create my first menu. For me it’s a time savings not having to pore through Evernote or my cookbooks.

I like that the site gives a portion of its proceeds to charity. At $8 a month, it costs a little more than some menu planners but I think it’s worth it for the benefits I mentioned above.

Here’s what’s on the menu this week, a la Build A Menu:

Dinners:

• Thai Basil Chicken (Side: rice)
• Fish Tacos (cabbage slaw)
• Cheesy Broccoli Pasta (green salad)
• Slow Cooker Pasta Figioli (ciabatta loaf)
• Beef and Pasta Vegetable Casserole (strawberry shortcake)

I could have chosen more recipes, including breakfast, but I was in a hurry to get out the door grocery shopping. You can give Build a Menu a spin for free to see how you like it.

Linked to: Org Junkie

Yesterday the kids and I went berry picking. In about 30 seconds, I realized why farmers traditionally had large families. These little people are really good (and fast) at picking! When the owners of the farm warned us that a full bucket cost around $20, I realized it would take my 6 about 10 minutes to pick our fill.

"Please, no pictures."

The weather ended up being unseasonably cool. After two weeks of 80+ degree weather, the chill was a shock. We all got out of the car shivering. Fortunately I had a bag of stuff slated for Goodwill in the back. I managed to find a cardigan or long sleeved shirt for the girls to wear.

This was a fun outing for the kids, since they got to see some friends and play at the park after. But this week has been a little hard on me. Ruby was sick with some type of mystery fever, so for 3 nights I got little sleep (she had no other symptoms, still not sure what it was). Hubby worked late two nights this week and that’s hard on me in my current state. I also had 3 bad afternoons where the nausea kept me from being as productive as I usually am.

I took off for a writing break at a coffee shop, where I’m sitting in the sun and getting some work done. I’m fortunate that I love what I do to earn money. It feels like a break.

A couple of posts I enjoyed this week from around the web:

- I loved this post on Keeper of the Home with 31 Uses for Mason Jars. I love Mason jars (actually, any glass jar) too. They have such a nice minimalist asthetic. I use them for drinking (a quart jar helps me drink  more water), food storage, storing homemade skin care products, to hold pencils and pens, to culture kefir, and as vases.

- 5 Ways to be a Happier Mom, Today. This is a lovely post by Meagan of Happiest Mom. I find that sometimes when my kids are getting on my nerves, the answer is not to run away from them, but rather try to focus on them totally, at least for a short period. (Similar to tip #5) When their buckets are filled, I feel less stressed.

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As a long time reader and fan of Crystal Paine’s blog, I was looking forward to the release of her book, The Money Saving Mom’s Budget: Slash Your Spending, Pay Down Your Debt, Streamline Your Life, and Save Thousands a Year. I pre-ordered it for my Nook weeks before its release and read it quickly once it was available.

I don’t read MSM for the “deals” but rather for the inspiration. Crystal herself has an awesome story: she and her husband lived very frugally which enabled her to stay home and educate her kids while he went to law school (graduating with no debt), and several years later to pay cash for their home.

Crystal’s book isn’t a collection of tightwad tips. There are other books that do that. Rather this book focuses on teaching you principles that will carry you through making wise financial decisions and meeting your goals – whatever those look like for you as an individual.

For example, one of the first passages I highlighted was this one:

“Create a List of Your Personal Priorities.”

Umm.. okay. What does this have to do with saving money on groceries?

Actually, everything. Because money is so personal, how we choose to spend it is different from the people around us. Our spending should be based on our values. Knowing what your personal priorities are helps you decide where to start and where to focus your time.

Defining your priorities also makes it easier to meet your goals (and create new habits in support of those goals!). Trying to live cheaply without clearly defined goals is a bad idea. You need to have a goal in mind to motivate you and remind you of your priorities. In other words, know your “Why”.

A few themes I love about Money Saving Mom’s Budget:

• The connection between clutter and finances. We know intuitively that they are connected. Crystal makes a great case for having a minimalist home and gives concrete examples of how to accomplish this.
• Time is money. Don’t have a heart attack, but some frugal activities aren’t worth it! Especially if you do any work for pay, you need to know your hourly wage and don’t do things that don’t “pay” you enough. Unless you get lots of enjoyment out of them of course.
• Saving time and personal productivity. Keeping the previous principle in mind, you’re more likely to be successful with your finances if you manage your time well. If you are organized with personal scheduling, you’ll also likely find blocks of time to earn more money. Win!
• Budgeting basics. A budget has to be simple and realistic to work. Money Saving Mom’s Budget takes you step by step through the process of creating a budget that works for you – even a “bare bones” one to babystep you into it at first.

Of course, there are some “nitty gritty” tips in the book. A few I appreciate are:

• Set up ongoing “clutter boxes” to contain clutter. Since it’s going to happen anyway, contain it so you can easily manage it. I began doing this in my basement, with a box for eBay and one for Goodwill. Instead of those things niggling at me constantly, I have more peace. When they get full I take action.
• Pay bills annually for a discount. My husband and I are going to begin doing this for some of our bills. And I recently paid a couple of my business expenses in one lump sum for the year instead of monthly. Not only do you get a nice discount, but it also takes it off your mind for a very long time.  (And you only have one expense to enter into your bookkeeping instead of a dozen!)
• Specific ideas for saving money on groceries without sacrificing health. Everyone has to eat. Food is usually our biggest expense after housing, and one that is easy to save money on with a few tweaks.
• How to have fun on the cheap. There are great ideas for family fun as well as date nights. A frugal life without something budgeted for fun is not sustainable, can turn you into a big grump and lead to depression.

I only see one thing missing from Money Saving Mom’s Budget. There is a section of money making ideas but I was unimpressed with those, especially since I’ve seen excellent articles on Crystal’s blog about earning money. The internet has opened up a world of opportunities for moms who want to earn money from their skills while enjoying a flexible schedule. As a virtual assistant, writer (including ghostwriting, blogging, etc), crafter/Etsy seller or eBayer, a mom could dramatically increase her family’s income and reach some of her goals more quickly than by just focusing on the saving side. Maybe that will be the focus of another book.

In a nutshell, Money Saving Mom’s Budget is an excellent all around primer for anyone who wants to improve their financial situation. As I mentioned, Crystal is an amazing example of someone who really walks her talk, money wise. As a successful blogger, mom and homeschooler, I really identify with her. What’s more, she comes across as so humble, genuinely sweet and approachable. You can’t help but like her, even when she’s giving you a little fiscal butt kickin’.

The Money Saving Mom’s Budget: Slash Your Spending, Pay Down Your Debt, Streamline Your Life, and Save Thousands a Year deserves a place on your bookshelf.

Have you been reading about the need to avoid too much sitting? There’s been a lot of research published in the last couple of years on this topic. Sitting is no longer viewed as just a passive-but-harmless thing, it’s more like a clear and present danger to our health.

Too Much Sitting Is Killing Us

Consider:

• Too much sitting is bad for your health, increasing your risk of obesity, diabetes, heart disease, several cancers and early death, as well as reducing emotional well being – even if you exercise regularly.
• It isn’t just that we aren’t burning enough calories when we sit. It’s that our bodies change in several unhealthy ways when we sit. Our metabolism, body chemistry and blood sugar change for the worse, and even our body composition is altered (storing more fat around the waist, which we know is the worst place to gain).

There are lots of great articles around based on the research of too much sitting’s deleterious effects. I’m not a doctor or scientist so I won’t try to explain them all. Suffice it to say that all the info coming from several studies recently has convinced me to alter my habits to reduce how often and how long I sit.

I feel very fortunate that I don’t have to work 8 hours a day sitting at a desk. (If I did, I would set an alarm to sound every hour so I could walk, do jumping jacks or stretch.) I’ve also made some lifestyle choices that limit sitting. For instance, not having TV means I don’t sit and watch it. I also walk every day for at least one mile.

Still, I do more sitting than I should. Some of the changes I’ve made in my routine:

• I started doing more computer work standing up with my laptop on the kitchen counter. (I’m writing this post standing up.) Standing takes more work than sitting, and we’re almost never perfectly still when we stand. We shift from one leg to another, fidget, stand on our toes, lift our feet, etc.
• Instead of always sitting on the sofa to read to the kids or play with the toddler, I often sit on the floor and stretch my legs. Most of us have very tight hamstrings from too much sitting and from wearing shoes with heels. It’s easy to put your legs into a wide “V” and stretch your thighs. Sitting tailor style is healthier than sitting on a soft cushy sofa. This is easy to do while you build block towers or do puzzles with the wee ones.
• More squatting. Squatting is fabulous for pregnant women, but everyone in our culture should squat more. Many people have hamstrings so tight (again, from sitting too much and wearing shoes with heels) that they CAN’T squat without falling over. If you can’t squat, then you probably have several other problems (like back pain, plantar fascitis, even pelvic floor issues like pee sneezes) that could be helped by stretching your hamstrings and squatting.Katy Bowman has awesome information and videos on her site about squatting, avoiding too much sitting and just general body mechanics. I’ve learned so much from reading her blog. I have 3 of her exercise/stretching DVDs and they’re excellent. Start with this article about sitting on her site, then search the entire blog for the word “sitting” and read those if you want a biomechanical scientist’s perspective.
• Breaking up periods of sitting with bursts of activity like housework. Sometimes sitting is inevitable. We drive in cars, sit to nurse a baby, sit to eat in a restaurant. Now a little alarm goes off in my head if I sit for too long, so I jump up and do a blitz of housework or take a short walk outside.

