So Much To Say

September 22, 2009

So much to say, so much to say, so much to say...”

- “So Much To Say”
Dave Matthews band

The funny thing about blogging?

The busier (and therefore more blogworthy) your life, the less you’re able to blog.

I haven’t had time to login, write and click the Publish button in far too long.

Just so much going on.

Creative Commons License photo credit: arteunporro

I’m a happy newlywed.

A month ago I married my soul mate, my best friend…. the man who is better than anyone I could have dreamed up. I’ve never felt like this.  I’ve never wanted anyone so much, never been so attracted to someone, body and soul. I’ve never loved anyone like this. (Is it ok to love someone this much?)

So much transition.

I’m also helping to blend two families. When two single, custodial parents get together, there is a lot of adjusting to do.

I’m now a mother of 5 children.

So much juggling, balancing and meeting of needs.

My biological children have needs. My stepdaughter has needs. And my husband and I have needs. Even our ex spouses and extended families have needs that we have to deal with.

I have more work to do.

My workload has increased. I have more laundry, more housework, fewer people around that I trust to help me with my children.

I have more communication, more listening to feelings, more discipline, more loving to do.

I now live an hour away from my friends, my family…

Everything is new.

New house, new school, new neighborhood, new people to worship with.

All this change is exhausting.

I have so much to say.

I have questions.

(Like for instance, if your stepdaughter loves to have Pringles in her lunchbox, but your kids aren’t allowed to eat food like that, what do you do? And where do you go to ask these kinds of questions?)

I have worries.

(How do I handle it if my husband’s ex-wife misunderstands a situation and accuses me of neglect? If my kids know how to fix their own snacks, do I expect my stepdaughter to do so also, even if this is a new experience for her? Are my biological kids ok? Is my stepdaughter ok? Everyone seems ok, is everyone ok? Will I be ok?)

I have fears.

(If I do something he doesn’t like, will my sweet, kind, patient, wonderful new husband be cruel or hurtful to me? (He won’t… but when will I stop expecting to be treated harshly?) When will his house stop being “his house” and feel like home? And is it ok to be this happy?)

I have so much to say that I don’t know where to start.

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5 Responses to “So Much To Say”

  1. Emily on September 23rd, 2009 8:25 am

    Yes, it is okay to love someone that much. It’s God’s design, His best…and He does want you to be happy.

    And it is He that will work everything out, as long as you and DH are doing your part.

    RE worries: a professor once told my history class that when you worry, you start out with a handful of worry and a handful of spit. And by the time the thing you’d worried about had resolved itself, all you have left is a handful of spit. Translation: worrying is unfruitful.

    My two cents RE stepdaughter issues: if she’s over the age of five, she certainly should be expected to prepare her own snacks. And if you want to give your marriage everything it needs to succeed, do NOT make an issue over the Pringles thing. If your kids have a problem with it, you will know how to deal with them when the time comes.

    Having been raised in a home where screaming, cussing and name-calling was the way to deal with disagreements, it took me almost three years to realize that my DH was not going to explode in my face when something went awry. (Um, that was meant to encourage you, not discourage you. ;) )

    2 more cents: if I had three kids over the age of seven living in my house, I would not be doing the laundry, lol.

    Carrie, all that to say that God has brought you a good thing. Even good things need time to develop into their full potential. Enjoy every moment as it comes, and cling to the vision you have for your new family.

  2. Monica on September 24th, 2009 10:14 am

    Wow Carrie, I see why you don’t have time for blogging.

    I don’t know the answer for most of your questions.

    I can only say that it should be OK to be as happy as you are.

  3. Christine Holroyd on September 24th, 2009 6:03 pm

    Yes, to the happiness thing. I’m waiting to be that happy! lol

    I’m a Step Mum, too, but only every other w/e & half of school hols. To suddenly be a full time one must be difficult. I understand as best I can without being you about all the question marks, Carrie.

    Realistically, some problems will sort themselves out easily, others will continue requiring attention. If hubby is supportive and you are on the same page (for the most part) with discipline, you’ve got it licked.

    We, here, have always had problems in that area but Step child is almost out of the nest, anyway.

    A big hug from afar and go easy on yourself. Talk it out as much as possible with friends, family as often as you need. And if there’s a problem, I always say ‘Google it’. LOL

    But, seriously, there will be some support group out there in cyberspace. Books, as if you have the time!

  4. Becca on September 25th, 2009 12:21 pm

    Congratulations on your marriage!

    Yes, it’s ok to be so happy! Enjoy the height of it because in a few years it does settle into a deeper mutual familial affection. Cherish this wonderful guy that you have found and be completely honest with each other about everything so it will last.

    As for being a step-mom, I think there’s no harder job. There’s a word in Spanish comadrona for midwife. It means literally, co-mother. I love the word and that’s really what a step-mom is. I think we should join together and change the word “step-mom” to “co-Mom”. It’s more accurate. Be your new daughter’s friend and a friend to her mother and you can’t go wrong. No one expects you to be the perfect mom for your own kids so why should you be perfect as a “co-mom”?! All anyone can expect of you is that you are doing your best.

    Thanks for sharing your happiness with us. Though my DH still makes my heart flutter sometimes after seven years of marriage it’s pleasant to be reminded of the intense happiness of those newlywed years.

    And to make “his” house your own, claim your territory by painting the walls new colors, get some new curtains, hang pics of you together as a family around the place and have a housewarming party for all of those friends. Make them come to you and show off your bliss!!

  5. Candi on October 14th, 2009 4:43 pm

    1. You deserve happiness.
    2. He deserves happiness.
    3. Children deserve happiness.
    4. Teach the kids to do the laundry. It’s okay for men to have pink underwear :)

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