[ahn-wee]

— n
a feeling of listlessness and general dissatisfaction resulting from lack of activity or excitement.

I am so bored.

Maybe even a teensy bit depressed.

But not sad really, just …

blah.

I have no motivation. I want to do things (rearrange furniture, get ready for a huge yard sale, plan some field trips, sell a bunch of stuff on eBay and Craigslist, blog every single day, work on my websites, get together with some new homeschool moms I met, etc) but I can’t seem to strum up the oomph to actually DO any of it.

I’m so boring right now. I can’t stand myself.

I’m not sleeping too much or too little or eating too much or too little. I just feel this vague ennui.

Do you ever feel like that?

What do you do about it?

It may be a kind of postpartum letdown, I suppose. There’s all this excitement and stuff to DO around having a baby.

Then, everything is kind of the same for awhile.

I was really good at slowing down postpartum this time. Unlike my other births, I really forced myself to sit down and rest. I let things go. I’m glad of that, because I don’t feel exhausted now. I took care of myself.

But now, I spend a lot of time sitting. And nursing. And sitting. And holding a baby.

Which is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong.

It’s just…. sameness.

Sameness in a Lois Lowry kind of way.

So much routine. Doing the same things over and over again.

Ruby smiles at me, and my whole day lights up. It’s wonderful.I love being her mother. And a mom, in general.

But I need something else.

More exercise, probably. I’m trying to do it. It’s not easy when you have a baby who wants to nurse every 30 minutes. I can scarcely manage a shower until big Z comes home.

So that it doesn’t turn into something more serious, I’m trying to take care of myself. I’m taking my fish oil and tyrosine. I’m eating protein and avoiding too many carbs and sugars. It’s just that I feel myself craving caffeine for the antidepressant effects, and I don’t want to get addicted to it again. I’ve been caffeine free for a year now.

I want to work more on my business (including this blog).  I know it would make me feel better. But I don’t want to take time away from the baby when she’s awake. And I have a homeschool schedule to keep up. And a husband and house to serve.

I know it’s probably at this point when some women start to feel “crazy” at home. They start thinking about getting an outside job. Not me. I couldn’t leave my kids to do that.

I miss my friends.

It’s hard to have a social life and be the kind of mom I want to be. Things were different before, when my kids went to their Dad’s overnight every other weekend. I got to play, to let my hair down and be me.

Now I have a baby.

And I love it, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change a thing.

It’s just…..

hard sometimes to meet your need for adult interaction and stimulation and challenge.

When you have a large family, people don’t invite you over.

How can I get together with the mommies-with-new-babies when I have several other children in tow?

I see the moms hanging out, post stroller workout, at Starbucks. A coffee klatch.

How nice.I’m so envious.

But I can’t do that. It’s  not my life.

How do mothers of larger broods deal with this challenge?

It’s hard when you have older kids with needs and new babies with needs. All different kinds of needs. And you have needs too.

I know.

It has to fall on me. I have to be the one to reach out, to invite people to my home. That means I have to plan ahead. That seems hard right now. Hard but worth it.

I have to get out and walk for the exercise and sunshine, even if it means letting something else slide. I have to take the kids to the park so I can get out of the house more, even if it means spending a little less time on schoolwork. I  have to invite someone over even if the house isn’t perfect and I’m still fat. I have to set some goals and get excited about meeting them.

What do you do when you have a case of the blahs?

More I’ve written on this topic:

What the Funk

4 Ways to Get Out of a Bad Mood

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Hers was my easiest birth.

Quick too.

(The midwife almost didn’t make it.)

She is spunk personified.

She has more personality in her pinky finger than most people have in their whole body.

There have been proposals of marriage.

Indeed.

She is inquisitive and curious.

And totally fearless.

She’s always singing.

She composes songs and accompanies herself on the piano or guitar.

(Not many people have a Beatles song with their name in it.)

A shameless flirt.

And not the least bit modest.

(When you got it, flaunt it!)

Her name is Hebrew for “Princess”.

She has stolen my heart utterly.

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What is the best suggestion you have for a colic baby that is breastfed?

photo credit: iskir

Colic usually refers to babies who cry for long periods of time, especially in the evenings, typically starting a few weeks after birth. Some experts say that colic doesn’t exist, and there is a legitimate reason for the crying, that it will resolve when the issue is addressed. Others insist on using colic as a catch-all diagnosis. Either way, a mom would be highly motivated to try to help her baby.

Colicky babies are nearly inconsolable during their crying spells. Although breastfed babies tend to experience colic less than their formula-fed counterparts, it is still very much possible for a breastfed baby to have colic. Even though opinions differ as to what causes colic, there are some things that may be contributing to a breastfed baby’s crying and pain that parents may want to know of.

Colic and The Breastfed Baby

One reason for a breastfed baby’s crying may be that they are not getting the adequate amount of fat during a feeding. Breastfeeding mothers are often taught to breastfeed on each breast during each feeding session. This is done to relieve engorgement of the breasts and stimulate mom’s milk supply. However, what this can also do is prevent the baby from receiving enough of the healthy fats in the breast milk.

During letdown in the beginning of a feeding, the baby receives foremilk, which is a lower-fat consistency of milk (kind of like skim milk). The foremilk quenches the baby’s thirst and immediate hunger.

But as the feeding goes on, fat globules begin to make their way down the ducts toward the nipple. The baby then receives hind milk, which has a higher fat content and can keep the baby feeling fuller longer (like cream). If the mother feeds on one breast at a time during feedings, she is ensuring their baby receives hind milk, which can help reduce colic.

For a newborn or young baby, switching breasts during feedings can be especially problematic because their appetite is smaller. The hind milk tends to come after mom’s milk has letdown more than once.

How can you tell if this might be a problem? Baby has green poops. Green poops can indicate that baby is getting too much foremilk and not enough hind milk.

This was an issue with my oldest child. Since I had never nursed a baby before and was insecure about him getting enough, I switched sides too often. This led to him becoming fussy and having green poops. When I learned to keep him on ONE side for an entire feeding, sometimes even two feedings, the problem went away.

If this is uncomfortable for mom since the other breast remains full, the mother can pump the other side or hand express a small amount to relieve engorgement before the next feeding.

Some mothers may also have a rapid letdown, which can release a lot of milk into the baby’s mouth at once, causing them to cough and spit, struggling to keep up and swallowing a lot of air in the process. Mothers with an overactive letdown can pump out a small amount of milk before putting their baby on the breast, to reduce the rapid amount of milk going into the mouth when the baby first latches on. Nursing while lying down can help, as can sitting baby up (as in a football hold) for feeds. Burping can also help some babies.

Although nursing mothers are not prohibited from eating certain foods in their diet, some mothers may notice that some foods can cause their baby to become gassy. Colic will usually pass on its own but if there is a family history of dairy allergy she could try cutting out dairy. Eating fiber and vegetables like beans, onions or spices do NOT cause colic or gas. This is actually impossible, since it’s undigested carbohydrates that causes gas pain in the Mom, and these cannot pass into breastmilk.

Wearing a baby sling can help comfort a crying baby.

Babies who are “worn” cry less according to research.

It’s important to remember that unlike formula-fed babies who are often fed on a schedule, breastfed babies often have their own schedule. Nursing on demand can help reduce colic, because they will be fed when hungry and not force fed when not hungry.

Iron supplements (like those in prenatal vitamins) can bother some babies. When my second child, who was very calm by nature starting crying, I called my Naturopath who advised that I stop taking my prenatals for this reason. When I did, the crying stopped.

Did your breastfed baby experience colic? How did you help him or her feel better?

More:

Crying baby, stressed mom

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I want you to know how much I appreciate you and all the things you do for our family.

This might sound odd, but I’ve been thinking of that young woman you dated before you met me. The one from Colorado, who said you “weren’t sophisticated enough”.

What a silly little fool she is.

What she doesn’t know is that she might go on to meet and marry that sophisticated guy. And that he’ll flirt with every other woman he sees. He might be arrogant and insist on always having his way. He might be narcissistic and vain, not allowing her to express herself when they disagree, always interrupting. He might be too immature to get along with a boss in order to make a decent living. He might not be faithful to her, and he might break her heart over and over again.

I’m a whole lot smarter than her, and I know what’s important.

Love isn’t silly fairy tales and butterflies and breaking up with someone just because they listen to country music and you don’t.

Love is remembering that she wanted to go see Dave Ramsey live and buying her tickets. Love is taking her to eat Indian on your anniversary because it’s her favorite. It’s being challenged and sick and even bored together yet still supporting each other. It’s holding hands and telling her she’s a wonderful mother. It’s filling her tank with gas and washing the car on Friday night.  Love is telling her she’s beautiful when she’s a week postpartum. It’s offering to rub her back every time she mentions it hurts. It’s in letting her pick the chick flick when you would rather see the action thriller, and her suggesting you go mountain biking when you’re stressed.  Love is brushing your teeth and putting lipstick on before he comes home from work. It’s not raising your voice when you’re angry. 

Love means saying you’re sorry.

What’s real and what’s important is having someone who will brew his coffee downstairs in the basement and give up bacon for months because the smell of it is unbearable to your pregnant nose. Someone who brings you breakfast in bed because cooking made you so sick.

What’s important is having someone who listens when you talk, who is kind, who is patient with children, and who works to earn a good living. Someone who changes diapers and cries when his baby comes into the world. (Yes, you did.)

Shortly after we got married, a never-been-married single friend asked me how I knew you were The One.

My response?

“He makes me feel safe.”

I know that you would never hurt me or my children.

I’m so thankful that you work hard for our family so that I don’t have to. I’m able to spend more time with my children since I don’t have to be the primary income earner. I’m thankful that you are a spiritual man and that you are humble and allow Him to shape you. I’m grateful that you are willing to admit when you’ve been wrong.

Not many men would have married a woman with 4 children, but you did. I couldn’t ask for a better stepfather. I’m grateful that you don’t have a bad temper, that you are kind and loving to children that aren’t your own flesh and blood. I’m very fortunate.

We’ve been through a lot in a year.

We’ve had spiritual crisis, financial difficulties, sickness and legal trouble, emotional turmoil and drama from people who would love to see our family torn apart.  We’ve merged two families and created a new baby.

I think we could get through just about anything now.

As the saying goes, some places are nice to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there. People are like that too.

You’re a good place to live.

I’m glad I chose you.

photo: marianne taylor photography

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She is spunk personified.

She has a dimple in her left cheek.

And two beauty marks.

Just in case you get lost.

Couldn’t you get lost in these eyes?

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Today it’s just me and my girls.

The boys are spending the night with Grandma and little Z is at school.

Ilana Rose is very enamored with her baby sister Ruby Zofia.

Obviously the feeling is mutual.

I love the conversation that is taking place here.

If I hadn’t snapped these pictures, I wouldn’t have seen it.

“Shh, shh, it’s ok baby.”

“I’ll take care of you.”

Sometimes she’s a bit overconfident.

Little Mama.

She thinks she can do what I do.

She makes Big Z a little nervous.

Ruby is trying so hard to tell her big sister something.

Something important.

Maybe a secret.

A secret whispered among sisters.

Can you hear it?

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Dear Carrie,

Aidan (not his real name) is almost 10 months and I am still nursing. I have noticed that over the past month or so he nurses more and more for comfort and for going to sleep. He nurses about 3-4 times during the day and it usually coincides with napping.

photo credit: //amy//

At night I have to nurse for him to go to sleep and each time he wakes up he will not go back to sleep until I nurse him again. You can’t just pat him or console him.

