She Needs a Time In
April 29, 2009
When Ilana comes home from school, she’s in a horrible mood.
Even after a snack and a little rest. (Plus, she takes a nap at school.)
I’m sure it’s because it’s a transition time. Oldest handles this by hiding behind his Nintendo DS for half an hour. When he’s done he’s ready to interact (It reminds me of a man who comes home from work and reads the paper.) Julien doesn’t seem to be bothered by the transition at all, he usually runs out to play with his friends.
Her little sister misses her all day and wants to play with her when she comes in the door. Ilana is in no mood to play and starts fussing at her sister for messing up HER (their) room and anything else she can think of.
It upsets me.
I want to punish her for treating her baby sister that way.
Her behavior is unacceptable. She’s being antisocial and one time, I sent her to her bed to rest and stop being so grumpy.
Didn’t work.
She just lay there and screamed.
Part of attachment parenting the older child is remembering your instincts.
I realized that what she needed was a Time In. She needs to reconnect with mommy after being away from me all day, and she doesn’t even realize it. (She likes to pretend she doesn’t like me.)
So I hold her in my lap and ask her about her day for a few minutes. This seems to make the grumpies go away. (It reminds me of when a tantruming toddler nurses for a minute and jumps out of your lap all happy.)
photo credit: Jason Pratt
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3 Responses to “She Needs a Time In”
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My son (age 7), is much the same way when he comes home from school. For him, the only thing that works to calm him down is my undivided attention. Even if I’m right in the middle of doing something and it makes me feel frustrated to have to stop my task, I know his mood will worsen if I don’t stop immediately to pay five minutes’ attention to him. Time outs and punishments only put a band-aid on the underlying problem (in my opinion).
Of course I do not have children yet, so of course I am an expert – LOL. But in my reading and research and ridiculous overkill of the subject, I think you hit the nail right on the head. Your daughter does need a time IN and your mama instincts were right. Yay for noticing it and giving her what she needs.
During my brief career as a public school mom, my oldest daughter use to act the very same way. Our son would run out to greet her -so ecstatic to see his big sister and she would only give him a bad look, tell him to leave her alone and walk past him in frustration. Transition time for her was so important, but I also gently reminded her everyday before getting out of the van that she is to treat her brother kindly and say hello when he happily greets her. She normally felt better after a snack and an hour of being home again.
Michelle