Just being more aware generally of staying active, not just while I’m exercising, has changed some of my habits. (I admit it’s been difficult to stay as active as I’d like during the early part of my pregnancy and I’m longing for the time when I feel like my usual self again.)

Have you been reading about the dangers of sitting? How do you counteract this in your daily life?

A few articles I appreciated from around the web this week…

- I LOVE Auntie Leila’s advice in “Seven Strategies For Dinner with the Barbarians”. In fact the whole series on family dinners is wonderful.

- Kitchen Stewardship has an amazing list of natural sunscreen reviews for your benefit.

- This post at Simple Homeschool on homeschooling through high school has some excellent advice resources. I saved this one in Evernote, since my oldest will be in 9th grade next year.

- I wrote an article at Family Foodies about feeding kids a healthy and varied lunch.

- OhioMoms published my tips on Greening Your Spring Cleaning.

At 23 weeks, I’m finally over the worst part of pregnancy nausea and vomiting. It still sneaks up and hits me every once in awhile, especially in the evenings, but I’m usually able to ignore it and go about my life.

I had high hopes that the “Bean Cure” would indeed be a cure for me, but unfortunately it wasn’t. While it did seem to help some days to eat lots of beans, at other times I noticed no difference.

When talking this over with my midwife, her assistant and an apprentice, the general consensus of the 3 of them (with a total of several decades of combined experience as birth attendants) was that nothing “cures” morning sickness for most women. The best you can hope for is a little temporary relief. One mom who has had at least 8 babies herself said that something will “work for a little while, then stop working”. That’s been my experience too.

I’ve tried dozens of remedies for morning sickness in my pregnancies. I think many of them work by placebo or distraction. If your midwife tells you to eat a cinnamon Altoid every 10 minutes and you do it, it makes you feel empowered, like you’re “doing something” instead of being passive, and so it seems to help.

For me, the most effective treatment was keeping something on my stomach all the time. Unfortunately that means I tend to gain too much weight in my first trimester. Low blood sugar and odors are the biggest triggers, so I rearrange my life to manage the former and avoid the latter.

I DO think eating lots of beans in pregnancy is a great idea, however, and I’m glad I gave it a shot, for several reasons.

• Eating lots of beans eliminated the constipation I always experience during pregnancy. This is no small thing!
• Beans fill you up and provide a “slow burn” of sustained energy.
• Beans are super cheap and healthy.
• They’re low calorie so they probably help slow down unnecessary weight gain. I’m surprised noone has written a “Bean Diet” book yet. I bet if you ate beans with every meal you would effortlessly lose weight.

I always appreciated beans and ate them frequently, but they’ve become an even bigger part of my diet in recent months. We now eat a bean main dish twice a week in my house, which helps with the grocery budget.

Here are a few of my favorite bean eating tips:

• With preparing and cooking beans, I find that slow is better. I rinse my dried beans, then soak them overnight or longer in water. Then I discard the soaking water and add new water to cook them. Then, I cook them in the slow cooker. This means there is almost always a pot of beans soaking or cooking in my kitchen. I’m ok with that. The slow method seems to eliminate gas. I never experience gas when eating beans.
• Personally, I don’t care for lentils. I don’t like the flavor or the texture. But I have begun mixing them 50/50 with ground beef for our Taco Night. The kids noticed but nobody complained. It helps to season them heavily and mash them a little bit before adding them to the cooked ground beef, then add a little water and simmer it together. I’m going to try this with chili too. I don’t mind seasoned lentils on top of rice topped with cheese.
• Try serving beans as a side dish with whatever else you’re serving. Pinto beans are my family’s favorite, and they go well with rice, any corn based dish, and vegetables. A big pot of pintos and cornbread is a simple but satisfying meal (the corn plus beans provides complete protein). Lima beans and blackeyed peas go well with veggies too. Having a big pot of beans in the fridge all the time is a great way to fill up hungry teenagers inexpensively.
• Learn to make your own refried beans. They’re super cheap and healthier than the store bought versions. I don’t follow a recipe for this. I simply take pinto beans and mash them with cooked onions (or onion powder if I’m lazy or short on time), garlic (or garlic powder), salt and pepper and whatever fat I’ve got on hand – lard, butter, olive oil, chicken fat, whatever. I like mine with a bit of texture so I don’t puree them, but pureed beans would be a great dip with chips, or food for a baby or toddler.
• Did you know you can add pureed beans to brownies? Yep. I used pureed chickpeas in a blondie recipe, and it was yummy. You can add pureed black beans to brownies. It reduces the fat and adds nutrition and fiber. This is a great option if you don’t care for beans.
• Beans go great in soup. Obvious choices are chili and bean soup, but almost any vegetable soup does well with the addition of beans. Add white beans, chickpeas or lentils to vegetable soups. Puree them if you don’t like the texture, and it adds a creaminess and bulk that makes the soup more filling, without meat. Minestrone soup requires beans, as does Italian Wedding soup. One of my family’s favorite recipes is Sausage, Bean and Kale soup. The recipe is featured in the Everything Beans cookbook, which I love.

What are some of your favorite ways to eat beans? I’m looking for a great black bean burger recipe so if you have one please share!

Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom published my “we paid cash for our SUV story” on her site yesterday, so I expect some of her readers to click over to see what Natural Moms Talk Radio is all about.

Hi y’all!

I’m also a big fan of Crystal’s site and book. I enjoy MSM not so much for the deal postings, which I rarely read, but for the inspirational stories – that of Crystal herself as well as others.

Here are a few of my favorite posts on frugality that have appeared here through the years:

• My review of Laura Vanderkam’s wonderful book, All The Money in the World
• How to host a swap meet to trade great stuff with your friends
• Top 10 reasons to do Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University
• A review of the 1970′s classic sustainable living book Possum Living
• How to deal with a falling income
• How to homeschool cheaply
• Cheap eats – frugal recipes featuring potatoes, rice, and beans
• How I got out of debt
• Lowering your grocery budget without compromising health
• Frugal baby raising tips
• Money and the natural mom

I hope you’ll stick around and see what else I’m about. Please leave a comment below and say Hi!

I’m joining Like Mother Like Daughter’s {pretty, happy, funny, real} meme today. I thought of titling this week’s post “Buzz/Kill”. After reading you’ll see why it fits.

{pretty}

My neighborhood is absolutely beautiful this time of year. The trees and bushes are exploding in shades of fuschia, purple, orange, pink, white and salmon. While currently I’m having a bit of a location crisis (more on that in another post), the arrival of spring has helped. We’re bursting in bloom around here. Every morning Ruby and I go flower picking.

{happy}

Is there anything cuter than a toddler stomping around in a grownup’s shoes? Those are some big boots to fill, sweetie.

{funny}

The other morning I went outside in my PJs to grab my jeans hanging on the drying rack. I took them into the bathroom and began getting dressed. Soon after I pulled my jeans on, I felt something poking me. That’s odd, I thought. I pulled them down and noticed a big red welt on my thigh, then heard “Buzzzzzzz….” I swiped a huge fat bumblebee out of my scrunched up pants.

Concerned that Ruby would walk into the bathroom and step on it before I could grab her, I stumbled into the living room, pants around my ankles and asked hubby to please kill it. After walking into the bathroom and taking care of business, he commented that he was surprised I wasn’t screaming. My reply?

“Dearest, I’ve given birth to 5 babies without the benefit of anesthetic. A bee sting pales in comparison.”

Who knew hanging laundry outside could be hazardous to your health?

{real}

This morning was a real buzz kill. It breaks my heart to have to break a child’s heart, but sometimes it’s the right thing to do. All my kids are spending the night at my parents, save one girl who was being disciplined for a particularly egregious mistake last Sunday. I told her last night that since it was just the two of us (and baby), we would go get our toes done today. This morning we woke up and she was helpful and sweet. We spent 45 minutes putting a puzzle together and just enjoying each other’s company before we left.

At the nail salon I decided she would get her fingers and toes painted. Cost: $8. Since she paints her fingers and toes all the time for free, I thought this was a real treat. (By comparison, my pedicure is $17.) She picked her color and we were all set to begin. Only.

She began begging me to let her get a spa pedicure ($23). Now, before you go thinking I’m a mean old Scrooge, let me explain. I realize that by getting pedicures I’m taking a small risk of getting some weird foot infection. I’m willing to take this risk because I can’t get my feet to look nearly this nice at home, and when I’m pregnant it’s especially difficult due to the belly in the way. (Not to mention, at least I can have pretty feet when the rest of me feels bloated and fat.) I’m not willing, however, to risk my daughter’s health for the sake of vanity.

And yes, the cost is a factor too. My daughter picks at her nails terribly, and I knew they would be peeled off and nasty looking within two days anyway. So I was already stretching to pay for this little treat.

“But I’ve neeeeever had a pedicure!” (This isn’t true. Her Dad took her once.)

I told her quietly that she was getting her nails and toes painted, and if she was unwilling to accept that then we would leave.

And she had to go there. She kept whining and begging with a frowny grumpy face to boot.

So, I turned on my heel without comment and left. It wasn’t easy, because I had left the house just for this reason. But I had to show her that Mommy is to be taken seriously. That when I say something will happen, it will. I need her to trust me. I also need her to be grateful, and to accept “No” for an answer.

When we got in the car I calmly asked her what mistake she thought she made.

“I didn’t take no for an answer“, she said between whimpers.

“Yes. You were also ungrateful. I never had a pedicure when I was a child, and getting your toes and nails done by a professional is a treat. I will not tolerate you behaving like a spoiled Princess. I’m not going to say another word about this, and I’ll go alone to get my pedicure this weekend.”