He sleeps with us and has since he was born. He wakes up to nurse anywhere for 2 to 4 times a night. The only times he will fall asleep without nursing is while in the car  or the rare cases when we are out and rocking him (these times though take a long time and he is really so tired he passes out).

Here are my two major concerns:

1. He goes to sleep before we do and also naps alone. This is now really unsafe because he is mobile! He can sit up and crawl so leaving him in our bed is very dangerous. But he is a very light sleeper. I am unable to move him once he is asleep….he wakes up each time and wants to nurse again. I have tried many things and nothing is working, any suggestions?

These are a few of things I have tried so far:

- Nursing while holding him and once he is asleep putting him in his own bed – he wakes up each time as I’m putting him down….screams and cries (to the point he throws up) until I pick him up.

- Nursing him the same way he is used to (while I am laying beside him)…once asleep picking him up and moving him.  I can get him all the way to the new bed and he wakes up.

- Rocking him to sleep – this takes a couple of hours – then once he is asleep we are unable to put him down without him waking up. (the couple of times I was able to put him down without him waking up he only slept for about 10 mins and then woke up screaming until I got him)

2. He will not take a pacifier or suck his thumb…..nursing is the only thing the “pacifies” him. Which means I am the only one that puts him to bed. Also, as I start weaning him from nursing for nourishment I am also faced with the fact that he uses nursing as a comfort to go to sleep.

I am totally lost here and as more time goes by I feel that the remedy will be harder and harder. Please let me know what you think. Thank you so much!

Mommy M

My response:

Hey M,

There is a great book that I recommend by Elizabeth Pantley called The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night.

It has tons of great suggestions and is very breastfeeding-mom friendly.  It doesn’t encourage a cry it out approach like some of the other books about sleep.

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep by Dr and Mrs Sears would also be great.

Anyway… been there done that! I’ve been in a similar situation a couple of times. Is it a problem for your family meaning you and hubby) that he needs you at night? Because if it isn’t, he’ll eventually grow out of it, I promise!

A baby that age is going through so many changes. Teething, getting mobile, etc… that waking (and therefore, nursing) more at night is their way of coping. Two steps forward, one step back… you’ve figured out that it’s MUCH more than just milk (nourishment) for them.

I know it’s sometimes hard to get everyone’s needs met. Baby needs comfort, mama needs sleep, daddy needs… attention.  Have you thought of getting him a toddler or twin bed in his own room and nursing him to sleep there then sneaking off? You could buy one of those little youth beds (like the ones from IKEA) that is low to the ground and has side rails. That might be an option.

Let me know if any of that helps. Time tends to fix all these issues, all babies eventually become independent at night. I promise!

Carrie

She responded with another great idea of her own:

Mommy M:

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The kids are in their beds writing in their journals and reading books.

photo credit: jimmiehomeschoolmom

The 12 year old has done vocabulary (he’s studying Latin and Greek root words) and sign language.

The 9 year old did math, language arts and reading. He helped his little sister with regrouping.

The 7 year old has completed her science, math and reading work.

The almost 5 year old practiced her letters and recited from memory “read” two books to me (ahem).

We haven’t done history yet (which we do altogether as a group), because I’m waiting for our history curriculum to arrive in the mail.

We read a chapter of the Bible together and discussed it.

We even managed to squeeze in grocery shopping.

Did I mention how much I love homeschooling?

A couple of things we’re doing differently this year:

I’ve been reading about Charlotte Mason and her educational philosophies, and I like what I’m learning. I’m adapting a few of her methods to our homeschool day. We’ll try it on for size and see how it works for us. I like the idea of short, ultra focused lessons that last 20 minutes. I like the idea of dictation, something we haven’t done before.

Are you doing anything new this year?

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I love this thing.

You know how often you have to visit the bathroom when you’re pregnant, right? So often that sometimes you develop a bit of a rash from toilet tissue? Not only is it more comfortable to clean yourself with water, it’s far more hygienic. (After all, if you got pee or poo on your *hands*, you wouldn’t rub them with dry paper to clean them, would you?)

After I had the baby, I found the Handy Spray really nice during the early postpartum period to soothe my, um.. perineal area. It’s also super nice for, um… freshening up after, um… certain activities involving hubby exercise. If you are troubled with hemorrhoids during pregnancy or postpartum, the water would be quite soothing for cleaning yourself too.

The only caveat with this product is that during winter, the water that comes from the sprayer is c-c-c-c-c-cold! It feels refreshing during the hot months but it can be a bit jolting otherwise. Still, I used it frequently even during the winter months.

My thought that in addition to being used for its intended purpose, it will be awesome for cleaning cloth diapers once Ruby is eating solid foods and her poops are more formed.  Some companies market a similar device just for cloth diaper use. (A quick rinse will plop the poop into the toilet before you stash the diaper in the pail.)

You can see more about the Handy Spray here on Amazon.com. It’s very affordable.

Disclaimer: I received no compensation for reviewing this product other than a sample of the item itself to facilitate the review. If you purchase the product through my Amazon.com link I will receive an affiliate commission.

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Review submitted by: Kirstan Graham

Motherlove Birth and Baby Oil is an organic apricot oil with a touch of lavender for multiple uses throughout pregnancy, birth and baby’s tender years. The oil itself is light and non-greasy. It easily rubs into skin leaving it smooth and infused with the delicate apricot and lavender scents minus the toxic ingredients of many other skin care products on the market.

Pregnancy
The Birth and Baby oil has many lovely uses including moisturizing dry hormonal skin. A light amount rubbed into tight and itchy belly skin is a great relief from late pregnancy irritation.

Birth
Leading up to the big day the oil is a great choice for perineal massage if the mother has chosen to do so. The ingredients are natural and organic so they are safe for those most delicate areas and will not introduce questionable ingredients into the birth canal.

Baby
Primarily a great oil for baby massage, the added bonus as a treatment for cradle cap is where this product shines. Used much like a traditional olive oil treatment, rubbed on the scalp prior to bath time, left for 5-10 minutes to settle in and then washed out, the oils succeeds in breaking up the flakes and moisturizing the baby’s scalp. I found with my daughter that this treatment alone was sufficient in clearing up her rather extreme case of cradle cap. With only a few treatments her scalp has cleared up considerable, only producing a few isolated flakes here and there occasionally that are cleared right up with a fresh treatment when needed. Although the extra virgin olive oil is similarly effective, it leaves a greasy residue and is a more difficult to rinse out along with the strong Italian restaurant smell. In comparison the lighter apricot oil rinses out more thoroughly as well as leaving a fresh light aroma of fruity lavender that is by far more appealing.

I highly recommend this versatile oil for all of its pregnancy, birth and baby uses

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Our topic is mood disorders and depression during pregnancy.

We discuss why women get depressed during pregnancy, symptoms that present and what treatment options are available.

While postpartum depression has received much media attention, many of us are in the dark regarding mood disorders during pregnancy.

According to Dr. Regev, “Between 10-15% of pregnant women develop serious depression while some struggle with anxiety, panic, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bi-polar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder.”

Health care professionals (and families) often fail to recognize the symptoms, so it’s important that we educate ourselves for the well-being of ourselves and our babies.

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Quiet Time

One of the most helpful routines I’ve added to our day since baby’s arrival is an hour long “Quiet Time”.

Do your kids still nap?

None of mine do (except, of course, the baby). Every Mom grieves the end of naptime!

I needed a guaranteed, solid block of time to rest, to have peace and quiet around the house. Especially with a newborn. (At 2 weeks postpartum, I’m still napping once or twice a day.)

Enter Quiet Time.

The concept is simple:

From 1:00 PM to 2:00 PM, the kids are required to stay in their beds and rest. They may read or sleep if they like, or play quietly with toys. No electronics allowed. And for sibs who share a room, no talking.

Interestingly, the two oldest seem to love quiet time the most, and often stay in their rooms for closer to 2 hours. Little Z, who is 10, uses the time to sleep. So does Sadie, almost 5 – who gave up napping two years ago.

The middles sometimes complain about it (frequent opening of doors, going potty every 20 minutes, asking to watch a movie instead, etc), but they still comply. To help them out, my Mom (while she was here helping out) started giving them a little treat/snack as a reward for staying in their rooms and “doing” quiet time.

I’ve definitely noticed a positive change in the kids – they seem to enjoy having a little break from one another. Of course the rest and quiet are good for their mood. They aren’t as hyper before bedtime either. For me, quiet time is a wonderful example of positive, proactive, gentle discipline. It prevents problems before they start, provides structure, and helps the children be their best.

During the homeschool year, I plan on having the 3 older kids read or journal during quiet time. They may be finishing up their schoolwork at that time, but it will be something “light” and enjoyable.

Do you have quiet time at your house?

photo credit: phil wood photo

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Top Ten Reasons to Have Children

1. Birth. It’s one of the most amazing experiences in life. There’s nothing in the world like it.
2. Falling in Love. We usually only get to feel this a few times in our life. That heady rush of emotions, the sleeplessness, the bliss, only existing for each other … you get to feel that every time you bring a new baby into the world.
3. The Smell. You might think I’m weird if you don’t have children, but if you do you understand. Birth smells amazing. There’s nothing like it. It’s sweet, salty, earthy, bloody. Not to mention new baby smell.
4. Curves. I didn’t get them until after I had kids.
5. Growth. Children grow you like nothing else. Even marriage doesn’t challenge you as much as parenting does. It pushes you and pushes you some more until you’re forced to stretch and grow.
6. Spirituality. Parenting brings you closer to your Creator. (How else could you fully appreciate what God did in sacrificing his only begotten son, if you don’t have one?)
7. Passion. Having children makes a woman care more about the entire world of children. It forces her to think more about the future and the long term consequences of hers (and everyone else’s) actions.
8. Sleep. It ain’t all that. Becoming a mother helps you have a healthy attitude towards sleep. Sometimes, there are more important things to do.
9. Breastfeeding. It’s totally empowering to be able to provide milk for your baby. Breastfeeding is fun! (See #4)
10. Fun. Having kids gives you permission to play, to have fun, to laugh and to remember what’s truly important in life.

    (I know, technically I am supposed to stop at 10 for the purposes of Top Ten Tuesday. But how could I stop at only 10?)

11. Homeschooling. I realize that not every parent chooses to homeschool, but you have to be a parent in order to do so. Homeschooling is fun! You get to buy cheap school supplies on clearance (because everyone is already back to school), you get to feed your addiction to books, you get to go on field trips as often as you want! And you get to watch your kids learn things they were never “taught”. Too cool.
12. Efficiency. Being a mom helps you learn how to do things with one hand (like cook), and in less time. Because you have to be more efficient, you become more efficient.

What would you add to the list?

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3 AM – Contractions about 7-10 minutes apart for a few hours since I went to bed. They’re strong enough to keep me awake. Eventually I just get out of bed and did some laundry.

4 AM – Big Z wakes up. My getting up every 20 minutes to pee had awakened him.  I don’t want him getting excited and losing sleep too early, so I tell him the best thing for him to do was to try to go back to sleep.

6 AM -  We get up and go for a walk. It was cool out, there was a nice breeze. I have strong contractions and pressure, feeling the baby move lower and lower.

9:30 AM – My ex came by to pick up the kids for a few hours. It felt nice to have some quiet.

Big Z and I go to breakfast together. The place, Flying Biscuit Cafe, was full of people refueling after having run the Peachtree Road Race this morning. I was hoping to be fueling up for the marathon ahead.

