I woke up today in one of those moods where I really didn’t want to get out of bed. Because I was tired. And stomachachey because my bowels don’t work. And I had some badish news from the Doctor yesterday. Apparently you’re not supposed to bleed from that particular orifice. Consider yourself educated.

And last night the kids were super loud and boisterous and obnoxious and big Z and I kept them telling them to be quiet and go to bed and they wouldn’t so I had to call my mom and tell her not to take them to the movies today.

And that always makes me grumpy.

Good thing I have these guys to make me laugh.

They have a new tactic. I swear my kids are geniuses.

Every time I ask them to do a chore, they claim there’s a spider in the area.

“Mom, I can’t take my laundry downstairs. I saw a HUGE spider down there.”

Oldest is really smart. He got specific.

“Mom, I can’t do laundry today.There is a brown recluse spider down there.”

And of course it works because what kind of mother would send her child into a spider’s lair?

Works for bedtimes too. “Mom there is a spider in my bed!”

And bathing rebellion. “I saw a spider in the shower!”

Just so you know. We don’t have a spider infestation. I have seen two, count ‘em – TWO spiders in the 18 months we have lived here.

Oldest has made up a nickname for his sister. She is henceforth dubbed Nemesister. I thought it sounded like a cool name for a band or a roller derby chick. NemeSister! Rawr!

Also, I am hosting a big clothing swap meet at my place tomorrow, and I have zero motivation to clean my house.

I’m not sure what to do about this.

My plan thus far is to trick the children into doing everything. I’m going to tell them they have the day off from doing their regular chores because we’re going to do something different. (Deep clean the living room.)

But given the aforementioned brilliance of my children, I’m thinking they’re not going to fall for it. But it’s the best idea I’ve come up with.

I envy my baby. Every problem she has in the world is solved with her favorite warm beverage. It’s the cutest thing when she crawls up to me saying, “A-da? A-da?” which is so adorable because it’s like she’s asking to nurse, which is so sweet, and then I pick her up into my lap and she attacks my breast like it’s the most wonderful idea in the world.

I’ll close with this thought, which I shamefully stole from a twitterer.

“If God can use Balaam’s ass, maybe He can use me.”

p.s. I am aware that spiders have webs, not lairs, but lair just sounded much cooler.