I didn’t lecture or raise my voice. I, as the saying goes, let the consequence do the talking. Sometimes this parenting gig is hard, but a little short term pain for long term benefit is worth it, no?

Reading is the key to learning. When a child enjoys reading, the whole world is open to him. He can educate himself and learn anything. I’ve been fortunate that my children love reading. I suppose the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! When I think about the things that have probably helped get my kids to love reading, these are the habits that come to mind.

Surround them with books.
Studies have shown that children who live in homes where there is lots of literature around have better reading and math skills than homes that are lacking in a personal library. This doesn’t have to mean expensive trips to Barnes and Noble. I get most of my books for almost nothing at: library book sales, yard sales, Paperback Swap, and thrift stores. Use the library to find books your children love, and then try to purchase those inexpensively. Books to read for pleasure, in my opinion, are where the majority of dollars in a homeschooling budget should be allocated.

Make reading pleasurable.
I never read to my babies in utero. It felt weird and forced to me. But I did start reading to them at an early age. Children who associate reading with pleasure will do more of it. Have a special reading corner with a comfy chair, and books within easy reach.

I also didn’t stress about when my kids began reading. I didn’t “teach reading”. I simply read to them. A lot. It seems to have worked. From research I’ve read, pressuring kids to read when they’re super young has no benefit. (Lots of studies quoted in Jim Trelease’s wonderful book on this point.)

Choose books you enjoy.
There is no law that states that you must read books to your kids that you don’t enjoy. I read a lot of kid lit, and some of it just plain sucks. Don’t waste time finishing a story you think is dumb. If you’re engaged in the story, you will make it more interesting to the kids.

At the same time, don’t get your feelings hurt if the kids don’t like the same books you do. My 11 year old nearly broke my heart when he told me he wasn’t enjoying Little Town on the Prairie. I didn’t force him to listen to the readings after that. He did, however, love Farmer Boy. Win!

Read to your kids every day, regardless of their age.
Babies enjoy being read to, perhaps while you are nursing or putting them to sleep. Older children enjoy all sorts of picture books and later, chapter books. Kids can understand literature that may be too challenging for them to read on their own, so pick books that are just a little more mature than you think your kids would read on their own. My husband read books like The Princess Bride and other young adult chapter books to my stepdaughter when she was just a preschooler. I think this has much to do with her smarts and her voracious appetite for books now.

And once a child can read well, don’t stop reading aloud to them! This is a great way to stay close to your older kids too. Share something with them from a book you’re reading and start a discussion with them.

Sweeten bedtime with books.
Most kids balks at bedtime. If what you need at night is a little peace and quiet to spend time with your spouse, then let your child stay up past bedtime if he or she is reading. And only if! Even a child who is a little less likely to pick up a book will do so if they get to stay up later.

Choose books that reflect your child’s interests.
Pay attention to what your child likes, and go to the library and choose appropriate books. If you need help, I highly recommend The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease. Not only does this book have fabulous lists of great kid’s literature, it has a lot of great research that will convince you of the value of reading aloud to kids.

Another wonderful book? Esme Codell’s How to Get Your Child to Love Reading: For Ravenous and Reluctant Readers Alike. Esme is an author, a mom, former school teacher and owner of a “reading salon”. (She is also a super cool righteous chick who was my childhood penpal. I always knew she would do amazing things!) Esme is truly an expert in children’s literature and her book is a treasure.

Think outside the book.
It doesn’t have to be a book to “count”. Children’s magazines are another way to encourage reading while learning about interesting subjects. My kids love National Geographic Kids. (I actually read it as soon as it arrives in our mailbox!)

My 10 year old devoured a book about eBay selling written by a successful eBay entrepreneur. Ilana, 9, recently read The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. If you have a child who is less inclined to read because they are strongly kinesthetic learners (I do), then try audio books. That child in my family loves to go to sleep at night to audio books.

Minimize electronic entertainment.
The less time they have available for video games, the internet and Tv/movies, the more time they’ll spend reading. Period. Reading is more work, and kids and adults alike will default to passive if given unrestricted access to electronic media.

Be a reader.
You knew this was coming, didn’t you? Sometimes we moms think we’re too busy to read. Perish the thought! I would be very unhappy if I didn’t carve out time for personal reading. Sadly, studies show that most Americans don’t pick up a book once their formal education is over.

Make time to read. Turn off the TV, computer, and your phone and carve out 30 minutes a day to read. If your kids see you reading, they will think that this is just what adults do. If they’re bored, they’ll reach for a book. (In my house, they’d better because a bored child will find himself assigned a chore if they complain to me!)

Do your kids love to read? What did you do to get them to love reading?

For the first 5 months of my pregnancies, everything seems to slide. Can you relate? Then, I spend the next few months in a frenzy of cleaning, decluttering, nesting… with a big baby belly to haul around in the heat of summer. Ah, well. They’re worth it.

I’ve been following Simple Mom’s Project Simplify posts and even though I’ve been doing some small decluttering/cleaning projects of my own, I haven’t blogged about it. Until today. Because even though I write about scheduling weekly and monthly cleaning tasks, simplifying and minimalism… that doesn’t mean I’m perfect. 

This week the hot spot of choice for Project Simplify was”choose your own adventure”. Yesterday I decided that the hall closet MUST be dealt with. This is the closet where I store my shoes and the 11 year old’s “Sunday” clothing (his room doesn’t have a closet), as well as homeschooling/art supplies we’re not currently using. (I buy school supplies on clearance once a year.)

But for months it’s become a general dumping ground for anything miscellaneous. There was a box of gender neutral newborn clothing, a suitcase, outgrown Ruby clothing, a bag of disposable diapers (gift for a friend’s upcoming baby shower), etc. Yuck.

After about 25 minutes of pulling everything out and putting stuff away and sweeping, it looked like this.

Top: In the basket are my Sleepy Wrap and Baby Hawk baby carriers, that’s an Ergo in the box, and on the right are homeschooling books and a box of crayons and art supplies. Look how empty the closet looks!
Bottom: I removed all the shoes that are ridiculous to wear while pregnant either because they’re too tight or high heels. (I don’t know about you, but I think pregnant women look ridiculous teetering around in heels.) I can actually see my shoes now!

Ah. Much better.

Here is a smattering of the things I’ve enjoyed reading this week.

- I agree with every word of this post at Zen Habits on peaceful parenting. “There is no such thing as stress free parenting… That said, I have learned that we can find peace.”

- Maegan at Happiest Mom blogged about her decision to hire a housekeeper: I hire help because I want to. Her post a year ago had quite a few negative, snarky comments, which confounds me! If you can make room for it in your budget, I say more power to you.

- Laura Vanderkam writes about false choices. I call these “false dichotomies”. We limit ourselves terribly when we engage in this either/or type of thinking. Are you making the mistake of engaging in all or nothing thinking? It’s something to think about!

- Did you participate in the National Day of Unplugging? It’s a national call to unplug completely for 24 hours. I didn’t, because my family already does this once a week on our “Screen Free Sunday”. But I love the quote in this article about Facebook. It mirrors one of the reasons I permanently deleted my FB account.

- I wrote over at Mom’s Talk Network about homebirth risk factors.

What were some of your favorite reads this week? Feel free to link to your own blog post in the comments too

If you’ve been reading this blog for a long time, you know that although money has little to do with natural mothering, it’s a topic I enjoy learning and writing about. I hope you’ll enjoy this detour from the usual topics. And I’ll stop metablogging now.

I recently picked up a copy of All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending, by mom, author and blogger Laura Vanderkam.

Before I get into a review of the book, a little personal story.

I had stopped buying books (one of my greatest pleasures) for some time, in an attempt to be uber frugal (after reading the book, I realize that was a mistake. More on why later.).

But it just so happens that I had some extra cash, a pretty hefty sum (for me), because I had recently sold my old, paid for minivan.

“The trick to money is having some.”

- Stuart Wilde

Having this cash taught me something about myself.

Namely, that I like having money.

To be more specific, I like having more money than I have had in recent months. It makes me happy! And not having it makes me feel stressed and grumpy.

Since getting married, my family income increased dramatically, but my personal income dropped considerably. (If you’re new, less than 3 years ago I was a single divorced mom of 4 kids, supporting my family with the earnings from my online ventures. Within a year I gained a husband, two kids (a stepdaughter and an “ours” baby, and I’m pregnant with another), moved to a new town and my social life also changed considerably.)

Not blaming my husband mind you. I got pregnant right away, got very sick and all of the life changes happening so suddenly threw me for a loop. My business took a huge backseat to blending this new family.

None of the money I’ve spent could be deemed extravagant or wasteful (save the latte I’m currently drinking!), in fact most of it has been spent on truly needful things: clothing for the kids, new books for homeschooling, maternity clothing, a nice new mop when my old one broke. But all of these expenditures have made me happy. Especially the books.

“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor, and believe me, rich is better.”

- Mae West

“Money can’t buy happiness.” – Oft quoted saying, attributed to many

So which is true? Does money make us happy or not?

Turns out we have a bit of help answering this question. Many studies have shown that increases in personal income do increase happiness, up to a point. And people who live in countries that enjoy higher incomes (the US, Scandinavian countries, Europe, etc) report higher levels of happiness than people living in poor countries. One researcher said the magic number was around $75K annually. Having more money means that life is less stressful. In the US, $75K means our basics are covered. You don’t have to sweat housing, food and clothing. A car repair bill won’t put you in the poor house, and you can buy your child new shoes when their old ones wear out.