11:00 – We decide to run to IKEA to buy a loveseat that was on sale.

1 PM – Back at home, I start timing the contractions. They’re 4-7 minutes apart, but only about a 3 on an intensity scale. They feel like strong menstrual cramps.

2:30 – Contractions coming 3 minutes apart. My mom and big Z are suggesting I call my midwife, but I want to make sure the contractions are regular first.

I put on my labor outfit: a Weezer t-shirt and a short maternity skirt that allows for plenty of movement but just covers my bottom when I drop to the floor during contractions. Zeke and I strip the bed and put the plastic sheet on it and the pillows and remake it. Zeke notices that some of the contractions are only 2 minutes apart.

3:00 – I call my midwife to put her on the alert. At this point I told my husband that it would probably be around 8 o clock when we would see a baby. He starts filling the birth pool with water.

It feels good to drop to the floor in a deep squat, rocking from side to side during contractions. Or I lean over and hold on to a chair to let my belly hang down.

It’s too bright in the room. I’ve never labored in bright light like this. It feels a little strange. I ask my husband to get some dark sheets and tape them over the windows.

Ah. That’s better.

5:10 – I call my midwife and ask her to come. According to my cell phone, the conversation lasted 14 seconds. I said breathlessly “They’re…. 3 …. minutes ….. apart” and that’s it.

Some of the contractions come one on top of the other. I don’t have time to recuperate from one before another comes. No time for conversation.

I hug my husband’s neck and hang from his shoulders during contractions. I can’t stand for anyone to touch my back, when earlier I wanted him or my mom to put pressure on my lower back. I’m vaguely aware that my Dad has arrived on the scene.

I’m beginning to feel like I’m in transition. A few tears come. The contractions are intense and I can’t get on top of them. I feel a little out of control.

I’m afraid of the pain that’s ahead. In my mind I’m wondering why this has to hurt so damn badly?

I tell my mom I’m scared. She reminds me that I’m strong and that I’m halfway there (I was actually way more than halfway!) She convinces me to get in the pool. I’ve been trying to wait until my water breaks, scared to get in too soon lest my contractions slow down, but at this point I would welcome that very thing.

My 7 year old daughter Ilana is lying on the sofa, moaning and complaining that her belly hurts. Later, when I’m pushing, I hear her making loud grunt pushing sounds. I think she’s trying to transfer some of the pain from me onto herself. The moment the baby is born, she makes an instant recovery.

I somehow find a quick second to lean down and kiss her and offer some comfort. Maybe her uterus is hurting like mine.

5:40 – I step in the pool. The water feels good but it doesn’t bring the relief I remember from my other births. Big Z kneels in front of me and I grab his hands and squeeze during contractions.

I am sitting upright. Being on my hands and knees, leaning over the side of the pool, crawling like a crab – none of those things feels good like in my previous births. I can only sit upright and push up on the side of the pool with my arms, like I’m trying to push away from the pain. I worry that I’m not relaxing, but I’m resisting the pain too much. But later I would find that it doesn’t matter. I’m moments away from giving birth.

6:00 – My midwife arrives. She tries to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. I don’t know if she ever did manage to hear it. I kept having contractions and couldn’t keep still. I realize her apprentice has also arrived.

I hear myself calling out to God for help. Zeke hears me and says a prayer with me. A few minutes later my dad comes over and does the same. I kiss my husband. I hear myself telling him, “I love you a lot you know. More than I let on.” More tears. From both of us.

Labor is so weird. You hear yourself saying corny things and making crazy sounds and you have no control over it. It just overcomes you. You’re aware of it remotely, as if you’re hovering above your body watching it. The pain keeps coming, centering you in the experience.

It huuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrts.

I want a nap. I say over and over, “Baby please come. Baby please hurry up. Come on, baby.”

I reach inside and feel something very soft and round. It’s the amniotic sack. I’ve never reached inside to feel for things during a birth before. I don’t know why I did that.

Debbie must notice me doing that. She asks if I feel the bag of waters bulging.

Yes.

A moment later I feel a pop and a surge of water rush out of me.

“My water just broke.”

I feel tremendous pressure in my rectum, like the world’s biggest poop. I’m scared to start pushing. How can I be ready this soon? I just started. I don’t want to poop in the water. I feel embarrassed.I don’t want to poop in front of my new husband. I’ve never even peed in front of him.

I tell someone that I need to push. Or poop. Or something. Someone answers me.

It will be ok, go ahead and poop, remember how it was when Julien was born? We just cleaned it out of the water. I think it’s my mother talking.

I hear myself making those elephant noises that come from somewhere deep inside that only comes out when there is the intense power of a baby coming out of you. My throat opens up like the baby is coming out of there. It must be helping the other end open up.

A few seconds later I feel burning and stinging. Can I be crowning already? No way. I feel frantic. I see Debbie’s face. I tell her “The baby’s cooooming… It’s happening too faaaaast!”

She reassures me that it’s ok. That I’m doing great.

My Mom asks if I want the kids to come around to watch. They were on the other side of a screen we set up separating the pool from the rest of the living room.

“No!” I said. Everything was happening so fast and was so intense. I was afraid that I would lose my cool if they were watching.

I can’t be crowning already.

It doesn’t hurt bad enough. Maybe this baby’s small or has a small head. A little burning and stinging, then a little relief.

“Is the head out?” I ask someone.

“Yes” comes the answer.

Thank you God. The worst is over.

I didn’t even have time to get out of the water. I’ve never given birth in the water. My body always told me to get out during transition. This time, transition was over before I got in.

Her head hangs there for a moment between my legs. I hear Zeke making funny noises. He can see his baby and I can’t yet. I think he’s starting to lose it a little. The midwife asks him if he wants to catch the baby. He puts his hands on her but loses his cool. He asks her to do it. She talks to him for a minute which seems to reassure him. My mom sees the baby hanging there and comes closer. My midwife asks her if she wants to catch the baby.

I want to say, “Will SOMEONE please catch the baby?!” but don’t. I know she’s fine.

Zeke regains his composure and puts his hands back on our daughter as she comes out of my body. Somehow she gets into my arms.

6:30 PM

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Super busy mama. I felt pretty good today, and had a real burst of energy. Was up early, making breakfast for the crew. Headed to my mom and dad’s house. Hubby had plans all day so it was just me and the kids.

Lunch with the kids and my dad, then I headed to IKEA to pick up some things I had been needing for the house. I got a wardrobe for myself, a bookcase for the girl’s room, shoe racks, pots and pans, some other odds and ends.

Came home and put the wardrobe together. I messed up on the door handle (stripped the screws), so it’s a good thing I know a furniture guy.

By the end of the day I was exhausted and sore, but I’m having insomnia. It’s hard to settle down and sleep. I’m also having crampy contractions at night that make it hard to sleep. I wake up Sunday morning with a sore throat.

Sunday, June 27

The kids and hubby go about their day and I’m mostly putzing around, tired from not sleeping well.

Diarrhea.

Is it the Five Guys burger and fries I had for dinner, or is my body making way for a baby? (I always get diarrhea early in my labors.)

I’ve been having what feels like menstrual cramps for days. At night I can feel them tugging at my cervix. They feel different than Braxton Hicks contractions, which seem to start from a different place and pull down on my lungs. These I feel way down low. I visualize myself dilating.

Baby has been wiggling lower and is sitting right on top of my cervix. It’s a new kind of uncomfortable. Walking is easier (probably thanks to the visits to the Chiropractor), but the poking of my cervix feels twinge-y and weird.

Today is 16 days before my due date. My oldest child came 16 days early.

Monday, June 28

4 PM – The kids have been trying to call my Mom all day and her phone goes to voicemail. I walk towards my phone, intending to call my Mom and cry, and it rings. I pick up and she says, “What’s wrong?!”

“Nothing. I just don’t want to be pregnant one more minute and I’m totally miserable. You must have heard my distress call.”

She told me that she had just told my father to keep his schedule open, that we were going to have a baby within the next 2 or 3 days.

6 PM – Dinner with hubby at Scalini’s. This is not insignificant. Their eggplant parmesan is purported to bring on labor. They actually write down my name and phone number. If baby shows up within 48 hours,  s/he gets a cute little onesie and I get a $25 gift certificate. Come on baby!

Of course, it’s probably all hogwash. But I need the distraction, and hubs and I haven’t had a date night in weeks. So we go out. It will be awhile before we have another date. I see 3 very pregnant women in the restaurant without even trying.

8 PM – Walk around the neighborhood. I have one contraction after the other, with lots of low back pressure. This doesn’t get me excited though because it’s been this way for several weeks.

9 PM – Shower and into bed. I take a dose of liquid calcium to help me sleep and to ease the cramps.

Big Z reads stories and puts the kids to bed. I’m tired and nauseated. Too much garlic (which I haven’t been able to tolerate the entire pregnancy but which I ate massive quantities of tonight) is making me more queasy than normal.

Tuesday, June 29

4:30 AM – I am up. I can’t sleep through these cramps/contractions.

I keep sitting on the toilet thinking I’m going to have a bowel movement, but nothing happens. It feels good to sit there. It feels good to rub my belly and have my knees spread apart. I feel like pushing a little. Weird.

I do laundry, my favorite distraction of late. (It isn’t too exhausting, feels productive, and there’s always plenty of it to do. Plus, I get to be alone downstairs in the basement. The kids are so energetic lately (it’s too hot to spend much time outside) and they are wearing me out a bit running around in the house.)

Plus, I want empty hampers when the baby arrives.

There will be extra laundry when the birth happens – dirty sheets, bloody towels, wet clothes, cloth diapers..

And I won’t be climbing those stairs for a week or two. Oldest knows how to do laundry, but I posted instructions for using the washer and dryer for the others. I want them to do their own for a little while.

6 AM – I have a prenatal appointment with the midwife in 4 hours.

I get an email from a friend who lives over an hour away. She’s going to be passing my exit on the highway in the morning, and do I want to meet her so she can give me some baby stuff?

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Except for one thing.

photo credit: meemal

I make my own homemade laundry detergent, which I love because it’s so cheap and easy and I go months without running out.

But since it’s got soap in it, I don’t think I should use it on my cloth diapers. I’m thinking it would eventually impact absorbency.

A detergent based product seems best.

(In years past, I washed my diapers with whatever I used on my clothes… usually, something like All Free & Clear.)

Anyone know of a homemade laundry detergent that’s soapless?

(I found one that calls for equal parts: Borax, Washing Soda and Oxy-Clean “free”.)

What do you use to clean your diapers?

I also want to avoid brighteners and enzymes, two things that even “natural” laundry detergents often contain.

Suggestions?

Diaper Jungle has an excellent page of recommendations.  A couple of the top ranking products aren’t available at my local Whole Foods or health food grocery store.

I don’t necessarily want to do mail order either.

What’s your favorite detergent for washing cloth diapers?

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photo credit: Esther Gibbons

I’m officially over it.

I was 37 weeks yesterday.

The homevisit with the midwife is done. I’ve got the thumbs up to have this baby.

My nest is ready.

I’m DONE.

I’m too antsy to sleep well at night. I can’t get comfortable no matter what position I’m.

But I’m too tired to get up and do something else.

I’m grumpy and irritable.

And hot.

Most of my maternity clothes have been packed up because they don’t fit. My belly has dropped. It hangs below my shirts. It even makes my skirts hike up.

Even my face looks pregnant.

