To My Husband, On Our First Anniversary
August 24, 2010
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My Dear Z,
I want you to know how much I appreciate you and all the things you do for our family.
This might sound odd, but I’ve been thinking of that young woman you dated before you met me. The one from Colorado, who said you “weren’t sophisticated enough”.
What a silly little fool she is.
What she doesn’t know is that she might go on to meet and marry that sophisticated guy. And that he’ll flirt with every other woman he sees. He might be arrogant and insist on always having his way. He might be narcissistic and vain, not allowing her to express herself when they disagree, always interrupting. He might be too immature to get along with a boss in order to make a decent living. He might not be faithful to her, and he might break her heart over and over again.
I’m a whole lot smarter than her, and I know what’s important.
Love isn’t silly fairy tales and butterflies and breaking up with someone just because they listen to country music and you don’t.
Love is remembering that she wanted to go see Dave Ramsey live and buying her tickets. Love is taking her to eat Indian on your anniversary because it’s her favorite. It’s being challenged and sick and even bored together yet still supporting each other. It’s holding hands and telling her she’s a wonderful mother. It’s filling her tank with gas and washing the car on Friday night. Love is telling her she’s beautiful when she’s a week postpartum. It’s offering to rub her back every time she mentions it hurts. It’s in letting her pick the chick flick when you would rather see the action thriller, and her suggesting you go mountain biking when you’re stressed. Love is brushing your teeth and putting lipstick on before he comes home from work. It’s not raising your voice when you’re angry.
Love means saying you’re sorry.
What’s real and what’s important is having someone who will brew his coffee downstairs in the basement and give up bacon for months because the smell of it is unbearable to your pregnant nose. Someone who brings you breakfast in bed because cooking made you so sick.
What’s important is having someone who listens when you talk, who is kind, who is patient with children, and who works to earn a good living. Someone who changes diapers and cries when his baby comes into the world. (Yes, you did.)
Shortly after we got married, a never-been-married single friend asked me how I knew you were The One.
My response?
“He makes me feel safe.”
I know that you would never hurt me or my children.
I’m so thankful that you work hard for our family so that I don’t have to. I’m able to spend more time with my children since I don’t have to be the primary income earner. I’m thankful that you are a spiritual man and that you are humble and allow Him to shape you. I’m grateful that you are willing to admit when you’ve been wrong.
Not many men would have married a woman with 4 children, but you did. I couldn’t ask for a better stepfather. I’m grateful that you don’t have a bad temper, that you are kind and loving to children that aren’t your own flesh and blood. I’m very fortunate.
We’ve been through a lot in a year.
We’ve had spiritual crisis, financial difficulties, sickness and legal trouble, emotional turmoil and drama from people who would love to see our family torn apart. We’ve merged two families and created a new baby.
I think we could get through just about anything now.
As the saying goes, some places are nice to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there. People are like that too.
You’re a good place to live.
I’m glad I chose you.
photo: marianne taylor photography
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2 Responses to “To My Husband, On Our First Anniversary”
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Carrie,
That was sooooo beautiful, and Congrats on finding your rock,and the new baby.
You gave me goosebumps