Because of this, the author of All The Money encourages people to think about increasing their income rather than engaging in extreme penny pinching, if those frugal practices make you miserable and stressed out. This is especially true if you enjoy your work – and I certainly do!

I can vouch for the wisdom in this. There are certain things I do to save money that are fun for me and not a big inconvenience. Shopping at thrift stores is no more work than shopping retail, and I enjoy it – almost like a treasure hunt. I also enjoy hanging laundry on the line on a sunny day. (I know, I’m weird – but don’t ask me to clean the shower!) Using cloth diapers doesn’t stress me out either, and I get a kick out of making my own laundry detergent.

But from here on out, I’m going to evaluate the things I do to save money and ask myself whether the savings is really worth the extra hassle. As an example, trying to lower my grocery budget past a certain amount while still providing my family with a nutrient dense diet has proven to be extremely stressful to me.

Consider the Opportunity Cost

Here we come to the principle of opportunity cost, something mentioned again and again in the book. When you decide to spend time doing something, that is time that you cannot spend doing something else.

I remember being shocked when I read that Michelle Duggar uses paper plates exclusively for her family’s meals. And other than shopping at ALDI, she also doesn’t seem to stress (at least from what I can discern from reading her books, watching her show and reading her site) about what groceries cost. And yet she embraces many other frugal practices.

Apparently it’s just not worth it to her to worry over keeping a tight grocery budget. She would rather spend time writing a book, presenting a speech to a women’s group, or (obviously) homeschooling and rearing her children than spend hours poring over grocery store sales circulars and cutting coupons.

While you can make more money (true for almost every single one of us), you cannot make more time. You can only take time from other activities. We all have 24 hours in a day.

Lost opportunities = lost income.

* One of the things I changed immediately about my schedule after reading the book? I started spending more time working. I made a schedule to increase the time I spent on my websites. After crunching some numbers, I figured out that I earn around $28 an hour from my writing. (When I was single, I earned $50-$100 an hour doing certain activities such as coaching, website reviews and ghostwriting, the $28 is mostly residual income. It continues even when I do almost nothing online.)

So now I have a dollar figure to work with. If I decide to do Activity A, then I am losing that time that I could be doing Activity B: earning income.

What would you change about your life if money was no object?

It’s never going to be a reality for most of us. But that’s ok. It really doesn’t take a lot of money to be happy. Since most of the things that bring people joy are free (relationships, meaningful work, spirituality), the trick is to figure out what expenditures do give you an uptick in happiness. Another purpose of tracking money spent is to figure out if that spending is in line with our true values and priorities.

Money Shows Up Our Priorities

It can be extremely fun and enlightening to get a blank sheet of paper and ask yourself what would you change about your life if money were no object?

Maybe you would travel somewhere.
Maybe you would never color your own hair.
Maybe you would get weekly pedicures.
Maybe you would write a book.
Maybe you would ….

Most of these things are completely attainable even if you aren’t independently wealthy.

I was good friends once with a married couple who worked together cleaning houses – but only about 20 hours a week. It simply wasn’t their goal to earn a lot of money. But they traveled somewhere exotic several times a year.

How? By cutting out the expenses that didn’t matter to them. They always wore a uniform, for one. Every time I saw them they had on the same jeans, the same black leather belt, the same Docs, the same Gap jeans and grey T-shirt.

Spending on a fancy wardrobe wasn’t their priority. Skiing in Switzerland WAS.

photo credit: contemplicity

I’ve always wanted to go to Italy. It’s been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. I started a new savings account in ING to begin saving for this goal. Just thinking about it makes me happy. It might take 5 years, maybe 10. But some day I’ll get there.

* I’ve also resolved to stop feeling guilty about small purchases like buying books (one of my favorite pleasures) or lattes. Research shows that small, frequent experiences contribute to overall happiness more than rare, big events.

* I’m also going to start keeping a spending diary, not for the purpose of increasing my frugality (I probably already lean too hard on the side of “cheap”), but to track how the expenditures made me feel.

All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending might change the way you look at money too. I highly recommend it, and Laura’s other book 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, is also on its way to my mailbox.

What connection do you think exists between money and happiness? Please share your thoughts in the comments

p.s. You might also enjoy reading The Happiness Project if you like exploring the connection between money and happiness.

I’m a firm believer in teaching kids how to cook. While it’s not always easier, or faster, or even simpler in the short term, it’s definitely better in the long term. Which is true of many aspects of parenting, no?

First I’ll start with the selfish reasons. This gooey bit of deliciousness pictured below is homemade flan, cooked with love by my then 12 year old son. I’ve never cooked flan in my life, but I sure do enjoy eating it.

Teaching your kids to cook eases the day to day burden of preparing meals for your family.

That’s reason enough right there. If you are invested in the idea of preparing whole foods, avoiding packaged foods and general junk, then keeping the family fed is a huge job.

If your kids can cook, they can help you with this important task. That’s certainly helpful from day to day, but it’s completely invaluable at times. For instance, when there is a new baby in the house, a mom sick with morning/noon/night sickness of pregnancy, illness in the household, etc.

Here’s a general guideline. By the age of 7, a child is perfectly capable of using the stove, and sharp knives if s/he has been taught how and observed you for a long time. And most kids show an interest in cooking from a very young age. At 20 months, my toddler begs to “sit there” (perched on the kitchen counter) so she can watch and help me prepare dinner.

My 6 year old can: cook scrambled eggs, fry a grilled cheese sandwich, make toast, prepare tuna or chicken salad, and of course slap together a PB&J. The 9 year old can: do all the above plus make a quesadilla, cook rice and oatmeal, bake cookies and muffins, and fry eggs. The 11 year old can do all the above plus cook deviled eggs and fry bacon. The 13 year old can do all the above plus bake bread, make pies from scratch, and more. Once he cooked an entire meal on his own as a treat for me at the age of 9. And let’s not overlook the value of teaching kids how to operate the coffee maker!

(My stepdaughter is 12, and when I married my husband she didn’t know how to do anything in the kitchen. Since then she’s become more comfortable preparing food on her own, and I hope I had something to do with that.)

If you’re too busy/stressed/impatient to let the kids help you cook now, you won’t benefit from them knowing how to cook later. And they’ll miss out on valuable lessons in the meantime. Namely:

Teaching kids to cook prepares them for the future. At some point, all human beings must feed themselves or others. It’s just as important as learning to wipe your own backside after going poo. Mom won’t be there forever to do it for you.

Side rant: Personally I find it pathetic that many grown men have no clue how to work their way around the kitchen. Not knowing how to feed your own face isn’t manly at all. It’s weak and childish. And a bachelor diet of Waffle House and Taco Bell is expensive and bad for your health. Hence, it’s been important to me that my sons learn how to cook before leaving my home. They took to it naturally, but I wasn’t above reminding them that future girlfriends think a man who can cook is hot, and that the best chefs in the world have historically been male.

I love how the Deputy Headmistress put it here:

” I do not want my son to be helpless without a woman in his life. If his wife gets sick I want him to be able to be supportive and not an added burden and hindrance. I want him to know how to get some basic meals together for his family so that if meals are left to him at any time for any reason he can rise to the occasion without breaking the family budget.”

Here are some other reasons why it’s a good idea to teach your children to cook.

Do the Math

It’s nearly impossible to cook without doing some math. Whether you’re cutting a whole recipe in half (or in the case of our family, doubling or tripling most recipes!) or just measuring out cups of flour, it’s a great way to incorporate real world math skills. Cooking may help children see that math has a practical application in the real world. By the time my kids got around to doing fractions, they understood the concept intuitively, probably from years of following recipes with me or on their own.

An Anti-Pickiness Weapon

Pictured above is my only picky child. The others eat whatever is put in front of them. They may tell me later that they didn’t like whatever was presented, but they’ll still eat it without complaint. I’ll write about my picky eater philosophy later, but for now suffice it to say that she is more likely to eat food that she has had a hand in preparing (such as the potato soup she’s cooking up above).

Appreciation

Teaching children to cook is a powerful learning experience, yet children do not view cooking as “chores”, they view it more as fun. Therefore they’re more likely to want to participate. I think that cooking helps children develop an appreciation for good food.

In my review of Bringing Up Bebe I touched on this. According to the author, French children often spend their weekends baking, and there are special recipes just for kids. There are tons of French cookbooks exclusively for kids. All this cooking may have something to do with developing a love for fine food. Children seem to have a lot of pride in food they’ve helped prepare. In contrast, junk food, fast food doesn’t require any work or preparation.

Teaching Nutrition

As your children learn to cook, they are learning a powerful tool to take control of their own health. A parent’s job isn’t complete if they haven’t taught their children about how to stay healthy by eating well. Food can be your medicine, and home cooked food (even if it’s sweets) is almost always nutritionally superior to store bought or restaurant food. If your children learn how to cook, they can give their body what it needs nutritionally, both now and in the future.

A Word About Safety

Some people bring up the objection that kids can hurt themselves in the kitchen. In my experience, this danger is highly overstated. In 14 years of parenting, my kids have only experienced one kitchen accident. My daughter’s dislocating her elbow on the monkey bars at the playground doesn’t mean I’m never taking my kids to the park again. And that one accident doesn’t outweigh the myriad benefits of bringing kids into the kitchen.

One last thing: Teaching your kids to cook is an excellent way to spend one on one time with them.

Any other thoughts? Do your kids love to cook? When do you start bringing them into the kitchen with you to help?