My hands and feet hurt. I can’t get enough to drink.

I wish I could hang out at the pool all day. But with the heat index it’s 100 degrees outside.

I’m planning something to do every day to keep my mind occupied.

Reading birth stories and diaries of midwives.
Taking the kids out to lunch.
Taking the kids to the free movie.
Getting a pedicure. (The leg massage is the best part right now, I nearly fall asleep in the chair.)
Going to the chiropractor.
Watching a movie at home. (Sherlock Holmes was good. Ahhh, Jude Law!)
Last minute runs to the health food store for juice, electrolyte powder, calcium and magnesium.
Working on my sites. (A little. My brains are all in my pelvis at the moment.)
Going to the library.
Organizing my recipes.
Organizing closets.
Fussing at big Z to get organized.
eBay shopping for last minute baby items (wet sacks for cloth diapers, for instance).

What did you do to pass the time during your final weeks of pregnancy?

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photo credit: susansimon

Nesting

Yesterday saw me in a frenzy of last minute baby stuff gathering, yard sale-ing, cloth diaper obtaining, cleaning and baby clothes laundering.

Seems my long awaited “nesting” instinct has finally kicked in.

I’ve been looking around the house for weeks taking note of things that I wanted to do, but just didn’t have the energy to take care of them.

So I made lists.

Yesterday I went to a couple of great yard sales.

I got a like new Moses basket with extra sheets (for $12!), a set of nursing PJs and a nursing gown and robe ($2 for the lot!) and a few newborn baby layette items (like those snap lap tees and cotton gowns – a buck for the bag!).

photo credit: philcampbell

I also snapped up several Swaddlebees, 4 ProRap diaper covers and a couple of And Such Is Life diapers (these are sooo cute!) for a song thanks to a local mom who had listed them on Craigslist. (From my communications with other sellers, cloth diapers don’t seem to “move” so well on Craigslist so that may be a great place to find good deals.)

I went through the bags and Rubbermaid containers full of previously loved baby clothes friends have given me (curiously, all of them boy clothes) and organized them by size, and washed the newborn stuff to set aside for the baby.

(Hmm, why hasn’t anyone given me girl hand me downs?) 

I’ve cleaned out the master bedroom closet and moved all my clothes to another closet (the secret to a happy marriage? Separate bathrooms and separate closets. LOL!). Our closets aren’t designed well and this was the best solution. Eventually big Z will move all his clothes downstairs to the laundry room since he often changes clothes down there anyway.

We rearranged the girl’s rooms.

Previously little Z and Ilana (10 and 7) were rooming together in the larger bedroom, and Sadie (almost 5) had her own room (where we also store the baby’s things).

We’ve put Ilana and Sadie back together, which is the arrangement I had before marrying big Z. It seems to be working out well. Little Z is the only kid in public school (long story, it’s her mother’s wishes) so instead of her having to tiptoe around a sleeping sib to get ready in the morning she’ll have a little more breathing room.

Also Ilana and Sadie were having trouble getting along, and the move seems to have helped with that already. They’re acting like friends again.

Not to mention Sadie had never slept alone until she had her own room, and it wasn’t going well. Mama was getting awakened in the night which was difficult. Since being back with her big sister she’s doing much better.

I’ve been organizing the basement a bit.

I wanted to have a huge yard sale before the baby came, but fatigue and the heat just made it too difficult. (It’s been over 100 degrees here lately with the heat index.) So downstairs there are dozens of trash bags full of outgrown/discarded kid’s clothes, dh’s tools, and general junk treasures to sell at our huge yard sale in the late summer. I moved it all to a more out of the way location down there and created some space.

I made another batch of homemade laundry detergent so I won’t run out.

I put together a small “postpartum wardrobe” to wear the first few weeks after baby (because it’s going to be a long time before my size 4 skinny jeans fit. Waaah!). There are nursing bras, nursing gowns and PJs, two stretchy skirts, a dress and several tops that are a bit baggier than what I would ordinarily wear (to fit the postpartum boobs).

I have two Belly Bandits waiting in the wings. This is the first time I’ve ever done postpartum belly binding. I’m hoping it helps with the intense after birth pains I get (and these get worse with each baby!) as well as baby belly shrinkage.

My cloth postpartum pads, cloth diapers, newborn baby clothes are set out in my bedroom. My Moby Wrap, BabyHawk Mei Tai, and Peanut Shell pouch are ready to tuck a sweet little baby into.

The diaper pail (which is actually a large kitchen trash can with flip up lid that I snagged from a neighbor for free when she moved out!), wipes warmer (I like using warm cloth wipes for my newborn, it’s my way of spoiling my baby ) and such are ready on top of my dresser (a changing spot/cloth diaper station).

The birth kit and other supplies (herbs, juice, flash light, etc) are tucked into a kitchen cabinet. Ready for inspection by the midwife, who is coming Tuesday for the home visit (when I’m 37 weeks and get the thumbs up for a home birth).

The only thing I’m missing is my labor pool, which I ordered in May but is on back order. Yikes! It better arrive before I go into labor!

I still need to sterilize the extra sheets and towels for the birth. I’ll do that Monday. Find the video camera and film and organize the boy’s bedroom are also on my list.

What kinds of things did you do to get ready for baby?

The “nesting” thing fascinates me. In previous pregnancies I would find myself up at 3 A.M, restless and cleaning out closets, scrubbing baseboards with a toothbrush and organizing spices. LOL.

This time I’m not so interested in cleaning stuff (maybe I’m a bit older, have more kids and a little tired?).  Yesterday I did go to a Chiropractor and felt *much* better after an adjustment, maybe that helped me be more comfortable so I could get some things done.

What did nesting look like for you?

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photo credit: MissMessie

I’m 36 weeks pregnant today and realized that I don’t have enough cloth diapers in my stash.

Since I haven’t had a baby in diapers in almost 3 years, I’m out of the cloth diapering “loop”. I don’t know anything about the latest greatest wahm made diapers and covers.

So I’m asking for your help.  : )

Right now, I have a dozen “pocket” diapers with microfiber liners. I like these a lot. They’re great for husbands and grandparents since they’re just one piece (once stuffed, which I tend to do as soon as they come out of the dryer) and resemble a disposable diaper. But they’re one-size, which doesn’t tend to fit a newborn well. One-size diapers don’t fit well under the baby’s clothes and just look plain funny to me, a huge diaper butt on a tiny newborn. So I prefer to use those when the baby gets a bit bigger.

For the newborn period all I have are a dozen prefolds and one Bummi Whisper Wrap. That’s not nearly enough!

I need another dozen diapers and half a dozen covers (or a dozen all in ones). What are your favorites?

p.s. I’m looking for genuine, honest to goodness product recommendations. Please don’t spam the comments section with your own cloth diaper business. However, if you want to send me a diaper you’ve made in exchange for a review, let’s talk!

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I’m 33 weeks pregnant today.

This means that (if everything goes as planned) in 4-7 weeks (I’ve never gone to my due date – but of course there’s always a first time) I’ll be having a baby here at my home with the help of my midwife, her apprentice, a doula, my husband, my parents and 5 children. (Think I have enough helpers?)

This week for Top Ten Tuesday I thought I would share some of the little known (if you’ve never experienced homebirth) benefits of having a planned home birth.

Top Ten Reasons to Have Your Baby at Home

1. You’re the boss. Nobody tells you what to do when you have a home birth. If you want to putz around doing household chores until things get really serious, you can. If you want to labor in bed, you can. If you want to bounce on a big ball, you can. If you want to listen to Simon & Garfunkel or Patsy Cline (or like a friend of mine, Buddy Holly), you can. You’re in control. Noone is going to tie you down on your back in a small bed for “monitoring”. You can move, wiggle, crawl, squat, sleep, walk, make out with your husband or do whatever you want that’s helping move the baby out.
2. You can invite who you want. Your kids can be present if you want them there. This is an awesome experience for them. Instead of being scary, they will learn what birth is really like (not how it is in the movies!). They will begin to bond with the newborn immediately instead of it being a stranger who comes home with mom. Your parents or parents in law can be there to help with your children or to run errands, get food, clean up and to be part of the experience of welcoming their grandchild into the world.
   
3. You can kick people out if they’re not helpful. Midwives are good for this. They even tell people to be quiet and not bug you during a contraction! If someone is bringing bad mojo to your birth or impeding your progress, you can ask them to leave. (In a hospital, this person may be the could-pass-for-a-Nazi-death-camp-Labor-and-delivery-nurse or the Doctor.)
   
4. No slippery slope of interventions. Interventions muck with nature and most of them have never been proven to improve outcomes (meaning, more live babies and moms). Induction leads to more painful contractions which leads to labor meds which leads to sleepy babies which leads to C-section which leads to breastfeeding difficulties.
   
5. Eat, drink, have baby. Did I mention you can eat and drink freely instead of being restricted by hospital regulations (which again haven’t been proven to be helpful and may lead to low blood sugar and ineffective/prolonged labor?). How are you going to get through the most intense physical work of your life without sustenance? Noone would expect you to climb a mountain without food and water yet that’s about how much energy you expend in a typical birth.
   
6. You can labor or birth in water. If it floats your boat, you can labor in a big kiddie pool and enjoy the pain relief it gives you. You can also give birth in water if you like, something that your hospital may not be willing to go along with.
   
7. No scary drive home from the hospital. That white knuckled drive home from the hospital with an hours old newborn was one of the most stressful situations of my life. It’s so nice to give birth to your baby and snuggle in to get to know each other in your own bed!
   
8. Nobody takes your baby away from you. There are no concerns about your baby getting kidnapped or switched with someone else’s child when your baby is born at home. Most new mothers feel an intense need to be physically near their newborn and experience distress when the child is away from them. With a homebirth, the newborn exam takes place right there with the midwife. Your baby never has to leave your sight.
   
9. Less pain. Fear increases labor pain. The comfort and familiarity of home decrease it. Most people associate hospitals with pain and death, therefore when they step foot into one, their body goes into an altered state that isn’t conducive to birthing (high adrenaline, stress hormones). At home around the things you know, you are free to be yourself. There are no frightening sounds and sights, no harsh lights, and everyone is there by invitation only.
   
10. Confidence. Giving birth naturally – and with homebirth this is especially so – is a very empowering experience for a woman, and it makes the stuff that comes after it (breastfeeding, caring for a baby, toddler, child etc) easier because you’ve learned to trust yourself.

photo credit: amcdawes

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David is also the director of a new movie called InGREEDients, a documentary about chemical food additives and nutrition in America.

InGREEDients is educational for the whole family (although you might want to be careful when viewing certain scenes with some sensitive children). My children have even told some of their friends and grandparents about its message and have become even more avid label readers. InGREEDients exposes the shocking lack of education in the medical community about how food affects our health, and the manufacturer’s refusal to be honest about what’s in their products.

* Friend InGREEDients on Facebook

* If you want to buy the DVD, enter the code “naturalmom” at checkout to get another copy for a friend FREE! (Buy one get one free)

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Kelly McCausey (@kellymccausey on Twitter) just announced that her Complete Internet Marketing Moms Start Up Guide is now available as a digital download.

Kelly has been a longtime mentor and online friend of mine. I discovered her Wahm Talk Radio show very early on as I stumbled around the internet looking for ways to earn an income online.

She always has solid, no nonsense and most of all trustworthy advice! If you’re interested in learning more about the different ways to earn money using the internet, check out her book.