When Ruby was just over a year old and began walking well, she started rejecting the sling. This was a real surprise to me, since my other babies had been quite happy to be worn well into their third year of life.

But babies like to keep you on your toes. Just because all the sibs did one thing doesn’t mean the new baby will be the same. Ruby also began disliking sitting in the stroller for our daily walks. She wanted to use her own two legs!

I bought an Ergo carrier to see if she would be happier in a sturdier carrier or would prefer a back carry (my other slings were a Baby Hawk and a Sleepy Wrap), but no go. She would begin violently protesting as soon as I tried to put her in. (She didn’t mind being held, just being worn.) I decided not to worry too much about it or try to force the issue.

But as she gets heavier and I get more pregnant, I find myself really missing babywearing.

There are so many benefits to babywearing a toddler. For instance:

• Naptimes. Ruby has started fighting naps, which mean that the usual tricks I use to get her to sleep aren’t working. Then she often falls asleep too late in the afternoon and sleeps too close to bedtime. Since daddy is handling bedtime most nights, this means he’s up later than he wants to be. I love it when a toddler becomes so cozy in a sling that s/he forgets not to fall asleep on mom’s hip! In addition, sometimes Ruby doesn’t want me to leave her side during naps. Since I can’t always nap with her, it would be nice if she would nap in the sling while I get other things done.
• Shopping. She has also begun an UN-fun stage when it comes to shopping. She wants to get down and investigate everything she can reach. In my experience most toddlers would rather sit on mom’s hip in a sling than be buckled into a shopping cart.
• Fussiness. She is still cutting her “eyeteeth”, and those seem to be especially uncomfortable. It would be nice to calm her using a sling the way I did with my other fussy tots. The combination of closeness with mom and movement often provide enough distraction to help with teething pain or other fussy times.
• Discreet nursing. Ring slings are wonderful for nursing discreetly, since the top “rail” of the sling can be pulled up over the business areas. (I also don’t like flashing the kids with my pregnant belly when Ruby nurses, and the tail of the sling is great for keeping me covered.)

The other day while shopping at a consignment shop, I snagged a brand new Maya Wrap for $20. The Maya was my favorite sling for years, but I had not bought one since having Ruby. I took this find as a sign.

I wondered if maybe I could woo her back to babywearing.

As I said, I’ve never had a toddler or any baby at all reject the sling, but I have talked to moms in the past who had problems with young babies new to babywearing, and offered suggestions. Some babies do fuss when they’re first put into a sling, but I’ve yet to meet one who didn’t eventually end up loving the idea.

Today I started by slipping it over her while I rocked and nursed her (hopefully) to sleep. For a minute she said “Out”, but not with much conviction. And she kept kicking her legs and arms out, like this.

Maybe it just felt too hot or confining.

But within a few minutes, she was asleep. And it was only noon!

I’m determined to keep trying, especially when I’m doing something interesting (like chopping veggies, she always wants to sit on the kitchen counter when I’m doing stuff in the kitchen) that she wants to observe. Or when she’s sleepy or fussy.

Have you ever had a toddler suddenly reject babywearing? What did you do, if anything, to woo them back?

In recent months I’ve noticed a trend among a few bloggers I read. Perhaps because it’s early in the year, when people traditionally make plans and goals, or because minimalism and simplicity are so huge right now. Whatever the reason, the idea is this:

Stop setting goals.

Yeah, you heard me.

It sounds pretty radical, because nearly every single book ever written on the topic of success, whether in finances, health or any other aspect of life, recommends setting goals.

photo credit: studiojru

The advice is typically something like this: set reasonable goals (attainable with a little stretching, but not so difficult that the discouragement from the inevitable failure cause you to quit), make sure they’re measurable and specific, so you know when you get there, and finally goals should be action oriented. Goals can be short term, long term, and inbetween. And they’re supposed to be written down.

So why would someone recommend not setting goals? I don’t remember the specific reason given by the writers I alluded to earlier, but generally speaking the idea is that goal setting keeps your head in the future instead of enjoying the present moment. As I read these blog posts I kept thinking one thing:

Funny, goals rarely worked for me either.

The only goal I’ve ever set that I can remember hitting was the goal I had, several years ago, of getting out of debt. Other than that, most goals I’ve set for myself haven’t worked. It’s not that I’ve never been successful at anything or haven’t gotten what I wanted out of life. I have, many times.

But I realize that the things that I’ve succeeded at that are important to me weren’t goals. I didn’t write them down or find an accountability partner or any of that. They were intentions. And I think there’s an important difference.

The word goal has become so common that it’s probably almost useless. Impotent really. Setting an intention feels more powerful. Goals are something you “try”.

I’ve also come to another important realization, namely:

Habits are better than goals.

Looking back, I realize that the intentions I had that came to fruition became habits. That’s why they worked so well. When I set the intention to lose weight after my last baby, I had no specific number of pounds in mind (I did want to fit into my old clothing though). But I began the habit of walking daily.

Lately when I decide I want something for my life, I ask myself: What would I be doing every day if I had that?

In other words, what habits would I have that would bring about that result naturally, without my setting a goal?

It’s not that I won’t ever set goals again, or write things down, or whatever. It’s just that in my experience, habits and routines have a more powerful impact on my happiness.

I don’t have hard data on this, but it seems to me that habits are more powerful than goal setting. I would bet that people who bounce checks don’t have the habit of balancing their checkbook (a good habit). I would also guess that people who have debt don’t have the habit of automatically transferring money over to their savings account every month (another good habit). And people who have the habit of eating in front of the TV weigh more than those who don’t (bad habit!).

One problem I have with goals is that they are so discouraging when I meet with failure. And they make me feel as if I don’t have permission to be happy until the goal is met.

I mentioned that most goals I’ve set flat out failed, even when I did the work required to meet the goal. Another problem is that some of the goals I set require other people to take some action – something I can’t control. For example, as a blogger, my income is in part dependent on other people doing stuff – visiting my site, clicking on Google ads, buying through affiliate links, etc. It’s not just a numbers game. Or, maybe I’m in the wrong line of work!

Perhaps goals work better for some people (and if this is true, why would this be?). My husband set a goal to earn a lot more money in February (commonly a slow month for him) than he is accustomed to. And he did it! It wasn’t a small uptick either, it was significant.

I read a book recently in an effort to learn more about habits. It’s called The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. While the book wasn’t as helpful as I thought it would be as far as teaching me how to harness the power of habits, it was an interesting read.

One of the points I bookmarked was this: some habits are “keystone” habits. Meaning that these habits lead to improved results in other, seemingly unrelated areas of life. Keystone habits create spillover. They’re key actions that start a chain reaction.

One of these is as simple as making your bed in the morning. It takes all of 60 seconds, tops. But it somehow also makes you more productive, enjoy a greater sense of well being, and stick to your budget. (References are in the book, don’t take my word for it!)

Another biggie is exercise. Studies have shown that when people add exercise to their routine, other patterns start to show up. They also eat better, get more done, spend less on credit, and show more patience.

Obviously, it’s worthwhile to establish good habits and routines.

What do you think about habits, goals and routines? Do you set goals, and do they work for you? What are some of your personal “keystone” habits?

(I think one of mine is getting up before my kids.)

After reading and responding to a comment Candi left on yesterday’s post (about accomplishing those weekly and monthly cleaning chores), I realized it’s been ages since I wrote about kids, chores and allowances.

I’m pretty opinionated on this topic, and like a good blogger, that means I should write about it.

Also, I read some interesting research on the topic in my current read, Laura Vanderkam’s All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending (highly recommended, by the way – and a review is forthcoming).

When I mentioned cleaning yesterday, I neglected to mention the stuff the kids do. Currently the lineup looks like this:

• Caleb, 13 – Laundry. Yep, a 13 year old boy does all the family’s laundry. This is actually his choice. He enjoys the job.
• Zoe, 12 – Kitchen. Since Zoe is in public school, she loads the dishwasher after dinner and handwashes the pots and pans. (Since I’m home I do the bulk of the kitchen cleaning.)
• Julien, 11 – Sweeping and mopping. He sweeps the dining area once or twice a day (always after dinner) and sweeps the living room once a day. He mops those areas every couples of days (at least, in theory).
• Ilana, 9 – Kitchen floor. She sweeps a couple of times a day and mops once daily. She also puts groceries away after I shop.
• Sadie, 6 – Random. At this point I am still working on teaching her basics like: putting clothing in the hamper, tidying up the bathroom when you leave it, cleaning up your kitchen mess when you make a snack. The good news is that she is always willing to help me do big jobs (like those weekly/monthly things) as well as cleaning out the back of the car.
• Ruby, 2 – Official Messmaker. Working on training her to: not write on walls and desks, and to pick up her books and toys.

A bit about my chores philosophy.

Chores for kids are a good thing.

(See also: Chores and your kids. Chores, chores, chores.)

That about sums it up.

No seriously folks, I believe chores teach a good work ethic, teamwork, and responsibility. I will NOT be saying goodbye to adult kids who cannot: cook basic meals, do their own laundry, know the importance of cleaning up after themselves, etc.

Many, many adults struggle with messiness because they don’t have habits and routines like: putting dirty clothes in the hamper or hanging up clean clothing once it leaves their body, leaving the bathroom clean after they use it, etc.

Yuck.

I remind my kids often that for the rest of their lives, they will be sharing space with other human beings. Whether it’s roommates, bosses and co-workers, spouses, etc… it’s a fact of life. And nobody wants to share space with a slob. Messiness is selfish, lazy and shows a lack of respect for the people around you.