If you can swing it, I also highly recommend her coaching as well. Go here to find out more: The Complete Internet Marketing Moms Start Up Guide

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We’ve all heard of, maybe even suffered from (or known someone who did) Post Partum Depression. Thankfully there’s much more awareness these days of the problem. There isn’t as much stigma attached to PPD. Women are more likely to get help now, and their loved ones have been taught to recognize the symptoms.

My suspicion is that depression during pregnancy is a lot more common than we want to believe. It’s just that noone really talks about it.

If you’re depressed during pregnancy, you may shy away from sharing that with others because you’re afraid they might think you don’t want the baby. Or you’ll be shamed for not “counting your blessings” (after all some women struggle with fertility), or whatever.

photo credit: AmandaLouise

If you have a family history of mental illness, depression is more likely to rear its ugly head during pregnancy or postpartum. It’s so important to get the help you need. After researching this topic for years I’m convinced that self care measures are just as, if not better, than medications. If you have a tendency towards depression you may have to fight the demon every day of your life – for your whole life. But in the process you empower yourself and learn that you have much more control over your emotional state than you realize.

After thinking about this topic for months, I’ve come up with several factors that probably contribute to depression during pregnancy. Then I list a few things that have been helpful to me in overcoming it.

I hope it’s helpful to you or someone you care about.

Sense of Loss of Control

Pregnancy, birth, new motherhood – it really isn’t about us, is it? A lot of things are happening during this time that are beyond our control. No matter how much you exercise and eat well, your body is going to change – dramatically.

You might have illness or have to go on bedrest. Despite the joys of looking forward to the baby’s arrival, some of this is just plain depressing.

Your relationships will change. Your finances and employment will change. LIFE will change. Some of this change is a little scary, especially because so much changes so quickly. (And with the built in “deadline” of pregnancy, you’ve only got several months to adjust to it all!)

Mental health experts tell us that when a person feels in control of their life, their surroundings, and their future, they fare better emotionally.

So it makes perfect sense that having to give up this control during pregnancy can affect our emotional state. As adults, we’re accustomed to being mostly in control of our lives, and this gives us a sense of power and mastery. This is probably one reason why new moms struggle so much when living with a new baby. Despite their overwhelming love for the baby, they have to relinquish control in order to be the kind of mother they want to be.

*Be a planner. Be (as much as I sometimes hate this overused word) proactive. As much as you can, take steps to meet your goals. Don’t be too hard on yourself. During my first trimester, my online business came to a screeching halt and my income took a nosedive. That’s not easy to deal with. But it forced me to prioritize and make some tough decisions, which is a good thing. Take baby steps (how appropriate!) every day towards your goals. Remember that the most important thing you’re doing is growing a new human being. Everything else can take a backseat.

Body Changes During Pregnancy

I mentioned this already, but specifically for some mothers who struggle with body image issues (and um, who doesn’t?), the changes pregnancy brings about to your body can be unsettling.

Last summer, really for the first time in my entire adult life, I liked the way I looked in a bathing suit. I was in great shape. My youngest child was 3. It’s a little depressing thinking it’s going to take me that long to get back into shape. My old clothes aren’t going to fit for a loooong time, and that’s hard to deal with.

I also find it difficult to maintain my sense of style during pregnancy. I’m not one of these women who can get away with wearing “regular” clothes when she’s pregnant. Nor am I interested in buying larger sizes that are baggy all over. Maternity clothes (unless you have a lot of money to spend at the upscale maternity boutiques) all kind of look the same. Not only are you gaining weight but you can’t shop at your favorite stores or wear vintage or your cute favorite wardrobe items!

* It’s definitely worth it to budget for a little beauty and pampering. Get a stylish new haircut, get your toes done (at least if your ankles are swollen your toes can be pretty!), buy a new lipstick, treat yourself to some new skin care products. (A good excuse to do this is because you’re clearing out anything that may be bad for the baby.)

Hormonal Changes

Hormonal changes definitely play a role here. The increased estrogen that’s coursing through your veins during pregnancy can cause irritability and anxiety as side effects. No wonder we can be a little moody.  If you’re being grouchy with your loved ones, you feel guilty and disappointed with yourself.

* Good nutrition and avoiding low blood sugar by eating more frequently can help with this. Go ahead and have a good cry. Pray and ask for help. Tell your spouse that you need him to overlook grouchiness and love you anyway. Touch the people you love to get endorphins flowing. Exercise if you can. Ask for what you need whether it be a back rub or help with the household chores.

Nutrition Deficiency

Especially if you have several kids already,  it can be tricky sometimes to make sure you’re getting all of your nutritional needs met. I had a prenatal appointment the other day and found that I had LOST 2 pounds in a month. Since I’m not overweight, this isn’t appropriate at all. I also had ketones in my urine. My midwife told me that I was not getting enough calories so my body was burning fat for energy. (This is what happens when you diet.)

Since (other than the occasional visit to the swimming pool) I’m not exercising right now, I found this difficult to believe. But for several days in the previous week I felt like I simply couldn’t get full enough. I also noticed that I suddenly had NO tolerance for one of the kids asking for a bite of my food. I reminded them that I’m *already* sharing my food with the baby. (If you want to have your hand stabbed with a fork, take food from a very pregnant or nursing mother!) Obviously my body was trying to tell me something.

* It might be helpful to keep a food diary. For a week, write down everything you eat and drink. For me, eating a little something every couple of hours is necessary. I simply can’t do 3 meals a day and meet my nutritional needs during pregnancy or lactation. Preparing meals and snacks take up more time than I would like, but it’s too important to be lax in this area.

Have your health care provider take a look at your food diary, or count up your protein grams yourself and see if they are high enough. Make sure you’re getting enough healthy fats (which feed your brain and help stave off depression). For me personally, cod liver oil makes a difference. Especially during the worst of my morning/noon/night sickness last winter, I could tell the difference in my mood when I took my cod liver oil. I was probably deficient in Vitamin D.

When the sun is out, spend a few minutes just basking in it every day. It does wonders for your mood.

Eat organic butter (from grass fed cows if you can locate it, KerryGold is a brand sold in many grocery stores) and lots of it for Vitamin A.

Lack of Energy

Talk to anyone who suffers from a chronic illness, and they’ll tell you that it’s depressing when you’re unable to accomplish what you used to do. Being tired in the middle of the day,  requiring a nap, and then feeling dead dog tired by 8 p.m. at night isn’t uncommon during pregnancy. You can’t gogogo all day long like you used to.

*Eating well and enough can help, as can appropriate exercise. But the bottom line is that fatigue is one of the most common pregnancy symptoms. Your body is using an incredible amount of energy growing a placenta, extra blood, and a new PERSON. Adjust your expectations. Now (before baby’s arrival) is a good time to create simpler routines for housework and cooking.

Unplanned Pregnancy

I told a friend the other day that I’ve never had an unwanted baby, but I’ve sure had some unwanted pregnancies! No matter how much you love children and view them as a blessing, sometimes babies happen when you weren’t planning them or expecting them (or actively trying to avoid them).

* The only way I’ve really been able to deal with this is to remind myself of how I’ll feel after the baby comes. I know I’ll feel better physically immediately, and some of the issues I’ve already listed will begin to return to the way I want them. Plus babies are so much fun. If we didn’t have some of this post partum amnesia, we would probably never have more than one child.

Change in Schedule/Activities

One of the frustrating things about depression is that it robs you of the ability to pursue the very things that can help you feel better. It creates a vicious cycle.

Let’s say that before your pregnancy you exercised a lot. This relieved stress and elevated your mood. Maybe you frequently went out with friends and had an active social life. If sickness during pregnancy limits your activities, you won’t be doing the things that help you feel better. Loneliness may ensue.

*I’m not sure there is a magic potion for this. One of the things I miss about my life before pregnancy was going out at night with friends to listen to live music. Now, I wouldn’t want to be in a smoky venue breathing secondhand smoke or being out late (too tired!). My concern for my unborn child takes precedence. Try to find other things you enjoy. For me, reading a really great book and spending time outside boosts my mood. Writing, spending time with my mom or a good friend (who is also a mom and has kids in tow) help a lot.

Money/Relationship problems

Pregnancy tends to bring relationship problems to the surface. As mom’s needs change, dad may be reeling to adjust. Even his hormones change during pregnancy (his testosterone levels lower, and his protective/caretaking hormones increase – don’t believe me? Look it up!).

Maybe that’s a good thing. There are probably issues that have been swept under the rug that need to be dealt with before baby’s arrival (when time for communication is more limited).

Pregnancy also brings money concerns with it. While babies raised in a home that values natural parenting don’t cost a lot, there are some unavoidable expenses. There are doctors (with hospital bills) or midwives to pay. There is the maternity clothing mom has to buy. Mom’s income may suddenly change due to pregnancy difficulties. If she’s accustomed to being financially independent, that can bring with it a whole set of emotional struggles for her.

“Nothing is more destined to create deep-seated anxieties in people than the false assumption that life should be free from anxieties.–Fulton J. Sheen”

* Communication is the key here. Life IS going to change after baby. If you pretend that things will be blissful, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Statistics show that couples are less happy after the arrival of children. Study after study points to couples describing less happiness in their relationship after babies. If you’re going to avoid becoming a divorce statistic, it will take a lot of renegotiating. Mom’s needs will change, and so will dad’s.

When it comes to money struggles, I don’t have any easy answers. But truly, babies don’t have to cost a lot of money and you don’t really need much “stuff” at all to have a happy baby. Buying used, accepting hand-me-downs, asking people for practical gifts when they inquire, etc can help tremendously.

Have you ever experiencing depression during pregnancy? How did you deal with it?

Please share your comments below, and tell a friend about this post if you think it will be helpful.

Recommended Resources:

Cod Liver Oil: Nordic Naturals

Pregnancy Nutrition: The Fit & Healthy Pregnancy Guide
(This book is awesome, so many sources of info about pregnancy nutrition fail miserably and would put a woman into deficiency states. I interviewed the author here. It also has some really good exercises.)

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Whole Foods Market is running a 3-part podcast series promoting the “Premium Body Care” product line they have created.

It’s important to know what is in your skin care products!

The podcasts are on the following topics:
1. Premium Body Care® – A Worthy Challenge- discusses how their standard helps define what “Natural” really means in body care products.
2. In Holding the Bar High in Natural Body Care you’ll hear about why these strict natural guidelines are important. You’ll also learn about Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, a national coalition of health and environmental groups that are working to eliminate harmful chemicals from personal care products.

3. Positive Changes for the Industry, for Everyone looks at how these standards raise the bar for the natural body care industry as a whole.

You can check these podcasts out here: Whole Body Care podcast

Now for the giveaway!

* First listen to the podcasts.

* Then come back here and leave a comment letting me know what you think.

* In 2 weeks (Wednesday May 12 at NOON Eastern time), I’ll randomly pick one commenter to win this Whole Body, Body Care package. (Be sure to leave a valid email address in your comment.)

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• Buy from the Bulk Bins.  The bulk bins are a great way to stock up on organic products at reasonable prices.  Beans in bulk usually cost about $1.50 per pound whereas a bag of beans on the shelf in the same store are about $3.00 per pound.  Sometimes they offer sales and you can pick up the dried bean in the bulk bin for as little at $.99 per pound.