Also, a woman is not a maid. I do not want my sons growing up with the mindset that the woman in their life exists to pick up their crumbs and dirty clothing – regardless of whether she works as a wage earner or not. That is immature thinking and will cause trouble in their marriages.

Being responsible for one’s own mess spills over into other aspects of life, like being responsible for one’s own finances, being responsible for one’s own emotions, being responsible for one’s own happiness, and much more I suspect.

Another reason for kids to do chores: because they use my house for entertaining. Having little tea parties and book club meetings, like in the picture above, mean extra work and stress for mom. You bet that kids are going to help with the extra cleanup before and after entertaining their friends.

Now about that research I mentioned. I do believe in paying children allowances. I believe that doing so helps them make a connection between labor and money. You work = you get paid. You no work = you no get paid.

2 Thess. 3:10: “If anyone is not willing to work, neither let him eat.”

Galatians 6:5: “For each one should carry his own load.”

There are some things I expect the kids to do just because they share space with other bodies and make messes. Things such as: putting their dishes in the dishwasher, wiping crumbs off the counters when they make snacks, cleaning their rooms, etc.

It turns out that my belief in paying my kids for work above and beyond those basic “clean up after yourself” tasks has some actual science behind it.

In All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending, the author quotes research done by Lewis Mandell, dean emeritus of SUNY Buffalo’s School of Management. After studying this for years, Mandell learned that children who receive allowances that are not conditional (just free money), were less likely to demonstrate financial savvy than children who received no regular allowance or kids who got paid for chores.

My children sometimes find their allowance docked or withheld entirely if I have to remind them too often to do chores, or if they do a poor job or with a poor attitude. (This has only happened a few times!) Dave Ramsey even takes umbrage with the word “allowance”, preferring “commissions”… his belief is that allowance fosters a welfare mentality (as in, someone will always be there to “make allowances” for your deficit), but I think that’s splitting hairs.

What do you think?

When you’re a mom of young kids, much of your housecleaning time involves putting out fires.

Today so far I’ve:

• Wiped up 3 water or milk spills courtesy of toddler
• Picked up strewn books, toys, etc off floor
• Changed toddler outfit twice
• Wiped purple marker off the hardwood floors
• Cleaned up lotion that toddler squeezed all over the floor and herself
• Tried, unsuccessfully, to scrub Sharpie marker artwork off my white antique desk (there goes that toddler again!)

Of course, I also did several actual regular cleaning tasks such as:

• Cleaned the kitchen (unloaded/loaded dishwasher, wiped counters multiple times)
• Took out trash – twice
• Vacuumed living room
• Cleaned the table
• Stripped bed linens

You see how, with all of these little cleaning tasks going on, it’s difficult to get to the important weekly and monthly cleaning chores?

The thing about these particular jobs is that they are what make a home actually smell and look clean. If you have a few toys scattered about your living room but your windows are clean and the baseboards not dingy, the room still looks nice.

The challenge is to figure out how to actually GET those monthly and weekly tasks accomplished.

I often lament to my husband that I spend too much time picking up general detritus left about the central living areas. By the time I’m done with that, I’m too tired or busy to do the important cleaning tasks. It’s not an unwillingness, it’s just a lack of time and womanpower.

Also, I find that completing the bigger cleaning tasks actually make me feel far more productive and happy.

By contrast, niggley jobs (like picking up people’s junk left about) makes me extremely grumpy.

Hopefully, no longer. I realized I needed a system. So I grabbed pencil and paper and walked from room to room.

I made a list of all the cleaning tasks that need to be done in my home.

I didn’t include daily pick up tasks like cleaning the kitchen and such. This was just for weekly and monthly items. Stuff like cleaning the kitchen cabinet fronts, sanitizing the trash cans, and wiping the baseboards.

Then I decided whether the particular chore needed to be done weekly or monthly.

Living in a large family means that some jobs that are weekly to some families (like vacuuming and mopping and cleaning bathrooms) are done daily or every other day. By the same token, some things that are done weekly in many homes (dusting) just aren’t a priority to me, so that’s a monthly thing!

Turns out there were fewer than 30 weekly/monthly cleaning chores in all. Sounds like one a day, doesn’t it?

I printed out a calendar where each day has one weekly/monthly cleaning task assigned to it.

I even get two days off if the month has 31 days.

It was a bit tricky, because I had to remember to schedule the weekly tasks… well, weekly. They had to repeat. But the monthly jobs only show up on the calendar once each month. Most of these chores only take from 10-20 minutes. When I’ve finished, I strike it off of my list.

I also ask for help. Sadie, 6, in particular loves to attack a cleaning job with me. (Now getting her to clean her room is another matter entirely!) The other day when the chore was to scrub the bathroom floors with Oxi-Clean, she spotted me on hands and knees with the scrub brush and asked if she could do it instead. She did a great job.

How’s it working so far?

Actually, pretty good. I’m still feeling rotten some days and I’ll admit that many days I just skip it. But that’s ok. When I’m back to my old self I know I won’t have a problem getting these things all checked off.

Having the calendar gives me peace of mind. Leaving it up to chance means that things don’t get done as much and I feel, oddly, more overwhelmed. Having a PLAN feels great and puts me back in control.

How do you work out doing those weekly and monthly cleaning chores?

If it would be helpful, you can download my calendar here.

Teaching Your Kids To Clean Up In The Bathroom

As a mother and as a person, I cannot stress enough the importance of maintaining a clean and welcoming bathroom. Thanks to indoor plumbing and all the trappings of modernity, the experience of showering, washing your hands, or doing your business is a far more pleasant one than at any other point in human history. But we set our standards relative to our experiences – not to what we read in a textbook – meaning that a dirty bathroom will always be highly unappealing. The fact that it has running water does little to placate the issue.

Really, bathroom cleanliness should be a simple affair: leave it how you found it. Don’t make it painfully clear that you were there.

photo credit: BobPetUK

This is obviously far easier said than done. In reality, there are two main factors that explain why it’s so easy for a bathroom to get dirty:

1. By its very nature, the bathroom is a place where water, hair, and dirt all mix. Add in the fact that we’re far more likely to get grossed out by an unclean bathroom than, say, pantry or mudroom, and it’s understandable that the place gets messy – and, when it does, that we immediately recognize this.

2. Cleaning the bathroom requires individual responsibility. My children do chores and help around the house in a variety of capacities, but ultimately I will insure that the kitchen or living room is clean if they don’t take proper initiative. But the mess made in a bathroom is made by an individual outside of the communal family setting. Therefore each person needs to do their part to leave it just as clean as they found it.

So how am I teaching my kids to be more responsible with their bathroom cleaning? My approach isn’t groundbreaking, but I’ve found it to be effective. Here’s what I do:

-Provide constant reminders. I don’t consider myself a nudge and I don’t care to push the issue, but if the bathroom is unclean, I won’t hesitate to remind my children that they have a responsibility to ensure otherwise.

-Make the medicine closet a “catch-all.” I can’t stand when toothpaste, floss, tweezers, and my jar of lavender essential oil are all sitting out on the sink countertop and cluttering the bathroom. To make sure that this doesn’t happen and that things get put away, I tell my children that the medicine closet is their one-stop-shop for bathroom cleanup. Anything that they use – or anything that they find sitting out – can simply be put on any shelf in that closet. It doesn’t matter where so long as it’s not next to the sink.

-Keep water in the tub. Bathrooms can get disgusting quickly when people start spreading water into all recesses of the room. So my house has a simple rule to counter this issue: after a shower or a bath, we all dry ourselves off in the tub before stepping out onto the bathroom mat. This ensures that most of the water goes where it’s supposed to go – into the drain.

-Incorporate hair removal into the bathroom process. Nobody in my family enjoys finding hair in the sink or shower drain, so it wasn’t difficult to teach my children to remove any hair as part of their regular bathroom routine. After showering, pick hair out of the drain before drying off. After combing hair in front of the mirror, wipe away any hair before putting the comb away.

These are a few tips that my family and I follow in an effort to keep the bathroom clean. Teaching children clean bathroom skills can be a difficult proposition, especially since it’s one of the few places in the house where they do their business unsupervised. But teaching them the importance of such cleanliness will stay with them for the rest of their life. They might as well start learning now.

If you’ve been online at all in the past several weeks, you’ve probably come across a review or piece on the new book Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. It seemed that many of my favorite bloggers were offering their opinions, and I had to get a copy.

When I first heard about the book, I was immediately intrigued. How parenting habits and customs differ across cultures is a topic that is fascinating to me. Also, I had read several negative things about the book, especially from natural/attachment parenting types, and yet others were singing the book’s praises. The controversy also got my curiosity up. I ordered a copy and the day it arrived in the mail, I had finished it by late afternoon. I simply couldn’t put it down.

Firstly, I was struck with how much of the book’s content I wholeheartedly agreed with. As I mentioned, some bloggers had mentioned the book in negative terms. But now I wonder whether they had actually taken the time to read it. To be fair, according to the author Pamela Druckerman, practices such as natural childbirth, cosleeping and long term breastfeeding are generally not practiced in France. I think that’s why many attachment parenting proponents would be turned off, tout de suite, and not give the rest of the book open-minded consideration.

It may sound offensive to some, but one of the guiding principles in my own parenting is my desire not to raise a “typical American child”. In my mind that meant a spoiled, narrow minded, disrespectful, media addicted kid with a very small worldview. This is precisely the kind of child that French parents probably wouldn’t tolerate either. Some of my favorite parts of the book:

* French parents place great emphasis on teaching respect for others (manners)

To be specific, French children are taught to always speak to adults. A child who doesn’t greet an adult in their presence is said to have “no upbringing”, and may be considered a bad influence. This training is something that seems sadly lacking in a lot of families.

As an example, the other day an older gentleman came to my home to pick up the 3 children that were staying with us. When he walked in the door, my oldest warmly and enthusiastically bade him Good Morning, and my next oldest offered him coffee. (The other children were not up yet.) Two of the visiting kids never bothered to speak to him or really acknowledge his presence until they needed his help with something. That was appalling to me. I was a very shy child, and it was almost painful for me to speak to people I didn’t know well, especially adults. But I was expected to do so, and I did it. As a result, my friend’s parents didn’t think I was a snob, or rude. When children come to my home and speak to me and acknowledge my presence, they are welcome to come back, even if their behavior isn’t perfect.

French children are taught to wait patiently for things, and not to interrupt others. Why isn’t this something all parents value? I do not allow my children (past the toddler years) to interrupt me when I’m talking to my husband.

Another aspect of the good manners that French parents teach their children is proper behavior at the table.

(The book’s title in England is French Children Don’t Throw Food.) With 6 kids eating and conversing at the table in my home, it’s easy for things to get a little too boisterous. But I do not allow playing with food, saying rudely negative things about food (they may tell me they don’t prefer that food, but only after saying something positive), making faces, playing/reading while eating, or other behaviors I deem inappropriate at the table.

And although I have one picky child, she is expected to eat one bite of foods she doesn’t prefer. There are no children that eat only chicken nuggets and fries at my table either. Tonight, we had scallops in a lemon butter sauce, cauliflower with tomatoes and feta cheese, and a 3 bean salad with greens.

French toddlers and young children are expected to eat a wide variety of foods (not a monotonous “white diet”) and to behave themselves appropriately at table, and so they do!

Another thing about food: French children eat 3 meals a day, and one snack at around 4:30. Because they come to the table hungry, they’re less likely to play with or turn up their nose at food. Since becoming a mom, I’ve always thought it was odd the way most women around me carried snacks in their purses and diaper bags for their children to nosh on constantly. When I leave the house, I don’t carry anything except perhaps some water in summertime. If the kids get hungry, they can wait until we get home (if I leave and know I’ll be out during a mealtime, I’ll spring for food out).

I do wish my children didn’t snack when they were at home (even though they’re eating fruit, cheese, nuts, and healthy things and not Cheerios or other junk) because I have read so much about snacking causing tooth decay. But I personally cannot go without food for more than 3 hours, so I feel hypocritical asking them to. Any thoughts on this? (Do French people not experience low blood sugar?)

* French mothers don’t forget that they are woman first, mom second.

This is something that has evolved in my own mothering journey over time. It’s very easy to lose yourself in mothering with your first child. But at this stage in my life, I’m keenly aware that motherhood is a temp gig. It won’t last forever, and if children are the only thing you live for, what will you do when they leave your home to pursue their own lives? The entire point of parenthood is to prepare children for this eventuality: that they will become adults with separate lives.

For French women, this balance means several things. It means not using pregnancy as an excuse to gain tons of weight (and keep it), giving up one’s interests and passions, or neglecting adult time.

I have often noted that it’s a shame the way so many American moms let themselves go after having a child. They use the baby as an excuse to leave the house with dirty hair, sweatpants, and jogging shoes. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a pair of sweatpants, and if I did I certainly wouldn’t wear them to the grocery store. The ponytail/ill fitting pants/athletic shoe seems to be the standard mom uniform around here, and it’s a shame. French women will show up at the playground with skinny jeans and pumps, and I say more power to them!

When it comes to combining a career and motherhood, there are many social services in France that are unavailable here in the US that make it FAR easier for a woman to pursue paid work if she wishes to. (For instance, extremely high quality, government subsidized child care.) I have written in the past about the dangers of economic dependence for women. Even though I have chosen to be a stay at home mom since my first child was born, I do not believe that it is wise for a woman to depend entirely on a man for financial support.

* French moms avoid “over mothering”.

This was one of my favorite themes in the book. The smother mother/helicopter parenting trend is so annoying to me. Hubby and I always share a private giggle when we go to the playground and observe the parents who cannot let their children play because they are so busy providing a running commentary of Johnny’s every.single.move. I call them “the self esteem police” because it’s as if the parent thinks that by praising their child every moment for the most ordinary of activities (like playing!?) they will “build” their self image. That’s patently false, for one. It simply doesn’t work. It’s something some American parents do because they heard somewhere that praise was good. (So constant, ridiculous praise must be really good!) Secondly, it’s pathetic and obnoxious as hell.

French parents don’t engage in this type of parenting. They allow their children to have their own inner world without constantly interfering. I call this Benign Neglect. And it keeps you from hating parenting. Which is something many parents do, if they’re honest. And in fact in many studies, parents are less happy than childless people. (The stats are reversed in France – big surprise!)

* French parents are comfortable with their authority

I’ve noticed that many parents are uncomfortable with being in authority. They are almost apologetic about it. In my observation, this is especially a problem among attachment parenting proponents. They have a hard time practicing gentle discipline without abdicating their authority. By contrast, Christian parents generally aren’t, because they view themselves as having been given authority by God to teach and train their kids.

French parents refer to something called the “cadre”, or framework. In a nutshell it refers to proper boundaries.  The cadre is firm and non-negotiable, but inside the frame the child has lots of freedom. This sounds like a perfect balance to me. “Non” means no, which means a child doesn’t have to constantly test and push the boundary, saving both the parent and child emotional wear and tear. Children who know this have more time and energy to devote to the important business of childhood. They’re less stressed, and happier.

The only problem with this book? It made me want to move to France. Of course, with my homeschooling, homebirthing, long term breastfeeding ways, I would probably be seen as a freak of nature and it would likely be difficult to make friends. But the cafes!

Have you read Bringing Up Bebe? What were your thoughts?

Stress is a dangerous thing. It makes you forgetful and accidents tend to happen. You also engage in subconscious self sabotage type behaviors.

For instance, today. I feel totally exhausted. Limp. My battery is completely drained.

The last few days have been very stressful and I really didn’t want to go anywhere today. It just so happens that I have a prenatal appointment, but when I got in the truck I realized that it wasn’t going to start. I had left the key in the ignition in the “accessory” position, all night long. Dead battery.

Funny how that works.

I’m still trying to figure out exactly what about the last few days was so difficult. The obvious answer is that we took care of 3 extra children for 4 days, one of whom has special needs and is mostly wheelchair bound. But I didn’t have a ton of extra work to do, really. Other than making sure everyone was comfortable and entertained and had a place to sleep, it wasn’t physically difficult. I think the main thing was the emotionally stressful experience of not knowing when the children were leaving, or what was expected of me while they were here.

We weren’t prepared, in other words. An older friend of ours, a single woman who had adopted her 3 grandchildren, ended up in the hospital having major surgery. We didn’t know they were coming until right before they were dropped off at our home. We didn’t know how long they were staying. And I had no instructions or guidance from their mother on how to care for the handicapped child. I am not the kind of person who does well when I don’t know how to behave in a particular situation.

(Later on we found out that there was a 4 page letter with instructions at the children’s home, noone had told me about it.)

Another issue may have been the children’s behavior. For the most part they were no trouble and got along well with the other kids. But there were a few very obnoxious exceptions. My husband was stressed from the get-go because as soon as he picked them up, they began complaining about a) our vehicle (huh?) b) having to leave their house to spend the night at ours c) how the other people who had stayed with them were horrible, etc.

It put a bad taste in his mouth that never left. We were never once thanked for our hospitality, for putting our own kids on the floor so they could have the beds, for eating our food, for readjusting our lives. They never offered to help out around the house and barely acknowledged us in the morning or when my husband came home from work. The manners of the boys were definitely lacking. I realize they were in a bad situation and were no doubt uncomfortable having to stay away from home, but some behaviors (like interrupting me, talking about too personal topics, backseat driving, being critical, not obeying, etc) are unacceptable in my own children and intolerable in someone else’s child.

I kept reminding myself that I was doing this for their mother, whose self sacrifice in caring for them I admired very much (she is an older, retired lady and it can’t be easy for her to care for 3 tweens, not to mention one with handicaps). And it wasn’t as if anyone else was stepping up to the plate to stay with them. I didn’t want them to be at their house overnight without adult supervision. I thought about what I would want someone to do if I were in the hospital with noone to care for my children.

Not to mention we may have, our our desire to be good Christians and help widows and orphans, stepped into a mess. Apparently a friend of the family was given a large sum of cash to distribute to people who stepped up to help the children. He offered us some money initially and we refused it. But then two trusted people advised us that we needed to accept the money because this individual was doing nothing yet keeping the money for himself. So we called him and told him we would accept something after all.

All the while our intention was to give it back to the mother as soon as she was home from the hospital. We just wanted to get at least some of it out of the hands of a questionable individual. This person began attacking my husband’s motive and the character of a mutual friend and got extremely defensive. Then he had the nerve to ask for my husband’s bank account information (we’re total strangers, by the way). The whole thing immediately smelled fishy and we were sure the two friends who advised us to take the money were spot on in their assessment – this guy had already spent the cash, despite doing almost nothing personally to assist in the children’s care.

Whew. After typing that out I suppose I have good reason to be exhausted.

Sadie has put a lovely tea party on the table. I think I’ll go enjoy some brownies and Earl Grey.