• Buy from the Bulk Spice Jars.  The bulk spice jars are truly heaven-sent!  A regular size jar of dried spices can cost anywhere from $3.00 up to $5.00.  In the bulk spice jars, the price is per pound and since you are only buying barely an ounce or so of the spice or herb, you are paying less than a dollar for them.  For example, I purchased about 30 bay leaves at $23.49 per pound and spent only $.47!  Normally a jar of bay leaves at Walmart can cost around $3.28 and there might be 10 bay leaves in the jar.

• Buy the Sale Items.  Walk around the store and check out the sale tags.  Once while shopping at Sevananda, the Organic Soy Milk was on sale for $2.99 and there was a tearpad coupon on the shelf for $1.00.  I was so excited I bought two!  Check out the produce and see what’s in season.  Seasonal produce will be less expensive.

Do you have any other saving tips for shopping at a natural organic food market?
Candi is a stay-at-home mommy to 2 preschoolers, learning to live a more frugal life using coupons, and sharing family friendly recipes on her blog Family, Stamping and FOOD!

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photo credit: N.R.

(Does this child look unsafe to you?)

Safe Babywearing

On Friday, March 12, 2010, the Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a warning about carrying babies in sling carriers.

Is babywearing dangerous?
Are some baby carriers safe?
How can a parent distinguish which ones are safe and which ones aren’t?

My guest this week is Stephanie Banguilan of GentleJourneysBirthing.com. Stephanie is a childbirth instructor who also hosts babywearing classes in her Georgia hometown.

We’re discussing the specifics of the CPSC warning, which baby carriers may be unsafe, some of the benefits to babywearing as well as common sense safety tip for parents who embrace this ancient practice.

Read more posts and interviews on babywearing.

Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

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photo credit: Andrea Fregnani

(Not my belly. Someone else’s.)

This pregnancy is different from the others. I don’t remember feeling this achy. I didn’t have pain like this, this early. I’m having painful cramps down low.

Not like Braxton-Hicks contractions (although I have lots of those, and always do, from pretty early on.)

I feel too birthy. Too pregnant for this stage. Is it because this is my 5th pregnancy? Or because I’m older this time? (I’ll be 35 next month.)

Today I’m talking very careful, deliberate steps. My pelvis hurts. I wince when I walk.

Usually the pain is down low in the back. It wakes me up at night and shoots down my hips. I thought this might be sciatica, but according to this article, only about 1% of pregnant women have sciatica. It’s more like “posterior pelvic pain”.

Did you have pelvic or back pain during pregnancy? How did you deal with it?

I did some research, some of which was helpful, but comic almost. Suggestions like:

“If you have posterior pelvic pain, avoid climbing stairs.”

I guess that means no more laundry for me! The washer and dryer are in the basement.

“Activities that can cause pain include: walking, rolling over in bed, sitting, getting in or out of the tub, bending, lifting, rising or getting into a chair.”

Oh, that narrows it down. So if I can just avoid *those* activities!

“Avoid activities like vacuuming and mopping that require you to bend and twist at the same time”

Yay, another chore I can get out of?

Interestingly the recommended treatments for pelvic or lumbar pain during pregnancy are things I find myself doing instinctively. Such as:

Swimming – Probably the perfect exercise for pregnant women. Walking hurts too much. The last time I went to the pool I had pain all day until I got into the water, then instant relief. Until I got out!

Warm bath – Soaking in a warm tub is the next best thing. It helps with the cramping too.

Stretching -In the middle of the night when the pain wakes me up, I get down on the floor and stretch my hamstrings. Tight hamstrings can lead to back pain too.

Massage – I’ve been doing self massage but I think I’ll treat myself to a professional job.

Pelvic rocking – I learned this exercise 12 years ago when I took Bradley childbirth classes. I get on my hands and knees and let the baby’s weight drop away from my spine. It feels great. Rocking gently back and forth works the abdominals too. Great practice for labor.

Chiropractic is also reported to help. I’ve certainly benefited from a visit or two to the Chiropractor during my third trimester. When I had a breech baby, a couple of adjustments helped me create space to flip her around.

What did you do to help your back or pelvic pain during pregnancy?

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1. Whilst attempting to put on or take off shoes, you sound like Bill Cosby’s description of a man with a potbelly doing same. (fast forward to 4:54 – Mashiiiiing!)
2. You haven’t seen your feet in some time. (Which may be a blessing. Who would actually want to look at their swollen ankles?)
3. The belly button has popped. Ting! You’re done!
4. Your body makes odd noises you cannot control. You have newfound gas expelling talents.
5. Your belly is finally sticking out past your monstrously large prego boobs.
6. You would rather stay home than face the horrible discomfort known as wearing a bra.
7. You’re not comfortable standing. Or sitting. Or lying down. (You visit the pool a lot.)
8. While doing a dead man’s float in said pool, your oldest son says your belly looks like an island, and can he put his diving rings on them for a minute?
9. You drop $30 on the contraption known as a “maternity support belt” to help you haul around your belly.
10. You start counting backwards to make yourself feel better. Just 10-12 more weeks to go! Yippee!

photo credit: spaceodissey

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But even if you’re not having a nursing challenge, you might enjoy attending an LLL meeting. There is a common misconception that if you’re not currently breastfeeding, or currently having some issue, that you can’t benefit.

So not true.

While LLLI is a breastfeeding organization, the women who attend meetings are an awesome collection of ladies who are a wonderful resource of all kinds of mothering and family topics. There are several things you might get from your local LLL group that may surprise you:

photo credit: david owen

Hook up with a co-op – At an LLL group I attended years ago, I met a mom who coordinated a buying club. Trying to find a co-op or start your own by searching online can be frustrating. I also found a co-op for raw milk and made a friend who supplied me with kombucha and kefir grains, free of charge!

Find a homebirth midwife – I think it’s pretty safe to assume that there are a higher percentage of women who hang out around LLL who have had homebirths in comparison to the general population. If you’re trying to find a homebirth midwife, ask around before or after an LLL meeting.

Learn the art of babywearing – When I went to my first LLL meeting, it was with the sole purpose of getting help with making my baby sling work for me and my fussy, high need baby. Seeing women who actually used baby carriers was helpful, as was the hands on assistance the moms in the group gave me.

Find a good Pediatrician or Lactation Consultant – LLL leaders aren’t in the business of recommending health care providers. But if you want to find a Pediatrician who will actually be supportive and knowledgeable of breastfeeding, listen up or ask around among the moms. Surprisingly, there are plenty of Lactation Consultants out there who aren’t helpful and who disperse flat out bad advice. But good ones exist. Among the best are retired LLL leaders!

Good reads – How many times have you picked out what you thought would be a helpful parenting book from the library or store that turned out to be totally contrary to your beliefs? LLL groups keep a lending library. Some are open only to members, others to anyone. The books that make up the group library are breastfeeding and “gentle mothering” friendly and won’t lead you astray.

Learn your community – Having babies or small kids and being in a new area can be isolating and depressing. If you’ve just moved, head to an LLL meeting to find out where the good parks, consignment shops, and other cool spots for kids and moms are. Looking for the local homeschooling support group? Ask your friends at an LLL meeting.

Special assistance – While LLL leaders are trained to help moms with “garden variety” breastfeeding challenges, if you have a rare or especially difficult problem, you can also get help. Your local leader has access to a database of leaders who have personal experience with unusual issues. For instance: nursing triplets, nursing with cleft lip/palate, nursing after breast surgery, stubborn thrush, food allergies, nursing while pregnant, tandem nursing, etc. Some leaders also do hospital or home visits to help you if you can’t make it to a meeting. If you’ve just given birth, call your local leader to find one who will visit you in your home to assist you with latching baby on. (LLL leaders do this free of charge.)

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I decided to make a list of things that I currently BUY that I could MAKE from scratch.

A lot of stuff we purchase at the grocery store (like condiments and cleaning supplies) weren’t even available to our Grandmothers or weren’t affordable. These items were made at home.  Typically, the made at home version is far superior to the store bought, and usually cheaper.

Here’s what I came up with after a little brainstorming. Some of these items I regularly make myself, but I threw them in there because I thought it might be helpful to you. If you have any more suggestions, links to recipes or tips, please comment!
photo credit

Stuff To Make At Home Instead of Buy

Salad Dressing – I love a simple olive oil, apple cider vinegar and honey vinaigrette. Sometimes a “Ranch” style dressing is nice too. Here is a creamy salad dressing recipe to try. (MSG and other icky ingredients not included.)

Laundry Detergent – I haven’t bought this in a couple of years. I make my own. (Big Z thinks I’m some kind of genius!) It’s cheap as dirt and works great. I use this recipe for homemade laundry detergent.

Dishwasher Detergent – I’ve made this in the past and found that it made my glasses cloudy, but after reading the recipe and comments on this site, I’m motivated to try again.

Mayonnaise – This won’t be a cost savings (due to the eggs), but that doesn’t matter. Homemade mayo is more nutritious. I avoid soy products and commercial mayo is made from soy oil (or canola, just as bad). An easy recipe for homemade lacto-fermented mayonnaise is here on @cheeseslave’s blog. Because it’s lacto-fermented, it’s probiotic, lasts longer in your fridge and is a “live” food. This is one of those instances where making your own won’t save you money in the short term, but the end result is a healthier diet.

Ketchup – As soon as my tomatoes start growing I want to try my hand at homemade ketchup. I’ll use the recipe from my Nourishing Traditions cookbook.

Salsa – I love my homemade lacto-fermented salsa! Again, the homemade version is a superior product in terms of nutrition and taste.  Hurry up garden, I need tomatoes and peppers!

Jelly – I’ve never tried my hand at making homemade jelly because I didn’t have a source of free berries. When my strawberries start coming up (if there are any left after the kids pick them and eat them!), I want to do this.

Coconut Milk – I had no idea you could make your own coconut milk until I got an email in my inbox with this recipe. This is especially exciting since coconut milk is super nutritious, yet very expensive – I often cannot bring myself to pay $2 a can for it but now I don’t have to go without!

Dishwashing Soap – Right now I get dishwashing soap for free or pennies by combining sales and coupons, but I would like to try a homemade version that’s more earth friendly. I saw this recipe yesterday, it looks easy enough. I love Dr Bronner’s soap and always have a large bottle on hand. The trick will be keeping my two oldest girls from using WAY too much of it to wash dishes! (The girls have dish duty as their chore and they tend to be quite heavy handed with the soap. I’m assuming that this homemade recipe won’t lather as much, hence my concern.)

Homemade Tooth Powder – I love making my own homemade tooth powder. It’s very inexpensive, and my dental hygienist approves – as long as I leave out the cinnamon! (Read the post for an explanation.) It’s great especially during pregnancy if your foamy regular toothpaste triggers gagging.

Deodorant – Haven’t done this yet, but plan on trying it. Have a good recipe to share?

Kombucha – Kombucha is very expensive store bought and costs almost nothing if made at home. The SCOBY will live forever if you take care of it, so the only challenge is getting one. Ask around amongst your crunchy friends, or order it online or from eBay (Google search will turn up sources). Or you can culture your own by buying a bottle of GT’s kombucha (around $4) and growing the “mother”. Easy instructions here.

Kefir – Another expensive item ($4 a quart!) when store bought that can be made for pennies at home, and is soooo easy. I used to make kefir regularly but my grains froze in the refrigerator once and I have not replaced them. Similar to kombucha, once you get the kefir grains you can make kefir forever with just the cost of milk. Get them from a friend or online.

Yogurt – This is one I’ve never attempted, but plan to. My friend Candi posted a homemade crock pot yogurt recipe on her blog that looks totally doable.

Sauerkraut – Homemade sauerkraut is super nutritious (great for your gut!) and cabbage, even organic, is cheap. Since most of the sauerkraut you see in stores is cooked, it’s “dead” and a very poor substitute for homemade. You can Google for easy sauerkraut instructions. Here is a recipe for a “no pound” method. I’ve fallen out of the habit of making kraut and have been buying Bubbie’s (the only real sauerkraut I can find locally), but I’m going to order this fermented veggie maker from Cultures for Health (incidentally you can also get kefir grains and kombucha from them too).

Tortillas – Ummm, homemade tortillas are so delicious and don’t compare to store bought! I don’t have a cast iron tortilla press but it’s on my list of things to buy! You can get them from a mercado or amazon.com

Bread – My oldest son is our resident bread baker.  He loves to knead dough by hand and says it’s great for stress relief (from an 11 year old!). I want to challenge him to try his hand at homemade sourdough.

Gluten Free Baking and Pancake Mix – These are very pricey in the store but a necessity for me and my youngest, who are wheat allergic. I think I’ll just stop buying these at all now that I’ve discovered using coconut flour for pancakes, breads and muffins. It’s nutritionally superior to rice flour, corn and potato starch (common ingredients in GF baking mixes), and a little of it goes a looong way (a typical recipe calls for just 1/4 cup coconut flour). To save money, I’ll start buying it in bulk online.

Wheat Free Cookies – Ditto. These are outrageously priced in the stores, and I admit to the occasional impulse buy (fix: I now go shopping without kids!). Making cookies for my youngest at home is cheap and easy enough.

Cream Soups – SO many recipes I have that are convenient (slow cooker recipes for instance) for my family call for cream soups. I don’t buy these because they all contain wheat, MSG and other ingredients I want to avoid. I knew there had to be a substitute for this addition to recipes so I did a little searching and found that cream soup can be replaced by a simple white sauce! DUH. The cream soup serves as a thickener basically. Obviously if the recipe calls for “cream of mushroom soup”, you could add diced mushrooms. Finding out this info was a big forehead slapper!

Pickles – My kids LOVE pickles, but I don’t buy them because commercially available pickles usually contain food dyes, HFCS and other ingredients I avoid. Homemade pickles (using a cold method) are more nutritious since they’re raw, lacto-fermented, not cooked. I planted cucumbers this year just so the kids could make pickles homemade. Can’t wait!

What types of things do you make instead of buy? Got any great homemade recipes?

Please comment!

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Dr. Reznick is the author of The Power of Your Child’s Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success

The book describes easy to use imagination techniques that can help kids with stress, pain, fears, and even treat sleep issues. Most parents realize that children are very good at using their imaginations, why not teach them imagery techniques that they can use for a lifetime?

Find Dr. Reznick online at Imagery for Kids and on Twitter.

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Since my family has grown, I don’t often have leftovers but I am trying to get into the habit of intentionally making more than I need so that I can serve dinner for lunch the next day.

I admit I’m not super creative when it comes to what Amy Dacyczyn of The Tightwad Gazette books refers to as “Leftover Wizardry”, but I do have a few tricks up my sleeve.

I like to use leftover rice to make fried rice for lunch or dinner.

In a large saute pan heat a little oil and saute chopped onion (green or white or yellow, doesn’t matter). I add whatever veggies I have on hand (diced carrot, diced onion, sliced celery, corn, peas, snow peas, really anything).

photo credit: fifikins

Add an egg and scramble among the veggies. Add diced leftover meat like ham, chicken, or tempeh or tofu if you swing that way. When everything is hot, it’s ready. Serve with soy sauce. You’re done!

Leftover bits of meat, cheese and veggies can go into quiches or omelets.

A good basic quiche recipe is quite elastic, so experiment away.

Refrigerator Stew – Keep a container in your freezer for small amounts of leftover vegetables, grains, meat and beans. When the container becomes full, you have the makings of a great soup. As long as you start with a base of onions and garlic sauteed in butter, it’s hard to go wrong with soup.

Leftover fruits (you know, the half eaten apples that are lying around the kitchen!), yogurt, milk, etc can become fruit smoothies.

Leftover potatoes become tomorrow morning’s fried potatoes, served with eggs, for breakfast.

Leftover oatmeal is great in just about any muffin recipe.

Leftover chili is yummy on top of baked potatoes (sprinkled with a little cheese or sour cream!).

What tricks do you have up your sleeve for creatively re-purposing leftovers?

I’m tempted to add this cookbook to my kitchen for ideas:
Use It Up Cookbook: Creative Recipes for the Frugal Cook

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My kids love to draw.

I also thought some of the smaller “Squiggle pads” would be great for keeping them busy in the car (hopefully minimizing some of the cooped up car fighting!).

The basic premise of these games is that they stimulate your kid’s natural artistic ability and creativity without limiting them too much (the complaint some have with coloring books, for instance).

They are given a “random line” (hence the name!), basically some abstract line on the paper, and are encouraged to draw something using that.

I was really stunned when I saw some of the creations my 9 year old son and 10 year old daughter came up with (they are both very artistically inclined).

You can see the kids playing the “Squiggle Connect” board game above. The day this game arrived, the kids played it together for over an hour.

I think they like it!

My 7 year old daughter also loved the “Squiggle Style” fashion game. It has a set of dry erase markers and a small dry erase board with a woman’s figure on it. She draws different outfits on the outline. The little fashionista in the family, she enjoyed this one a lot until a few of the markers got lost.

The best thing about these games is that they are quiet (no noise and no batteries required) and get the kids drawing and being creative.

You can find more games from Random Line on Amazon.

Disclaimer: I received no compensation (other than samples of the products themselves to facilitate this review) from this company.

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This morning I’m up much earlier than usual. Can’t lie in bed when sciatica pain is hitting me. And when my rumbling stomach says I forgot my bedtime snack.

It occurs to me that when you’re a mom, a lot of interesting things happen at night.

And that one of these nights (in 12 to 14 weeks or so), something very interesting will happen.

One of these nights I’ll go to bed with crampy feelings. I’ll wonder if “this is it”.

One of these nights I’ll wake up and my water will have broken.

I’ll get up, putz around the house, brush my teeth and put makeup on, get a quick shower. I’ll do some light housework inbetween the contractions. I’ll have an inner dialogue about when to call the midwife.

One of these nights I’ll grab the box that came in the mail down from the top of the fridge (or wherever I’ve hidden it from my girls who would be irresistibly attracted to its contents).  The birth kit.

I’ll gather the package of sanitized sheets, diapers and towels that are wrapped in plastic and taped up and get them handy.

I’ll consider calling my mom to tell her this is it. She’s already up. She knows.

One of these nights I’ll gently rouse my husband. I’ll let him know I’m in labor, but to keep sleeping while he can. When I need the pool filled, I’ll wake him again. He’ll go back to sleep promptly (as only a man can under these conditions!).

One of these nights I’ll visit the bathroom a LOT. My body will make room everywhere for a baby to come through.

I’ll consider going back to bed but instead will rest on the couch.

One of these nights I’ll writhe around on the floor, in my bed and in a pool of warm water, breathing and moaning softly through pain that feels like a tearing in half.

And later on say it was easy.

One of these nights, I’ll welcome a brand new human being into the world.

photo credit: eyeliam

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Today (actually, last night, but the beauty of WordPress is that if you forget to do Top Ten Tuesday until Wednesday, you can backdate the post and noone will be the wiser) was our 3rd week since beginning Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.

If you’re not familiar, FPU is a 13 week long course that teaches you how to “Live like noone else, so you can live like noone else”: How to get and stay out of debt, save money, invest, retire with dignity, and give to others. Good stuff.

I’m so excited about doing this, especially with hubs. I thought I would share my top ten reasons why.

Top Ten Reasons I’m Excited About Financial Peace University

1. I am excited about getting a solid financial education. We don’t learn this stuff in school. Why is it that we graduate knowing algebra (something few of us will use in our daily lives), but most adults don’t know how or don’t know why to balance their checkbook? We don’t know how to “do money”, but it affects every single aspect of our lives, every single day.
2. I am happy to be helping my hubby with this stuff. I’m the “nerd” in the relationship, and he’s more of the “free spirit”. We are a good team because he’s better at making the money (no problems there) and I’m good at creating the budget, doing stuff that involves paper and being organized. Since hubby is also self employed, he was never able to figure out how to budget since his income is variable month to month. FPU is giving us the tools we need to make that easy.
3. I want our family to experience the freedom and joy of NO DEBT. There’s nothing like it.  I want that peace for my husband.
4. This stuff is good for our marriage. Working together and being on the same page with money eliminates one of the biggest sources of tension and anxiety in a marriage. Not to mention, going to the weekly classes together is a peculiar sort of “date night” that is fun and productive.
5. I want my kids to get their money right. I’ve been preaching the message of “don’t do debt” all their lives, but once again getting this education means I’ll be able to teach my kids proper principles around money. I don’t want them to make the same dumb mistakes I did.
6. Class ends right before my due date. A nice way of keeping me distracted, helping to pass those last few weeks.
7. I just love Dave Ramsey. I have listened to his radio show for years and always enjoyed his style. I read his book The Total Money Makeover and was totally inspired by his message.
8. I want to be able to give more. We already give money and time to our place of worship and I give to a non profit that is close to my heart, but I would like to be able to help individual people more.
9. Divorce does a number on your finances. My current husband and I have both suffered financially as a result of divorce. So have our exes. It’s just a reality. It’s time for us to dig out of that crisis and create something better.
10. I have 6 kids! I have to have my crap together. Enough said.

How I Got Out of Debt

How to Deal with Falling Income

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If you’re interested in winning $100 worth of grass fed meats for your family, Nourished Kitchen is currently doing a giveaway in cahoots with US Wellness Meats.

Check it out!

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My guest this week is Dr. Denise Lamothe, clinical psychologist, doctor of holistic health and the Bach Resident Psychologist.

She is also author of the popular book, The Taming of the Chew.

Dr. Denise is talking with us today about Bach Flower essences, especially for use with kids.

Bach Flower essences are natural plant essences which are used to restore emotional balance. They are safe, not habit forming and are used around the world.

You can learn more about using Bach Flowers for kids  at http://www.bachkids.com/

(Note from Carrie: Last week when my youngest had some dental work, she asked for Rescue Remedy specifically. I had given her an OTC pain reliever for soreness in her mouth, but she didn’t want another dose. She wanted the Rescue Remedy instead!)

Mentioned on the show: Bach Flower Essence Remedy Chooser and Bach Flower Essences Emotional Eating Support Kit

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photo credit: zoghal

As moms one thing we all seem to be challenged with is having enough energy to get through our day so we can parent effectively.

This month’s Whole Foods Market podcast series has tips and advice to help us boost energy levels naturally and safely.

For their recommendations of energy supporting herbs, and to listen to the podcasts visit: http://blog.wholefoodsmarket.com/category/whole-body-podcast/

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When she walked into the x-ray room and was asked to hop up in that huge chair with all that strange alien equipment around her, she looked a little nervous.

Mommy couldn’t go into the room because I’m pregnant.

So big sister immediately volunteered to go in with her.

And hold her hand. And her teddy too.

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I’ve typically avoided the topic of marriage on this blog. For almost 3 years I blogged here as a single mom. My marriage ended after 12 years. What the heck do I know? I didn’t want to seem like a hypocrite.