Do you find find, as I do, that after years of buying good quality stuff at thrift stores, you cannot bring yourself to pay retail?

Honestly. Thrift stores have ruined me.

photo credit: helenadagmar

Today I ventured into Target.

I do this about 3 times a year, to pick up socks, undies, printer paper, and other items that I can’t (or won’t) buy secondhand. I start a list on my phone (in Evernote) and go when it’s long enough to justify the hassle.

I had to get Caleb a new pair of sneakers. I often find great shoes for the younger kids and myself secondhand, but Caleb’s feet are as big as a man’s, and I’ve discovered that there isn’t nearly as much good stuff for men in the used clothing market. I think it’s because men shop/own less, and throw stuff away once it’s threadbare.

I also had two Target coupons for $3 off Liz Lange maternity tops. I used both of them to buy two shirts on clearance. Total price: $2 for two preggo tops. I was very stoked about that!

But other than that deal, I was unsettled by how crappy and cheap the quality of much of the merchandise is and yet how high the prices are. I kept picking things up, experiencing sticker shock and putting them back down.

Why in the world would I pay $20 for a pair of really cheap sandals that are man made and will make my feet stink and look like crap after a few weeks, when I’m currently wearing Blowfish Malibu flats that were $45 new but cost me $2?

Exactly.

The last time I went to half price day at my current favorite secondhand shop, I got 3 cute name brand maternity tops for around $2 each, several pairs of nice maternity slacks and jeans for $3 each. No way am I paying $19.99 for a tee shirt that will fall apart after a few washes.

And it’s not just clothing. I also find cute stuff for the house, kitchen items, awesome books (including homeschool curriculum) and a lot more.

A side funny: while we were driving home, a song by Radiohead came on the radio. I told Caleb that they were one of the greatest alternative rock bands ever.

Julien piped up.

“Mom, what’s a maternity rock band?”

Caleb and I had a good laugh about that one. I envisioned hipster women with hair dyed purple, guitars propped on top of their huge pregnant bellies. (They should be called Labor Pains. Or The Placentas!) Apparently “alternative” and “maternity” sound alike when you’re cranking the radio.

What about you? Have years of frugal, yard sale and thrift store shopping ruined you on retail?

I woke up this morning feel super nauseous and tired and yucky, so I decided to couch out for a bit and drink tea until it went away.

Sometimes you just decide not to fight it too much and just go with it, y’know?

Yesterday was a super busy day. I had a picnic with the kids, walked a lot, took Caleb to his piano lesson, exercised, worked in the garden spreading compost and breaking up chunky mounds of dirt with a shovel (my shoulders will be telling on me tomorrow, no doubt), carried Ruby most of the day (she was having one of those days), and sold a car.

I listed my beloved but outgrown 2002 Toyota Sienna van on Craigslist and it sold in TEN MINUTES. I’m not kidding. Carrie is now considering a career change at this point. Used car saleswoman.

Have I mentioned that sometimes my kids are really weird?

Sadie has become fixated with “poor people”. I think what she actually means is homeless people, because she asked me the other day if people really lived in a box under the bridge and I said yes, some do. Then she decided to try to recreate the experience, only she didn’t have a large cardboard box, only a large Rubbermaid container. She taped on a sign that said “Give me Money”.

Then she wrote a short essay about how she wants to give food to the poor people. Perhaps I have been Googling images of hungry Somalians a little too much lately? (Not so much for her benefit, but for her older sister who is the only picky eater in the family.)

I’m really, really serious about making the garden work this year. We planted several things for two years in a row. The first year in containers, the second year in a small ground plot. Both attempts were miserable failures. But with the rising cost and lowered quality of grocery store pickin’s, it’s time to get serious about it. (Not to mention, the kids seem to love working in the garden and it’s a fun/educational project for them.) I ordered a soil sample kit from the University of Georgia so I could get more familiar with what my soil needs.

Have you had success after failed attempts at gardening? What made the difference for you?

One of the things I struggle with when it comes to meal planning is lunches. Lunches shouldn’t be that complicated, right? But for some reason I always draw a blank at lunchtime. Yesterday I had a mom friend over and when the topic of lunch came up, she said she struggled to figure out what to cook, and often forgot to buy “stuff for lunch” when she went grocery shopping (me too!). I was surprised. I thought I was the only one.

I think it’s a little bit of laziness on my part, truthfully. I cook a hot breakfast and dinner every day, but I don’t always want to “cook” lunch. I’d be in the kitchen either preparing or cleaning up after a meal all day long if I did (at least, that’s my perception)

The problem is, I don’t like to go the sandwich route. Sadie and I are wheat free and I try to limit the amount of grains the other kids eat. And I never have leftovers because dinner is wolfed down by hungry chillins within 10 minutes of them sitting to the table.

One of my goals this year is to be more prepared for lunchtime. I keep reading that truthfully lunchtime is the most important meal of the day. In terms of calories, we should eat our biggest meal in the middle of the day, when we’re most active.

Soup is a great lunchtime option.

Soup is:

• Generally quick and easy to get started, then it can cook while you attend to other things
• It can be made in large batches and reheated for a few days
• Healthy and often quite inexpensive

Here is one of our favorite soup recipes. I love black beans, but I never liked black bean soup until I made this recipe! It’s healthy, easy, fast, cheap and the kids like it. Win!

I offer proof:

Simple Easy Black Bean Soup

(for people who don’t like black bean soup)

Serves 4. Double if you’re feeding a crowd like me.

• 4 cups black beans, cooked (this is 2 cans, but I always use dried because it’s so much cheaper!)
• 2 cups broth (I use homemade chicken broth)
• 1 c salsa
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1/2 c sour cream

1.  In a blender or food processor, combine the broth, salsa, cumin and half the beans. (I think this is why I like this recipe – it’s the texture).
2. Pour mixture into saucepan and add remaining beans.
3. Cook on medium for about 10 minutes.
4. Serve in bowls topped with sour cream.

Also yummy with cheese and tortilla chips.

* This recipe is an adaptation of the black bean soup recipe in The One Armed Cook, one of my favorite cookbooks. I’ve mentioned it many times here over the years.

What are some of your favorite lunch ideas, soup or otherwise?

I’ve started a list of our favorite lunches in my planner and would love some unique ideas.

(Earlier today I wrote about pregnancy depression, a much deeper topic than stanky diapers.)

Lately Ruby has been putting the fun in her Fuzzi Bunz, and they stink BADLY. In the warmer months I don’t have a problem with this issue, because I hang the diapers to dry, and the sun seems to work well to kill any funkadelic germs that cause lingering odors.

Today I couldn’t stand it anymore so I decided to “strip” them. I had to do this once before when my Fuzzi Bunz began leaking after I used some Burt’s Bees diaper rash cream on the baby.

Genevieve of MamaNatural has a helpful video at her site on stripping cloth diapers (she uses BumGenius, very similar to Fuzzi Bunz).

It’s easy enough. The diapers have to be washed in a solution of 1 T Dawn dish soap and 1/2 cup bleach, with multiple rinses to get rid of any residual soap.

I typically don’t espouse the use of chlorine bleach, preferring an oxygen based bleach. But I find that once or twice a year it’s a necessity on dish towels to get rid of that odd sour milk smell that will linger on them.

What do you do when your diapers, Fuzzi Bunz or other, get funky?

Two odd things to talk about in one afternoon, right? But, I don’t want to be all negative and stuff. So I thought I would combine a serious topic with a totally frivolous one. If you want to skip this one and go straight to stripping Fuzzi Bunz, go ahead

Isn’t it interesting how you don’t really realize you’re in a depression until it begins to lift a little? That’s how it is for me lately. And I wrote about the issue of pregnancy depression last time I was in this boat. After some pondering I realize that I’ve had this issue in EVERY pregnancy, no matter what the circumstances. Whether the baby was a surprise or totally planned, it didn’t matter.

I feel that pregnancy depression is a huge taboo, and probably under-diagnosed. Women are probably ashamed to admit they’re depressed, especially if they’re happy about the baby! (And I am very happy about the baby Pregnant women are “supposed” to glow, be bastions of bliss and all that. But for some – and the reasons are likely as varied as the woman herself – something I talked about in my earlier post on the subject, pregnancy is difficult emotionally.

I’m very, very fortunate in that I’ve never experienced Postpartum Depression. But if I had, I would know the signs to look for, there would be more awareness on the part of my loved ones and health care practitioner, and I would know how to treat it naturally. There isn’t as much knowledge about pregnancy depression.

After pondering this for a long time I’ve come to the conclusion that for me, the cause mainly comes down to two things:

1. Seasonal mood changes (because I’ve usually spent the first trimester of pregnancy during the winter when my mood is lower anyway) plus
2. Chronic sickness (severe, prolonged pregnancy nausea)

With perhaps a little vitamin or mineral deficiency thrown in (probably as a result of thing 2).

These two things together pack a double whammy. When I’m so sick, and when it’s cold and grey and rainy out, I won’t be doing the things I normally do to manage my mood. Things like: daily walking/exercise, daily outdoor time, having a monthly outing with my “girls”, taking my supplements (cod liver oil and such that feed the brain).

The combination of: social isolation, a messier house, a lower standard of personal productivity, and just feeling so sick for months on end is just plain depressing!

Have you dealt with this issue? Were the causes similar to mine, or totally different? How did you manage it? (Just the passage of time, or something more aggressive?)

More:

• Pregnancy depression and mood disorders, an interview with Dr. Michal Regev
• How breastfeeding moms can overcome postpartum depression naturally, an interview with Kathleen Kendall-Tackett