But after a long time of reflection and self examination, I’ve come to know that there really isn’t anything I could have done to prevent the end of my first marriage. My ex husband and I have a pretty good relationship now as co-parents, and I’m proud of that. I think we’ve both learned a lot and grown as people. While I still grieve for the loss of my first family and wish my kids weren’t children of divorce, I think we’ve done about as good as two people can since the divorce.

This week Sheila asked women to write about what they wish they had known as new brides. Since I’ve only been married to my current husband for less than 7 months, we’re still in that awkward newlywed phase. I’m eager for the first couple of years to be over. This time is fun but somewhat difficult as you get to know each other.

Still, I’ve been a married woman since I was 19 years old. I’ve learned a lot about men and marriage in general. Here are my thoughts:

What I Wish I Had Known About Men and Marriage Years Ago

#1 – I wish I had not taken his moods personally.

When my first husband came home from work in a foul mood, I wish I had shrugged that off. I’m able to do that now. Perhaps because I’m older, I’m able to give someone the space to have their feelings without getting sucked in? That takes emotional maturity and confidence. Sadly, I know people who have been married for decades who can’t do this very well. When one is in a low mood, they both are.

#2- I wish I had understood that good sex is a gift you give yourself.

It’s so easy to use kids/fatigue/hormones/body image issues etc as an excuse not to be intimate, but it’s a whole lot easier to put up with his personality quirks and weaknesses when you’re having lots of orgasms!

The other day a friend confided in me that despite loving her husband deeply and enjoying sex when they have it, she has no libido. Two two babies one right after another and gaining a lot of weight, not getting enough sleep and all that may very well play a role in her desire, but still…

My advice was:  “Do it anyway.” After all, we cook dinner for our children even when we’re tired or “don’t feel like it”, right? If your husband doesn’t do what you want all the time or is clueless about your feelings, you still deserve YOUR “due”. Don’t let petty annoyances deprive you of the feel good stuff that will make your relationship run more smoothly outside the bedroom.

And if your husband is selfish or has no clue that your body works differently from his, don’t blame him – SHOW him what you need. I don’t think there is a man alive who will be offended!

#3 – Marriage doesn’t make you happy

Whoa. This is a big one, and many happily married people may disagree with me, but I do not believe marriage makes you happy. Even the scriptures say that people who marriage will have “tribulation in their flesh” and the apostle Paul stated that “you’re better off as you are” (single).

Happy people are happy, period. It’s a habit, not a situation. A man won’t “make” you happy. If you’re looking for that, you’ll be miserable in your relationship.  Every time he does or says something thoughtless (see #1), your “happiness” flies out the window. It’s a terrible burden to bear, that of making someone else happy.

The answer? Make yourself happy. I don’t mean being selfish. A good marriage requires unselfishness. But in my life I’ve learned that the moment I start blaming the other person for my unhappiness, I’m way off.

But, when I start doing the things I need to do in order to be happy (exercise, eating right, spending time with people I love, writing, meeting goals, focusing on my relationship with my creator, etc) then my relationship magically improves!

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As I’ve mentioned several times before, I’m a long time member of Mom Masterminds.

Mom Masterminds is the only networking, learning, coaching, accountability and mentoring forum I know of just for work at home moms who are serious about making their business a success.

(And by the way, if you have a mom blog that you monetize, you have a business.)

Recently Kelly McCausey began publishing a monthly newsletter for members. This month she made the “MMMotivator” available for the general public.

You can download your copy here:

Mom Masterminds Mmotivator

Enjoy reading!

And if you’re interested in seeing what MM is all about, check out the free trial membership here.

Speaking of WAHMs, if you’re a Virtual Assistant or would like to know more about the techy nuts and bolts of setting up a WordPress blog, visit my other blog for a free downloadable checklist!

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The Green Year: 365 Small Things You Can Do to Make a Big Difference is a book that can ease your eco-conscience and get you on the right track.

It feels good to make changes towards a more sustainable lifestyle, but when we’re already feeling overwhelmed and tired, our best intentions get thrown by the wayside. Enter The Green Year (following this link takes you to Amazon, where you can pick up a copy for under $2!).

Every single day of the year there is a short, do-able tip that you can implement. Yep, 365 in all. Each takes a moment to read (great for us busy moms who don’t have as much time for reading as we wish we had) and offers a simple activity that will cut the energy your family consumes, save you money, and reduce waste.

Today’s tip, for example, was:  Recycle Your Telephone Books. (And call your telephone company to stop delivery.)

Also convenient is the space at the bottom of each page for your own notes. If the idea on the page doesn’t work for you, simply write in something that will. There’s also a nifty check button for you to mark when the idea is “done”. If one step a day is too much, you can go through the book more than once, and use this to keep track of the ideas you’ve already worked on or made into habits.

I’ll be having the author of The Green Year, Jodi Helmer, as a guest on the shop soon, so stay tuned for that.  Here’s that Amazon link again:

The Green Year: 365 Small Things You Can Do to Make a Big Difference

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After some research I still haven’t decided whether MSG is truly evil, but I do my best to avoid processed foods just to be on the safe side. Even organic and natural foods that are processed at high temperatures (canned soups, boxed goods etc) contain glutamates – whether artificial or naturally occurring.

Dear EarthTalk:

I see a lot of “healthy snacks” being marketed for kids that list “natural flavors” but don’t identify them. Should I use these products?

– John Stein, Methuen, MA

Beloved food writer Michael Pollan recommends steering clear of foods that advertise their green attributes on their label.

According to his line of reasoning, why give a child a fruit roll-up when you can give him or her a piece of fruit?

Only processed foods need to advertise what’s natural about them, whereas an apple speaks for itself, providing wholesome nutrition without the need for marketing hype.

But most of us depend on the occasional packaged or processed food, so choosing between the lesser of two evils sometimes has to be the way to go.

If a product lists natural ingredients on its label—anything from real fruits, vegetables and nuts to cereals, grains and other healthy foods you can recognize without a food dictionary on hand—it’s probably better than a food reliant on artificial flavors and sweeteners.

“One way for your kids to enjoy healthy snacks is to get them started on naturally sweet foods,” says Christine Steendahl of Kid Approved Meals, which sells menus and shopping lists to parents looking for guidance in meal preparation. “Since most kids crave sweets…naturally sweet foods such as fruits are perfect,” she says. Real bananas, oranges, apples, cherries, strawberries and other fruits are popular with most kids. “You can mix in yogurt or even make a fruit smoothie with some milk and a drop of chocolate or other natural flavors,” Steendahl suggests.

(Note from Carrie:  Christine Steendahl is also the mom behind Dine Without Whine and Menu Planning Central.)

“One thing to recognize about children is that if they try enough types of natural and healthy snacks, they will find one that they enjoy,” says Steendahl. “The problem is that many times parents give up trying to find the snacks that their kids like and settle for popular junk foods instead.” She stresses the importance of teaching kids which snacks to eat and which to avoid early in life so that they can sidestep obesity problems altogether. Nuts and dry cereals, for example, are good alternatives to chips and other junk food.

According to California-based pediatrician and author William Sears, who markets his own line of healthy kids snacks called Lunchbox Essentials, parents should make sure that any snack foods they give their family members provide both fiber and protein, which give the feeling of fullness, and taste good as well. He adds that parents should learn to read labels so they can tell which products contain hydrogenated oils, artificial colors, preservatives and high-fructose corn syrup—all of which should be avoided.

As a last resort for especially finicky kids, parents can find packaged snacks that might look like junk food but are actually healthy and nutritious, including certain brands of fruit roll-ups and granola bars. Look in the snack aisle of your local natural foods market for such items, and don’t be afraid to ask store personnel for recommendations. It’s important to take your child’s nutrition seriously. Whether he or she ever realizes it, you are setting patterns that will enable them to live healthier and longer lives.

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photo credit: whgrad

A reader had this question so I am publishing it here to get the wisdom and advice of other homeschooling moms:

“Hi. My son 8 year old son is recently homeschooled – he’s currently finishing up the 2nd grade. He was a good student in public school and his teachers loved him. We have an “eclectic” and relaxed homeschool style so I am no hardnose, but even still I have trouble getting him to do any schoolwork. He says he doesn’t like to read.

Math is “sort of” ok with him, and he likes to do hands on things like take apart gadgets, draw diagrams, work with electronics, color, draw and write stories. He is very intelligent but not especially gifted verbally. He seems to have a real knack for building and fixing things (working with wood, playing Lego). He also loves computers.

I realize that he may never be a big reader and don’t want to push him, but some reading is of course necessary. I need some suggestions on how to engage him in a way that works with his learning style. (By the way I am divorced so I can’t fully embrace unschooling, his father is critical of that and I have to be accountable to him as part of our parenting plan.)

Would you publish this on your blog so I can see how other homeschoolers have handled this?

Thanks!”

Do you have any advice for this mom? I’m curious if there is a homeschool curriculum available that caters to kids like this…?

Please leave them in the comments.

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She is a mom of 3 little ones and the owner of an online advocacy site, community and resource site for mothers called Empowered Mommies.

Ivanna shares her vision with us of what an empowered mom looks like and how she hopes to provide support to moms who want to make the best decisions for their families.

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Case in point, today he began throwing up and having diarrhea. Evidently it’s going around?

I offer him some homeopathic Ipecac.

“No. I would rather my immune system take care of it.”

“Honey, it’s harmless. Homeopathics support your immune system. It won’t hurt you.”

“No.”

Clamps hand over mouth.

Sigh.

Apparently he was listening all those times I talked about the evils of pharmaceuticals and Big Pharma.

A few minutes later after referring to my trusty Smart Medicine for a Healthier Child, I tell him I’ll be giving him some acidophilus later.

“NO! I don’t want anything killing off my healthy bacteria!”

“Sweetie, acidophilus IS the healthy bacteria. You’re thinking of antibiotics. See? It says it right here in the book…”

photo credit: freeparking

I take him a small glass of water and suggest he take small sips, not gulps.

I’m surprised when this doesn’t lead to an argument about fluoride and estrogen in the water supply.

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1. MOE’S Southwest Grill. Let’s get food right out of the way since it’s SO very important to me at the moment, umkay? If this little one is a boy I might have to name him Moe because I cannot seem to get enough of their steak Overachiever tacos. The perfect combo of tastes to please the pregnant palate: crunch, protein, guac! and vinegary tomatillo salsa. Yum
2. Green Olives. Straight outta the jar.
   
3. Cinnamon Calli tea. The only thing I’ve found to ease my nausea a bit.
4. My Old Navy maternity under the belly skinny jeans. These make me feel like some parts of me are semi-normal still.
5. The BabyCenter.com emails that keep me updated on baby’s size and development each week. Also sweet to forward to Big Z.
6. Target’s maternity clearance rack, where I’ve snagged shirts for $2.
7. My BeBand that kept me in my pre-preggers jeans for several weeks past their unbottoned capacity. I’ve even used it as a comfy bra under dresses that are too low cut. I also plan on using it to hold my pants together postpartum before I’m able to button them.
8. Big Z. For putting 5 kids to bed every night by himself while I try to sleep off nausea.
9. Sweet children who are tiptoe around and are extra nice to me and each other after they hear me vomiting in the bathroom.  Also Sadie and Ilana lifting my shirt to kiss my belly and say, “Hi baby, I love you!”
10. My Floradix. My iron has been low this pregnancy so I started taking this stuff. It doesn’t make me sick and cause constipation like other iron supplements. Also doesn’t taste half bad!

    photo credit: Bludgeoner86

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